


Blue Irises

by VoceAmoris



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Ultimate Talents (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gardener Hinata, Hina/Hinata are best friends and i love it, M/M, Slow Burn, komaeda is too soft, someone hug him for me pls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-07-11 13:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 128,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15972851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoceAmoris/pseuds/VoceAmoris
Summary: Hinata Hajime hates living in a small town, and all he wants is to get out and go live in a big city where things are surely better than this. When he finds Komaeda Nagito broken down on the side of the road and offers to help, his life finally starts taking the exciting turn he's been dreaming about. But is it really what he wants after all?





	1. Sunflowers

**Author's Note:**

> it's been an eternity since i've done anything on ao3, and this is my first time writing komahina for more than just myself, so i'm sorry if characterization is a little rough! komaeda is very hard to write for me ;o; rating, characters involved, and tags are still pretty open-ended, so i'll adjust as i go! its been years since ive written anything close to smut, so i guess we'll see where this leads >.>
> 
> as a college grad with a full-time job i mostly write in my spare time! so i apologize in advance bc i update really really slowly! ;;

When Hajime Hinata agreed to move to the tiny town of Langdon to take care of his sick grandfather, he didn’t realize he had been signing on to live there for the rest of his life.

He had never been close to his grandfather. In fact, they actually didn’t really get along starting from the moment Hinata had come out as bisexual when he was in middle school, resulting in several family arguments and his parents not speaking to his grandfather for a while. So when his mom called him and told him that someone needed to move out to Langdon to take care of the old man, Hinata had immediately refused.

But familial guilt and the words of his mother telling him that he might regret not going and “making things right” again (whatever that meant. Hinata didn’t think he had done anything wrong; his grandfather should be trying to make things right with  _ him _ , not the other way around) before it was too late ultimately won out. Hinata quit his rather boring job, packed his things, and moved to the tiny town in the middle of nowhere to take care of his dying grandfather.

Langdon was a highway town whose main street  _ was _ the highway. They weren’t even big enough to have a stoplight, just a couple speed limit signs warning you of the twenty mile per hour drop to fifty as you coasted through town. A speed limit that was enforced gleefully by one of the two cops who lived there. Aside from the comically small police station (read: glorified shack), there was a gas station that served as both convenience store and mini-grocery (the nearest Walmart was an hour and a half away), a produce stand run by a farmer and his wife who lived on -- and owned most of -- the outskirts of town, and a car mechanic-slash-junkyard shop on one side of the highway. “The business side,” as the residents called it. On the other side, “the pleasure side,” was the local bar, Kettle, a bait and tackle store, a motel whose only customers were truck drivers passing through,  and all of the homes of the Langdon residents.

Hinata’s grandfather lived in a tiny, two-bedroom house at the end of the road. The house might’ve been blue at one point, but the paint had faded so much that it looked more like an indistinguishable gray. Painted white shutters framed the windows, with empty flower boxes beneath them. According to his mom, his grandfather used to be quite the gardener. But once he got older it became harder for him to work outside in the heat, and everything that he used to love growing withered away into weeds and dust.

When Hinata had first pulled into the cracked driveway, his grandfather had been standing with his walker on the front porch, a permanent scowl etched into the wrinkles of his face. Hinata considered putting the car into reverse and just leaving immediately. After all, he had been thirteen the last time he saw him, and now he was twenty-one and looked very different; perhaps he wouldn’t even recognize him. But his grandfather had already started making his way down the porch stairs, determination driving his every step. So instead Hinata had turned off the engine and climbed out, smiling nervously and running a hand through his hair.

“Get back in the car,” his grandfather had said roughly, scooting right past Hinata, making a beeline for the passenger seat. “I’m hungry.”

That was how most of their conversations went. A gruff order followed by a simple explanation. They never spoke about anything important or ever addressed the fact that Hinata was gay and his grandfather hated it. They didn’t talk about how sick he was or why he refused to just go to a hospital. Instead, Hinata moved in, did his best to keep the house clean and his grandfather fed, and tried to stay out of the way the rest of the time. After all, with how quickly his grandfather was deteriorating (something that was immediately apparent to Hinata after the first week), he didn’t think he would be there much longer. And surely enough, exactly six weeks after Hinata had moved out there, his grandfather passed away.

The guilt set in quickly. He wasn’t particularly sad at the old man’s passing. Their relationship, while better than Hinata had ever imagined it being after the disaster of his childhood, hadn’t been a great one. In fact, most of the time Hinata had questioned why he had agreed to do this in the first place. But not feeling sad at the death of one of his grandparents made him feel heavy on the inside, though it never changed how he felt about his grandfather.

The weeks that followed were kind of a blur. His family was always so busy, everyone always unable to answer phone calls or make plans for a funeral. So, as the only one who seemed to have any time on his hands, most of the arrangements fell to Hinata. The legal work was the hardest part. Hinata had never really had the patience to sit and read sentences that lasted entire paragraphs, full of long words that often would’ve fit much better if a shorter, more common one meaning the same thing had been used instead. By the end of the will reading, Hinata found himself the owner of the once-blue house and the single acre that it sat upon, as well as everything inside. His grandfather had never been a rich man, but the money he had left was donated to an agricultural group from his hometown, and pretty much everything else went to Hinata. Or, as the will had referred to him, “the caretaker.”

He hadn’t planned to stay. He really hadn’t. Langdon was a boring town with nothing to do and nothing to see. He would just do his best to get rid of the house, finish arrangements for his grandfather’s burial, and then he would be out of there.

That had been over two years ago.

 

“Souda, I  _ know _ you’re driving up the price on me. There’s no way this piece of junk is worth fifty bucks.” Hinata folded his arms and stared down the mechanic on the other side of the counter. “I could easily order the same thing online, in much better condition, for cheaper.”

“Hinata.” Souda leaned forward, the bright green sleeves of his jumpsuit dragging across the countertop, “if I didn’t try to squeeze every last cent out of every person who comes in here, I would be out of business in a day. Besides,” he gave the weed eater that they were arguing over a quick pat. “I know you need it now. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have bothered coming in here at all and would’ve ordered it offline immediately.”

“God dammit,” Hinata yanked his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled at three twenties. “Just give me the damn thing and let me leave.” Souda smirked and plucked the bills from Hinata’s fingers, turning towards the dented register.

“We appreciate your business.” The ka-ching of the register drawer as he said it made Hinata want to reach over and wring his friend’s neck until his face turned blue. But instead he just rolled his eyes and snatched his change out of Souda’s open palm, crumpling the two fives in his fist and shoving them into his front pocket. Souda push the weed eater towards him. “You going to be at the Kettle tonight?”

“Probably,” Hinata lifted the dumpy weed eater off the counter and tipped it back to rest against his shoulder. “Though I might have to run into town later to get some new seeds.”

“Oh yeah, it’s time to switch the flowers out,” Souda shook his head, a few strands of his bright hair slipping loose from beneath his woolen beanie. “I can’t believe you even bother, man. Too much effort for not much reward, if you ask me.”

“Well I didn’t ask you, so.” Hinata turned around to head towards the door of the auto shop, his overpriced purchase in tow. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Catch ya later, man.” The glass door gave a little jingle as Hinata stepped out into the cool spring air. All he had to do now was make sure the weed eater was working correctly, finish mowing his yard, and then he could drive into the next town over to get summer seeds for the flower boxes. He crossed the empty lot of Souda’s shop before glancing both ways down the highway before walking across to the pleasure side. No one in Langdon actually drove anywhere. It was a waste of gas, especially when you could most likely see your destination from your front porch.

“Good afternoon, Hinata!” a voice called out, and Hinata looked up. Asahina, his neighbour, and also the bartender at Kettle, was standing in front of the bar, trying to find the key to the front door.  _ Is it really that late? _ Hinata pulled his phone out of his pocket to glance at the time. It was a little past 3. He didn’t really have a lot of time if he wanted to get back home before it was too dark for him to finish planting.

“Hey, Hina,” he kept walking towards the residential road (it had a name, but no one ever used it), shifting the weed eater to rest on his other shoulder. “See you tonight.”

“You betcha!” The dark haired girl gave him a cheery wave before she finally got the Kettle door open, heading inside, flicking on the neon Open sign as she went. Hinata liked Asahina; she was pretty, bubbly, and had never said a mean word to anyone, even when a truck driver threw up all down the front of her apron when she was trying to get him out the door. She had also been the first person to come to Hinata’s house after his grandfather died, an enormous plate of cookies in one hand and a six-pack in the other, offering to help him get things sorted out in the aftermath.

“I had to take care of everything after my mom died, so I know the ropes!” She had said with a smile, even though Hinata had maybe only spoken to her once in the six weeks he had been staying with his grandfather. She had marched right into the house, placed the cookies on the table, popped the caps off of two bottles of beer, and sat down, pulling her ever-present barkeep notebook from her pocket and beginning a list of things Hinata would need to get done. Halfway through her visit, Souda had shown up at the door with another six-pack and a quart of motor oil, saying that the last thing Hinata should have to worry about is his car giving him trouble before he started giving the car an oil change. Hinata had never even spoken to Souda; he had just seen him puttering around the junkyard that his parents owned on the business side, messing with anything and everything as he went. But he was thankful for their help, and appreciated the gesture they were trying to make. Both of them had known his grandfather, and both of them said that he had been the crankiest , meanest old man in the town, but he grew the most beautiful flowers any of them had ever seen.

It was at Hina’s encouragement that he start trying to grow things. Naturally he had refused at first; after all, it wasn’t like he was going to be staying in Langdon much longer. But she had insisted, had introduced him to the owners of the produce stand, and helped him clear up the weed-choked flowerbeds in the front yard. Souda had been there too, but he just sat on the porch tinkering with a push-mower and drinking a Red Bull, chattering on and on about the classic car he was restoring behind the auto shop.

The entire time Hinata had still been planning to move away from Langdon once he got the chance. He wanted to live in a big city, lead an exciting life in a tumultuous environment that was unpredictable and provoking. Langdon was the polar opposite of these things. But when the flowers they had planted bloomed, the soft pinks of the geraniums and vibrant yellows of the dahlias flipped a switch somewhere inside of him, and he stayed. Every season he changed the flowers planted in the boxes beneath the windows and added a new plant to the beds in the front yard. He started working at the produce stand and learned how to grow things besides flowers, and soon there were tomatoes and zucchini growing in a plot in his backyard, and he had both literally and figuratively put roots down in the town for good.

But Langdon wasn’t so bad. Hinata enjoyed the peace and quiet sometimes. And he had never felt more at ease than when he was working in the garden, taking care of his plants, watching them grow into something useful or beautiful, sometimes both. As he walked up his driveway, the sight of the blossoming white tulips he had planted last year made a bubble of pride rise in his chest. He wondered if his grandfather had ever had as strong a green thumb as he did; everyone in Langdon had been impressed by what Hinata had managed to do with the place. A new coat of paint restored the house to the proper blue, some cement patched the cracks in the driveway, and the lawn mower that Souda had fixed meant Hinata could now mow perfectly even green strips horizontally across his lawn. It wasn’t the city life he had dreamed of living as he grew up, but it was a life he could live with.

Hinata placed the weed eater against the wall of the house, heading round to his garage to get a gas can to fill it up with. He needed to move a little more quickly if he was going to get rid of the weeds that were growing against the sides of the house and still have time to go to town and get more flower seeds.

He pulled his phone and a pair of tangled earbuds from his pocket and plugged them in, turning on some music to listen to while he worked. If he rushed, he would have enough time. He shouldn’t have spent so long arguing with Souda over the damn weed eater.

Six songs and an enthusiastic air-guitar solo break later and Hinata was putting the weed eater away in the garage and digging around for his keys. He was more than a little sweaty and had grass clippings stuck to his clothes, but the gardening store employees had definitely seen him looking worse. When he located his keys on the garage work table next to the powerdrill Souda had left on his last visit, he hopped into his truck and whipped out of his driveway, nearly taking out Hina’s pink and silver mailbox. He had helped her paint it a year before, on the anniversary of her mom’s death. Pink and silver were her mom’s favourite colours, and Hina had wanted to do something to honour that, so Hinata had offered to help.

The drive to the closest town was typically about an hour and a half, if you followed the speed limit, but Hinata managed to shave about fifteen minutes off his time through sheer reckless driving. It was about five thirty when he pulled into the gardening store parking lot, jumping out of the truck and running through his mental checklist of things he needed to buy. A couple packets of fairy garden mix, strawberry seeds, cucumber seeds, maybe an apple tree starter, and a random assortment of common summer flower seeds. Maybe some sunflowers, since Hina had been begging him to try growing some so that she could use them to decorate Kettle in the fall.

“Hey there, Hinata,” the store manager, Mahiru Koizumi, greeted him when he came in, sparing a moment to glance up from her gossip magazine. A glossy photo of a stunning, blue-haired singer was on the front, her name printed in big white letters:  _ Sayaka Maizono! Pop’s Hottest Star _ . “Need help grabbing anything?”

“If you could help me get an apple starter into my truck, that would be great,” Hinata replied, making a beeline for the seeds aisle. “Let me just grab a couple things and I’ll meet you out there.”

“Sure thing,” she put a nail file in the magazine to mark her spot before jumping up from her seat. Hinata had never really had a real conversation with Mahiru, mostly because she intimidated him. He had been coming here ever since Hina had brought him to pick out those first flower seeds, but he had never tried to talk to her. Hina seemed to know her pretty well, and they had laughed and joked together, making small talk while Hinata stared at the overwhelming options before him. But whenever she talked with Hinata, she seemed serious and reserved, none of the openness she showed to Hina present whatsoever. She was only ever polite to him, but her stern green eyes always seemed to be scanning him for faults.

He grabbed the seeds he wanted and waited for the cashier to ring him up, thanking them quickly as he rushed back out to the parking lot. Mahiru was strong, but he didn’t want her trying to lift the tree into the back of his truck by herself. Sure enough, she was getting ready to heave the thing up into the truck bed.

“Mahiru!” He called, starting to jog a little bit, the plastic bag in is hand crinkling loudly. “Let me help you.” She didn’t say anything, she just took a small step back from the tree and pushing her cropped red hair back behind her ears. Hinata opened the passenger side door and dropped the bag on the seat, and then went to help lift the tree up. It wasn’t particularly large, but the planter it was in was enough to raise the weight by several pounds.

“Ready?” She asked, grabbing one side of the pot.

“Ready.” Hinata grabbed his end and they both lifted, sliding it easily into the truck bed. Mahiru helped as he grabbed some tow straps and cinched the tree into place so it wouldn’t fall over on the drive home, and then he pulled some crumpled bills from his pocket and handed them to her. “Just…add the change to my tab, yeah?” She gave him a little nod and began straightening out the wrinkles in the paper, her nose wrinkling just slightly as she smoothed them out. “Sorry.” He didn’t know why he felt like he had to apologize for not handing her crisp, even bills, but her expression made it feel necessary.

“It’s not a big deal,” she said, but he could tell that it kind of was, and he wondered how Hina had ever gotten this girl to smile. “See you later.” She turned around and headed back into the store, leaving Hinata to stand there feeling like he had committed some grievous faux pas. Shrugging his shoulders, he closed the truck hatch and walked around to the driver’s side, hopping in and starting up the engine. He wouldn’t be able to drive as fast on the way back--he didn’t want to risk destroying the tree--but he would hopefully be back by seven, giving him just enough time to plant the flower boxes and shower before he met up with Souda at Kettle.

He put on the music he had been listening to when he had been weed eating that afternoon, and sang along loudly--and off key--as he drove, frequently checking on the tree in his rearview mirror. The sun was setting as he got close to Langdon, and as he passed the billboard advertising the Langdon motel, he waved to Fuyuhiko, the night-time cop, who was sitting on his motorcycle just behind the sign, waiting to catch someone speeding through town. Fuyuhiko gave a brisk nod of his head in acknowledgement as Hinata passed, looking serious as ever.

There was still a few miles before he would actually reach Langdon proper, but as he got closer, he saw a car ahead of him, pulled to the side of the road with their hazards flashing. The license plate was from out of state, and the hood was open, thin tendrils of smoke rising from the exposed engine. Frowning, Hinata slowed down and pulled off to the side of the highway. It was getting dark, and they were way too far away from any legitimate towing service for help to be on its way, so he might as well stop and see if he could do anything to help. He had learned a few things after sitting with Souda as he worked on his classic car restoration for the last two years.

When he pulled up behind the car, a person stepped out from behind the hood, and lifted their hand in a wave. For a moment, Hinata just blinked, frozen, as he stared at the person standing in front of him.

Hinata had never been particularly romantic. He had dated a few people, but his longest relationship had only been exactly one year, when he was a senior in high school, with a guy he had met when he was out playing minigolf with his friends. They had broken up amicably when the guy moved out of state to attend college after graduation, and Hinata had never really found anyone he had been interested since. And then he moved to Langdon and had kind of resigned himself to being single for the rest of his life, since he would probably never move away. But the guy standing before him now was probably one of the most attractive people he had ever seen, and he could feel his heart thumping unevenly in his chest, and a blush rising to his cheeks.

Slowly, he got out of the truck, managing to rip his eyes away from the stranger’s face, his heart racing. He could hear a terrible grinding, sputtering sound coming from the broken down car, and he knew that whatever was wrong with it was definitely not something he would be able to fix. Maybe he should call Hina and have her get Souda to drive out here to look at it? He was reaching into his pocket for his phone when the stranger came up to him, their hands shoved into the pockets of his long, hunter green jacket.

“Thanks for stopping,” his voice was melodic, breathy, as if he had just run a marathon and was still fairly winded. Hinata looked up from his phone, and was instantly overwhelmed by a pair of large, bottle green eyes, and a head of unruly, pale hair that looked like it would be devastatingly soft to the touch. Hinata’s heart stuttered, and he clenched his hands into fists at his sides to stop himself from reaching a hand up to run his fingers through the guy’s hair. “I don’t really know what happened, it just…stopped working. I’m not very good with cars,” and then the stranger laughed, a little nervously, and it was the loveliest sound Hinata had ever heard. He cleared his throat, blinking a couple times as he tried to get his bearings, and was suddenly reminded that he was sweaty, gross, and in desperate need of a shower after having spent the afternoon working outside.

“Yeah, uh,” he cleared his throat again, trying to look anywhere but at the sharp edges of the stranger’s collarbone above the scooped neck of his white shirt. “It definitely doesn’t sound good. Have you called anyone?”

“No service,” the guy held up his phone, the dark screen reflecting Hinata’s own reflection back at him. “I don’t suppose I could borrow yours?”

“The closest tow service is almost two hours away, and I’m pretty sure they’re closed,” Hinata shuffled his feet, desperately wishing that he would be struck down by lightening before he could make a fool of himself. “But my town is a few miles that way, and we have a really great mechanic. I bet he could come and take a look.”

“Really?” A hopeful smile lit up the guy’s face, and Hinata’s heart ached. “That would be wonderful. Do you have the number?”

“Souda doesn’t usually carry his phone with him,” he said apologetically. “I could give you a ride in to town to his shop, though.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to kick himself. No sane person would agree to get into a car with a stranger as night was falling, especially when they had no cell service or ways to get help. But, to Hinata’s surprise, the guy simply nodded and said:

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you.” And then he stepped around Hinata and headed towards the passenger door of Hinata’s truck. Stunned, Hinata simply followed, and unlocked the doors, climbing into the driver’s seat and moving the plastic bag of seeds from the passenger seat onto the floor. The stranger climbed into the truck and settled daintily in the seat, buckling the seat belt with careful, precise movements that made Hinata’s cheeks flush, though he had no idea why.

Hinata started the truck and pulled back out onto the highway, his heart thundering in his ears. They were both silent, and Hinata felt like he should say something, but he didn’t trust himself to even open his mouth right now.

“Are you a farmer around here?” the stranger asked, gesturing to the tree in the back of the truck.

“No, I just like to grow things,” Hinata replied, doing his best to keep his voice from shaking. “I’ve never worked with trees before though, so this is a first.”

“How interesting!” And when he said it, it was so genuine that Hinata actually glanced over at him skeptically, his eyes tracing the fine structure of his cheekbones. “It must be very hard work.”

“Sometimes,” Hinata tore his eyes away to focus on the road again. “But it’s worth it to me.”

“That’s very admirable.” It wasn’t condescending, but instead sounded almost reverent, causing Hinata to glance over at him again. “It takes a lot of dedication to work on something that often takes months to produce results.” The stranger shifted in his seat so that his body was turned towards Hinata. “My name is Nagito Komaeda. I apologize for not introducing myself beforehand. I was a little…stressed by my unfortunate situation; thank you for so kindly offering to help.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Komaeda,” even his name tasted sweet on Hinata’s lips, and he dug his fingernails into his palm.  _ Fucking chill out, Hinata. Jesus. _ “I’m Hinata. Hajime Hinata. And it was no problem at all, really.”

“It was still very kind,” Komaeda repeated, his mouth curling down ever so slightly at the corners. “If I wasn’t so helpless, perhaps I might’ve been able to do something about it myself. I’m very lucky that you happened to be driving by when you did; I thought I was going to have to start walking back towards the last town I had driven through.”

“Where are you headed?” Hinata asked. He could see the streetlights of Langdon up ahead, starting to light up the darkness that was creeping out as the sun disappeared. “There’s not anything around her for miles.”

“Nowhere in particular, actually,” Komaeda’s tone seemed a little distant, and Hinata backtracked immediately.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, please don’t apologize,” Komaeda was quick to reassure him, his hands twisting in his lap. “I just have been driving the past few days, trying to get away. Clear my head a little.”

“I see.” Hinata didn’t want to ask any more questions that would cause tension, so he kept his mouth shut, a wave of relief washing over him as they passed the closed produce stand. He slowed down and got over onto the shoulder of the highway so he could turn into Souda’s shop lot. He could see Souda behind the counter, frowning down at the car parts magazine he had been reading when Hinata had dropped by earlier that afternoon.

“What a charming little town!” The exclamation caught Hinata by surprise, and he jumped a little in his seat, but Komaeda didn’t seem to notice. “There’s something so intriguing about little places like these. As if the exterior is hiding something exciting bubbling underneath.” Hinata couldn’t stop the laugh that burst out, and Komaeda looked at him, a small frown on his face. “Did I say something funny?”

“No, I’m sorry,” Hinata laughed again, shaking his head a little. “I just never thought anyone would look at Langdon and think there was anything interesting about it at all. We only have three stores.” Hinata pointed at the gas station, Souda’s shop, and the bait and tackle store across the highway. “There’s nothing hiding under the surface here, trust me. What you see is what you get.”

“What’s that over there?” Komaeda pointed at Kettle, where there were already two semi-trucks and a station wagon in the parking lot. Hina was probably already charming every last cent in tips out of the travelers inside.

“That’s a bar.” Hinata pulled his keys out of the ignition, reaching for the door handle. “And it’s also a restaurant. Sort of. Depends on whether or not Hina feels like cooking.”

“Knowing proprietors by name!” The excitement in Komaeda’s voice was almost alarming, but when Hinata looked at his face, the innocent joy in his green eyes made Hinata feel warm all over. “I was right; this town  _ is _ charming.”

“...okay.” Hinata got out of the truck, and Komaeda followed suit, walking around the front to join Hinata as they walked up to the door of the auto shop. “Souda may seem like an idiot, but I promise he knows what he’s doing.”

“I trust you.” The words were honest, and Hinata looked at Komaeda out of the corner of his eye. They had only just met, and yet he acted like he would believe anything that came out of Hinata’s mouth. It was a bit concerning to say the least.

Hinata pushed open the door to the shop and Souda looked up, his eyes brightening when he saw Hinata, and then narrowing in suspicion when he saw Komaeda following.

“Hey, Souda,” Hinata stepped up to the counter while Komaeda hovered behind him, his wide green eyes taking in every worn-down detail of the shop’s interior. It smelled like tires and gasoline, with a hint of grease. Everything looked like it could use a good scrubbing, included the fake potted palm in the corner, whose leaves had a fine layer of dust settled all over them. But Hinata could tell just by looking at Komaeda’s expression that he was “charmed by the small-town feel” of it. “I ran into this guy broken down on the side of highway just past the billboard.”

“Uh-huh,” Souda was still watching Komaeda as he wandered around, looking at the old signs advertising oil changes for fifteen cents. “Could you tell what was wrong with it?”

“There was smoke.” Hinata shrugged his shoulders. “I thought maybe you could convince Fuyuhiko to let you use the police truck to tow it back into town to take a look at it.” Souda let out a sigh, dragging his gaze back to Hinata.

“You know I closed like, an hour ago.”

“Souda.” Hinata stared him down, crossing his arms over his chest. “Someone wants to give you money to fix their car. After the stunt you pulled with the weed eater today, I thought you would be overjoyed at the chance to make another buck.”

“Okay, okay,” Souda flapped his hands at Hinata in an effort to get him to stop talking. “Was Fuyuhiko in his regular spot?”

“Yeah, I passed him as I was driving back in.” Hinata looked over at Komaeda who was now inspecting a toolbox that Souda had left on the floor by the front door. He usually used it as a door stop on warmer days, but with the way Komaeda was looking at it, you would think it was some kind of national treasure. “Think you’ll have time to work on it?”

“Not if there was smoke,” Souda replied, pulling a pair of keys out from under the counter. “You might want to take him to the motel and have him come back tomorrow. I can take a look at it then and get working on it.”

“Will do.” Souda walked around the counter and headed towards Komaeda and the door.

“Hey, man,” Souda stuck out a hand, and Komaeda blinked before reaching out his own hand for a shake. “I’m going to go and see if I can get your car brought down here so I can take a look at it. My buddy Hinata here is going to take you over to the motel so you can get a room for the night; I don’t think I’ll be able to get anything fixed before today is over.”

“Of course,” Komaeda said, and Hinata watched as Souda took it’s breathy, musical quality. It didn’t seem to have as strong an effect on him as it had on Hinata. “Thank you very much for your help. They say that small town people are always the most willing to offer a hand!”

“...right.” Souda gave Hinata a look that clearly said ‘ _ This guy is insane _ ’ before walking out the door. Hinata followed, Komaeda trailing behind him.

“The motel is across the highway, over there,” Hinata pointed at the neon Vacancy sign over the motel’s office building. “I’ll drive you over. Souda should bring your car around and I’ll tell him to bring any bags or anything you have in your car over to your room, okay?”

“You’re very kind.” Komaeda walked next to Hinata until they got to the truck, and they both climbed in. Hinata drove him across the highway and dropped him off at the motel office, wishing him luck (and accepting several more thank you’s from Komaeda in the process) before he left, heading back to his house. He definitely wouldn’t have time to plant his flower boxes tonight; the sun was already entirely set, and he still needed to shower. He felt disgusting.

He parked his truck in the driveway and climbed the rickety porch steps to his front door. The entire time his brain kept replaying the sound of Komaeda’s laugh, over and over. He felt ridiculous. Once he was inside, he headed straight for the bathroom, stripping as he went, eager to get under a stream of cool water and rinse away the stickiness of the day. As he stood beneath the showerhead, water running over his shoulders and down his back, he thought about Komaeda’s green eyes, his odd, cloud-like hair, how fine-boned he was. Komaeda was tiny, and looked like he would snap if Hinata reached out and touched him. And he was pale. Almost frighteningly so.

But he was beautiful. In an ethereal, fantasy sort of way. Like he was from another world.

“Hinata!” He was yanked from his thoughts on whether or not he would be able to cut himself on the sharpness of Komaeda’s collarbone by the sound of Souda’s voice.  _ Get ahold of yourself, Hinata. You’re acting like a freak. _

_ “ _ In the shower!” He yelled back. Locking your front door was a foreign concept to the residents of Langdon, and Hinata had long since stopped being alarmed when Hina or Souda or someone else just wandered into the house looking for him. He heard Souda crack the bathroom door open.

“I got the car back. It’s definitely going to take some heavy duty fixing. The guy’s got a shit ton of luggage in the trunk; did you tell him to come by and get it?”

“I told him I would tell you to bring it over,” Hinata replied, pumping shampoo into his hands and scrubbing his dark hair. “Would you mind?”

“Yes,” Souda huffed. “That guy was weird. And he looks kind of funny. Have you ever seen someone so…white? His hair was white, his skin was freaky and ghosty and  _ white _ .”

“But he’s nice,” Hinata offered up, lamely. The last thing he wanted was to tell Souda that he was already smitten by a guy he had met less than an hour ago. But even thinking about Komaeda was making his heart do little flips in his chest.

“Nice doesn’t excuse weird.” Souda said, and Hinata could just picture the face was making. “But fine. I’ll bring his stuff over. You still going to go to Kettle tonight? Hina told me she’s making those pistachio things again.”

“I was planning on it. Aren’t you going to try and get some work done on Komaeda’s car?”

“Komaeda?”

“Don’t be dense, Souda.”

“Oh, you mean the white guy? I guess I could try and cross off some of the problems from the list. Why do you care so much anyway?”

“I don’t,” Hinata replied, defensively. “I just thought that you would want to do your job and make some money.”

“Not after closing time, no,” Souda laughed, completely unperturbed by Hinata’s tone. “I’ll look at it for a bit and then meet you at Kettle. Happy?”

“Yes. Now get out, I need to dry off.” He heard the door click shut, and then a few seconds after, the front door slamming. With a sigh he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a soft, lavender towel from the rack and drying himself off. It would be better if Souda got Komaeda out of town and on his way as quickly as possible. The last thing Hinata needed was to get attached and start crushing on someone who would be leaving in less than twenty-four hours.

Once he was dried off, he got dressed, spent a few minutes trying to comb down his spiky hair with no luck, and then went to put on his shoes. As he tied the laces, he quietly promised himself that he wouldn’t think another thing about Komaeda and just try to put him out of his head. He was already pretty ashamed by how much time he had already spent thinking about a guy he didn’t even know.

When he was ready he headed out the door, groaning when he saw the apple tree in the bed of his truck. He probably should get it out and somewhere safe as soon as possible, but the thought of moving it now was exhausting, so he turned his back on it and started walking down the street towards the bar. The two semis were still in the lot, but the station wagon had since left, leaving an oily stain in the parking spot it had been occupying. Hina was going to hate that.

“Hey hey hey, Hinata!” Hina’s cheerful voice rang out over the thumping bass line of the song that was playing over the speakers. She was standing behind the bar counter, her dark brown hair up in a high ponytail, her blue eyes shining as Hinata walked over and pulled out a barstool, flopping down into the seat. “Who was that guy you were with a second ago? I saw you dropping him off at the motel.” She pulled a glass out from beneath the counter and filled it with Hinata’s favourite wheat beer that she had gotten on tap just for him. She placed the glass in front of him and leaned forward, resting her elbows on the counter. “Tell me, tell me!”

“Just a guy who had broken down on the side of the highway. I gave him a ride in to town, and Souda’s going to try and figure out what’s wrong with his car.” Hinata took a sip of his beer, doing his best not to let pictures of Komaeda’s face enter his mind. He couldn’t break his promise to himself so quickly.

“I wondered why Souda hadn’t come in yet!” Hina straightened back up, wiping her hands on the front of her black apron. “He’s usually already two beers in by the time you get here.” That was definitely true; Souda had a tendency to drink way too quickly and was usually halfway to trashed by the time Hinata arrived. He had tried convincing Hina not to serve him, but she had laughed at him and rubbed her thumb and forefinger together in the universal hand sign for money. “Souda’s an easy one to sucker out of a couple dollars,” she had said then, with a giggle. Sometimes Hinata was frightened by how easily cheerful, upbeat Hina could show her devious, sneaking side.

“Hey, can we get some refills over here?” a booming voice called from a booth in the corner. Hinata turned his head and saw what he assumed were the drivers of the two trucks in the lot, both seated together, a deck of cards out on the table in front of them.

“Be there in a jiff!” Hina trilled. She reached out and patted Hinata on the shoulder. “I’ll be right back, ‘kay?” And she grabbed a pitcher, filled it with beer from the tap, and sashayed over to the corner booth with a fliratious: “How are we doing over here, gentlemen?”

Hinata returned to his own glass, taking another sip of his drink and looking up at one of the TV screens that was hanging on the wall behind the bar. Some football match that he was entirely uninterested in was playing, but he watched absentmindedly as the players ran across the field, knocking each other over and ending in huge dogpiles of tangled limbs and helmets. The door to the bar opened, and Hinata felt a cool breeze brush against the back of his neck. He heard Hina chirp out a hello before returning to her giggly conversation with the truck drivers, and he shook his head. That girl would do almost anything for a tip, and it sounded like those guys were falling for her act hook, line, and sinker.

“Hinata?” the lilting voice that came from behind him made Hinata’s heart swell, and he whipped around, coming face to face with Komaeda. When Komaeda saw his face, he broke into a smile, which made Hinata feel weak from the sheer loveliness of it. “It is you! What a coincidence!”

“Is it?” He managed to say. All promises he had made to himself flew out the window as he looked into Komaeda’s eyes.

“I suppose not. This  _ is  _ a small town after all! May I?” He gestured to the empty bar stool next to Hinata, and he nodded numbly in response. “Thank you!” When he brushed past Hinata, the smell of laundry detergent and, strangely, gardenia flowers, filled Hinata’s nose. Hinata quickly reached out and grabbed his glass, taking an enormous gulp of beer to try and wash down the rising wave of emotion he was feeling. He felt like a freak, but Komaeda was  _ beautiful _ .

“What are you drinking?” Komaeda asked, conversationally, looking entirely unbothered by Hinata’s strange behaviour.

“Um. Blue Moon.” Hinata pointed at the beer tap. “It’s really common, but it’s my favourite.”

“Hinata’s favourite,” Komaeda smiled at him, leaning towards him, reaching a hand out. “May I have a taste?” Hinata was too startled to even respond, instead just sliding the glass across the bar towards Komaeda, watching as his long, pale fingers wrapped around the glass, exactly where Hinata’s had been a moment before. Every one of his movements was mesmerizing: the slight flex of his thin, delicate wrist as he lifted the glass, his lips parting as the glass reached his mouth, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Hinata could feel his forehead prickling with sweat, his fists clenched in his lap. He was going insane. He was literally going to go absolutely, batshit insane, and it was this complete stranger who was driving him to the edge.

“Did you…” Hinata’s voice came out too gruff, and he cleared his throat, watching as Komaeda lowered the glass back down to the counter. “Did you like it?”

“I’m not sure,” Komaeda admitted, gently pushing the glass back across the counter. “Perhaps I will order one of my own and go from there.” He looked around, spotting Hina in the corner, still chatting with the truck drivers. “Is that Hina?”

“Yes,” Hinata was surprised he had remembered her name. “That’s her.”

“She’s very pretty,” Komaeda observed, and Hinata’s gut twisted.

“She is.” He replied, staring down at his now half-empty glass. He could see the mark on the edge where Komaeda’s lips had been, and he wrapped a hand around the glass, twisting it so that that side faced himself, and lifted it to his lips, placing them on the same spot as he took a sip. He was certain that the thunderous pounding of his heart was deafening everyone in the bar, and he felt like an absolute fool when he set the glass down.  _ What the hell am I doing _ ?

He was still trying to figure out what in the world he had been thinking by that last action when Hina returned to the bar, smiling widely at Komaeda.

“What can I get for you?” she asked, tilting her head to the side flirtatiously.

“I’ll have what Hinata’s having,” Komaeda smiled back at her, and Hinata stared down at the grain of the wooden counter as hard as he could, ignoring the bitter feelings that were bubbling in his chest. He was freaking himself out. Was he  _ jealous _ that they were  _ smiling _ at each other?

“One Blue Moon, coming up!” Hina filled another glass and placed it in front of Komaeda. “So, you’re the guy who broke down outside of town?”

“That was me,” Komaeda replied, cheerfully. And then he reached out and placed a hand on Hinata’s shoulder, causing Hinata to jump in his seat. “I was lucky that Hinata was driving by and was kind enough to stop and help me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t!” Hinata’s shoulder was burning where Komaeda was touching it. He heard Hina ask him something, but every one of his senses was hyper-focused on this one point of contact, and he couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying. He only came to when Komaeda gave his shoulder a light squeeze, and Hinata met his concerned gaze. “Are you alright, Hinata?”

“I’m fine.” He shrugged his shoulders, and Komaeda’s hand dropped back down to his side. He didn’t even want to look at Hina, because he knew there was no way she hadn’t already figured out what was going on, and he didn’t want to see her smirking.

“Are you sure?” The look on Komaeda’s face made Hinata feel like he was melting into a puddle of goo, but he did his best to steel himself against it.

“Seriously. I’m fine.” He grabbed his beer glass and chugged the rest of it before pushing it towards Hina without looking at her. “Can I get a refill?”

“Of course.” Her smug tone of voice told him that he was exactly right in assuming that she had figured out what was going on. He wanted to die.

“So, Hinata,” Komaeda had turned his body in his seat to face him, just like he had done in the truck. “Since I’m going to be stuck here for a while, tell me about Langdon.” Hina placed a full glass of beer in front of him before making up some excuse to leave that Hinata didn’t really process, and he was left alone with Komaeda again.

“There’s not much to tell,” he mumbled, fidgeting in his seat. “It’s a tiny town, we don’t really have a lot going on.”

“Have you lived here your whole life?”

“No. I’ve only been here for a few years.”

“What made you move here?”

“My grandfather.”

“Oh?” Komaeda didn’t seem deterred at all by Hinata’s clipped answers, and even more annoyingly so, he actually seemed to be genuinely interested in everything Hinata had to say, which made Hinata feel bad for not having something worth hearing.

“He’s dead.” Hinata took another too-large gulp of his drink.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Komaeda’s voice was soft, soothing. Hinata curled his toes in his sneakers, trying to push away the dense feelings rising inside.

“Don’t be. The man was an asshole and hated me.” That was mostly true. He didn’t think his grandfather actually hated him at the end, but it was easier than explaining the complexity of their relationship.

“I don’t believe that,” Komaeda sounded sad, and Hinata finally looked over at him, meeting his gaze. He almost spilled his beer when he saw the intensity in Komaeda’s eyes. “How could someone hate you? You’re kind, and compassionate.”

Hinata snorted derisively, slouching down in his seat. “How can you say that? You don’t even know me.”

“I know what I’ve seen and what I’ve heard you say yourself.” Komaeda’s tone was still soft, but his eyes were still burning. “If your grandfather truly hated you, why would you have come here for him? That is the action of someone compassionate. And you saved me, a complete stranger, from the side of the road. That shows your kindess.”

“...I guess.” Hinata didn’t know what to do with attention he was being given, but hearing Komaeda say such positive things about him was warming him up on the inside. “My grandfather was definitely still an asshole.”

“Perhaps he was.” Another small, breathy laugh, and Hinata felt like he was floating. “Can I ask what made you think he hated you?”

“I’m gay.” The words were out, and Hinata looked over at Komaeda to gauge his reaction. But he didn’t react at all, just nodded in understanding, so Hinata continued. “Bisexual, actually. My grandfather didn’t approve of that, and so we stopped speaking. Until I came back to take care of him, that is. But even then, we didn’t really talk to each other.”

“Families are difficult,” was all that Komaeda said in response, and Hinata remembered him saying something about how he had been driving for days just to clear his head. Perhaps Komaeda had his own family problems to deal with, but Hinata was too shy to ask.

“So.” Hinata looked back down at his drink, unsure of what to say now.

“So.” He could hear the smile in Komaeda’s voice, and a blush started creeping up his neck.

“Have you decided whether you like the beer or not?”

“Yours tasted better.”

Okay. Hinata couldn’t take this anymore. He snapped his head up and opened his mouth, but as he did, the bar door opened again, letting in another cool breeze that felt wonderful against Hinata’s flaming cheeks. Souda stumbled in, tripping on the door frame, something that happened almost every time, despite the warning sign next to the door that declared:  _ Watch Your Step!!! _ in Hina’s big, curlicued handwriting.

“Hina! Hinata!” Souda’s voice was loud. Too loud, and Hinata saw Komaeda raise his eyebrows. “I am ready to drink!” He marched over to the bar, his steps faltering when he saw that Hinata wasn’t alone. “Oh, hey there, Komaeda.”

“Hello, Souda,” Komaeda gave him a polite smile. “Would you like to join us?”

“Uh, sure,” Souda sat down on Hinata’s other side, and Hina came out from the kitchen in the back, her eyes already narrowed.

“Souda!” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Could you come back to the kitchen with me? I need some help with lifting this case of beer.”

“I just sat down!” Souda whined. “Besides, why don’t you have Hinata do it? I’ve been working all day, and he’s just been playing around in his yard.”

“Souda.” Hina cut him off. “Help me.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, sliding down off the bar stool and walking around the counter. “Be right back, Hinata.” He and Hina disappeared through the swinging kitchen doors, and Hinata took a peek at Komaeda. He looked amused, both hands wrapped around his glass, one of his legs bouncing up and down, making his seat creak.

“They seem to be close,” Komaeda said, looking at Hinata, a small smile still on his face.

“They’ve known each other since they were children,” Hinata offered, though it didn’t really answer the non-question he knew Komaeda had been asking.  _ Are they dating? _ “They’re both good people.”

“I guessed as much, considering they are your friends.” Hinata felt like there was something else in that statement, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Yeah, they’re my friends.” He could see Souda waving his arms around throw the round window in the kitchen door, and he hoped that from his angle, Komaeda couldn’t see. Who knew what Hina was telling him in there.

“So tell me about yourself, Hinata. Sexuality and problematic family members aside,” it was said with a smirk, and Hinata suddenly felt very, very self-conscious.

“Well, what do you want to know? My life hasn’t been very interesting.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“No, it’s just me.”

“Where did you go to school?” For the next few hours, Komaeda fired off questions, and Hinata answered them. He seemed to want to know everything, from Hinata’s favourite subject in school to the most disgusting thing he had ever eaten. As time went by, it became easier and easier to talk to him, and Hinata soon found himself enjoying the conversation, eventually working up the courage to ask Komaeda a few questions of his own. They were innocent enough, but Komaeda somehow managed to blow them off with a vague answer and return the topic of conversation to Hinata instead. He learned that Komaeda was from a big city several states over, and heard a lot more nonsensical chatter about how great he thought small towns were in comparison. But he didn’t reveal much else about himself, and seemed shocked when Hinata announced that he would rather live in a city than in some hick town in the middle of nowhere.

The entire time, Hinata found himself memorizing the edges and curves of Komaeda’s face. The exact shade of his eyes (a mix between a startling green and a stormy gray, depending on the light and angle), the curve of his smile, the almost gravity-defying spectacle that was his long, white hair. He was able to answer Komaeda’s questions at the same time, but all of his attention was focused on wanting to recall the exact breathy pitch of his voice, or the melodic wave of his laugh whenever Hinata told stories of his mischievous childhood. Hinata had never lived an exciting life or met many people, so perhaps this wasn’t an extraordinary thing, but Komaeda was easily the most fascinating, stunningly beautiful person Hinata had ever met. In only a few hours of having known each other, Hinata was charmed off his feet by the simple grace of his movements, his odd inquisitiveness, and his almost feminine form.

But he felt ridiculous. Komaeda would be gone by tomorrow evening, back on the road and off to wherever he was going, and Hinata would be left with this strange, heavy longing that made his chest ache.

“God, Hina is a slave driver.” Souda stomped out of the kitchen, interrupting Komaeda mid-question, a sheen of sweat on his face. “I’m going home. I want to shower and then sleep for the next ten years.” He paused, remembered Komaeda was there. “I mean, I’ll be up to look at your car, obviously. Swing by around seven, okay?” And then he stomped out the door, grumbling under his breath about Hina as he went.

“Seven?” A small frown appeared on Komaeda’s face. “That’s rather early. I better go back to the motel and get some sleep.”

“Oh, of course,” Hinata jumped up from his seat. “I’ll…” He was about to say he would walk Komaeda back, but he stopped himself just in time. It was probably better that he also just go home and get some rest, and not spend anymore time with Komaeda letting him get more attached than he already felt that he was. “I hope you have a safe trip.” Some emotion flickered across Komaeda’s face too quickly for Hinata to identify it, but then Komaeda was smiling again, as if nothing had happened at all.

“Thank you. Have a good night, Hinata.” And then he disappeared out the door, leaving Hinata feeling empty and alone for the first time in a long time.


	2. Forget-Me-Nots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa oh my gosh, thank you so much for all the nice things everyone said ;-; it was really encouraging! i hope i can live up to your expectations! please enjoy chapter 2! and, ofc, im always ready to hear your critiques; they can only help me get better ^^

Hinata remembered heading towards the door shortly after Komaeda had left, feeling a little dizzy and more than a little confused. He had never felt this way before in his life, and he was unsure of how to even begin sorting through all of the things that he was feeling.

“Hinata.” He heard Hina stop him as he opened the bar door to start walking home. He turned slowly, letting the door drop shut behind him, and saw Hina coming around the bar counter, a small frown on her face. “Did something happen?”

“No?” Hinata wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, but he really didn’t feel like talking about it. Whatever “it” was.

“Where did Komaeda go?”

“He went back to the motel to get some rest. Souda asked him to meet him at the shop pretty early tomorrow morning.”

“Oh my god,” Hina brought a hand up to her face and shook her head. “Can that boy get any more dense?”

“Who? Souda?” Hinata cracked a small smile. “Don’t tell me you’re surprised that Souda did something stupid.”

“I guess I shouldn’t be,” she sighed, and then folded her arms in front of her. “I worked him to the bone back there and then told him that he needed to go home so that he could start working on Komaeda’s car. I just wanted him to be out of your…” Hinata gave her a sharp warning look, and she stopped. “He didn’t really need to be drinking anything if he’s got a customer waiting, you know? The last thing he needs is to sleep in and forget that he actually has real work to do.”

“Hina…” Hinata started, then stopped. He wasn’t even really sure what he wanted to say. He felt like he needed to talk through what had happened today with someone, but he couldn’t quite find the words. “Never mind.” He turned around and grabbed the door handle.

“Hinata.” She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll come by after I close up, yeah? Think you’ll still be awake?”

“Probably.” Hina was a good friend. “Thanks, Hina.”

“Of course!” He could hear the smile in her voice, and looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, she was beaming at him. He gave her a quick smile and pushed open the door, stepping out into the cool evening air. “See you later!” Hinata lifted a hand in farewell and skipped down the steps, crossing the parking lot quickly and working his way down the residential road. He could see the motel from here, and he could even tell which room was Komaeda’s. It was the only room in the place with the lights still on inside.

He considered going over there and trying to talk to him again, but what would be the point? Hinata shook his head, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets and walking down the road towards his house. It would be better if he just forgot this entire day ever happened.

When he got back to his house he spotted the tree in his truck bed again and sighed. __Might as well go ahead and get it out.__ He carefully maneuvered the potted tree towards the edge of the truck hatch before gently lowering it to the ground, his arms shaking with the effort. How on earth had Mahiru planned on lifting this entire thing by herself?

He moved it down the driveway and towards the side of the house in small increments; there was no way he could lift this and carry it all in one go, it was way too heavy. When he finally got it around towards the back of the house and about to the spot he intended to plant it, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and climbed the steps up the back porch. Since he was going to be staying up late waiting for Hina to come by, he might as well plant the flowers he had intended to work with earlier that afternoon. __Before Komaeda__ , he thought to himself.

Shaking the thought from his head, he went inside to grab the plastic bag filled with seed packets before heading into the garage to grab a bag of potting soil. It was hard trying to remember how he had been so excited about this particular blend of flowers he was wanting to plant only a few hours earlier. Now, instead of thinking of how lovely and sweet-smelling the summer flowers he had picked out would be, he was thinking about how pretty Komaeda’s laugh was.

“He’s a fucking stranger, Hinata,” he muttered to himself as he tugged his gardening gloves on with more force than was really necessary. He winced as his fingers were crunched beneath his own aggressive pulling. “Stop acting like a freak.” He grabbed his trowel and carried everything out to his front porch, where the flower boxes were waiting to be filled with their new occupants.

As he scooped potting soil out and spread it evenly at the bottom of the boxes, he did his best to keep his thoughts from wandering. A tiny voice inside him kept saying that he could probably get up early and go and “offer to help” Souda with the car, pretending he wanted to get more experience fixing things. Souda was always excited to teach him, and there would be the chance that he would get to see Komaeda again. __But what would be the point?__  The same question from earlier came up. And it was a valid one. It would take Souda, who really was an excellent mechanic despite his many other short-comings, maybe a few hours to get the car back up and running again. And then Komaeda would leave and Hinata would be nothing but an anecdote for him to tell the real, permanent people in his life when he returned from whatever road trip he was currently on.

Feeling more than a little sullen, Hinata reached over to the plastic bag and pulled out a packet of fairy garden mix, ripping it open with his teeth, and tipping some of the seeds into the soil. He watched the seeds land in the dirt, his mind automatically supplying him with the names of the ones he recognized. Alyssum, California poppies, forget-me-nots… He wrinkled his nose at the tiny, oblong forget-me-not seeds mixing in with the rest, feeling almost personally attacked by their presence in the seed blend. After today, it felt almost like a slap in the face kind of reminder that he was always going to be a insignificant background character. Not just with Komaeda, who was a complete and total stranger that Hinata knew he had no right to expect anything from, but with everyone and everything in his entire life. He had never done anything to stand out, never done anything that made him worth remembering…he was going to live in this tiny town for the rest of his life and die alone.

Just like his grandfather.

That thought repeated in Hinata’s head over and over as he finished planting one box and moved on to the next one. A constant, steady drone of how boring he was and how plain his life was going to be from here on out. No wonder he had found himself latching on to Komaeda so quickly; it was something new, and for a brief moment, he felt like something about his life might be exciting. The way Komaeda had lit up when he saw Hinata sitting at the bar, the interest he had shown in Hinata’s bland history… Hinata had never received attention like that before, from anyone.

“Hinata?” He hadn’t even heard Hina coming up the driveway, but suddenly she was standing right behind him, a paper plate of cookies covered in plastic wrap in her hands. “Are you okay?”

He jumped to his feet, almost knocking one of the completed planters off the porch and into the flowerbed under the window.

“I’m fine,” he replied automatically. Hina gave a soft smile and climbed the porch steps before crouching down and setting the plate down next to her. She looked at the work he had been doing, eyeing the empty seed packs lying to the side of the flower boxes. He had managed to complete all four of them while he had been thinking about how shitty everything was, and he was surprised he hadn’t somehow messed up with how distracted he had been.

“You were talking to yourself.” Hina said finally, reaching over and picking up one of the fairy garden packets and looking at the back of it. “I could hear you before I even got to your yard.”

“Oh.” Hinata blushed, and ducked his head down. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” she lowered herself down so that she was sitting on the concrete and folded her legs underneath herself. “So.”

“So.” He didn’t look at her, just kept staring down into the flowerbox he had finished topping off with soil.

“Cookie?” Hina reached down and peeled the plastic wrap off the top of the plate, and Hinata glanced over. It was her pistachio crisp cookies that Souda loved so much. The same cookies she had brought over when his grandfather died.

“Sure. Thanks.” Hinata picked one up, stuffing it into his mouth to avoid having to say anything else. He knew Hina was there to be supportive, and he knew he should probably talk about how he was feeling. Komaeda showing up had served as a reminder of how stale Hinata’s life had become, and how much he hated it. He wanted to live somewhere exciting. He wanted to __be__  exciting. Spontaneous. There weren’t really any opportunities for that in Langdon.

“Komaeda seems really nice!” Hina finally said, placing her hands behind her head and stretching. “Kinda pale, though.”

“You sound like Souda.”

“Well, Souda has always been one for stating the obvious. And you have to admit, Komaeda doesn’t look…” she hesitated, but finished her sentence anyway. “…healthy.”

“You’re right,” Hinata sighed, finally turning his body to face her. When he looked up to actually look her in the face, she was just watching him steadily, her blue eyes focused. Hina had always been pretty. It was one of the first things Hinata had been aware of when she showed up outside his house that day. __This girl is too pretty to be living in a town like this__ , he had thought. Hina was bubbly, friendly, and kind. She could live anywhere and would make tons of friends wherever she went; Hina could succeed anywhere.

Hinata had always been jealous of that. He had also been almost…annoyed with her for it as well. She had the opportunity to be so much more, and yet she still chose to live here in this dead-end town, working at her mom’s business, content with the life she was living. It felt like the biggest waste Hinata had ever seen.

“But he’s cute,” Hina said, when it was clear Hinata wasn’t going to continue. “Actually, no, cute is the wrong word. He’s…”

“Beautiful?” The corners of Hinata’s mouth tilted upwards just slightly. “Calling him handsome doesn’t really seem to fit, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Hina smiled back at him. “There’s something about him. Maybe it’s that weird hair? I should’ve asked him if I could touch it before he left.”

“I should’ve asked too.”

They sit in silence for a few more moments, Hinata crunching through another cookie. Souda would be jealous if he knew that Hinata was sitting here with Hina, in the middle of the night, eating pistachio crisp cookies. Souda really __really__  loved these cookies.

“I got sunflower seeds.” Hinata reached into the almost empty plastic bag and held up the packet. “I thought we could try and plant some in the garden out back. They should be ready by fall, and you can use as many as you want to decorate Kettle.” Hina clapped her hands together excitedly.

“I already have so many ideas!” She started detailing where she would be placing every single flower, and Hinata listened to her contentedly as he stood up, picking up a flower box. Hina continued chattering as he hoisted the box up and into it’s brackets beneath the window, sliding it neatly into place. He liked listening to Hina talk about the things that interested her; she gave off this vibrant, contagious energy that never failed to make him smile.

He finished putting all the flower boxes back in their places beneath the front windows right as Hina finished talking about the sunflower wreath she wanted to hang on the bar door, wondering if the flowers might be too heavy to support themselves if she made a wreath at all.

“What do you think, Hinata?”

“Maybe use some wire to give them support?” He shrugged his shoulders, joining her on the porch again.

“That might work…” she leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand. “I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.” Her eyes flicked over to Hinata, who was carefully removing his gardening gloves and placing them on the porch beside him. “So, are you ready to really talk now?”

Hinata exhaled heavily through his nose, trying to push down the bitter feelings that were rising up inside of him. Hina just wanted to help.

“Yeah, I guess,” he stared down at the gloves that were stacked neatly next to his thigh. They used to be his grandfather’s, and they also used to be white. It felt kind of silly to have white gardening gloves; they were meant to get dirty.

“Well,” Hina picked up a cookie and started picking at it, crumbs falling into her lap. “Tell me how you’re feeling now?”

“Irritated.” His response was immediate. Hina didn’t say anything, so he continued. “Not at anyone in particular, I suppose. Well, actually, I’m kind of irritated with myself. Everything feels…wrong. I try to ignore it, but then stuff like this happens and it’s thrown into my face again.”

“Stuff like what?”

“Komaeda showing up.”

“What about him showing up made you irritated with yourself?”

“Aside from the obvious?” He smiled humorlessly down at his fingers, intertwined, fidgeting, in his lap. “I liked him at first sight. He’s physically attractive, yes, but…he’s also from somewhere that’s not…here.” He finished lamely. “It’s like part of me wasn’t interested in who he was as a person, but the fact that he was new, from somewhere different and exciting.”

“I know you’ve never really been happy living here,” Hina’s cookie was now almost entirely crumbled into little bits, and she still hadn’t even taken a bite yet. “And I know moving somewhere new is hard, but what’s stopping you?”

“Time, money, my garden, this house,” Hinata gestured around him. “I don’t know.”

“It sounds like you’re just making excuses.” Hina said it bluntly, and at first Hinata was annoyed with her. He wasn’t making excuses; those were very real, concrete reasons that were preventing him from moving on to chase the life he always wanted. Small town Hinata was never going to be anything. But big city Hinata would be a different person, more out-going, more willing to take risks in a place where risks were more likely to pay off. Risks in Langdon were just things like speeding past Fuyuhiko’s billboard and hoping you didn’t get caught or going to the farmer’s stand after ten and still hoping to find good strawberries.

But, once he took a deep breath and calmed down a little, he knew she was right. He could leave if he wanted.

“I think you’re afraid,” she said, her cookie entirely gone, leaving only dust behind, sprinkled all over her jeans. “But there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone is afraid of big changes. The difference is that they eventually start taking steps to face those fears, if they really want to be different. You just hide behind them and pretend like it’s everyone else’s and the world’s fault that you don’t have the life that you want.” The words were harsh, cold, but she said them gently. Hina was sweet, but she had also never been one to pull punches. Hinata wondered if her mom’s death had made her this way, standing strong and always facing the facts, no matter how hard they were to hear.

“You’re right,” he sighed, covering his face with his hands. “I don’t…” He paused and took a shaky breath. “I don’t even know where to begin. I keep thinking that it’s living here that’s keeping me from being an interesting, vibrant person, and that if I just move somewhere else, somewhere exciting, that I’ll…be exciting too.” It sounded so stupid when he said it aloud.

“Oh, Hajime,” his name coming out of her mouth startled him, and he turned to look at her. “You’re not a boring person.” She scooted over to him, leaving a trail of pistachio crisp crumbs as she moved, and put an arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. It was comforting. He leaned into her, laying his head on top of hers. “I know it’s easy for me to say that and much harder for you to actually believe, but look at what you’ve managed to do here.”

They both looked at the fragrant, blooming flower beds Hinata had worked steadily on over the years, how he had slowly transformed his grandfather’s house from a barely passable shack into a pretty garden cottage.

“Anyone could have done this,” Hinata grumbled, and Hina tightened her arm around him.

“I don’t think that’s true,” she replied softly. “And the house aside, think of everything you did for your grandfather. I know things were rough between the two of you, but before you moved here to take care of him, I never even saw him leave his house. You showed up and he got…better,” she laughed a little, her body bumping into Hinata’s. “Not better, but you know what I mean. He talked to people more. Came outside. Tried harder to do the things he loved. You were there supporting him, giving him that opportunity. I know he never said it to you, but I know he must’ve been grateful for everything you did for him.”

“That doesn’t…” he started to say, but she cut him off.

“And I can say for a fact that you have been something special to both Souda and myself. You’ve been a good friend, and a positive influence. Souda, for one, has never been so productive.” They both laughed, thinking of Souda sleeping in all the time and only wanting to work on his classic car. “You keep him driven. And you support him. I know you know how happy it makes him when you let him show you what he does; it’s very sweet.”

“...I guess.” He tried to ignore the warm feeling spreading in his chest, ashamed at how easily he responded to being told that he was needed, that people wanted him around and appreciated his efforts.

“As for me…” Hina sighed, snuggling in closer to Hinata and yawning. “You’ve been such a good friend. Probably the best friend I’ve ever had. When Mom died…” her voice trailed off, and she was quiet for such a long time that Hinata thought she had fallen asleep. Right when he was about to move his arm and see if she was, she spoke again, her voice almost a whisper. “…I was so, so lonely. There was nothing I wanted more than to leave Langdon and never look back. What was the point of staying here by myself? But time passed, and I still didn’t leave. And when your grandfather died I was so worried about you. You had no one left either, and so I came over and did what I could to make things easier…”

“You did make things easier,” Hinata put an arm around Hina’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Thank you. I don’t know if I ever told you thank you for everything you did to help during that time.”

“Yeah, well,” she sniffed, and Hinata tilted his head down to make sure she wasn’t crying. “It was also kind of selfish. Mom hadn’t been gone for all that long, and I just wanted to be with someone who knew what it felt like. To lose someone.”

They sat there for a while, staring down the residential road and watching the occasional semi drive down the highway in the distance. Hinata knew Hina had still been struggling with her mom’s death when she had come to visit that day; he could tell in the way she always stumbled over her words a little when she was walking him through filling out the government paperwork notifying them of his grandfather’s passing. But he didn’t know that she had been finding just as much comfort in being with him as he had found with her.

“I’m always here for you, Hina, no matter what,” he promised, breaking the silence. “I know you probably already know that, but I just thought I’d say it and make it official anyways.”

“Make it official,” she laughed, and her voice was thick, like she was holding back tears. Hinata tightened his arm around her. “I appreciate that, Hinata. But this wasn’t supposed to turn into a session about me.”

“That’s okay.”

“No,” she pulled away, looking up into his face. “We’ve been friends for a long time. And I value that friendship more than a majority of other things in my life. So I just want you to know that whether you decide to move somewhere else or stay here…” she wrinkled her nose, frowning. “You are always going to be a special, important person. Regardless of where you live or who you surround yourself with. You’ve changed the lives of the people here, and I don’t think someone who was boring or inconsequential could have managed to do that.”

Hinata blushed, unsure what to do with her words. She hit right on his biggest insecurity: that he was boring, worthless, and his existence served as nothing but a marker for the passing of time. But…Hina wouldn’t lie to him just to make him feel better. Maybe he really had made some kind of difference in the lives of his friends here.

“Thank you, Hina,” he said softly. “You’re a good friend.”

“I do my best.” She smiled sunnily at him, shoving him gently. Then she rose to her feet, dusting the remains of cookie off her jeans. “It’s really late, so I’m going to go home. You get some sleep too, okay? And don’t let little things keep you from doing what you want to do, Hinata. You’re better and stronger than that.” She skipped down the porch steps, getting ready to cross over his front yard to her house, right next door. Hinata got to his feet, picking up the plate of cookies she had left behind.

“You left the cookies!” He called out to her as she headed up his driveway. She turned around and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Take them to Souda in the morning so he has something to eat while he works on Komaeda’s car.” She stared him down, and tilted her head just slightly enough to make her expression threatening when he opened his mouth to protest. He gritted his teeth.

“Fine.” At his response, she beamed.

“See you tomorrow, Hinata!” And she walked off to her house. Hinata watched until she disappeared inside, closing the door behind her. He looked at the plate of cookies in his hand, both annoyed and pleased that even after all that, Hina had still done her best to give him a reason to be at Souda’s shop to see Komaeda tomorrow.

 

The next morning, Hinata woke up at 5:30, as usual. He always woke up this early so that he could go and work out in the garden before the sun got too high and he started to sweat. It usually wasn’t much of an issue this early in the spring, but he liked to keep things consistent.

He had already gone through his regular morning routine of showering and getting dressed, and was in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of Fruit Loops when he saw the plate of cookies sitting on the counter where he had left them last night. He stared at the plate as he poured milk into his bowl, and eyed it suspiciously as he sat down at the counter, eating his cereal slowly. It was almost 6:30, and if he went out and set up the sprinkler instead of watering his beds by hand, he would be able to head over to Souda’s shop just in time for opening.

He rinsed off his bowl and spoon, putting them into the dishwasher meticulously, trying to ignore the way it felt like the cookies were staring at him. Hina had asked him to bring the cookies to Souda. After how nice she had been to him, it would be rude not to fulfill her request…

“God damnit,” Hinata muttered, stomping through the kitchen and into the living room, pushing open the back door and slamming it behind him. He grabbed the hose and one of his sprinklers and dragged them both out towards the back end of his yard where the majority of his garden was growing. He set up the sprinkler, muttering to himself about Hina and her invasive nosiness as he did so. When it was all ready to go, he walked back to the house and turned on the water before going back inside, grumbling as he snatched the plate of cookies off the countertop. “I can’t believe I’m doing this…”

He headed outside and started walking up the residential road, glaring at Hina’s house as he passed it. If Komaeda called him a stalker or something, it was totally going to be all her fault. When he got to the highway, he could see Souda’s shop on the business side, the sign on the door still flipped to show Closed. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to look at the time. 6:50.

He looked both ways before crossing the highway, the plate of cookies in his hand almost taunting him as he crossed the parking lot in front of the auto shop. He felt ridiculous. Who wanted to eat cookies this early in the morning anyway? He should’ve waited until the afternoon and brought the cookies then, when Komaeda was safely out of town and Hinata could just get on with the business of forgetting about him and the feelings he had stirred up in Hinata’s chest.

When he got to the front door, he reached into the potted fern that was next to the door and pulled out the spare key to the shop. He had given Souda this fern after the pink-haired mechanic had expressed a desire to try growing things (probably an effort to show interest in Hinata’s work after Hinata had spent a full week learning about cars with Souda), but it had been left in exactly the spot Hinata had placed it when he first brought it over. Now it only served as a hiding spot for the key to the door.

Hinata unlocked the door before placing the key back in it’s hiding place, pushing his way inside and going to place the plate of cookies on the counter. Souda definitely hadn’t gotten here yet. He should’ve stopped at his house to check when he was on his way here.

It was only a few minutes of Hinata scrolling through his phone before the bell over the door jingled, and Hinata turned, ready to tell off Souda for almost being late. But it wasn’t Souda who came through the door, yawning and stretching his arms above his head, tugging his shirt up to reveal a strip of pale skin.

“Oh,” Komaeda froze, his arms still in the air. “Hinata.”

“Komaeda.” Hinata’s heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He reached behind himself quickly and grabbed the plate of cookies. “I came to give Souda these. Hina asked me to. They’re Souda’s favorite, and he didn’t get to have any last night, so…” He was rambling. He needed to stop.

“That was very kind of you to bring them by so early,” Komaeda slowly lowered his arms, the same long, dark green jacket he had been wearing the day before crinkling as he moved. “Is Souda here?”

“Not yet.” Hinata knew he should put the plate of cookies back down, but he was too relieved to have something to hold in his hands to keep him from fidgeting like a lunatic.

“Hmm.” Komaeda reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. “It’s 7.”

“Souda usually runs late,” Hinata babbled on. “He runs on his own schedule. Nothing ever gets done when you expect it to when it comes to him. Sometimes it’s early, sometimes it’s late, sometimes it’s never!” He laughed nervously, gripping the plate more tightly in his hand. “Like that plant outside? I gave that to him a year ago. He said he wanted to put it inside, and replace that fake palm over there. But as you can see, he hasn’t bothered moving it.”

“I’m sure he appreciated your gift,” Komaeda smiled at him gently, and Hinata felt his knees going all wobbly. He blinked furiously. Komaeda looked concerned. “Is there something in your eye?” He took a step closer, and Hinata took a step back, bumping painfully into the sharp corner of the counter.

“No! No, there’s nothing in my eye, I was just…” What was he doing? “Let me put the cookies down.” He put the cookies back on the counter. Komaeda’s gray-green eyes were worried. “Can I touch your hair?”

_Oh my god._

“What?” Komaeda tilted his head to the side, like a confused puppy, and Hinata honestly felt like he was about to go into cardiac arrest with how cute it was.

“Nothing!” Hinata stuffed his hands into his pockets, positive that his cheeks were flaming. “Nothing, never mind.”

“You asked if you could touch my hair.” There was smile starting to spread on Komaeda’s face, and Hinata wanted to die.

“I’m sorry, last night Hina and I were talking and…”

“You and Hina were talking about touching my hair?” The smile was a full-blown one now, and Hinata had never felt so flustered in his entire life.

“Yes. I mean, no! I mean…” He took a deep breath. He needed to get ahold of himself.

“You can, if you want to.” Komaeda took another step closer, and Hinata wanted to move away, but he was already backed into the counter and had nowhere to go without making it obvious that he didn’t trust himself to be close to Komaeda right now. “Go ahead.”

Hinata’s hands were trembling as he removed them from his pockets and reached forward, taking an awkward, shuffling step towards Komaeda and his still-smiling face. He was only a foot away now, and he could smell that same scent of detergent and gardenias, and his mouth started to water.

_What the fuck._

He looked at Komaeda’s strange white hair and gently rested his hands on either side of Komaeda’s head, winding his fingers into it.

“It’s soft.” The words were out of his mouth before he had time to think about them, his surprise evident. Based on it’s unruly, wild appearance he would’ve thought it was going to be wiry and rough. But it wasn’t. It was beyond soft to the touch, easy to run his fingers through… Komaeda laughed, and Hinata’s gaze was drawn away from where his hands were tangled in Komaeda’s hair and rested on his face instead.

He was suddenly hyper aware of how close they were standing, that Komaeda was actually taller than he was, that he __had his hands in Komaeda’s hair__ , and that Komaeda was looking right into his eyes, a curious expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, and Hinata’s eyes dropped to his lips, a tense, liquid hot feeling building up inside him. He could just lean forward on his toes only slightly and he would be at just the right height to kiss him.

“Uh, what’s going on?” Souda’s voice was loud, jarring, and Hinata ripped his hands away from Komaeda’s head, cringing apologetically as Komaeda winced from the hair-pulling.

“Nothing! I just…” Hinata scrambled, turning around almost too fast, grabbing the plate from the counter. “I brought you cookies!”

“You…” Souda came fully into the store, the door closing behind him. How had Hinata not heard the bell ring when he first opened it? “You brought me cookies? What the hell for?”

“Hina made them! Pistachio crisp!” Hinata held the plate out, stepping around Komaeda and doing his best not to look at him. He felt like he was going to crumble away into nothingness from sheer anxiety and embarrassment.

“Oh!” Souda’s eyes brightened, all thoughts of what he had walked into completely forgotten, and took the plate, eagerly peeling the plastic wrap back and grabbing a cookie. “I didn’t get to eat any last night! This is amazing!” He crunched down on the cookie happily, humming to himself as he slid past Hinata and went behind the counter. Hinata could feel Komaeda standing near him, but couldn’t bear to look. His fingers still tingled from where he had been touching him, and his heart pounding reminded him of how __close__  they had been.

 _Oh my god, I was going to kiss him._ The realization of how close he had come to making a complete and utter idiot of himself rushed over him, and he swayed on his feet. What on earth had he done. He owed Souda his life for coming in when he did. _But what had Komaeda been about to say when Souda arrived?_  A painful, gnawing curiousity started eating into Hinata’s thoughts.

“Okay, KoKo, let’s go have a look at your car.” Souda said, his mouth still full of cookie, as he grabbed a set of keys from beneath the counter and headed towards the door that led into the shop’s garage.

“KoKo?” Hinata heard Komaeda’s voice from behind him, the breathy sound of it making his chest hurt.

“You don’t mind do you?” Souda jangled the keys as he searched for the right one. “Short and sweet.”

“I guess it is.” Did Komaeda sound pleased? Hinata turned around to look at his expression, but he had already walked over to stand next to Souda by the garage door, his back to Hinata. All he could see was the red 55 stamped into the back of his green jacket.

“There we go,” Souda got the door open and led Komaeda through it, glancing over his shoulder at Hinata. “You coming?”

“Uh, yes?” Hinata took a few stuttering steps towards the door. “Do you mind?”

“Nope! This’ll be a good chance for me to test you on what you’ve learned under my wing,” Souda grinned sneakily. “Come on.”

Hinata followed him out into the garage, where Komaeda was already circling his car, worry etched on his face.

“Did you look at it much last night?” Komaeda asked Souda, following him to the wall of tools at the back of the garage.

“Well, I gave it a quick once over, and I have to tell you that it’s not looking good. How new is the engine?” While Souda and Komaeda discussed the car and it’s previous servicing history, Hinata went over to the side of the garage where Souda kept a few wooden stools and pulled one out, perching on the edge. He felt too nervous to sit still, but he knew he would only get in the way if he hovered. Souda and Komaeda walked around the car and stood near Hinata, Souda reaching underneath the hood to lift the latch and open it up.

“Well, I tried to start it up a couple times, but it just blew smoke, and that’s definitely not a good sign.” Souda looked down at the engine, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his head. “It’s going to take a bit of tinkering before I can really pinpoint the problem. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen something like this.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Komaeda frowned down at the engine block, his hands in his pockets. “I appreciate you helping, however. Is there any way I can help?” But Souda was already in focused-mode, muttering to himself as he stuck his hands into the car and started messing around. “Souda?”

“Just go sit by Hinata and don’t get in the way,” Souda replied, waving Komaeda off without looking up.

“As you say.” Komaeda turned and came to sit down next to Hinata. Hinata could feel his entire body tense up as  the sleeve of Komaeda’s jacket brushed against his arm, but he tried to keep as still and calm as he could, though his first reaction was to want to jump up from his stool and loudly announce that he had “lots to do” at home and that he better get going.

“Hinata?” Komaeda was looking at him, and Hinata forced himself to meet his gaze.

“Yeah?”

“Do you always help Souda when he’s working?”

“Uh, sometimes?” Hinata’s toes were curling in his shoes, his nerves strung way too tightly to be having any kind of conversation with anyone. “He’s been teaching me.”

“You must be very good friends!” Komaeda smiled, and it was genuine, no trace of the awkwardness that Hinata expected would be there. Did he not remember what had just happened earlier inside the shop?

“We’ve been friends for a while, yeah.”

“The three of you must spend a lot of time together.”

“Three?”

“Hina, of course,” Komaeda was still smiling. “It must be nice having close friends like that.” The way he said it made Hinata feel a little uncomfortable, like Komaeda was saying that he himself didn’t have any friends.

“What are your friends like?” Hinata asked, wanting to kick himself for just blurting out whatever came into his mind. The feeling intensified when he saw Komaeda’s smile falter ever so slightly, his eyes dimming to just regular gray.

“Ah, my friends…” his voice trailed off, and Hinata wished he could drown himself in the big jug of used motor oil Souda kept in the garage. “...they were happy that I was going on this trip.”

 _They were happy that I was leaving_  was what it sounded like he was trying to say.

“I’m happy you went on this trip too,” Hinata said. _Ah shit, there you go again._

“Oh?” The genuine smile was back. Before Hinata could struggle to come up with some way to excuse what he had said, Souda called out from beneath the hood of the car:

“I’m glad too! I love making money.” Komaeda laughed, and Hinata wished he could bottle the sound of it and carry it with him, always. Souda asked a few more questions about the car, and Komaeda answered him politely while Hinata got his phone out and started fiddling with it, just to have something to do with his hands. It was only after Souda and Komaeda had finally fallen silent once Souda had asked all the questions he felt necessary that Hinata realized that it was almost 8.

“My plants!” He jumped up from the stool.

“Your what?” Komaeda rose from his seat as well, looking a little alarmed at Hinata’s sudden outburst.

“My garden, I left the sprinkler on when I came over here and I don’t want them to get overwatered!” He looked over at the half of Souda’s body that was still visible from when he had crawled under the car earlier. “Souda, you’re not going to need me soon, are you?”

“I don’t know if I’ll need you at all!” Was the muffled response. “Take KoKo with you and come back around lunchtime. I might have something figured out then.”

“Ah…” Hinata turned to Komaeda. “You don’t have to come. You might be more comfortable back in your motel room.”

“I actually would love to see your garden, Hinata,” Komaeda tilted his head to the side. “Though I don’t wish to intrude.”

“No, you wouldn’t be intruding,” Hinata headed towards the large garage door and pressed the button on the wall that opened it, letting in a refreshing gust of morning air. “Let’s go.”

When the garage opened all the way, they both stepped out into the parking lot and Hinata lead the way towards the highway. Komaeda was coming over to his house. Komaeda was coming over to his _house_. Was it clean? Would they even go inside? What would they do once Hinata finished turning off the sprinkler? It was only going to take a minute max. What on earth was he going to _do?_

They were silent as they crossed the highway and headed down the residential road, and as they passed Kettle, Komaeda started to hum a song quietly to himself.

“What song is that?” Hinata asked, mostly just to make conversation. The silence was going to kill him, if his own anxiety didn’t do it first.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just humming. Was I bothering you?”

“No, you weren’t.” They fell silent again, and Komaeda kept humming. From the light, airy pitch of the notes, Hinata could tell that Komaeda probably had a wonderful singing voice. “Do you like music?”

“I suppose so,” Komaeda replied, his tone amused. “Not anymore than the average person does, I would guess. What about you, Hinata?” The way his name sounded coming from Komaeda’s mouth made Hinata shiver happily.

“Music’s okay.” They were almost at the end of the street, and he could see his gardening gloves still sitting on the porch where he had left them last night. “It helps pass the time when I need to drive into the city.”

“Is this your home?” They had reached the driveway, and Hinata looked over to see Komaeda staring at the tiny blue house with wide, enraptured eyes. “It’s marvelous!” His focus shifted to the mass of flowers blooming in the front flower beds, and a gasp slipped from his lips. “Did you grow these?”

“Um, yes,” Hinata felt embarrassed, but he didn’t know why. “I...like to grow things. Didn’t I mention that?”

“In passing, yes, but you made it sound like a simple thing!” Komaeda was already walking around him to get a better look at the flowers. “This is absolutely incredible, Hinata. I have never seen anything quite so lovely in my life, and I think I’ve seen many lovely things.”

“Ah. Thank you?” Hinata trailed behind him as Komaeda stopped at each new flower and leaned down to smell them, his eyes closed, a soft smile on his face. He couldn’t stop staring at Komaeda’s lips, the shape of his nose, the way his eyelashes brushed the tops of his sharp cheekbones. Everything about him was delicate and exquisite, like a porcelain doll, and while he wanted to touch him again, he was almost afraid that he would break if he did.

“Are you going to go turn off the sprinkler?” Komaeda asked, his eyes still closed as he inhaled the scent of the peach English tea roses that bordered the edge of the garden.

“Oh, right, I’ll be right back!” Hinata jogged around the side of the house, his heart thumping unevenly. He had been a fool to think that he would just be able to forget about Komaeda and move on with his life. Sure, he had told Hina that he thought he was attracted to Komaeda almost entirely because of his newness and the adventure he might have to offer, but now…

He turned the water off and tugged on the hose, dragging the sprinkler towards him and away from his plants. They didn’t look like their beds had been flooded at all, and he let out a tiny sigh of relief. Flooding his garden would’ve been a really terrible way of demonstrating his green thumb to Komaeda, who was now walking around the corner of the house to find Hinata. Hinata saw the moment Komaeda noticed how many more plants and flowers were growing in the back yard, his eyes widening and his mouth opening a little in awe. A spark of pride flared in Hinata’s chest, and he crossed the yard to join him.

“I grow my own fruits and vegetables when I can,” he told him, proudly. “I have an herb garden on the other side of the house, but I don’t use a lot of them. Which is wasteful, I know, but cooking is something I’m still trying to get the hang of.”

“Hinata,” Komaeda stepped towards the garden hesitantly. “This is amazing. You’ve done so much with this space...you truly are an incredible person.” The words rushed into Hinata’s ears and he felt something inside him loosen up a bit. _You truly are an incredible person._

“It’s nothing, really.” He tried to deflect the praise even though inside, he was starving for more affirmation from this beautiful, interesting person standing beside him. If someone as mysterious and other-worldly as Komaeda thought that he was incredible…

“Don’t try to downplay your achievements,” Komaeda scolded him. “This is something you should be proud of. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He pointed at a dragon lily. “What kind of flower is that?”

They spent some time going around the garden, Hinata telling Komaeda about each of the flowers he was interested in, his heart soaring every time Komaeda looked at him with amazement. Hinata had always been proud of his garden, but getting to show it to someone like this, someone who was interested in what he had to say and looked at him like he was the only other human being in the world...it felt really, really good. Before long, they had circled all the way back around to the front of the house, and Hinata was telling him about what he had planted in the flower boxes beneath the windows the day before.

“I planted these last night, after I got home from Kettle,” Hinata said, reaching out and patting the side of the box fondly. “They’re going to be beautiful once they finally sprout.”

“You worked in your garden that late at night?”

“Oh, well,” Hinata looked over towards Hina’s house. “Hina came over when she got off work and we hung out for a bit.”

“When she brought the cookies.” The way Komaeda said it made Hinata look over at him, but he wasn’t meeting his eyes.

“Yeah, she brought the cookies.” Hinata squinted, trying to get a read on what Komaeda’s expression was really saying. “We talked for a bit, and then…” He watched Komaeda’s face carefully. “She went home. She lives right over there.” He pointed at the house next door, and watched as the tension in Komaeda’s face drained away.

“Oh! How fun to have your friends living so close!”

“Yeah, Hina is a really good _friend,_ ” he stressed the word, feeling a little silly, but he knew he had seen something on Komaeda’s face when he said that Hina had been over last night. It was the same face Hinata himself had been wearing when Komaeda had said that Hina was pretty. Jealous. Komaeda seemed to realize that Hinata was pushing him with his words, and he turned to look at him, a smile on his face once more.

“I’m glad that you’re _friends,_ ” he stressed the word right back. “You deserve to have only the best people in your life.”

“What?” What did that mean?

“You should only surround yourself with worthy people, Hinata,” Komaeda shrugged his shoulders, turning back to the flowers. “The people I knew back home thought this as well. About themselves, of course. Not you.”

 _The people I knew back home thought this as well. My friends were happy that I was going on this trip. I’ve just been driving for a few days, to get away and clear my head a little._ The things Komaeda had said the last two days ran together in Hinata’s head, filling in a piece of the puzzle of what he was doing all the way out here with no particular destination in mind.

“Komaeda…” Hinata started, but he stopped when the boy turned and faced him, overwhelmed by how lovely he looked, standing there in the late-morning sun. Golden light seemed to get absorbed into his white hair, making him look like he was glowing from within. An angel.

“Yes?”

“It’s nothing.” Hinata looked away, his heart aching with longing, wanting to run his fingers through the white-gold of his hair again.

“Of course.” Komaeda accepted this easily, as if he had no right to pressure Hinata for his thoughts. It made Hinata feel guilty somehow.

“Actually...” He steeled himself. “I hope I’m not prying, but I have to ask...are you running away?”

Komaeda’s sharp, surprised intake of breath told him everything he needed to know.


	3. Winter Iris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it took me so long to post this chapter ;; i kept going back and forth changing things, and i'm still not really satisfied with how it turned out, but i knew fussing over it wasn't going to get me anywhere! i hope you still enjoy it!

“You don’t have to worry about me, Hinata,” Komaeda laughed a little, squatting down next to the tea roses. “It’s not worth the trouble.”

“That’s not…” Hinata started to say that that wasn’t even close to being an answer to the question, but stopped himself. What right did he have to be demanding answers to personal questions from Komaeda? It was rude and insensitive. If Komaeda wanted him to know, he would’ve told him, and he should respect the the fact that it clearly wasn’t a topic that he wanted to talk about. “I’m sorry, it’s really none of my business.”

“Oh, Hinata,” Komaeda reached out and touched the velvety petals of one of the roses. “It’s not that I care that you asked. I wasn’t offended. It’s just that I don’t think you should be wasting your time worrying about someone like me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You have a wonderful life here. Wonderful friends, this wonderful garden…” Komaeda stood up slowly, wincing a little as his legs stretched out. Hinata knew the feeling. “It would be terrible if I spoiled that.”

“You wouldn’t spoil it!” Did Komaeda really think that Hinata had a good life? Had he seen how small this town was, and how boring it would be to live here, with nothing to do, day in and day out?

“You say that, but you don’t even know what I have to say,” that smile was back. It wasn’t a happy smile really, it was the kind of smile that a person used to cover up anything else that they happened to be feeling. And right now, the smile was almost pitying. “Trust me on this, Hinata. I have nothing good or worthwhile to offer you.”

“But…” Hinata started, but Komaeda had already moved over to the porch to sit down, and Hinata followed slowly, his mind spinning. He had a lot of things he wanted to say, but he had no idea where to even begin. “Komaeda, seriously…” Komaeda looked up at him, some of his hair curling forward and falling over his right eye. Hinata wanted to reach out and gently push it back, so instead he stuffed his hands into his pockets and went to sit next to him.

“I think I would like living here,” Komaeda said, staring off into the distance, his eyes slightly unfocused, as if he were somewhere else. “It’s peaceful.”

“It’s boring,” Hinata scoffed, staring down at the worn toes of his shoes. “You’re insane if you think living here would be anything else.”

“You’re very pessimistic, Hinata.”

“No, I’m just realistic.” Hinata was more than a little peeved. What was with everyone else coming here and thinking that it must be so nice? Hina, who could do literally anything she wanted, chose to stay here. Souda, whose innate talent could have him working as an engineer anywhere in the world, chose to stay here. And now Komaeda, who was otherworldly and beautiful, who could have anyone he wanted eating from his hand just by smiling at them, was acting like it was some kind of paradise.

“Perhaps you’ve just been blinded to Langdon’s charm from overexposure,” Komaeda didn’t seem deterred in the slightest by the waves of irritation sliding off of Hinata. “If you don’t want to live here, then where would you like to be?”

“A city.” Hinata replied instantly. “A big one.”

“I see.” Komaeda brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, turning his head to the side to look at Hinata, but said nothing else. Just watched. Hinata bit his lip, trying to stop his cheeks from flushing as Komaeda looked at him. _What does he want?_

“I just think it would be more exciting than this,” he mumbled, finally looking away from Komaeda and staring at Hina’s mailbox.

“But if you lived in a city, you most likely wouldn’t get to have a garden at all. Much less a garden as spectacular as this one.”

“That doesn’t really matter to me?”

“It doesn’t?” Komaeda actually sounded a little surprised, and Hinata looked back at him. He had since rest his cheek on the tops of his knees, his eyes still looking at Hinata. His hair had tumbled down over his shoulder, and the only way Hinata could think to describe him was soft. Like Hinata could reach over and curl himself around Komaeda’s body and fall asleep, inhaling his sweet scent.

“I…” Hinata’s mouth was dry.

“This doesn’t look like the work of someone who doesn’t really care about it.”

“I care about _this_ garden, but if I moved…”

“You would miss it.” Komaeda sounded absolutely certain. “Besides, have you ever been to a city? A real one? One where the buildings are closely packed together, tall, with lights so bright that you can’t see the stars at night?” He dropped his legs down, hanging them off the edge of the porch, and when Hinata looked into his eyes, they were hard.

“No, but…”

“It smells. In the summers it gets so hot you feel like you’re suffocating from the heat alone, not to mention the stifling air. There are people _everywhere_. Even if you live by yourself you can never be truly alone; everyone is in such close proximity to each other that you can forget about anything resembling privacy.” His voice still had that strange, airy tone to it, but sharper. Almost angry. “And those same people…” Almost immediately, as if he realized that Hinata had picked up on his anger, Komaeda wilted. He tugged his legs back up to him, burying his face in his hands. “Ah, listen to me.” He started to laugh. “I’m sorry, Hinata. You don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my problems. How selfish of me.”

“Komaeda…” If it were Hina, or Souda, or anyone that Hinata was even slightly more comfortable around, this would be the point where he placed a comforting hand on their shoulder or gave them a hug. But Komaeda seemed to be teetering on some edge that Hinata couldn’t see, and he didn’t want to risk pushing him over it. “I can’t promise to be much help, but if you have something you need to talk about…”

“You’re too kind, Hinata,” Komaeda lowered his hands, that indecipherable smile on his face once more. Even though it was more unpredictable, Hinata wished that he would go back to how he had been seconds before. At least then he had been more vulnerable. Approachable. Now it was clear that he had already locked away whatever was troubling him and had no intention of bringing it back out. “It was unfair of me to burden you with my own issues. Please forgive me.”

“You don’t need to…” Hinata started, but Komaeda was already shaking his head.

“It’s okay, Hinata. You don’t need to try and make excuses for me. It would be selfish of me to let you continue.”

“Selfish?” Komaeda might still technically be a stranger, but Hinata was starting to catch on to the consistent double-meanings in everything Komaeda said. “Letting other people say kind things to you, of their own free will, isn’t selfish.”

“Of course it is!” Komaeda laughed again, but it had no humour in it. “Look at how pathetic I am. Driving to who knows where because I’m unwanted everywhere else, and even that I failed at. Now I am here, in such a small town that I thought it would be impossible to burden anyone because so few people live here, and yet I still managed to screw that up.” He sounded so defeated, and Hinata’s heart ached. “There can’t be more than twenty residents in this town, but it’s just my luck that I would drag down the one person I meet.”

“You aren’t dragging me down!” Hinata jumped in quickly, knowing that he probably wouldn’t have another chance before Komaeda shut down on himself again. “In fact, you showing up was actually really lucky for me.”

“What?” He sounded genuinely confused, and Hinata latched on to that, not wanting to let his attention slip away and back into what looked like the same kind of self-loathing Hinata often found himself in.

“When you showed up it kind of forced me to take a look at some of the things in my life that I was lying to myself about,” Hinata looked down at his lap, suddenly embarrassed to be sharing such personal information. “I was unhappy. But I wasn’t willing to accept responsibility for my part in it; I just wanted to blame someone or something else.”

“Like your grandfather.” Komaeda seemed to catch on quickly, and Hinata nodded.

“I don’t want to live here. For…personal reasons,” he turned to meet Komaeda’s eyes. “And I think for the longest time I was angry at my parents for asking me to come here, angry at my grandfather for being sick, angry at this town for existing.”

“But if you were unhappy…”

“No, I don’t think I was really unhappy. Just…dissatisfied. But it was better to think that how I felt was a result of my surroundings rather than something I hadn’t quite learned to resolve or accept within myself.” Hinata only realized how true his words were to himself after he had said them, and he paused, wondering if this was what Hina had been trying to guide him towards the night before. “I don’t…like myself.” In any other situation, he would’ve been utterly ashamed to say something like that out loud, especially in front of a stranger. But he was too focused on the fact that he had finally found the strength to admit it. Maybe now he could actually try and do something about it. He turned to face Komaeda quickly, eyes bright. “I can tell just by talking to you that you’re the same, Komaeda.”

“I…” It was Komaeda’s turn to be at a loss for words, and Hinata felt a tiny bit of satisfaction that he had finally managed to turn the tables on him.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened. Or why you’re running away. But I understand how you’re feeling. And how running away might feel like it’s the only possible solution.”

“Um, Hinata…” Komaeda looked almost nervous, and Hinata was worried that he had stepped over some invisible line between them. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Komaeda beat him to it. “I apologize for making you worry about me.”

“Hey,” Hinata gritted his teeth in determination and willed his hand to move, resting it gently on Komaeda’s shoulder. The other boy looked down at Hinata’s hand in surprise, and leaned ever so slightly into his touch. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m happy to have met you, Komaeda.”

“But…”

“Just.” Hinata lifted his hand from Komaeda’s shoulder, putting it down in his lap self-consciously. “Accept it, okay? You don’t have to try and tell me all of the reasons I _shouldn’t_ be happy about it in an attempt to talk me out of it. I’ve already made my decision. I hope you can live with that.” He gave Komaeda the smallest smile, his nerves fluttering in his stomach like a thousand butterflies. At first he didn’t think that Komaeda was going to respond, but then he gave Hinata the tiniest of smiles in return.

“Okay, Hinata.” He let out a quiet sigh, the barest of smiles still on his face. “I can try to do that.”

“Thank you.” They both turned to face back out towards the road again, and Hinata peeked at Komaeda from the corner of his eye. “And if you ever decide you want to talk about what happened to you, just let me know, yeah? I’m here to listen whenever. And no,” he preempted what he knew Komaeda was about to say, “you won’t be burdening me. I _want_ to listen. You listened to me after all.” Komaeda just nodded in response, but Hinata could see the emotions flickering across his face, and understood.

They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn’t the same tense quiet that Hinata had felt when they were walking to his house. This was more comfortable, and he was glad that it was. After a few minutes he got to his feet, and held a hand out to help Komaeda stand up.

“Are you hungry? I doubt you had any time to get anything for breakfast this morning.”

“Ah,” Komaeda grabbed onto Hinata’s hand, and he tried to ignore the tingles that shot up his arm at the boy’s touch. “I am, actually. I’m sorry to put you out.”

“Don’t sweat it.” Hinata opened the front door and ushered Komaeda inside, silently crossing his fingers that he had remembered to put away his breakfast mess from that morning before leaving. “Anything you want in particular? I’ve got bread, eggs, muffins that Hina made a couple days ago…” Komaeda followed him into the kitchen, his eyes taking in everything as he walked, and Hinata tried not to let himself feel too self-conscious. Most of the things in the house had stayed the same after his grandfather died, mostly because Hinata hadn’t really had any interest in trying to redecorate it. Not that there had been many decorations in the first place. Whoever had helped his grandfather set the place up must’ve thought he liked nautical themed things, because there were several boats-in-bottles on display that his grandfather had ignored when he was alive, as well as the entire colour scheme being either blue or white. Everything was in the same shade of navy blue, from the worn couch and armchair in the living room, to the tiled back-splash on the walls in the kitchen.

“Do you like boats?” Komaeda asked eventually, after he spotted the fifth boat-in-a-bottle sitting on top of the worn refrigerator.

“Not really.” Hinata pointed at the bar stool he had been sitting in that morning for breakfast. “Have a seat. What do you want?”

“Um,” Komaeda looked a little stressed at being told to ask for something, so Hinata took pity on him and opened the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs.

“Do you like eggs?”

“Yes, of course, eggs would be fine.” He looked so relieved at having the decision made for him that Hinata almost laughed out loud. Sure, he knew that whatever anxieties or struggles that Komaeda had with his own self-image wouldn’t be fixed after a single conversation with an almost stranger, but he had thought he would have at least felt a little more comfortable with Hinata after he had bared his deepest insecurities to him.

“Fried? Scrambled?” Hinata got out a frying pan, looking at Komaeda over his shoulder. One glance at Komaeda’s expression had him answering his own question. “I’ll just scramble them. And I’ll make you toast. I’ll put the butter on the counter and you can decide if you want it or not, okay?”

“Ah,” Komaeda ran a hand through his long hair, laughing nervously. “I suppose I am making things difficult for you. And you were being so kind to me! I’m sorr-”

“Hey.” Hinata picked up the dish towel that was sitting next to the sink and threw it at Komaeda’s head. It hit him square in the face, eliciting a muffled yelp from his startled target. “No more apologizing, okay? You’re fine.”

“I’ll do my best.” Komaeda looked a little miffed as he pulled the towel off his head, folding it neatly and placing it on the counter beside him. He watched as Hinata busied himself making breakfast, and Hinata felt kind of silly at how domestic he must look, bustling about the kitchen, cooking for someone he was pretty sure he was developing some pretty strong feelings for. Not that Komaeda knew that.

“Here.” While the eggs cooked in the pan, Hinata got out the butter dish and placed it next to the towel that Komaeda had folded, grabbing a knife from a drawer to place next to it. “I hope wheat toast is okay, because that’s all I have.”

“A healthy choice,” Komaeda replied mildly, watching Hinata put two slices of bread into the toaster.

They fell quiet for a while, the only sound the sizzling of the oil in the pan as Hinata cooked the eggs. He was just about to flip them out onto a plate when he heard the front door open and someone coming through the living room.

“Hinata?” It was Hina’s voice calling out for him, and a few seconds after she turned the corner and entered the kitchen, her step faltering slightly when she saw Komaeda sitting at the counter. The pale boy gave her a smile and lifted a hand in greeting.

“Good morning, Hina!”

“Good morning to you too, Komaeda!” She smiled brightly at him, and then looked over at Hinata, who steadily avoided her gaze. God knew what kind of face she was going to make at him. Instead he put the eggs on a plate and then added the toast that popped out of the toaster, placing it all in front of Komaeda, feeling a little bashful now that Hina was there watching him.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you, Hinata!”

“Hinata made you breakfast?” Hinata knew he couldn’t ignore her forever, so he held his sigh inside and turned to face her.

“We were with Souda this morning…”

“After Hinata brought over those cookies you made,” Komaeda jumped in, and Hinata felt a tiny rush of irritation. What, so he was silent as the grave when they were sitting in here moments ago, but as soon as Hina shows up, he’s helpful and informative? He was planning on leaving out the fact that he had actually brought those cookies, because he knew Hina would be unbelievably smug that he had followed through on her suggestion. But it was too late now.

“Yes, after I brought the cookies,” he shot Komaeda look, but the boy just smiled at him. _Did he do that…on purpose?_ “And Souda basically kicked us out, so we came here.”

“Hinata showed me his garden!”

“His garden is very nice,” Hina was just smiling the biggest smile, and Hinata wished he could march her right out the door before she made any more bright suggestions in the interest of his romantic life.

“It really is! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite as beautiful,” Komaeda carefully buttered his toast, and Hinata was mesmerized by the delicate, sweeping movement of his wrist and fingers. Komaeda could probably be loading a dishwasher or simply brushing his hair and Hinata would be completely enchanted. He really needed to find something else to do to keep him from staring too much.

“Well, I just came by to remind Hinata that tonight is movie night.” Hina finally looked away from Komaeda, instead looking at Hinata, who was now going to wash the frying pan he used to give him something to focus on.

“It is?” he tried to concentrate on scrubbing the pan in circular motions.

“Yep!” He heard the scrape of a barstool against the tiled floor, and looked over his shoulder to see Hina sitting down on the seat next to Komaeda. “It’s Wednesday. Which means Kettle closes early, which means that it’s movie night. I already told Souda; I actually went by his shop first looking for you.”

 _So she knew Komaeda was here and that’s why she came instead of just texting me._ Hinata was constantly surprised by the many sides to Hina’s personality. She was a wonderful friend, but sometimes she was also one of the nosiest people he knew.

“I completely forgot. But yeah, you and Souda can come by around 9, yeah? Can’t forget movie night.” Hinata finished washing the pan and placed it in the dish rack to dry, looking around for a towel to dry his wet hands on. Komaeda helpfully lifted up the dish towel that was sitting beside him. “Thanks.” He took the towel, wiping his hands on it and then hanging it back on the hook by the oven. A part of him wondered if he should invite Komaeda to join them, but there was a pretty strong chance that he would already be gone by then, so he didn’t bother. He didn’t really want to think about Komaeda leaving; he just wanted to enjoy the time that he had.

“Great! In that case, I’ll leave you two alone. I have some stuff to take care of at Kettle before opening.” It was barely after ten, so Hinata knew that was a lie. Kettle didn’t open until three, and whatever Hina needed done couldn’t possibly take five whole hours, but he definitely wasn’t going to call her out on it. He kind of wanted her to leave so he could spend time with Komaeda. Whatever time was left, anyway.

“Okay. See you tonight.” Hinata gave her a little wave, and she smirked, getting out of her seat and sliding the stool back under the counter.

“See ya! Bye Komaeda!” She started walking to the front door.

“Goodbye, Hina! Have a good day!” Komaeda called after her. He had finished eating, so Hinata grabbed his plate and the knife from the butter dish and dropped them in the sink, feeling a little silly. He heard the front door slam, and for a brief moment wished that Hina would come back and give them an activity to do before leaving. He had no idea what they were supposed to do now.

Komaeda turned back around in his seat to face Hinata, his expression pleasantly neutral, but not unhappy or uncomfortable.

“What do you usually do at this time of day?” he asked, folding his hands in his lap beneath the countertop.

“Um, well, usually in the mornings I’m spending most of my time out in the garden. Planting new things. Weeding. Regular stuff.”

“Is there anything that you need to do right now?”

“Well,” Hinata paused, thinking. “I have some flowers that I need to plant. And I got an apple tree…”

“The one that was in your truck yesterday?” Komaeda guessed.

“Yeah. I should probably get it planted pretty soon, but I’m still kind of debating where I want to put it.”

“Can I help?”

Hinata glanced at him, trying to gauge how much of what he offered was genuine interest or just sheer politeness. But Komaeda gazed right back at him, eyes clear and honest. He really did look like he wanted to help out.

“It’s kind of hard work, and it can get pretty hot,” Hinata hedged, unsure if Komaeda’s slight frame would be able to withstand the work. Gardening was a lot harder than people assumed that it was, and both Hina and Souda had been surprised by the effort that was required the few times they had offered to help him.

“Ah.” Komaeda looked a little disappointed. “That might be an issue for me. I don’t…handle the heat very well.”

“I was planning on planting the tree in the shade?” Hinata didn’t want Komaeda to leave or be bored, and it was looking like he was losing his grip on the situation.

“Really?” Komaeda perked up a little. “In that case, please, let me help. If not, please allow me to keep you company while you work. I don’t wish to disrupt your routine.”

“I mean…” Hinata didn’t want Komaeda to leave, but he also didn’t think it was really fair to have him working out in the garden when there were so many other, more comfortable, less exhausting things that he could be doing. “If you really want to.”

“I do! I would love to see how you work.” Komaeda was already out of his seat, coming around the counter. He looked so eager, and Hinata felt a warm, pleasant feeling rush through him as he watched Komaeda rock back on his heels, waiting for Hinata’s next command.

“Okay, well,” Hinata stepped around him, walking towards the back door. “I guess we should go ahead and get started then, before it gets much warmer outside.”

Komaeda followed him obediently, gently closing the door behind them once they got outside. Hinata wasn’t entirely sure where to begin; should he go ahead and get the tree planted and out of the way, or should he stick to something easier, like planting the sunflowers, so that he could avoid Komaeda having to try and lift the sapling? Logically, he should get the tree out of the way first, but…

“The apple tree would look very nice right here.” Komaeda had already crossed the yard and was standing next to the sapling, where Hinata had left it the night before. “When it grows it’ll provide shade in this part of your yard in the afternoons. You could hang a hammock between the trees!” He looked excited by this thought, and Hinata watched him walk over to one of the full-grown maples at the very back end of the yard, carefully inspecting the tree’s trunk.

“I suppose I could.” Hinata trailed behind him, watching as Komaeda circled the tree, his nose wrinkled just slightly in concentration. Hinata couldn’t look away.

“It would take quite a while though,” Komaeda turned to face Hinata, his hands in his pockets. “I’m not an expert, but trees definitely don’t grow too quickly.” He laughed a little, his eyes sliding off of Hinata’s face and instead looking at one of the vegetable plots, taking in every detail with the subtle, quiet focus that he seemed to give everything he did. Even the smallest movements looked like they had been carefully thought out; everything was deliberate, though sometimes a little hesitant.

“Well, we can just plant it there then.” Hinata watched Komaeda crouch down next to a slumbering tomato vine, one of his hands coming out of his jacket pocket to gentle touch the deep green leaves. “I’ll go grab some shovels.” Komaeda didn’t respond, his gray-green eyes still taking in the snaking branches of the tomato plant, wrapped around the wire support Hinata had placed nearby. Shrugging to himself, Hinata turned around walked around the side of the house towards the garage, where he stored all of the gardening equipment. He felt a little nervous, even though he knew he had absolutely no reason to be. He had planted things before. People had watched him and, in Souda’s case, blindly critiqued what he was doing, and he had never felt this kind of anxiety before.

 _You want to impress Komaeda_ , a small voice in his head said, smugly. It sounded like Hina.

“Shut up,” he muttered to himself, grabbing two shovels that were leaning against the work-table. He knew it was true, though. He wanted Komaeda to still have a reason to think that he was... _an incredible person_. That’s what Komaeda had said.

Hinata felt his cheeks starting to warm up, and started hurriedly searching for an extra pair of gloves for Komaeda to wear. God, it was going to hurt like hell when Souda finished with the car and Komaeda left town. Hinata briefly considered asking Komaeda if he wanted to exchange numbers, because then maybe they could at least stay in contact with each other, but he quickly shoved the idea out of his head. The last thing he needed was another thing to make him wish he was anywhere but in Langdon; he had plenty of reasons stacking up on his head, and the pressure was starting to ache a little.

He finally found another pair of old gloves tucked away in a cabinet, so he grabbed them, stopped by the front porch to pick up his pair that had been left there, and then headed back to the back yard. When he came around the side of the house, he saw Komaeda had moved from the summer vegetable plot to the flowering spring plot. Leafy spring onions and bright red strawberries, golden-green cucumbers and shiny rhubarbs, most of which Hinata had already picked the week before. Komaeda inspected each one, eyes wide.

“I got the shovels!” Hinata called out, his voice startling Komaeda, who jumped slightly, his concentration broken. Hinata would’ve laughed, but he didn’t know if it would be appreciated very much. Komaeda met him halfway, hand extended to take one of the shovels from him. “I can carry it.” Hinata pulled it away just slightly, and Komaeda’s hand dropped down to his side. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Komaeda could carry it, he just didn’t want to have to see him put in more work than he needed to. Hinata was already pretty confident that Komaeda had no idea how much work he had agreed to when he offered to help out.

They walked back over to where the apple tree was waiting, and Hinata dropped the shovels to the ground and handed the spare pair of gloves to Komaeda. He tried not to stare as he watched him slide his long, slender fingers into the gloves, tugging on the velcro strap to make sure they were securely fastened around his thin wrists.

“Do I just start...digging?” Komaeda picked one of the shovels up from the ground, and Hinata definitely didn’t watch him as he was bending over. Definitely.

“Um!” Cheeks blazing red, Hinata snatched up the other shovel and picked a spot at random, a few feet away. “Right here. Let’s dig right here.”

“Okay.” Komaeda dug the shovel into the ground, gripping it tightly with both hands. The tip of the metal scoop barely went an inch into the hard earth, and Hinata felt like giggling as he watched Komaeda step on top of the shovel, trying to push it further down.

“You can let me do this part, if you want. It gets easier once we break through this top layer of soil.” Hinata took his shovel and with a single strike, dug the entire blade beneath the surface of the garden and pulled, lifting an enormous scoop of dirt as he went. He tried not to get _too_ puffed up with pride when he caught a glimpse of Komaeda’s surprised expression. He knew that his wiry frame probably didn’t look like he was that strong, but years of working outside had given him more muscle than people could see at first glance.

“Ah, perhaps that might be best.” Komaeda tugged his shovel out of the ground and stepped away, letting Hinata continue to dig in the spot they had chosen. Hinata didn’t mind; he just liked that Komaeda was there, getting to see him in his element. When he was outside, working in the sun, planting new things and brightening up the garden, he felt the most at home. Even more at home than he ever felt back in his home town.

 _If you lived in a city, you most likely wouldn’t get to have a garden at all. Much less a garden as spectacular as this one._ Hinata tried not to let Komaeda’s words from earlier bother him. Yes, he loved his garden, but a single garden couldn’t be his entire life. He wanted more than this.

Didn’t he?

“You’re amazing, Hinata!” Komaeda exclaimed as Hinata paused his digging to wipe the sweat away that was beading up on his forehead. “You’re much stronger than I gave you credit for.”

“Thank you?” He watched Komaeda heft his shovel up again and start helping to dig the hole deeper, now that they were down to the softer soil layers. “You really don’t have to help.”

“I don’t want to feel useless anymore,” was all Komaeda said in response, his breathing already becoming laboured despite only having shoveled a few small scoops of dirt. Hinata opened his mouth to tell him not to overexert himself, but then saw the determined expression on the other boy’s face, and closed it.

They worked in silence, widening the hole so that the sapling’s roots would fit comfortably, both of them breathing heavily as they worked. Hinata tried to ignore how wheezy Komaeda’s breath sounded, but after a while he got too concerned about him to let it continue, and he stopped digging, motioning for Komaeda to stop as well.

“I think the hole is fine. Why don’t you go inside and get us some water? There should be a couple bottles in the fridge.” Komaeda merely nodded, too short of breath to actually form any words, and turned on his heel to head back into the house. As soon as his back was turned, Hinata grabbed the sapling and pulled it towards the hole, plopping it in a little more roughly than he normally would’ve. But he wanted to try and get it finished before Komaeda came back outside and strained himself any further.

He was halfway through shoveling dirt back on top of the trees roots when the back door opened and Komaeda stepped out onto the porch, two bottles of water in his hands. When he saw that Hinata had started working again, a small frown creased his forehead, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he just walked back over and silently held out one of the water bottles, waiting for Hinata to finish filling the hole back in before taking it from him.

“Thank you.” Hinata unscrewed the cap and drank half of the bottle in one go, the plastic crumpling in his hand.

“I must admit this garden was a lot more work than I was anticipating,” Komaeda said, folding his legs beneath him as he took a seat in the grass, his water bottle tucked between his thighs. “You’re very impressive.”

“You don’t have to keep complimenting me like that,” Hinata replied, leaning on the handle of his shovel. Sure, he liked to hear Komaeda saying nice things to him, but it sort of felt like now Komaeda was trying to bolster up his ego after hearing what Hinata said during their talk out front. Komaeda opened his mouth to respond, but something made him hesitate, and instead he fell silent again, staring down into his lap and fiddling with the cap of his water bottle. Hinata wanted to ask what he was going to say, but he didn’t want to pressure him.

“You said you had flowers to plant?” he finally said, looking up at Hinata.

“Yeah. Hina wants sunflowers.” Hinata caught a glimpse of Komaeda’s curious expression and clarified: “She wants to use them to decorate Kettle in the fall this year.”

“That sounds lovely.” Komaeda pushed himself up to his feet. “I’m sure planting flowers won’t be nearly as strenuous as planting this tree.”

“Komaeda, you don’t have to keep helping me.”

“But I want to.”

They both stared at each other, Komaeda waiting for Hinata to protest again, and Hinata knowing that as soon as he opened his mouth, the other boy would shut him down and insist on helping out. After a few more seconds of stare-down, Hinata sighed.

“Fine. Let’s go get some trowels.” Komaeda smiled widely, and Hinata blushed, ducking his head down. If letting Komaeda have his way made him smile like that, Hinata was about to turn into the most submissive person on the planet. He returned to the garage a grabbed a couple of gardening trowels from a bucket near the worktable, handing them off to a still fairly smug-looking Komaeda. “I’m going to go grab the seeds. Meet me around back, yeah?”

“Of course.” Komaeda disappeared out the garage door, and Hinata watched him leave, not sure how to describe the feelings that were swelling in his chest. He gave his head a little shake and did his best to try and push the feelings down, going inside the house to grab the sunflower seed packets off the counter. He was going to do his best to just act normal and enjoy getting to spend time with Komaeda before he left.

When he went back outside, he saw that Komaeda had found a spot in one of the flower plots close to where they had planted the tree, and he had already crouched down, trowel in hand, to examine the space that remained in the flower bed.

“This is a good spot,” Hinata said as he came up behind him, seed packets in hand. “The sun flowers will have plenty of room to grow, and they won’t be interfering with the other things I have planted here.”

“Then should I just start…digging?” Komaeda held up the trowel in his hand, and Hinata nodded.

“Don’t go too deep. We don’t want to have to wait longer than we have to for them to work their way up.” Hinata picked up the other trowel and got down on his knees next to Komaeda, digging out a hefty scoop of soil and demonstrating to Komaeda how deep the holes should be. They worked in silence for a while, alternating between digging and sowing the seeds into the soil.

“I’ve always loved sunflowers,” Komaeda said softly, as he tipped a few seeds out of his palm and into the earth. Hinata didn’t say anything, instead waiting for Komaeda to continue on his own. “They grow so quickly, then follow the sun until they grow strong enough to remain facing east, always waiting for the sun to rise.” Komaeda gently covered the seeds with soil, his expression almost wistful. “There’s something hopeful about that. The way they always seem to be waiting for the light, for morning to finally come.”

Hinata continued to silently dig holes and plant seeds, sensing that Komaeda wasn’t finished, even though he appeared to be done talking. A few minutes passed, and Komaeda broke the silence again, with a quiet: “I suppose I can relate to that.”

“I think we all can, to some degree,” Hinata finally said, his hands on autopilot as they continued to plant the sunflower seeds. “Having hope, even when things are hard, is important. It gives you a reason to keep going.”

“Having hope…” Komaeda had stopped planting, instead continuing to look at the spot he had just finished working on. “Do you think it’s foolish to hope for something, even though there’s no chance it will ever happen?”

“I mean,” Hinata looked at him from the corner of his eye, not sure where this conversation was going, but not wanting to interrupt the openness that Komaeda was displaying. “I don’t think there are very many things that are impossible, really. Unless you’re hoping to wake up one morning with superpowers or something.”

“What if…” Komaeda was taking off the gardening gloves he was wearing, neatly folding them as he spoke, “what you were hoping for was something entirely selfish?”

Hinata thought for a moment before replying.

“Not all selfish things are bad, Komaeda,” he said, planting the last of the sunflowers himself. “It’s okay to want things for yourself. Especially if those things are going to make you happy.” He paused, and then added a small amendment. “Within reason, of course. You can’t go around thinking it’s okay to steal someone else’s stuff just because you want it.” He laughed, a little nervously. “But I don’t think I really needed to add that clarification.”

“I see.” Komaeda looked down into his lap for a moment, before turning his gaze to Hinata. “Thank you, Hinata.”

“Uh, sure?” He wasn’t sure what he did, but he hoped that it had helped, even if it was only a little bit. “So. I think that’s enough working outside for one day; you were a big help, so thanks.”

“Any time!” Komaeda smiled, and Hinata melted a little on the inside, though he did his best not to show it. “Do you suppose we should go back to the shop and meet with Souda?”

“Oh, yeah, right. It’s almost noon, isn’t it?” Hinata looked up at the sky, as if he would be able to tell what time it was by the sun’s position. Which he couldn’t. A small voice inside him was crying out that Souda had almost definitely figured out what was wrong with the car by now, and that Komaeda was going to be gone soon.

He hated that voice.

“You don’t have to come, of course,” Komaeda said, already on his feet and dusting himself off. “You probably have other things to be doing.”

“No, I want to come!” Hinata jumped to his feet, and was immediately embarrassed by how obvious his own eagerness was. “I mean, at least let me drive you over there. I can’t imagine having to walk all that way after I worked you half to death.”

“You’re very kind, Hinata,” Komaeda gave him a smile, and Hinata about offered to be his personal chauffeur for the rest of his life.

Hinata went inside to grab his keys, and they drove over to Souda’s shop, spotting the mechanic inside, sitting on the counter and drinking a Red Bull. Komaeda’s car was still in the garage, hood propped up, and Hinata felt his heart lighten a little. Maybe Souda wasn’t as close to being done as he thought.

“Oh good, you’re here!” Souda hopped down from the counter as they walked in. “I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news.”

“It’s always that way when it comes to cars,” Komaeda sighed. “Tell me the bad news first.”

“Well, it doesn’t really make sense without the good news, so…” Souda shrugged his shoulders. “Good news is that I think I’ve narrowed down what the problem is. The bad news is that I don’t have the tools I need to get to the part that I think needs fixing. So I was going to ask Hinata if he could drive into town and pick the tools up for me.” He turned to Hinata, a pleading look on his face. “You know I hate driving into the city.”

“Uh, Souda?” Hinata crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Are you going to give me a cut of whatever you make from fixing his car? Because unless I’m getting paid, I’m not going to run your errands for you.”

“Hinata.” Souda reached out, gripping Hinata’ shoulder tightly. “Buddy. We’ve been friends for a while. I thought you would want to do me a favour.”

“Souda.” Hinata put his hand on Souda’s shoulder, gripping him just as tightly. “This isn’t a favour. This is me doing your job for you.”

“Oh, come on!” Souda threw his hands in the air. “It would save me time and I could start fixing some of the smaller problems I found. Please?” When he saw that his words weren’t working to convince Hinata, he went behind the counter, and pulled open the register drawer, pulling out a two twenties. “Here. Please go and buy the parts, and if you do, you can treat yourself to lunch, on me.”

“Souda…”

“Please, Hinata?” Souda fluttered his eyelashes, and Hinata groaned. He knew that no matter how many times he said no, the mechanic was definitely not going to give up.

“Fine.” He snatched the money and stuffed it into his pocket, turning back to face Komaeda, who had been watching the entire exchange with an amused smirk on his face. “Do you want me to drive you back to your motel before I go?”

“Ah,” Komaeda blushed suddenly, and Hinata’s heart skipped a beat. “I was actually going to ask if you wanted some company on your trip.”

“Oh!” Suddenly, the two hour drive into the city didn’t look nearly so bad. “Well, of course. You can definitely come along.”

“Wonderful!” Komaeda still looked a little embarrassed, but Hinata felt warm and tingly all over.

“Great!” Souda busted in, souring the moment slightly. “Here’s a list of the things I want. I already called the auto shop in the downtown area and told them that you’re coming.”

“You…” Hinata clenched one of his fists, irritation bubbling up inside. “You knew I would say yes, so you already called? Were you just waiting for me to show up so you could send me off?”

“Yes.” Souda was completely unashamed. “But you look pretty happy with the arrangements, and it was actually Hi…”

“We’ll see you later!” Hinata said, very loudly, to cover up Souda’s next words. Of _course_ Hina had suggested it. Of fucking course. Her visit to him that morning must’ve been a lot more productive than she let on when she had dropped by earlier.

 _Though I suppose I ought to thank her, as well,_ he thought begrudgingly. He _was_ happy with the arrangements.

Komaeda trailed after him as they went back outside, climbing into Hinata’s truck.

“You and Souda really are such good friends!” he said, as Hinata pulled out onto the highway. “Your dynamic is intriguing to watch.”

“Our dynamic?” Hinata laughed. “You mean where he does something that annoys me, but he won’t quit, so I just fold on whatever the issue is to get him to leave me alone?”

“No,” his voice was a little stern, but Hinata could see the ghost of a smile on his face. “I meant that he trusts you enough to do something important! And you were willing to help, even if you refused him. I think you would’ve helped him anyway, because you’re a good person.”

“You have a pretty high opinion of me then!” They passed Fuyuhiko’s billboard, but the cop was nowhere to be seen. He usually took the nighttime shift, and his partner, Akane, was out in the daytime. “I had no intention of helping Souda until I realized that giving in was the only way to get him to quit begging.”

“Maybe, but I think that if it was actually an issue you would’ve been the first to offer your help.”

“And you know me so well, don’t you?” Hinata meant it as a joke, but he saw Komaeda tense a little bit, cheeks reddening.

“Ah, I didn’t mean to imply that…”

“It’s okay, man. I was kidding.”

“Oh.”

The silence that followed was too charge for Hinata’s liking, so he jumped back in.

“I mean, to be honest, I kind of told you things I don’t think I’ve ever really told to anyone else. I mean, maybe to Hina, but not in so many words, you know? So maybe you _do_ know me pretty well.”

“Are you saying you trust me, Hinata?”

“I’m saying,” Hinata looked over at Komaeda, who was staring idly out the window at the bland scenery passing by. “That even though we only just met that there’s something about you that makes me feel…comfortable. Like I can really be myself, and you aren’t going to push me away for it.”

“Really?” He could see the reflection of Komaeda’s eyes in the window glass, and they were looking straight at him.

“Um,” Hinata felt very self-conscious. “I mean, yeah, that’s how I feel. You’re interesting. I’ve known you for a day and I already feel kind of close to you. But that’s probably pretty one-sided of me.” He gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white, nerves jangling. He was saying a lot more than he had ever intended to.

“You think I’m…interesting?” The was a strange tilt to Komaeda’s voice, and Hinata wished that he could see his face so he could try and read his expression.

“Yes?”

“Hmm.” Komaeda turned away from the window and finally faced Hinata, a small smile on his face. “That definitely makes _you_ the interesting one, I think.”

“If you insist.” Hinata reached out and turned on the radio. “Do you care what we listen to?”

“Not at all!”

Hinata switched through a couple radio stations before settling on blues, the smooth saxophone helping to settle his nerves. He had been worried that maybe he had said too much, and that Komaeda would pick up on the very large, quickly growing crush that Hinata was too tired to bother denying anymore. He liked Komaeda. Might as well accept it, let it run it’s course, and then move on.

After a while, Komaeda asked him about the farmland they were passing, and Hinata told him about the couple who owned most of it. Komaeda seemed surprised when Hinata told him that he worked at the produce stand run by the couple, as if he had never considered what Hinata did to earn money to live on. Hinata considered asking what Komaeda did as a job, but before he could get the question out, Komaeda was asking more questions about the things that they passed. The power mills, more farmland, a heritage museum that was too far out in the middle of nowhere to gain many visitors, Komaeda asked about everything, and Hinata answered, though he wondered if it was all to prevent Hinata from asking any questions of his own.

After an hour, the scenery stabled out a little into just fields of nothingness, and the conversation turned to more normal things. Komaeda told him that he had taken piano lessons as a child, but hadn’t been particularly good at it, and had dropped out when he got into middle school. In return, Hinata told him about the phase he went through in high school where he carried a guitar with him everywhere, even though he barely knew how to play it.

His story was considerably more embarrassing than Komaeda’s, though he only realized that when he was already halfway through telling it.

By the time they passed into the outskirts of the city, they had fallen into an easy rhythm of conversation, and Hinata felt like he was just hanging out with Hina or Souda. It was nice. They went through a drive-thru to grab something to eat, Hinata gleefully spending Souda’s money, with Komaeda expressing his guilt at letting someone else pay for his food. Hinata was quick to assure him that it didn’t matter in the slightest.

After stopping at the auto shop to pick up the parts Souda had asked for, they climbed back into the truck, and Komaeda looked at Hinata as he buckled his seatbelt, his expression tentative.

“Yes?” Hinata finally said, when it was clear Komaeda wasn’t going to volunteer whatever he wanted from his own free will.

“I was just wondering…” Komaeda seemed to very put out by having to ask for something, and Hinata resisted the urge to pat him on the head and tell him that it was okay to ask for things. “Would you mind showing me the gardening store you visit?”

“What?” That definitely had not been what Hinata was expecting him to say. “Uh, sure. Is that really what you were so nervous about asking?”

“Well,” Komaeda ran a hand through his hair, smiling a little sheepishly. “You kept saying to Souda earlier that you hated driving into the city, and so I thought you might want to leave as soon as possible. I didn’t want to make you stay any longer than you had to.”

“I don’t mind at all! I love visiting the gardening store, though I always end up buying more than I can fit into my garden.” Hinata put the truck in gear and started driving towards the shop. “But I can always get some stuff that I know I’m going to leave later. It’ll save me a trip driving up in a couple weeks.”

The gardening store wasn’t very far from the auto shop, and as they pulled into the parking lot, Hinata saw Mahiru’s car parked in its usual spot. She was definitely going to be surprised to see him two days in a row.

“So this is where you get all of your supplies?” Komaeda asked as they got out of the truck. “How often do you visit?”

“Well, it depends on the season,” the automatic doors _whooshed_ quietly open as they got close. “In the summers I visit pretty frequently, maybe once a week? But spring and fall I usually only come once or twice a month, and in the winters, I only come up when I run out of something.”

“That makes sense, I suppose.” Hinata saw Mahiru sitting in her chair, reading the same magazine with the blue-haired idol on the cover. When the doors opened, she looked up, the single eyebrow she raised the only indication of her surprise at Hinata’s visit. He lifted his hand in a wave, and Komaeda followed his gaze. “Ah, who is that?”

“That’s the shop manager, Mahiru,” Hinata’s feet automatically carried him towards the flower aisle. “She and Hina are friends, but I don’t think she likes me very much.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t really pinpoint it?” They were in the flower seeds aisle now, and Hinata was immediately comforted by the familiar sight. Rows and rows of shelves filled with neatly labelled white packets, bearing images of the beautiful flowers the tiny seeds within would turn into. “She just gives off this vibe whenever I talk to her, I guess. Like she’s severely unimpressed with me or something.” It felt a little silly trying to explain it to someone, so he pointed at the same fairy garden mix he had purchased yesterday to change the subject. “This is what I planted in my flower boxes last night. I can’t wait for them to bloom; they’re going to be amazing.”

“Oh, wow,” Komaeda pulled one of the packets off the shelf and closely inspected the picture on the front. “They all go so well together. And it’ll match the the colour of your house, too!”

“Will it?” Hinata peered over his shoulder at the image. “Wow. You’re right.” Komaeda put the seeds back, and walked further down the aisle, looking at all of the brightly coloured images on each shelf.

“There are so many lovely options,” he breathed, pausing at a shelf dedicated to winter-blooming flowers. “How do ever decide what you’re going to plant?”

“Usually I try things I haven’t tried before,” Hinata joined him, looking at the display. “But I have a few favourites that I bring back every year. Like the tea roses, and I think the tulips I planted that blossomed this spring are definitely going to stay on the list. And depending on how the fairy garden turns out, I may use that more often, but in a permanent bed in the back yard.”

“Oh, these are…” Komaeda suddenly reached out and picked out a packet of winter iris seeds, his eyes wide as he took in the delicate, blue-violet bloom on the front. “They’re beautiful…and these…grow in the winter?” He sounded skeptical.

“Well, yeah,” Hinata pointed at the fine print beneath the flower’s name. “It says there that they grow well in the winter months, especially in dry climates like this. They actually have a zone system that helps gardeners figure out what things will grow well in the zone that they’re in, and these winter irises would really flourish here.”

“Have you planted them before?” Komaeda was still mesmerized by the picture, using a finger to gently trace the curve of the flower’s petals.

“I haven’t, actually. I don’t usually plant too much for the winter, just because I’m pretty worn out after the late fall work. Lots of stuff to take care of and move into my greenhouse before it gets cold outside.”

“You have a greenhouse?” Komaeda frowned, looking up from the seed packet. “I didn’t see it.”

“Ah, it’s not really a greenhouse per se?” Hinata ran a hand through his hair, a little embarrassed. “It’s just this…kind of semi-portable tent I put up over all of the beds in the back yard, and I do my best to keep it at least kind of warm in there so that some of my recurring plants don’t die.”

“You really put a lot of work into your garden, Hinata. It’s very admirable.” Komaeda dropped his eyes back down to the winter irises again. “I guess you definitely wouldn’t have time to plant any winter flowers, then.”

He seemed almost…disappointed? Hinata couldn’t even begin to guess why, it wasn’t like Komaeda was going to be here in nine months to see the winter flowers blooming. But as he watched Komaeda reluctantly put the seed packet back on the shelf, he felt a little twinge in his chest, and he grabbed two packets of the seeds.

“I can at least try and plant these,” he said, not making eye contact. “Planting one kind of flower isn’t going to take up a lot of time. I can definitely get it done. And who knows? Maybe I’ll end up really loving them.”

“Oh!” Komaeda brightened up a little, but it only made Hinata feel worse. Why was he so happy? He wasn’t going to be here. Hinata was going to plant these flowers, and then when winter rolled around they would bloom, and he would just be reminded of how short-lived this all had been.

They walked up to the check out counter, and Mahiru waved him on, briefly mentioning that the change from yesterday covered the seeds. As they walked back out to the truck, Komaeda was still going on about how beautiful the winter irises were, and how lovely they would be when they blossomed, more animated than Hinata had ever seen him.

As Hinata watched him, he felt a tiny twinge in his heart, and looked down at the soft lilac petals of the winter irises that were printed on the seed packets.

_Maybe a reminder wouldn’t be so bad._


	4. Tulips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this update took so long! ;o; i bought a house and was packing and moving all last week, and then unpacking over the weekend/the beginning of this week. hopefully updates will go back to being more regular, hopefully once a week at the least!
> 
> thank you so much everyone for your kind comments! they always make me smile and encourage me to keep going, so i really appreciate them ^^ you are all so nice!!
> 
> i hope this chapter was worth the wait! i'm not SUPER happy with how it turned out, but it is what it is! i would rather have something to post than make everyone wait longer. please enjoy! ^^

The drive back to Langdon was a little quieter than the drive into the city, but Hinata thought it felt nice to just sit and enjoy each other’s company for a while. Komaeda would occasionally break the silence to ask Hinata a question that he hadn’t thought of previously, and Hinata would answer, each time feeling his heart thump unevenly whenever Komaeda would give his thoughtful little humming sound in response.

By the time they reached the Langdon motel billboard, it was already late enough for Fuyuhiko to be on duty, leaning languidly on his motorcycle and smoking a cigarette. He gave a little head tilt in acknowledgement as Hinata drove past, and Komaeda watched the exchange with interest.

“I noticed the police station in town. Is that the only officer?” he asked, looking over his shoulder out the rear window, watching Fuyuhiko grow smaller and smaller as they drove into Langdon.

“Fuyuhiko is the night time cop,” explained Hinata, slowing down as they neared Souda’s shop. “He has a partner, Akane, and she’s the day time enforcer. But she usually spends most of her time waiting on the other side of town, closer to the where the highway loops around to connect with interstate; she gets to pull over more people that way.”

“Oh. Wow.” Komaeda twisted back around. “She must take great pride in her work.”

“You know…” Hinata didn’t know Akane very well, which he wasn’t sure was a good thing or not. He had only ever really interacted with her at the town Christmas party, which was hosted at the police station every year. She had always seemed really rowdy and completely unlike her serious counterpart, Fuyuhiko. “I think it has more to do with the fact that she gets to drive insanely fast when trying to pull someone over. I think she’s kind of a risk taker.”

“Perhaps that explains why she isn’t on nighttime duty. Too many opportunities for reckless driving.” Komaeda smiled at him as they pulled into the auto shop parking lot. As Hinata put the truck into park and reached towards the ignition to take out his keys, he heard Komaeda softly clear his throat, almost nervously. When he looked over, he saw that Komaeda’s cheeks had turned the very lightest shade of pink.

“What?” Suddenly hyper-aware of everything, Hinata wondered if he had unintentionally done something strange and given Komaeda second-hand embarrassment.

“Ah, Hinata…” Komaeda tugged on one of the bright red drawstrings of his jacket, staring straight ahead. His voice wobbled a little, and it only served to make Hinata more nervous. “Before we go inside to give Souda his things…I was wondering…”

“Yes?” Hinata nerves were strung so tightly he thought he was going to scream if Komaeda didn’t just spit it out already.

“There’s a strong chance that I will probably be heading on my way tomorrow, provided Souda completes his work, but I’ve enjoyed the two days I’ve gotten to spend here with you.” The words came out easily, smoothly even, but Hinata could see the slightest tremble in Komaeda’s fingers as he twisted his jacket drawstring. “I was hoping that even if I left…” His voice was trailed off, and suddenly his hands went still.

 _Is he…going to ask if we can keep in contact?_ Hinata wanted to yell at him to finish his damn sentence, but he didn’t, instead deciding to wait patiently for Komaeda to let the words out on his own.

But he didn’t. Instead, he started laughing, all traces of nervousness gone, and instead replaced with dark, hollow self-deprecation.

“Listen to me, acting like I have the right to ask you anything.” Komaeda shook his head, still laughing to himself. “How presumptuous and selfish.”

“Um, Komaeda?”

“Please forgive me, Hinata. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable!” He gave Hinata an apologetic smile, and reached out for the door handle to let himself out.

“Komaeda.”

“Shall we go in?” He pushed the truck door open, grabbing the plastic bag of tools at his feet as he jumped out. Hinata immediately reached out a hand and leaned across the bench seat of his truck, just barely managing to catch the sleeve of Komaeda’s jacket before he got out of reach. Komaeda froze, his entire body going tense.

“Sorry.” Hinata let go, cheeks flaming. “I just…I want to hear what you had to say.”

“It was nothing.”

“It didn’t sound like nothing. It sounded like you were going to ask if…” Hinata was suddenly very, very worried that he had misread the situation and was about to make an absolute fool of himself. But it was too late now, he just had to get the words out there. “It sounded like you were going to ask if we could stay in touch. You know, after you leave town.”

“Ah.” Komaeda looked down at the bag in his hands, but his eyes weren’t focused on it. “That…that is what I was going to ask.”

“Really?” Hinata was relieved. “Then why didn’t you? Why did you stop?”

“Hinata.” When he turned around to fully face Hinata, who was still sitting in the truck, he had a pitying smile on his face. “Why would I expect you to want to keep in touch with someone…like me?” He laughed a little, and Hinata wished he could cover his mouth and stop it. He hated that Komaeda was treating himself this way. _Hated_ it.

“You mean someone who has made some of the most boring things in my life enjoyable?” Hinata folded his arms, staring Komaeda down. “Someone who listened to my thoughts, my feelings, and stayed around anyway? Why _wouldn’t_ I want to stay in contact with you?”

“It’s…” Those stormy green eyes were going to be the death of Hinata. He just knew it. “…It’s flattering of you to say those things, but I don’t think you really realize…”

“Realize what, Komaeda?” It was honestly kind of frustrating, but Hinata didn’t know how to express his frustration without pushing Komaeda deeper into whatever pit he was drowning in. “Tell me what it is that you don’t think that I realize.”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you’re not intelligent!” Komaeda backpedaled, but he was backing out of the wrong thing.

“No, this isn’t about me. Call me stupid, whatever, doesn’t matter. What about _you_?”

“There are just some things about me that…”

“That _what?_ ” Hinata knew that he was starting to raise his voice, and that if he got any louder, Souda would notice they were there and would come out to see what was going on. But he had to finish this conversation and get to the bottom of it. He _needed_ to.

“There are things I would rather you didn’t know!” Komaeda wrapped his arms around himself, as if trying to protect himself from something. Hinata wished he would just get back in the truck so that he was within touching distance.

“Like what, Komaeda? Just tell me! This entire time I’ve been with you, you have asked me all kinds of questions, some of which were just really embarrassing to answer, quite frankly. But I answered them. Because I thought there might be a chance that it would help you feel comfortable opening up as well.” Hinata took a deep breath, watching Komaeda as he started to rock back on his heels slightly, as if comforting himself. He hoped he hadn’t pushed him too far. “Maybe it’s selfish of me to expect you to want to do the same in return. But I want to get to know you better. The good parts, the bad parts. Because I like you.”

_Uh, Hinata, what the fuck?_

Komaeda stopped moving.

“What?”

“I like you!” Hinata needed to choose his words very, very carefully. “As a person, as a friend, whatever. I think you’re cool, that you’re fun to be around. You’re interesting and kind. You’re smart, even though you try to hide it. You have this really weird charisma thing going on and I’m pretty sure that if you charged people a dollar to touch your hair, you would raise enough money to end world hunger.”

“Hinata…” Oh no.

“What?”

“Hearing you say those things makes me…” Komaeda took a deep breath to steady himself. “It makes me happy. It fills me with hope to know that someone could be around me and still think those things. However…I don’t…”

“...deserve it?” Hinata finished Komaeda’s sentence, saying the words at the exact same time. Komaeda looked up at him in surprise. “Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.”

“Then you understand.”

“No, I don’t. I understand that you think that, but I don’t understand the _why_. Did something happen? Because I promise you, Komaeda, out of all the people I’ve met, I think you deserve it the most.”

“Ah, nothing…happened. Not really.” He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s just…how things have always worked out. If I ever get too selfish, or too attached to something, then it always gets taken away from me. Other people get hurt. I don’t mean to do it, it just…happens.”

“I don’t think I get what you mean.”

“If I were to let myself be…friends, with you,” Komaeda seemed to really struggle getting that word, ‘friends,’ out of his mouth. “Then I’m afraid I would just be setting you up for disappointment. I don’t have anything to give you, I have nothing worthwhile to offer.”

“You don’t have to give me anything?” Hinata was more than a little confused. “Your friendship and company would be more than enough. I don’t have any expectations from you, Komaeda.”

“You don’t?” This seemed to genuinely surprise him, which only served to make Hinata more confused.

“Of course not! Just being yourself is enough. Because I like this Komaeda.” Hinata didn’t think it was possible to feel more silly than he did then, but he felt like he was finally managing to peel back one of the many layers that were wrapped around Komaeda Nagito, and he wasn’t about to give up now. “You don’t have to do anything extra. The way things are is fine. Like driving into the city today? That’s something that I’ve always considered a chore. But with you there, it was…fun. I enjoyed myself.”

“...I enjoyed myself, too.” Komaeda said softly, and all of Hinata’s insides lit up like a Christmas tree, though he did his best to contain it.

“See? Let’s just do more of that, yeah?”

“Okay.” Komaeda met his eyes and smiled, and Hinata smiled back, everything in him turning to mush.

“So. Even if Souda does get your car fixed tonight or tomorrow morning, we can still keep in touch, okay? Because we’re friends.” Komaeda stared at him blankly, and Hinata pointed at him, and then at himself. “Us. Friends. You and me. Hinata and Komaeda. We’re buddies.”

“Okay.” He seemed hesitant, and Hinata desperately wished that he could go and find whoever had made Komaeda this way so that he could wring their neck and force them on their knees to apologize.

“Now, tell me your phone number.” Hinata pulled his phone out of his pocket before he could lose his nerve, climbing out of the truck as he did so.

“My what?” Komaeda closed the passenger side door and walked around the front of the truck, plastic bag swinging beside him.

“Your phone number. So that we can stay in touch. Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten.”

“Oh! Of course!” Komaeda listed out his number obediently, and Hinata typed it in to his phone, and then sent a quick text to the number with his name.

“I just texted you so you’ll have my number too. It’s all going to work out, okay? Besides, it’s not like you don’t know where I live.”

“Very true,” and then Komaeda laughed. But it was different than all the laughs from before, less caged, and more open. As if Hinata had really managed to get somewhere with him, as if he was finally ready to open up. And Hinata loved it.

“Okay, now let’s go give this stuff to Souda so he can get to work.” Taking the bag from Komaeda, Hinata walked up to the shop door and pulled it open, the bell jingling over his head. Souda was standing behind the counter, his back to the door, messing with something on a table. “We brought your stuff, Souda.”

“Thank you, thank you!” Souda replied, not looking up from whatever it was that he was tinkering with. “Give me a sec, okay?”

“Okay.” Hinata dumped the bag on the countertop and then leaned against it, watching as Komaeda began inspecting the things he hadn’t had a chance to on previous visits. He smiled to himself as Komaeda crouched down next to the toolbox by the front door, reaching a finger out to trace the rusted chrome buckles keeping the dented red frame closed.

_Friends is better than nothing._

“Alright! Let’s see what we’ve got!” Souda was suddenly right behind him, practically yelling in his ear, and he pulled the bag towards himself and poured the contents out on the counter. “Good, good. I’ll make some pretty good progress with this stuff. Thanks, guys.”

“No problem!” Komaeda chirped from by the door.

“Well, we’re going to leave now. Have fun working.” Hinata pushed away from the counter, but Souda stopped him, coming around the corner and stretching his arms over his head.

“Oh, I’m done working for the day. I’m tuckered out.”

“Um.” Raising an eyebrow and pointing at the things on the counter, Hinata huffed. “I don’t think so.”

“I do. If you’d ever worked a day in your life, you would understand what it feels like to end a day of hard, blue-collar labor.” Souda yawned, punching Hinata lightly on the arm. “Besides, I was going to offer to make you and Komaeda dinner since you helped me out so much today.”

“You were.” Hinata did not believe this for a second.

“That’s very generous of you,” said Komaeda, still hovering by the toolbox.

“Of course I was! Hinata. You know that I don’t joke about food.”

“He doesn’t?” Komaeda looked at Hinata for confirmation, and Hinata sighed.

“No, he really doesn’t.”

“Great! Well, let me lock up and then Hinata can drive us all over to my house.”

“So _that’s_ what this is about.” Hinata grumbled, stomping out the door as Souda began to whistle, switching off the shop lights as he followed.

“What do you mean?” Komaeda followed Hinata outside and back towards the truck.

“He’s too damn lazy to walk across the highway to go home. He wanted a ride, and he’s trying to mask it with the dinner offer.”

“Souda is so funny!” Komaeda laughed, looking over his shoulder and watching Souda lock the front door. “And for all your complaining, you seem to humour him quite easily.” Hinata shot him a warning look, and Komaeda held his hands up in mock-surrender. It was strange how easily Komaeda seemed to have slid into an easy-going, joking persona, as if he had never had anything to hide. Hinata worried that he might not be able to tell if it was sincere or not; after all, he had only known him for two days, and that wasn’t nearly enough time to be able to tell for sure.

But for now, he was happy that Komaeda was smiling.

“Souda’s…not a bad friend,” Hinata admitted, softening a little as he thought about all of the good things the mechanic had done. “He gets on my nerves a lot, but he always means well. And he would give you the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it.”

“It’s good to hear that you have people like that in your life,” Komaeda replied, opening the passenger side door of the truck. “Now, does Souda prefer having the window seat?”

“I do!” Souda jogged up to them, circling around the truck and giving Komaeda a light push. “You get to sit in the middle and have the stick shift digging into your legs.”

“Komaeda can have the window seat if he wants.” Hinata opened the driver’s door. “If you don’t like it, you can walk.”

“I’m fine with sitting in the middle,” said Komaeda, diplomatically. He climbed into the truck and slid across the bench seat until his thigh was pressed against Hinata’s. Hinata went rigid, his face beginning to burn, all his senses focused on the contact. Sensing Hinata’s tension, Komaeda murmured a quiet apology and scooted slightly away.

“No, it’s fine.” Hinata swallowed hard, waiting for Souda to close the door after climbing in before starting up the truck. He felt Komaeda shift back over an inch or so, his sleeve brushing Hinata’s arm, and his shoulder bumping into his. Hinata didn’t think he was going to remember how to breathe if this kept up. Maybe he should see if Hina needed a ride somewhere? If she got in the truck cab too, Komaeda might end up practically sitting on his lap…

“Hinata? What are you waiting for?” Souda was staring at him, his seatbelt halfway across his torso on the way to the buckle.

“Oh! Nothing!” Hinata’s face flamed, and he put the truck into drive, smoothly letting up the clutch as he drove to the highway intersection. He could hear Komaeda asking Souda a polite question about his work at the auto shop, but his ears were roaring with the sound of blood rushing to his head. All he could think about was how close Komaeda was sitting, how when he turned his head to check for oncoming traffic he could smell the fabric softener in Komaeda’s jacket, how if he tilted his head to the side just slightly, flyaway strands of Komaeda’s wild hair would tickle his ear.

Somehow he managed to make the short drive to Souda’s house without getting in an accident because of how distracted he was, and as they pulled into the driveway, he heard Komaeda gasp.

“Is that the car you told me about?” He asked Souda, pointing at the partially rebuilt ‘69 Mustang Boss that was parked inside the open garage.

“That’s her!” Souda declared proudly, and Hinata shook his head, smiling to himself. The quickest way to Souda’s heart was to let him talk about the car he had been restoring for as long as Hinata had known him. That Mustang had been something that Souda started a few years before Hinata had moved to town, and since then he had made serious progress. When Souda had bought it from a junkyard, it had been missing an engine, all the tail light covers, three tires, and the hub cap from the remaining one. The seats were torn up, and there was no radio or any kind of covering on the steering wheel, but Souda had been determined to fix it up and make it his own.

Four years of labour and part-hunting later, and Souda had gotten it running again and fixed most of the hard things, and now he was working on the cosmetic side. Something that Hinata had been helping with whenever he had the time.

“It’s absolutely beautiful,” Komaeda breathed as they all got out of the truck. The parts of Hinata that Komaeda had been touching felt cold as he moved away to get out. “And you said you rebuilt most of it yourself?”

“Well, the frame and stuff was there when I bought it. But the thing was basically a shell!” Souda walked up and gently stroked the shiny chrome tail wing on the back of the car. “Once I get the interior recovered and maybe add some window louvers, I’m thinking of repainting the whole thing. Oh, and maybe white-walled tires and new caps, but that alone will cost a fortune.” Souda sighed, drooping a little. “But it will be worth it in the end.”

“You really love this car,” Komaeda said finally, looking a little lost after Souda had finished speaking. “I admire your passion.”

“Uh, thanks?” Souda gave him a slightly perplexed grin, looking over at Hinata for guidance. Hinata just shrugged his shoulders, tucking his truck keys into his front pocket.

“What’s for dinner, Souda?” he asked, following Souda as he went to the front door, pulling back the glass screen and grasping the handle.

“I was thinking…tacos?” He looked over his shoulder to see if anyone had any objections.

“That sounds wonderful! Thank you for your hospitality.” Komaeda was always so polite.

“No problem, man.” They followed Souda into his house, and were immediately hit in the face with the smell of cinnamon and apples.

“Um, Souda?” Hinata wrinkled his nose. It wasn’t that it smelled bad, it was just…overpowering.

“Yeah?” Souda kept walking down the short entry hallway, taking a turn towards the right at the end, where Hinata knew the living room and open kitchen was. He and Komaeda followed reluctantly, and when Hinata looked at his companion, he could see that his beautiful green eyes were starting to water a little from the smell.

“What’s that…smell?” In the living room, a cheery yellow, crushed velvet couch faced an enormous flat screen TV, with two mismatched green and orange armchairs flanking it. The walls were striped with blue and cream, and the dusky lavender bookshelves along the north wall were filled with car and engineering books that were beyond Hinata’s comprehension. Sometimes he forgot that Souda was a lot smarter than he let on, way smarter than Hinata was.

“Oh.” At the surprised tone in Komaeda’s voice, Hinata looked over and saw him slowly taking in the chaotic array of furniture and clashing colours that made up Souda’s home. After the first year, Hinata had kind of just gotten used to it, but seeing Komaeda’s expression as he looked at the bright decorations, he remembered what it felt like to see it for the first time.

“That smelll,” Souda said, from the kitchen, “is the wax melts that Hina insisted I use to keep the entire house from smelling like engine oil.”

“How many did she give you? A thousand?” Hinata joined his friend in the kitchen, watching as he pulled out a bright red frying pan and started rummaging around in the refrigerator. “Because I’m not going to lie, it’s a little too much. We probably won’t even be able to taste our food.”

“She only gave me two packs, I think?” Souda emerged from the fridge, a pack of ground beef in one hand. “But I made like, six hot plates and set them around the house so that the smell would be everywhere! I think it smells pretty good. Makes me think of fall, you know?”

“I mean, yeah, it’s definitely a fall scent, but Souda…” Hinata watched the aromatically-challenged mechanic get out more ingredients for the tacos, completely desensitized to how strong the smell was in his house. “It’s strong. Like, _really_ strong. I think Komaeda’s eyes were burning on the way in here from the fumes alone.”

“Is it really that bad?” Souda turned away from the stove, wrinkling his nose. “I guess I could turn some of them off…”

“That would probably be a good idea, yeah.” There was a crash from the living room right as Hinata finished speaking and they both glanced over, and saw Komaeda standing next to a now half-empty shelf of the bookcase, several books on the floor at his feet. When he saw them looking, he blushed and smiled apologetically.

“My apologies. I was just trying to get one book off the shelf, but it seemed to have been serving as some sort of counterweight for the rest of the items on the shelf…”

“Meh, don’t sweat it.” Souda shrugged his shoulders. “Those things haven’t come off the shelf since I graduated. They’re probably enjoying the adventure.”

“Um. I see.” Komaeda looked at the books at his feet before kneeling down and beginning to scoop them up. “I’ll return them to, ah, their home?”

“Sure, sure, whatever.” Returning to the stove top, Souda cranked the heat on one of the burners and started unwrapping the package of ground beef, talking to Hinata as he worked. “You and Komaeda seem to be getting along pretty well.”

“We have a few things in common, yeah,” replied Hinata, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What about it?”

“No need to get defensive!” Souda laughed. “I was just noticing. Hina told me that…”

“Oh, god.”

“Come on, you know you love her.”

“I do, but she also has…big expectations.”

Souda seemed to soften a little, and when he turned around, his expression was something that Hinata had never seen on him before. Souda wasn’t a particularly emotional person, unless it came to his car, and he often changed the subject when things started getting too serious for him. It was something that Hinata had always sort of appreciated in the mechanic, knowing that if he ever wanted to hang out with someone to take his mind off of something, Souda wouldn’t pressure him to open up about it.

“Well, you know that Hina just wants to see you happy, right?” Souda kind of shuffled his feet, as if even talking about feelings like this was making him uncomfortable. “Both of us, I mean. I think she worries a lot. She wasn’t like this before her mom died, but ever since then she’s always been really fussy and involved in everything.” Hinata sometimes forgot that Souda and Hina had known each other since they were toddlers, and had been friends long before Hinata had shown up. Souda had known Hina’s mom, and had known Hina before her life had been permanently altered by her mom’s passing.

“Yeah, I know she wants me to be happy,” Hinata sighed, looking into the living room to make sure that Komaeda was still busy and wasn’t hovering nearby, waiting for them to finish their conversation. He was still stacking the books carefully back on the shelf, his forehead creased with concentration as he gently balanced an enormous car encyclopedia on top of a _Cooking for Dummies_ book. “I know Hina always means well. She’s a good friend.”

“She really is.” Souda replied, turning back to the stove. “So just…don’t get too frustrated with her, okay? She told me that she’s never seen you this…” He hesitated, even his hand pausing from where it was stirring the meat in the pan with a wooden spoon. “She said you seem different. Well, actually, she said you looked softer, but it felt like such a girly thing to say so I was trying to get around it. But she was right, it’s the only way to describe you now, since that guy showed up. Softer.”

“Stop calling me soft, Souda.”

“Sorry, man. Hina said it, not me. Can’t help it that the girl is always right.”

“Who’s always right?” Komaeda appeared in the archway connecting the kitchen to the living room, and Hinata jerked a little, startled by his sudden apparition.

“Hina.” Souda replied, easily, completely unruffled by Komaeda’s arrival. “She could probably tell the future if she wanted to.”

“She does have a gift for perception,” said Komaeda, coming to stand next to Hinata. “Is there any way I can help you with your work, Souda?”

“Nah. You two can just go and chill in the living room and watch some TV or something while I finish up.” Souda waved them out, flapping his hands, including the one holding the spoon, flinging grease and bits of meat all over the place.

Komaeda put his arms over his head, to protect his hair from getting pelted with food, and ducked out into the living room. Hinata sighed and followed, joining Komaeda on the yellow couch facing the TV.

“So what would you like to watch?” he asked, scooping the remote up from the glass coffee table. “Or we can just open the guide and pick something that looks interesting.”

“What do you usually watch?” Komaeda asked, his eyes trained on Hinata’s fingers, wrapped around the remote.

“Uh, I don’t usually watch TV?” Blushing, Hinata ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve never been particularly interested.”

“Well, in that case, why don’t we just watch Food Network?”

“Food Network?” Hinata tilted his head, smiling a little. “Is that what you like to watch?”

“Ah, well, yes?” Komaeda shrugged his shoulders self-consciously, tucking his hands underneath his thighs. “I find it relaxing. But we don’t have to watch it if you’re not interested.”

“No, I want to see the things you like,” Hinata pressed a few buttons on the remote and scanned through the TV guide for the Food Network channel. When he found it, he selected it, and a commercial about lemon hand soap filled the screen. “Do you have a favourite show?”

“I think I like them all equally,” Komaeda replied, leaning back into the couch cushions and relaxing a bit. Hinata did the same, wishing that he could scoot across the seat and sit closer to Komaeda instead of on the opposite side of the couch. “But I like to watch the more competitive ones. Most of the contestants are usually such good sports about losing, and I don’t think you see that very often on other channels.”

“I guess that’s true.” _What a strange thing to enjoy about shows: good sportsmanship._

When the commercials ended, an actual program started playing, and Komaeda quickly explained the premise of the show _Chopped_ , though Hinata still struggled to grasp the concept. The episode was halfway over already, but Komaeda happily told Hinata the rules of the game, and the impressively creative feats that the contestants managed to perform. Seeing Komaeda discuss something that he liked was nice, and it seemed that since it was something that wasn’t directly related to himself, he could talk about it easily, constantly complimenting the chefs, the judges, the show’s host, the talent involved to participate in the challenge…he seemed to really, really enjoy it.

By the time the next episode had started, Hinata understood a little of what was going on, and he and Komaeda took bets on who they thought would win based on the contestants’ introductory segments. A quarter of the way through the episode, Souda stuck his head out of the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready, if you guys are!” he announced, watching the TV screen. “Ooh, are you guys watching _Chopped_?”

“It’s one of Komaeda’s favourite shows!” Hinata announced, a little proudly, happy that he knew something concrete about Komaeda’s preferences. He didn’t care if he sounded silly; gaining ground in getting to know Komaeda was definitely something to celebrate.

“Well he’s got good taste. Let’s grab some food and we can all watch together!” Souda waved them into the kitchen, and they reluctantly stood up, inching towards the archway connecting the two rooms, eyes locked on the screen. By the time they had slowly made their way across the room, the show cut to a commercial break, and they all rushed to fill their plates before it came back on.

The evening passed quickly, with Souda offering abundant commentary on everything from the ads running between show segments, to the outfits of the judges. Hinata’s first instinct was to tell Souda to just shut up and let them watch the show, but Komaeda seemed to enjoy Souda’s intense interest, and the two of them chattered to each other about previous judges that Hinata had never heard of before, and some of their favourite episodes from the series. He was a little jealous that they already seemed to have something to connect on so quickly after Hinata had struggled to get Komaeda to open up, but then instead he just felt glad that Komaeda just fit seamlessly into every area of his life.

When the episode finished and they had all cleared their plates, Souda stood up and stretched his arms over his head.

“Well, I’m going to go and clean up in the kitchen. You guys are more than welcome to stay, but I’m probably going to take a shower or something afterwards.”

“I don’t know if I can handle anymore of your chattering, Souda,” Hinata joked, and Souda stuck his tongue out at him playfully in return.

“That’s okay, I think I’m going to go back to my motel and get some rest.” Komaeda stood, his long legs uncurling from underneath him on the couch where he had been sitting.

“Oh.” The word was out of Hinata’s mouth before he could stop it. “I mean, would you like me to walk you back?”

“I think I’ve imposed on your time enough for one day, Hinata,” he smiled gently, softening the sting of his words. Was he tired of being around him already? Perhaps Hinata had misread everything between them, and he had just been a burden.

“Oh, okay.” He tried not to let the hurt show in his voice.

“Dude, you’re not bugging us or anything,” Souda grumbled, picking their empty plates up off the coffee table. “You’re totally okay to hang around. You’re not annoying us.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, Souda,” Komaeda straightened out his long jacket, not meeting either of their eyes. “But I think I’m going to go now.”

“Your choice, man.” Souda shrugged his shoulders and carried the plates into the kitchen, leaving Hinata and Komaeda alone in the living room once more.

“Do you feel like you’re bothering us?” Hinata asked, softly. Komaeda didn’t answer at first, instead fiddling with the red zipper n his jacket.

“I don’t want you to get tired of me.” His words were so quiet, and Hinata felt his heart crack a little. “It would make me feel better if I could give you some time to yourself so you are better able to determine how much better your life is without me in it.”

“Komaeda…” Hinata wanted to reach out and hug the other boy, but he hesitated, and that hesitation was enough to make Komaeda think he was hesitating on something else.

“No, it’s alright, I understand.” He looked up, a bright, clearly false smile on his face. “I will see you tomorrow, probably.” And before Hinata had time to open his mouth to convince him to say, Komaeda was turning on his heel and heading back down the hallway towards the front door. When Hinata got to his feet, he heard the door closing on the other side of the house, and his shoulders drooped slightly. Maybe he hadn’t gotten as close to Komaeda as he had thought. Sure, he had honestly answered Hinata’s question, but he had still left, even though it was the last thing that Hinata had wanted.

“Did he leave?” Souda called from the kitchen.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe it’s for the best, you know? He might need time to sort through things on his own.”

“What things?”

“Oh, you know…” Souda’s voice trailed off, as if he was worried that he had said too much. “Just things. The guy probably has a mountain of his own issues. Have you noticed that he hasn’t said anything about any friends or family at all? He doesn’t get any calls or texts from worried people in his life. He’s just…”

“Lonely.” The word felt terrible in Hinata’s mouth. The last thing he wanted to think about was how alone Komaeda must have been feeling before showing up here, and how alone he was probably feeling right now, walking back to his empty motel room by himself.

“Yeah, that.”

“Maybe I should go follow him…” Hinata started to head towards the front door, but Souda’s voice stopped him.

“Give him a couple minutes to remember what it felt like before you became a part of his life, yeah? Besides. We have movie night tonight, remember? Why don’t you go home, set up for that, and wait for Hina to show up and get her advice? She’s much better at giving it than I am.”

“Hey, that was actually pretty good advice right there.”

“Thanks!” Hinata smiled at how pleased Souda sounded at the praise, and tucked his hands into his pockets.

“I’m going to go home then. I’ll see you in a little while, yeah?”

“Sure thing, Hinata.”

Hinata left the house and got into his truck, glancing down the street as he did so. He could see Komaeda at the end of the road already, preparing to cross the street towards the motel parking lot. It would be no problem at all for Hinata to drive his truck that way and catch him before he made it to his room, but maybe Souda was right. Maybe it really had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with Komaeda needing some time and space to sort through his own baggage. He still hadn’t been very clear on what was happening in his life that had made him into the strange, anxious person that he was.

Sighing, Hinata put the truck into reverse and backed out of the driveway, driving in the opposite direction that his heart was tugging him towards, instead going to his own house. He put the truck in park once he reached his own driveway, and sat in the cab for a while, staring at the blooming tulips in his front garden. Only an hour or two earlier he and Komaeda had been right here, and Hinata had thought he was making serious progress with his new friend. But had he really made any progress at all? At the end of the evening it was like Komaeda had forgotten all of it, or at least chosen to ignore it. And instead he had reverted back into thinking he was a burden, that Hinata couldn’t possibly want him around…

“Idiot.” Hinata muttered to himself, roughly pushing open the truck door, tugging his keys from the ignition as he went.

It was only when he was all the way in the house and halfway stripped down to take a shower that his brain decided to supply the most mortifying thought it possibly could.

 _What if he’s been wanting to get away every since you said that you liked him? Maybe you didn’t cover your tracks as well as you thought you did_.

The thought was crippling. He thought he had done a pretty good job making the unintentional slip sound like it was a totally friendly thing, and not the budding romantic thing that was constantly putting pressure on Hinata’s chest. But maybe he hadn’t. Maybe Komaeda had immediately picked up on the the sharp turn Hinata’s feelings were taking and it made him uncomfortable.

“Oh my god,” Hinata groaned, kicking his jeans and underwear off as he pulled open the shower door. “I want to _die_ .” He turned on the shower water, setting it to as icy cold as it would go, wanting to shock his system so that he couldn’t think about it anymore. “Oh my _god_ , you’ve fucked everything up. Good job, Hinata.”

He pumped shampoo into one hand and started scrubbing his hair, thoughts still racing despite the frozen water beating down on his shoulders and making his entire body shiver. Okay, so assuming that Komaeda had picked up on it…so what? He would be gone soon. Hinata wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward aftermath for much longer.

 _But you don’t want him to leave_ , the Hina-sounding voice reminded him reproachfully. And it was right. Hinata _didn’t_ want Komaeda to leave. But would he be able to face him knowing that he knew how Hinata honestly felt?

 _Maybe you’re just being ridiculous. He didn’t act any differently until the very end of the evening, so you’re probably entirely wrong_. He appreciated this side of himself that was still able to look at the entire situation objectively. It was a good point, too. Komaeda had seemed to accept Hinata’s change of wording very easily, and had been open and talkative with both him and Souda all the way up until it was time for them to leave. So what had triggered the change? What made him feel like he was being a nuisance and needed to remove himself from Hinata’s presence?

“Wait.” Hinata paused, one hand halfway through his hair as he rinsed out shampoo suds. He carefully went over the last bits of conversation before Komaeda had left. “Oh no.” When Souda had offered for them to hang around, Hinata had said that he didn’t think he could bear to be around Souda’s constant chattering anymore. It had only been a joke, and Souda knew that, but it was after that that Komaeda had suddenly stood and excused himself. And what had he said when Souda had left the room?

 _I don’t want you to get tired of me_.

“Ah, fuck,” Hinata pressed his forehead against the shower wall, irritation at himself surging in his chest. He had done this. There were still so many things about Komaeda that he needed to get used to and be careful about, like how sensitive he was to everything that Hinata said. Of course he would’ve taken Hinata’s words personally, even though they weren’t directed at him. Hinata should’ve known that. Komaeda probably had thought that if Hinata was saying that to someone that Komaeda perceived as one of Hinata’s close friends, then of course the road to annoyance would be shorter for himself, someone new to Hinata’s life. Hinata should’ve _known_ that.

He rinsed his hair as quickly as he could and jumped out of the shower, barely towelling himself dry before snatching his jeans off the floor and digging around in the pockets for his cellphone. As soon as he found it, he immediately opened the texting thread he had started earlier with Komaeda, where he had sent his name, and started typing a new message:

 **Hinata:** hey, I know you said you wanted to rest, but I want you to come to my house for movie night tonight. Can you be here in about an hour? That’s when Hina and Souda are getting here.

He read the text a couple times, making sure that it didn’t sound too demanding, but that it also conveyed enough direction that Komaeda wouldn’t be able to misinterpret the meaning. Satisfied, he hit send, and was hit with a wave of nerves that had him trembling.

He put his phone down on the counter and wrapped his towel around his waist, leaving the bathroom and going into his bedroom, where he opened his dresser and pulled out a pair of red plaid flannel pajama pants and a soft grey t-shirt. After getting dressed, he grabbed a comb from the top of the dresser and tried to push his hair down as best as could, but with little success.

_Ding-ding!_

Practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to get to his phone, Hinata dashed back to the bathroom, snatching the device from the countertop and swiping the screen to unlock it. His eyes greedily took in the message Komaeda had sent in return, and he could practically hear the other boy saying the words in his breathy, ethereal voice:

 **Komaeda:** Thank you for the invitation, Hinata. If you insist, I will most certainly be there. Is there a dress code? Should I bring anything?

Of course he would worry about a dress code for a simple gathering. Hinata smiled to himself and quickly tapped out a response.

 **Hinata:** I do insist! I want to see you. And there’s no dress code. I’m in pajamas, if that tells you anything. And you don’t have to bring anything! We’ve got it totally covered.

Once he had sent the message he curled his toes and clenched his fingers together, doing a childish, overly enthusiastic fist pump in the air. It really was up to him. If he wanted to get close to Komaeda, he needed to be prepared for the walls that were going to be in place to stop him, and he needed to be ready to hurdle them all.

And god, he was going to hurdle every single one of them, no matter how much Komaeda tried to push him away. If Komaeda was unable to love himself, well.

Hinata was more than happy to do it for him, starting right now.


	5. Morning Glories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i'm the worst! i'm sorry it's been so long :(  
> this chapter isn't as long as i usually write, but there wasn't really a good stopping point later on without it turning TOO long. but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

When Hinata heard the door open, his forehead immediately began to prickle with sweat. Was Komaeda already here?

“Hinata?” Hina called out, and Hinata wanted to slap himself. Of course Komaeda wouldn’t just walk in the way that Hina and Souda did; he would definitely ring the doorbell. At least he would get to have some warning then.

“In here!” He called back from the kitchen. Hina came out of the hallway wearing a pair of fuzzy pink pajama pants and a baby blue t-shirt. Hinata couldn’t see her feet, but he knew she was wearing the fluffy grey walrus slippers that Souda had gotten her for her birthday two years ago. Her arms were full of two liters and a plastic bag filled with Chips Ahoy and Oreos, and Hinata cracked a smile. “Craving sugar today?”

“You have no idea,” she groaned, walking into the kitchen and dropping the bag on the counter. Then she headed to the fridge and carefully stored the drinks, yawning as she did so. “I think Ibuki probably thought I was throwing a sleepover party without inviting her. She looked a little hurt when I left.”

“Oh, is she back from her tour already?” Hinata turned back to what he was doing, ripping open a bag of Hot Cheetos and pouring them out into a green plastic bowl. Ibuki was the daughter of the man who owned the convenience store on the business side of Langdon, and she was a handful. From what Hinata understood, she was a part of the junior orchestra in the city,  and was pretty damn talented. Last summer the orchestra had left for a tour around the country with two other orchestras from nearby cities, and Hinata hadn’t expected her to get back until August, at the earliest.

“No, I think they’re just on break for a week or so and she came back to visit her family,” Hina pulled out a barstool directly across from Hinata and sat down. “I thought about inviting her to join us tonight, but you know.” She looked meaningfully at Hinata, and he exhaled slowly, pushing the bowl of Cheetos to the side and grabbing a bag of salt and vinegar chips. He could feel Hina’s eyes on him, and he tried to ignore it, instead ripping open the chips and pouring them into another plastic bowl, this one a pink one he had borrowed from Hina a while back and never returned.

“Hinata?” Hina leaned forward on the counter, chin in her hands, eyes shining. “I talked to Souda today, you know.”

“He mentioned that.”

“So? Do you want to share about your day at all?”

“I mean…” Hinata ducked his head down to hide the blush he knew was rising to his cheeks. Talking with Hina was always too easy, like she had a way of sucking information out of you even if you never had the intention to say the things out loud in the first place. She was also a wonderful listener and a great advice-giver. So why did Hinata feel like he wanted to keep everything to himself for just a little while longer? Some of the moments he had shared with Komaeda today had been so...personal. Intimate. He had shared things about himself that he had always been afraid to say aloud, and he felt lighter because of it. He wanted to enjoy that feeling a little more.

“I understand,” Hina picked up on his hesitation, and when he looked up, she was smiling gently at him. “I’m always here when you want to talk though, okay?”

“Thanks, Hina.”

“Now, do you need any help setting up? Did you get all the blankets out?” she stood up from the barstool, stretching her arms over her head. “You know that if they aren’t out by the time Souda gets here, he’s going to start complaining.”

“They’re still in the hall closet.” Hinata waved in the general direction of the hallway that led back to his bedroom, the bathroom, and his grandfather’s office. He never went in there anymore, leaving everything untouched, exactly as it had been the day his grandfather had died. It wasn’t out of sentimentality or anything; his grandfather had just forbidden him from ever entering without his permission, and Hinata still felt like if he even cracked the door that his grandfather would rise from his grave to yell at him. And that was something he definitely wanted to avoid.

Hina disappeared down the hallway, and Hinata heard her pull the closet door open.

“Oh my god, Hinata. Did your washing machine break again?” she called out, her voice stern.

“Uh, no?” he picked up both bowls of snacks and took them into the living room, setting them down on the coffee table next to the plate of Oreos that he’d already put out earlier.

“You have no clean towels. And I also don’t see any of the bed linens we got you a while ago. Aren’t you washing them? When was the last time you changed your sheets, Hinata?” her voice got louder as she got closer, and she appeared in the living room archway with a pile of blankets in her arms. Hinata couldn’t see her face, but he knew what he would see if he could.

“I think some of the towels are still in the dryer from a few days ago?” he tried, watching as she carefully maneuvered her way around the couch and dumped the blankets down onto the cushions. She turned to face Hinata, arms folded.

“If you need me to come and help you do laundry, you only have to ask.”

“Hina, you don’t have to be my mom. I can do my own laundry.”

“You’ll be sorry when you want to change your sheets and you have no clean ones. You’ll end up sleeping on the bare mattress for weeks just like last wint…” she was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing, signalling Souda’s arrival.

“Hinata?” Souda called, coming around the corner into the living room, his eyes immediately taking in the blankets Hina had just dumped on the couch. “Oh good! You remembered to get the blankets out! I don’t know how you manage to live in here with the subzero temperature you keep it at.” He scooted around the coffee table and dug through the pile, pulling out the soft, navy blue blanket that he used every time he came over. “Perfect.”

“Souda, did you forget to bring your part of the snacks?” Hina turned towards him, directing her laundry-fueled irritation towards Souda instead. Hinata resisted letting out an exaggerated sigh of relief, instead opting to ruffle Hina’s hair a little and return to the kitchen. She swatted his hand away, still glaring at Souda.

“Hey, I spent all evening making dinner for Hinata and his new boyfriend, I didn-” his next words were immediately muffled, and Hinata snapped his head back to look at them. Hina had tackled him back onto the couch, shoving the blue blanket in his face to cover his mouth.  _ God, those two _ . Hinata shook his head, continuing on his way back to the kitchen.

“Souda, do you not have a bone of discretion in your entire body?”

“What? I thought we all were in agreement. It’s not like Hinata’s doing anything to keep it a sec- HEY.”

Hinata didn’t even bother going to see what was happening now, instead filling the tea kettle with water and putting it on the stovetop. He was fishing out the boxes of Earl Grey and English Breakfast from his cupboard when the loud, clear sound of the doorbell filled the entire house. Souda and Hina’s chatter immediately silenced, and Hinata felt himself stiffen up with nerves. Komaeda.

He walked out into the living room, and both Hina and Souda were peering at him over the back of the couch, eyes wide.

“Who...rings the doorbell?” Hina breathed, her blue eyes so large that Hinata wondered how she still had room for anything else on her face. “No one rings the doorbell. Don’t let them in, whoever it is.”

“Oh god. It’s a serial killer.” Souda jumped to the most dramatic conclusion possible, and Hina actually gasped a little. Hinata rolled his eyes at them, heading towards the front door.

“Wait. Do you think it’s…?” Hina’s voice trailed off behind Hinata as he got to the door. He took a really deep breath and then reached out to grab the handle, pulling it open slowly. He could hear Hina and Souda immediately scramble up from their seats in the living room, and knew they were probably peeking around the corner to see who it was.

When he opened the door, Komaeda was standing on the front porch, looking more than a little hesitant, his white hair mussed, a nervous smile on his face. Hinata’s heart fluttered.

He was also carrying what looked like every single snack and drink it was possible to get at the convenience store.

“Komaeda! I’m glad you came!” Hinata stepped out of the way, beckoning for him to come inside. “What on earth did you bring?”

“I, um, thought that it would be rude to show up without bringing something, but I wasn’t sure what you all liked, so I thought I might as well get a bit of everything. Just to be safe.” His breathy voice sounded higher than usual, like he was under a lot of pressure. Hinata reached out and lifted some of the things out of his arms, and smiled at him, trying to look confident and not nervous at all.

“You didn’t have to! But I know it’ll be appreciated. Come on in.” He watched as Komaeda very delicately slipped off his shoes and left them at the front door. They went deeper into the house, and when they got to the living room, Hinata saw Hina and Souda doing their absolute best to look casual. When Hinata entered the room, they both turned their heads, eyes bright, and jumped up from their seats.

“Komaeda!” Hina cried, cheerfully. She walked up and immediately threw her arms around him, pulling him into a big hug, crushing the snacks he was carrying between them. Hinata felt a pang of jealousy at how easily she initiated contact with him. When she pulled away, Hinata caught a glimpse of Komaeda’s face. He was blushing, and had a small, pleased smile curling the corners of his lips.

“Dude! You brought more food!” Souda grabbed the rest of the things from Komaeda’s arms and took it into the kitchen, Hinata trailing after him. They placed everything on the counter, and Souda immediately got to digging through the pile to pull out his favourite ones. Hinata could hear Hina talking to Komaeda out in the living room, and she said something that made him laugh, and Hinata’s chest tightened up. He stepped out into the living room, and saw the two of them standing next to the couch still, and Hina was showing Komaeda something on her phone.

“What’re you guys talking about?” he tried to sound casual as he walked up to them, even though he was burning with curiousity. He wanted to hear Komaeda laugh again.

“I was showing Komaeda the video of Souda at the lake last summer!” Hina giggled, turning her phone to face Hinata. Surely enough, there was the video he remembered all too well of Souda attempting to waterski using motorized skis he had made himself. It had been an utter disaster, but definitely a funny one. “I hope he gets them out again this year. Komaeda, you’ll have to come back and visit so we can all go to the lake together and you can see it for yourself!” Hinata glanced over to gauge Komaeda’s expression, and saw a flicker of a surprise cross the other boy’s face. His light eyes peeked sideways at Hina, as if trying to tell whether she was being genuine or not, and Hinata watched as Komaeda saw only open honesty on Hina’s face. She really did want him to come back and visit. Hinata’s heart warmed.

“I think I will! Perhaps he’ll have perfected them by then?” Komaeda smiled a little, and Hina giggled again.

“I hope not. I’m hoping to get more footage of that train wreck.”

“OKAY, it’s voting time!” Souda yelled, coming out of the kitchen with a cup of soda in one hand and a bag of marshmallows in the other. “What movie are we going to watch?”

“What are the options this week?” Hina looked over at Hinata’s TV stand, where there was a small stack of movies waiting to be chosen from.

“Well, we watched one of mine last week,” Hinata said, going over to the pile and tilting his head sideways to read the titles. “So it has to be one of Souda’s or yours, Hina.” When he turned around, he saw that Komaeda had slipped out of his green jacket and draped it neatly over the back of Souda’s favourite armchair. And he was wearing pajamas.

A long-sleeved, soft grey tee, ocean blue pajama pants, and black and white striped socks. Hinata had honestly expected Komaeda to show up fully dressed despite what Hinata had texted him, so seeing him actually wearing sleeping clothes was a surprise. But the fact that he looked irresistibly soft and huggable in them was something that Hinata hadn’t fully prepared himself for, and he curled his toes into the carpet, biting the inside of his cheek.

He didn’t notice that Komaeda was staring right back at him after putting his jacket down, cheeks pink. Hinata coughed, looking away, his heart pounding. Both Hina and Souda were silent, and Hinata coughed again, turning back to the movies and grabbing the first one he saw and holding it up.

“Let’s watch this.”

“ _ Les Mis _ ?” Souda groaned. “It’s so  _ long _ . And it’s depressing!”

“I vote yes!” Hina yelled, flopping down on the couch and tugging one of the blankets out of the pile and wrapping it around herself. “I vote the biggest yes in the entire universe. With subtitles! Let’s watch with subtitles! We can sing!”

“I’m not singing.” Souda said, his voice flat as he flopped down into the armchair, slouching down in the seat.

“Souda. Please?” Hina wiggled to the end of the couch so she was next to Souda’s armchair, and fluttered her eyelashes. Komaeda let out a small laugh, quickly raising a hand to cover his mouth. “You would make a great Javert.”

“But he dies!”

“They all die!”

“Why can’t I be Marius? He lives in the end. And he gets to be with the pretty blonde girl.”

While Souda and Hina continued to argue over who was going to sing which lines, Hinata put the movie into the DVD player, grabbing the remote from the TV stand as he walked back to the couch.

“Ah, Hinata?” Komaeda’s soft voice interrupted him as he was deciding which blanket to use.

“Yeah?”

“Where would you like me to sit?”

Hinata blinked, his hand pausing as it grabbed a big green quilt from the blanket pile.

“Uh, it doesn’t matter. There’s the other armchair, but it’s not that comfortable. You can sit on the couch with Hina and me…”

“I’ll do that.” Komaeda perched carefully on the edge of the couch, his back ramrod straight. He looked horribly uncomfortable. Hina and Souda were still bickering back and forth, and it sounded like Hina had agreed to be Eponine (“If I’m singing the parts of someone who dies, you are too!”) and Souda had grudgingly agreed to be Javert. Hinata stepped over Komaeda’s feet, and settled down on the middle couch cushion, trying to act casual.

“Would you like a blanket, Komaeda?”

“Oh, I’m fine, thank you.”

“You sure? It gets kind of cold in here. I like to keep it in the low 70s.”

“Um…”

“Just share Hinata’s blanket!” Hina was suddenly reaching over both of them, snatching the green quilt from Hinata’s hands, and giving it a little flap, spreading it across both of them. “Besides, only the bad blankets are left.”

“Bad...blankets?” Komaeda had already grabbed a fistful of the quilt and pulled it up to cover more of his legs as he peered over at the blanket pile that had been knocked to the floor.

“The raggedy ones,” Souda replied, snuggling himself down into the armchair and ripping open his bag of marshmallows. “This one is the best one.”

“Which is why Souda hogs it every time,” Hina rolled her eyes, reaching forward to grab an Oreo off the plate on the coffee table. “Hinata, did you put a kettle on?”

“I did.” Hinata pointed the remote at the TV when the movie’s menu came up, and got ready to press play. “It should be ready soon. Tea bags are already out on the counter.”

“Perfect! I’ll turn off the lights when I go to make myself a cup.” Hina leaned back, propping her feet up on the coffee table. “Press play, press play!” Hinata pressed the button, and the screen faded to black. The sound of drums beating began to leak out of the TV speakers as the screen focused on a French flag floating in the ocean. Hinata had seen this movie a couple of times with Hina, and he did like the music somewhat, but he also wasn’t really a tragic-romance kind of person.

He could feel Komaeda relaxing into the cushions next to him, and resisted the urge to turn his head and look at him. The first song started, and Hina hummed along, her expression fierce as she stared at the screen. When Javert appeared on screen, she snapped her head to the side to look at Souda, who heaved a sigh and mumbled his lines, sinking lower into his seat. Komaeda giggled.

“Oh, my tea!” Hina jumped up from her seat. “Can I make anyone else a cup?”

“I’m good,” Hinata replied, and Souda shook his head no, stuffing another marshmallow into his mouth.

“Komaeda?”

“I’m fine for now, thank you.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back!” She bounced off towards the kitchen, flicking the light switch as she went, plunging the room into darkness. Hinata became incredibly, electrically aware of the fact that Komaeda was sitting right next to him, only inches away. He felt his breathing get a little shallow, and tried not to make it  _ too  _ obvious as he shifted a little on his section of the couch, moving himself a little closer to Komaeda’s side.

“Have you ever seen this movie?” he asked, his voice quiet, barely audible over the music. He turned his head a little to look at Komaeda, who was already looking at him, eyes wide.

“No, I haven’t. Do they ever stop singing?”

“No, they don’t,” Hinata smiled a little. “I think that’s what Hina likes about it.”

“I’ve read the book. It’s definitely a rather depressing choice of movie for the evening.”

“Ah,” Hinata blushed, remembering how he had chosen the movie at random, flustered after getting caught staring at Komaeda in his pajamas. “Yeah, I guess I should’ve paid more attention when I chose something.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to imply you were at fault,” Komaeda looked suddenly worried, and Hinata rushed to correct him.

“Don’t worry about it! Seriously. Either way I should’ve been…” Komaeda rolled one of his shoulders, tugging his shirt to the side unintentionally, revealing more of his sharp collarbone. Hinata swallowed hard, trying to keep his eyes from sliding down Komaeda’s neck and to the exposed skin.  _ Focus, Hinata. Focus.  _ “I. Um. I should’ve been, um…” Komaeda was watching him expectantly, but Hinata couldn’t even remember what he had been saying. His entire body felt like it was on fire.

“Back!” Hina dropped back down onto the couch, mug of tea in hand. She covered herself back up with her blanket and took a big sip of her drink. “Oh good, I missed the part where those kids were throwing rocks at him. I hate that part. It’s sad.”

Souda sat up in his chair and looked at her incredulously.

“You think  _ that  _ part is…” he started to say, but she flapped a hand at him, sticking out her tongue.

“Shut up and watch the movie, Souda,” she pointed at the screen, and Souda let out a heavy sigh, reaching towards the coffee table and swiping the bowl of hot Cheetos. Hinata tries to pay attention to the movie as it continues, but all of his senses are occupied with Komaeda. He can hear him breathing, can feel the shift of the cushions every time he adjusts his position. Even more distracting was how warm it was getting underneath the quilt that they were sharing.

They were about an hour into the almost three-hour long movie when Souda began snoring, slumped down in his armchair, bag of marshmallows and empty bowl of Cheetos squashed next to him. Hina huffed indignantly, but didn’t wake him, instead continuing to quietly sing along with movie, completely oblivious to everyone else.

Hinata reached under the quilt to tug down the hem of his shirt that had started riding up as he slid lower down the couch, his mind idly wondering if the morning glories blooming in this scene of the movie were real, when his hand bumped into Komaeda’s.

“Oh, sorry,” he murmured, pulling his hand back quickly. As they had both started to settle he must’ve moved closer to him.

“It’s okay,” was Komaeda’s quiet reply. “You don’t have to apologize for touching me. Though the thought probably disgusts you, I don’t mi-...”

Hinata didn’t even think; he just acted. He reached his hand back under the quilt, feeling around for Komaeda’s. When he brushed against the other boy’s inexplicably cold fingers, he latched onto them, tugging his hand closer to him. Perhaps he pulled a little to hard, as he ended up pulling Komaeda with him unintentionally, their shoulders bumping together. Hinata intertwined their fingers, giving Komaeda’s hand a gentle squeeze, his heart pounding so hard that he couldn’t even hear the movie anymore.

Komaeda was stiff next to him, but Hinata didn’t let go.

“You don’t disgust me,” Hinata whispered, placing their clasped hands down on his thigh. “At all.” It was probably just the darkness and the pressure that had been building inside of him while sitting so close to Komaeda for so long, but Hinata was feeling pretty bold.

“Ah.” The single syllable was incredibly soft, but Komaeda relaxed a little beside him, his forearm resting against Hinata’s. As if feeding off of Hinata’s own sudden confidence, Komaeda slid a little closer, their legs pressing together underneath the blanket, and Hinata curled his toes into the carpet, gritting his teeth. Komaeda’s hand was warming up in his, and his extremely sharp hip was digging into Hinata’s own, but he didn’t give a fuck. He was  _ holding Komaeda’s hand _ .

Hinata glanced over at Hina to see if she noticed, but she was entranced by the movie, her second mug of tea cupped between both of her hands. He faced the TV again, tightening his grip on Komaeda’s hand just slightly.

“Do you believe me?”

“I...suppose so.” Komaeda sounded a little shaky, and Hinata nudged him with his knee.

“No one is making me do this.” He gave Komaeda’s hand a little squeeze to indicate what he was talking about. “I… I want to.”

Komaeda was silent for a while, and Hinata started to feel nervous. Was that too close to a confession of feelings? God, he was so selfish, putting that kind of pressure on Komaeda when he clearly had enough of his own problems…

“Thank you, Hinata.” Hearing Komaeda say his name so softly sent the most pleasant shivers down Hinata’s spine, he resisted the urge to just lean over and kiss him right then and there. Instead he just gave his hand another squeeze, not letting go as they both returned their focus to the movie.

So… what did this mean? Did friends hold hands? He had never held hands with Souda. He had held Hina’s hand before, but that was when they were at the graveyard for her mom’s funeral or when they were watching scary movies around Halloween. Hinata knew he felt…  _ something _  for Komaeda, something more than what he felt for his friends. He had never wanted to kiss Souda or Hina, ever.

So if Komaeda was letting him hold his hand, did that mean that… he liked Hinata too? Or was it also just a friend thing to him? Come to think of it, he didn’t really know anything about Komaeda’s friends from home, other than the fact that they treated him so poorly that he had an incredibly low opinion of himself.

Hinata’s grit his teeth again, this time in irritation. It would probably never happen, but if he ever met anyone in Komaeda’s life who had treated him with anything other than the utmost respect, he was really going to have to punch them or something.

His thoughts continued to swirl, trying to figure out what it meant that Komaeda hadn’t pulled away. Was it because he was just a submissive person? If that was the reason, Hinata was probably going to die from guilt. The last thing he wanted was to force himself on him.  _ But he makes it so hard to tell what he really wants!  _ He thought, frustrated. If he had asked for permission first, Komaeda would’ve instead turned it around and tried to figure out what Hinata wanted him to say. It would’ve gotten them nowhere. It took the element of surprise for him to see Komaeda’s initial, honest reaction.

God, he wished he could ask Hina what she thought. But he couldn’t very well start talking about Komaeda when he was sitting right there.

These same thoughts bounced back and forth, his brain cycling through the same things over and over as he tried to figure it out. He was so focused on his internal dilemma that when he felt Komaeda’s head drop onto his shoulder, his first instinct was to shrug off whoever was trying to distract him. But right as he lifted his shoulder to push him off, Komaeda curled his body up onto the couch, leaning entirely into Hinata’s side. His hair was in Hinata’s face, and he inhaled the smell of gardenias and sage, coming out of his repetitive thought process and realizing, finally, that Komaeda was dead asleep.

And resting his head on Hinata’s shoulder.

“Hinata.” Hina whispered. She was no longer watching the movie, that now only had about an hour to go, and was instead smiling a little as she looked at him. “Is he asleep?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Hinata bit his lip, trying to move as little as possible so as not to disturb Komaeda. “I didn’t realize he was so tired.”

“He’s laying on your shoulder.”

“Yeah. He is.” Hinata could feel his heart stuttering in his chest. He wished he could see Komaeda’s face, wondering what he looked like when he was resting, completely relaxed.

“And?” Hina prodded, twisting in her seat and sitting cross-legged on the couch, facing Hinata, the movie completely forgotten. “You’re sitting pretty close, too.”

“I’m holding his hand,” Hinata blurted, his nerves tight. “I just… grabbed it. Under the blanket. He was saying something awful about himself and I just wanted him to shut up, so I…”

“Wow.” Hina’s blue eyes were wide. “I thought you would never make a move, honestly.”

“Shut up.” The words held no power behind them, and Hina grinned.

“You seem happy.”

“I…” Hinata paused, letting his thumb drag back and forth across Komaeda’s, feeling how soft his skin was. “I guess I am.”

“God, Hinata. If you could see your face right now,” Hina was giggling, and she hugged her blanket to her chest. “You really have the biggest crush on him, don’t you.” It wasn’t even a question really. She knew it, Souda knew it, and Hinata didn’t know why it was so hard to admit it to himself, but he kind of knew it too. He did have a crush on Komaeda. It started just because he was something new, something different in Hinata’s life after years of monotony, but after spending time with him… He had been able to comfortably share things about himself that he hadn’t been able to share with his friends until years into knowing them. Komaeda made mundane things exciting. Hinata liked how curious he was about everything, how soft he was when he had been looking at all of the flowers in the garden.

“He’s…” Hinata reached his free hand up, and gently laid it down on top of Komaeda’s head, gently stroking his hair. “He’s special.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” She was still smiling. “I guess we might as well just turn the movie off since no one is really watching anymore. I still can’t believe Souda fell asleep before I made him sing ‘Stars.’”

“We can finish the movie if you want,” Hinata replied, feeling bad that he hadn’t been paying as much attention as he should have. “I can sing it if you want.”

“No, you’re good,” she laughed, stretching her arms over her head. “We should probably just call it a night. I’ll go get some pillows.” She got up from the couch and headed down the hallway towards Hinata’s room, leaving him alone with the sleeping Komaeda. His hand continued to absent-mindedly stroke through Komaeda’s soft hair, and he leaned his head back against the couch cushions, closing his eyes. It wasn’t super comfortable, but he could sleep happily with Komaeda snuggling into him like this.

“Here.” Hina was back, two pillows in her hands. “I know that it feels great, but both of you will wake up with some serious neck and back pain if you sleep like that.” She was right, and as much as he wanted to stay there for the rest of eternity, it would be better in the long run to sleep in a more comfortable place. Plus, the evening has gone surprisingly well. Perhaps there were more chances for this kind of contact in the future now that Hinata had finally broken through that particular barrier.

Hina helped him gently lift the unconscious Komaeda off his shoulder and lay him down on the couch, tucking one of the pillows under his head. Once he was settled, Hinata pulled the green quilt up over him, tucking him in as gently as he could. When he finally got a chance to look at his face, it was exactly as he had hoped.

There was no tension wrinkling his forehead, no internal conflict making him bite his lip in worry. It was just Komaeda. Asleep, breathing evenly, long eyelashes brushing the tops of his cheekbones, his long wavy hair falling across his face. Hinata reached out and ever-so-gently brushed back the loose strands, pushing them back from his face. He exhaled slowly, trying to get his heart to stop racing as he stood up straight, turning to face Hina.

“You can sleep in my room,” he said, taking the other pillow from her. “I can just sleep in the other armchair.”

“You sure?” She raised her eyebrows. “You know I can just walk home and sleep in my own bed.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Hinata gave her a little smile and she shrugged her shoulders.

“If you insist! Your bed is comfier than mine anyway.” She disappeared back down the hallway towards his room, and he heard the door close softly behind her. Turning around he grabbed the remote off the coffee table and pointed it at the TV, turning it off. The room went entirely dark then, and he could only just barely make out the white of Komaeda’s hair from where he was lying on the couch.

Hinata picked his way over to the empty, slightly uncomfortable armchair and settled down into it, trying to keep it from squeaking as much as possible. Grabbing one of the reject blankets off the floor, he pulled it up over himself and leaned the chair back, tucking his pillow beneath his head and turning onto his side so that he was facing the couch. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he could make out tufts of Komaeda’s hair sticking up from beneath the quilt, and he smiled to himself as he closed his eyes.

Things were going to be better now.


	6. Cornflowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i havent abandoned this!! ;A; im so sorry its been so long....but i WILL finish this! thank you everyone for the kind comments; it really is overwhelming sometimes to know that people are enjoying it! i hope you enjoy this chapter too! thank you for reading! ^^

When Hinata woke up the next morning, he didn’t know where he was. His back kind of hurt, and his toes were frozen, and it took a couple of blinks before he felt truly awake. He sat up, rubbing his eyes as he squinted against the bright morning sunlight that was streaming through his living room window.

Oh, right, he had slept in the living room last night because Hina was using his room.

_ Komaeda _ . Hinata immediately looked to his left, brow furrowing as he took in the empty couch with a neatly folded green quilt sitting in the middle. Did Komaeda leave? What if he had woken up in the middle of the night and just decided to go back to his motel room? Souda was still passed out in the other armchair, his beanie askew on top of his bright hair. Hinata was just impressed it had stayed on his head at all.

“...like that.” Hinata heard voices speaking softly coming from the kitchen, and all of his senses finally started kicking in. He could smell something baking, and his brain helpfully supplied the answer: muffins. Hina must be making them breakfast.

Stretching, Hinata pulled himself out of the creaking armchair, wincing a little as his back straightened out for the first time in hours. He was definitely going to stretch out later to try and get the kinks out, or going to work was going to be a nightmare. He shuffled his way into the kitchen, yawning as he did so. When he walked in, the first thing he saw was Komaeda, his long hair pulled back with a bright purple hair-tie, and a streak of flour on his left cheek. He was stirring something in the pink bowl that Hinata had used for chips last night, and his expression was one of fierce determination. Hinata’s heart swelled.

“Good morning, Hinata!” Hina’s cheerful voice interrupted his thoughts about dusting the flour off of Komaeda’s cheek, and he looked over at her. She had on a green and blue checkered oven mitt, and was holding a muffin tin that looked like she had just pulled out from the oven. He could see that at least two of the muffins out of the six were blueberry; his favourite.

“Good morning.” He edged around the counter and pulled out a barstool, sitting down directly across from where Komaeda was working. All of the ingredients for the muffins were scattering around the counter, and judging by the bag of dark chocolate chips sitting next to the bowl Komaeda was using, Hina had put him to work making the next batch of muffins. “How long have you guys been up?”

“Only about an hour or so! I figured I would make you guys something to eat, and Komaeda offered to help!” Hina placed a hand on Komaeda’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, smiling at him. He turned his head to smile back at her, and Hinata felt his chest tighten up seeing how genuinely happy he looked. When Komaeda looked back down at the bowl of muffin batter that he was stirring, his eyes met Hinata’s, just for a second, and his cheeks flushed. He started stirring the mixture more vigorously than he had been previously.

Hinata swallowed hard, shifting on the barstool as he watched Komaeda continue to mix the batter.  _ Should I say something? _

“Here you go!” Hina dropped a paper plate in front of him and placed one of the fresh blueberry muffins on it. “Do you want butter or anything?”

“I can get it myself. Thanks, Hina.” He pushed off of the barstool and walked around the counter to get the butter dish that was sitting next to the stove. “Do you want me to make some coffee or something?”

“Souda would probably appreciate that,” replied Hina as she finished removing all of the muffins from the tin. She picked up the little paper muffin wrappers and started arranging them in the now-empty tin, gesturing for Komaeda to bring over his bowl of batter. “So I say yes. He’s going to wake up any second now.”

“Okay.” Hinata filled the coffee pot with water from the sink, put a new filter in the machine, and then started digging through the cupboard for the coffee grounds. He could hear Hina quietly talking Komaeda through how much batter to put into the pan, and he strained to hear what Komaeda said in response to her coaching over the noise of the coffee maker.

“Is this your own recipe?” Komaeda asked her, his voice just as soft as it had been the night before. Hinata bit his lip.

“Ah,” he heard Hina’s voice catch, and he turned around to see what was wrong. “In a way it is, I guess.” Her smile wasn’t the same bright and cheery one that Hinata was used to seeing, instead having been replaced with a bittersweet curve of her lips that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “My mom and I used to make it together. We made it so often I just kind of have it memorized.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something unpleasant,” Komaeda set down the pink bowl, and wiped his hands nervously on his pajama pants. “Perhaps I should go…” he turned to leave, and Hinata was about to reach out and stop him, but Hina beat him to it, her hand wrapping around Komaeda’s thin wrist.

“No, it’s okay. You didn’t know.” She gave his arm a little tug, and Hinata watched Komaeda’s face carefully for any signs of discomfort. He saw nervousness and distress pass quickly over the boy’s sharp features, his eyes darkening to look more gray than green. But the tension slowly left his shoulders, and he stepped closer to Hina hesitantly. It was silent for a while, and Hinata heard the coffee starting to drip behind him.  _ Maybe I should change the subject? _

He opened his mouth to ask what other muffin flavours Hina made, but suddenly Komaeda was speaking, his words gentle, but his expression flat and distant.

“I lost both of my parents as well,” he said, looking down at his black and white striped socks. “It can be difficult, even years later.”

“Oh, Ko,” Hina’s blue eyes filled with tears and she threw her arms around Komaeda’s neck, and Hinata just watched, confusion rattling through his brain.  _ Komaeda’s parents were...dead?  _ It made sense that it wasn’t something he would’ve just up and told them the moment they met...but wouldn’t it have come up before now? Somehow? As Hinata tried to process the information, Hina was still hugging Komaeda, her voice wobbly from crying. “I’m so sorry.”

“Ah...this wasn’t meant to be about me…” Komaeda looked a little anxious as he hesitantly put his arms around Hina. “I just wanted to comfort you, and let you know that I...understand, somewhat.”

“I know,” replied Hina, laying her head on his shoulder. “But I’m still sorry.”

Komaeda looked like he didn’t know how to respond, and Hinata didn’t know how to help. All he could do was watch, a tiny part of his brain wondering what it must feel like to have Komaeda’s arms around your waist.

“Thank you,” was what Komaeda finally said, his voice whisper-soft. Hina tightened her arms in one final squeeze before stepping back and wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. Then she smiled, still looking a little teary, and pointed at the muffin tin.

“We should get those into the oven before Souda wakes up, or he’ll complain that they aren’t ready yet.”

“You’re right.” And then Komaeda smiled, and Hinata felt his breath catch at the sight. The pair of them got the chocolate chip muffins into the oven to start baking, and then began to put all of the dirty dishes into the sink. Hinata was still standing in the same place, butter dish in hand, blueberry muffin forgotten on the counter. He couldn’t explain it, but something in the atmosphere had changed after Komaeda had said those words. That his parents were no longer living. It wasn’t a bad change, but something definitely felt different.

“Hinata?” Hina was looking at him as she wiped her hands on the apron she was wearing, a small frown on her face. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He finally pushed himself to walk back around the counter and sit back down in his seat. He busied himself with buttering the cooling muffin, his thoughts still trying to pick apart what exactly had gone done in the kitchen mere minutes ago. Komaeda had made it sound like his parents had died years ago, but the other day when they had been talking at Kettle, he had talked as if his family were still alive, giving him trouble. Did he have siblings?

_ No, he definitely would’ve said if he had a brother or sister. _ Hinata was feeling much too aware of the fact that he knew so little about Komaeda’s life aside from the barest details. Despite his best efforts, he hadn’t managed to pry much information from him. And yet on the first day they met, Komaeda had managed to get Hinata to tell him about his grandfather, his childhood struggle with his sexuality, and almost everything about his early life. Maybe Komaeda had something he wanted to hide?

Hina and Komaeda kept talking to each other as they cleaned up the kitchen, mostly about simple things, like how Hina ran Kettle almost entirely by herself. When the chocolate chip muffins were done, Komaeda got them out and looked surprised that they hadn’t turned out poorly. Hina praised him, and Hinata watched his cheeks turn pink, chest aching.

“Good morning!” Souda’s loud voice interrupted Hinata’s thoughts, and he felt Souda’s hands on his shoulders. “I smell coffee.”

“Hinata started a pot!” Hina said cheerfully, and Hinata watched her open the cabinets to find a mug for Souda. “I’ll pour it for you! Just sit down next to Hinata.”

“I’m actually going to take it to-go,” Souda replied. “I want to get back to shop and start working. My back hurts like hell from sleeping in that armchair.”

“Same,” murmured Hinata, his nose wrinkling as he was made re-aware of the ache in his back.

“Well, try to take it easy, I guess.” Hina poured some coffee into a mug and gave it to Souda, and then grabbed one of the muffins from the fresh tray and wrapped it in a paper towel before handing it to him as well. “Not that you ever really work hard to begin with!”

“Hey!”

“Kidding, kidding,” Hina grinned at him, and Hinata could practically hear Souda rolling his eyes in mock offense. “See you later! Bring Hinata’s mug back later, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. See you guys!” And then Souda left, the front door slamming behind him as he went.

“So, Hinata, you have work today, right?” Hina turned to face Hinata, tilting her head to the side. Komaeda dropped the mixing bowl he was currently scrubbing, suds splashing everywhere.

“Sorry!” He grabbed a paper towel and started wiping up the mess, hands shaky. “But, um, Hinata has to work today?”

“Yes?” Hinata frowned a little. “Did you think I didn’t have a job?”

“Ah, well,” Komaeda looked embarrassed as he straightened up, damp paper towel crumpled in his fist. “I suppose I thought that your garden was your job, but thinking about it now, that was silly of me…”

Sensing the building negativity, Hinata quickly jumped to reassure him.

“No, no, you’re not silly. I mean, my garden is my job in a way, I guess. I actually help out the couple who owns the farmland outside of town. The fields we passed on the way into the city yesterday?”

“Oh, right!” Komaeda shuffled his feet, still looking a little distressed.

“Yeah, I help them out usually. My schedule is kind of erratic, but I have to make money somehow, you know?” Hinata laughed a little, and then took an enormous bite of his muffin so that his mouth was too full to keep talking. Komaeda might’ve said he was silly, but it was clearly the rambling Hinata that was the silly one here.

“Not to break this up, but,” Hina cast a sympathetic look at Hinata and nodded in acknowledgement. “I was just asking because I wanted to know what you would be doing while he was busy, Komaeda!”

“Me?” Komaeda’s hand hovered over the trash can, paper towel still in his fist. “What do you mean?”

“Were you wanting to just sit in your motel room all day while Hinata is at work?”

“Ah, well, I hadn’t  _ planned _ to do that, but if Hinata is busy then I…” Hinata felt a happy warmth spreading through him, thinking about how Komaeda had clearly planned to spend today with him too, if he hadn’t been working. Maybe he should call in and say he couldn’t make it? Spending another day with Komaeda, especially after what had happened last night…

“I was going to suggest you spend it with me!” Hina said, cheerfully.

“With you?” Komaeda didn’t look quite so nervous anymore, and Hinata knew that whatever change in the atmosphere had happened earlier had clearly been some kind of friendship building between Hina and Komaeda. Hina had a way of charming a person so completely that they often found themselves so comfortable when they were with her that they didn’t even remember that they  _ hadn’t _ known her since the beginning of time. “You want to spend time...with me?”

Hinata could practically feel the insecurity and self-doubt that was radiating off of Komaeda in enormous waves. But once again, right when Hinata felt like he needed to step in and help him somehow, the situation righted itself as Hina smiled, reaching out to grab one of Komaeda’s hands.

“Of course I want to spend time with you. We can try making that recipe I was telling you about earlier!”

“Oh,” Komaeda’s eyes darted over to Hinata’s, just for a second, and then he smiled, a bit hesitant, but still genuine. “That sounds like it’ll be fun.”

“Great!” Hina dropped his hand and turned towards the sink, surveying the dishes that still needed to be cleaned. “I guess we can finish cleaning up your kitchen, Hinata. Sorry we made such a mess!”

“You’re fine. You made muffins, so we’re definitely even. I might actually even be in your debt,” Hinata held up his half-eaten muffin. “These are really good. As always.”

“Thank you!” Hina beamed, and then she nudged Komaeda, who was still hovering by the trash can, looking a little lost. “Komaeda helped, obviously.”

“Ah, yes, thank you, Hinata,” Komaeda bit his lip, his eyes darker than usual.  _ What’s his deal? _ Hinata tried to go over the past few minutes of conversation, trying to find what might have been said that could’ve upset him, but he came up dry. Maybe it was something else? Should he ask him if he’s okay? But when he looked back at him, the darkness was gone, and Komaeda was pulling the full trash bag up out of the bin and tying the plastic straps together, sealing it up. “Where do you dump your trash?”

“There’s a big bin out in the garage, but you don’t have to do that,” Hinata stood up and walked around the counter, reaching out to take the trash bag. “I can take it.” His fingers brushed Komaeda’s, and a warm, electric tingle shot up his arm, and he ducked his head, knowing for sure he was going to blush.

“I can do it.” Komaeda replied, a little more firmly. Hinata looked up, curious, and met Komaeda’s gaze. “I want to help.” There was definitely something else going on, but Hinata had no idea how to ask about it, so he just let go of the trashbag. Komaeda gave him the tiniest smile and then edged around him, heading out towards the garage.

As soon as he heard the door leading out into the garage close, Hinata turned to Hina, who had already wheeled around from the sink to meet him.

“Hina…” he started, unsure of how to explain that he was a little concerned about how sensitive Komaeda was, and that he wanted Hina to be careful. Hina was kind and sympathetic, plus she was smart. She wasn’t going to need to be told that she had to be conscientious of what she said around him, but… “I think that…”

“Hinata,” Hina wiped her hands dry on a dish towel before reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder. “I know what you’re about to say, and I promise, I will be as careful and delicate as ever. Right now, I think it’s even more important that he feels like he has people who care about him. And I mean that beyond the fact that it’s clear he has no one back home that’s worried about him, but just…” she tilted her head to the side. “He’s sweet. He clearly likes being here. And I want you to be happy. Why not give him more reasons to stick around for a bit, or to visit even after he leaves? Besides, I think he really helps even out our group dynamic,” she smirked a little, and Hinata rolled his eyes. But he felt a little relieved. Hina would take care of him.

The garage door opened, and Hina turned around to continue washing the dishes, and Hinata quickly grabbed a new trash bag and put it into the bin as Komaeda came back into the kitchen.

“Well, I’m going to go shower and then go to work. I hope you guys have a good time!” Hinata smiled at Komaeda as he passed him to go to the bathroom. “If she starts trying to get you to do anything crazy, let me know and I will come right back and rescue you,” he joked.

“You already rescued me,” Komaeda said, and then his cheeks turned pink as he realized what he said. “When you stopped to help with my car, I mean.”

“I would do it again,” Hinata replied softly, and Komaeda looked down at his feet, looking a little overwhelmed. Clearing his throat, Hinata pointed at Hina: “Especially if she starts trying to get you to do half of the things she’s tried to get me to do. She doesn’t look it, but she’s strong. If she wants to see what you look like with your hair tied with a bow, you won’t stand a chance. She’ll get you in a head-lock and somehow also manage to tie the ribbon before you manage to escape.”

“Come on, Hinata, it was  _ one time!”  _ Hina huffed, turning around to wrinkle her nose in a frown. “And it was for a charity thing! Souda didn’t even resist half as much as you did!”

“That’s because he has no sense of shame!” Hinata shot right back, trying not to laugh at the memory of Souda casually flipping through a car magazine while Hina affixed a sparkly blue ribbon to his bright hair.

“Oh, get out of here!” Hina flapped her hands at him, and then turned to Komaeda, her voice soothing. “I promise not to put you in a head-lock, Ko.”

“Thank you.” Komaeda looked a little amused, but, like he seemed to do with most things, he kept the emotion and check and just gave a tiny smile.

“She didn’t promise not to put ribbons in your hair,” Hinata pointed out. “Which means there’s still a chance.”

“Hinata!” Hina pointed towards the bathroom. “Go!”

“Okay, okay!” He held up his hands in mock-surrender and left the kitchen. He hoped Hina and Komaeda would have a good time, because he knew that what Komaeda needed most was to see that he was welcome here. He wasn’t a burden or unwanted. Langdon was better than wherever he had come from.

He went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, letting the steam fill the room and fog up the mirror. When he stepped under the hot stream of water, he let himself think of what Komaeda would look like with his hair tied back in a ribbon.

“...cute.”

 

When he got out of the shower and dried off, the house was quiet. Komaeda and Hina must have already left to go next door, and even though he knew that he would’ve had to be separate from Komaeda eventually, it still made his chest tighten up. Just a little.

He went into his room to see that Hina had changed his sheets and made the bed, and he rolled his eyes as he walked over to his closet to get dressed. If he let her, she would be over here every day cleaning things, doing the laundry, dusting the shelves, making him dinner… He shook his head, smiling to himself as he remembered how she used to behave. It had been right when his grandfather had passed, and she and Souda had taken to coming over every day to make sure that he was doing okay. No matter how many times he told them that losing his grandfather wasn’t upsetting him  _ that  _ much, they wouldn’t listen, and still came over at the same time, like clockwork. Hina made so much food every day that Hinata had started to run out of space in the fridge to keep it, and so Souda had brought over a second refrigerator that they put in the garage, and Hina had filled it too. She was like a machine, cranking out dinners and desserts, all while somehow managing to keep every single piece of clothing and linen in the house clean and folded.

It had irritated Hinata, at first. But then, on a particularly clean day, when Hina had just scrubbed his entire bathroom from top to bottom, Souda had pulled him aside and explained a bit of her behaviour.

“She still misses her mom,” he had said, matter-of-factly, as he pointed the TV remote at the TV to change the channel. “She was told to sell Kettle because she wouldn’t be able to manage it on her own, but she didn’t. She needed it to keep her evenings full. She keeps busy so she doesn’t have to think about it.” After that, Hinata stopped complaining about her being in his house before he had even woken up, or being there whenever he got home from work, cleaning under his bed. Eventually, Hina started to relax a little, but there were still times, particularly when it got close to anniversaries of her mom’s health declining, that Hinata would come home to find Hina folding towels in his living room, shoulders hunched, wiping tears from her eyes.

Seeing her like that made Hinata feel selfishly thankful that he hadn’t been close enough to his grandfather to really feel much pain at his death.

Once he was dressed, he stuffed his phone into his pocket and grabbed his truck keys. He  _ could _ walk to the stand, but his back still hurt from sleeping in the reclining chair all night, so instead he went outside and hopped into the truck, starting it up and doing his best not to stare at Hina’s house and wonder what they were doing without him. Whatever it was, he hoped that Komaeda was relaxing a little.

Hinata backed out of the driveway and started down the street towards the highway. It felt strange to be continuing his regular routine after everything that had changed in the last few days, even though all that had really happened was a single new person had shown up. He paused, waiting for a semi to pass by before he drove across the highway. It was actually kind of funny how it had happened, everything had occurred purely by chance; he had almost not driven into town because he was short on time. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have come back and found Komaeda.

Perhaps they had both just gotten lucky.

When he pulled into the parking lot next to the stand, he could see that Tenko, the farmer’s teenager daughter, was already sitting at the stand, aggressively stabbing at a tomato with a stick. When his truck got closer, she looked up and wrinkled her nose at him, and motioned for him to roll down the window. Hinata did as instructed, watching as Tenko stood from her chair and walked over to him.

“Dad said he needed your help out in the field today,” she said her, crossing her arms over her chest. Hinata had never really spent a lot of time with Tenko, mostly because she went to school in the city and the fact that she was pretty aggressive for a seventeen-year-old. Even though he was an adult, Hinata felt intimidated when he was around her, kind of like how he felt with Mahiru. He bet the two of them would get along.

“Okay, thanks.” Tenko just nodded and turned around, heading back to her chair and pulverized tomato. Shaking his head, Hinata rolled the window back up and turned the truck around, getting on the highway towards the outlying farmlands. Going out to work in the field would definitely make time pass by more quickly than sitting at the produce stand would, and working with the plants was always better than trying to pass off his sad social skills as customer service. The farm itself was a little bit of a drive, so after he turned off the highway onto the gravel road that wound through the property, Hinata reached out to turn on the radio.

Right when he hand touched the volume knob, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Shifting in his seat so that he would be able to reach it, he stuck his hand into his back pocket and pulled his phone out, glancing at the text that was displayed on the screen.

**Komaeda:** Hina wants to teach me how to knit.

Hinata blinked at the screen, trying to discern what Komaeda was trying to say. Did he want Hinata to come help him out of the situation? Was he unhappy? Surely he wouldn’t just text Hinata purely for conversational purposes; there had to be a reason. Nerves bubbling, Hinata started to type back and ask if everything was okay when another message popped up.

**Komaeda:** If I made you a scarf, would you wear it?

Hinata stopped typing. Then he carefully erased what he had written, and typed up a new message, fingers shaking with suppressed emotion.

**Hinata:** Of course I would! :)

He hit send before he could rethink adding the smiley face, and then dropped his phone in the passenger seat, gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. He had never, ever, in his entire life, felt like this. Like he was going to explode from so many good feelings. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so many positive emotions at once; everything had always been a blurred wipe-away of gray, broken up only by the small bright spots of working in his garden or being with Hina and Souda. Feeling this much was...overwhelming.

His phone vibrated again, and he almost veered off the road into the fields with how quickly he reached over to snatch the phone up from the seat. Glancing at the road once more to make sure he was still driving relatively straight, he looked down at the text he had received.

**Komaeda:** Which colour do you like best?

Attached was a picture of two skeins of yarn. One was a deep, rich sapphire blue, and the other was a muted, soft green. Hinata didn’t even have to think about it.

**Hinata:** The green one.

**Komaeda:** That was fast! Are you sure?

**Hinata:** I’m positive. The green one is best.

It was the same colour of Komaeda’s eyes, after all. There was never really any other choice.

**Komaeda:** I’ll get started on it! ...as soon as Hina shows me how, anyway.

Hinata smiled down at his phone, his heart feeling so full it was almost painful. When he finally got to the main house and was told where he needed to go work, he was still thinking about Komaeda and the scarf. He was probably sitting on the couch in Hina’s living room, his nose wrinkled in concentration as he tried to wind the yarn around the knitting needles. The thought of Komaeda’s concentrating face made Hinata scrunch his toes up in his shoes, biting his lip as he dug a shovel into the soft earth of the field. He was supposed to be planting saplings, just like he had done in his own garden the day before, but his mind kept wandering, thinking about what he and Komaeda would do when he got off work.

“C’mon, Hinata. Focus.” Giving his head a little shake, he pulled a pair of tangled headphones from his pocket and untied the knots before plugging them into his phone. He would put on some music, plow through all of the work that needed to be done, and then he could go home and spend time with his friends. He just needed to get started and not get distracted.

A couple hours passed, and Hinata was sweating as he started digging the new hole for the next sapling, tired eyes looking down the line of trees he had already planted. It wasn’t  _ too  _ hot outside, but he seriously felt like he was going to melt if he didn’t take a break. Sighing, he stuck his shovel into the ground and leaned on the handle, pulling off his working gloves with his teeth as he reached into his back pocket to pull out his phone.

He had felt a few texts come in while he was working, but had managed to summon enough willpower to ignore them. All of them but one were from Komaeda.

**Komaeda:** Hina says that I’m a natural!

Hinata smiled. Hina was great at building people up, and seeing Komaeda have even the slightest bit of confidence in himself was heart-warming. Hinata continued to read the texts that followed.

**Komaeda:** Look! I’m already two rows in!

Attached was a picture of the two very neat rows Komaeda had knit with the green yarn, but Hinata could only focus on Komaeda’s long, pale fingers that were in the photo, holding up the tiny bit of scarf. His mind was immediately flooded with thoughts of the night before, of holding those fingers under the blanket. Had that actually happened? Had he, Hinata, really been that blatantly clear about how he felt? Komaeda hadn’t brought it up, and obviously neither had he. Maybe he...dreamt it?

_ No, definitely not _ . Hinata could still remember how thin and cold Komaeda’s hand had felt in his own. And he remembered how hard his heart had been beating, how it felt like every breath he drew in was too loud and might ruin the precious moments he was sharing with Komaeda. Maybe he would try and bring it up later today, if they ever got time by themselves.

He read Komaeda’s next message.

**Komaeda:** Hina says I would be faster if I didn’t stop to text you every two minutes, haha. ^^;; I hope I’m not bothering you too much while you’re at work!

That had been an hour ago, and Hinata regretted not getting his phone out then to reassure Komaeda that he could never be a bother to him. But it seemed that Komaeda had more confidence over text than he did in person, because he had continued to text Hinata several times after that message.

**Komaeda:** We’re taking a break from knitting and Hina and I are going to make lunch together!

Attached was another photo of Hina standing in her cornflower-blue kitchen, throwing up a peace sign with her fingers, and pouting her lips in an extremely exaggerated manner. Hinata grinned and shook his head; at least he knew for sure that they were having a good time.

**Komaeda:** Finished lunch! I think Hina wants to teach me how to mix drinks at Kettle...I don’t think I would make a very good bartender.

And then a few minutes later:

**Komaeda:** I definitely will not make a good bartender!

There was another picture, and all it was was a picture of a broken beer glass on a worn, hardwood floor that Hinata immediately recognized as the flooring in Kettle. Amber liquid was splashed across the floor, and Hinata could see the toes of Komaeda’s shoes at the edge of the frame.

**Komaeda:** Hina said it would be best if we went back to baking in her kitchen. :(

That had been sent fifteen minutes ago, and was the last thing Komaeda had sent. Hinata felt his heart thrumming in his chest, and he tried to squish down the warm, gooey feelings that were coming with it. So what, Komaeda had sent him a couple texts keeping him updated about his day. It was sweet, but it didn’t  _ mean  _ anything.

Hinata tapped back into his main inbox to check the last text message he hadn’t opened that wasn’t from Komaeda. It was just a single text from Hina, with an attachment.

**Hina:** Thought you might like this.

The picture she had sent was one that she had clearly taken stealthily while Komaeda was trying to knit the green scarf. Sure enough, just as Hinata had imagined, he was sitting on the couch, biting his lip in concentration, needles held delicately in his hands. But what Hinata hadn’t imagined was how soft Komaeda’s expression was as he looked down at the tangle of yarn in his lap.

Hinata stared at the picture for much too long before saving it to his phone, cheeks blazing.

“You absolute idiot,” he muttered to himself as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket and grabbed his shovel. “You absolute fucking moron.” But no matter how hard he worked, he couldn’t stop thinking about the look in Komaeda’s eyes as he was knitting that scarf, unaware that Hina had been watching him.

It had been pure, unrestrained affection.


	7. Blue Hydrangeas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a special thank you to OceanPalace for beta-reading for me!! go check out their works if you can ^^
> 
> this chapter is a little longer than what i've been doing lately, just because i couldnt find a good break point sooner! i hope you enjoy it!

Komaeda continued to text him throughout his entire shift. To be honest, he probably would’ve gotten a lot more work done if he hadn’t been pausing to immediately see what new text or picture Komaeda had sent, detailing every activity that he and Hina were doing. According to the plethora of texts Hinata had received, they had made mint chip cookies, knit a little more while watching an episode of Hina’s favourite TV show, and started making the spring-and-summer wreaths that Hina was going to decorate Kettle with. Komaeda had been particularly impressed that all of the flowers and greenery had come directly from Hinata’s garden, and expressed his admiration so strongly that Hinata was left blushing just from reading the praise.

But overall, it made him happy to see Komaeda so comfortable with Hina. And it made him even happier that he had sent so many messages, wanting Hinata to know what they were up to. It was cute.

“Cute,” Hinata muttered under his breath, practically throwing the tools he had been using to trim other trees in the orchard back into the shed. Would Komaeda still be so chatty when they were together in person later? He had been pretty quiet at breakfast, basically interacting only with Hina. But he obviously wasn’t mad or unhappy with Hinata, because he was texting so freely… “Ugh.” Hinata grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge in the shed and pressed the cool plastic against his sweating forehead. He knew he was overthinking things; the last thing that needed to happen was have  _ two _ people overthinking everything in this, because he knew that if he was freaking out about it, Komaeda was probably freaking out even more.

After checking out with his boss, he walked back over to his truck, work boots crunching across the gravel drive. He wanted to get home and shower before meeting up with everyone; he didn’t know how he felt about Komaeda seeing him all dirty from work like this.

_ The first time you met him you had just worked in your garden _ , his annoyingly right inner-voice chided him.  _ You’re overthinking again. _

“Oh, fuck off,” Hinata said to himself, climbing into the truck and slamming the door behind him. As he stuck his keys into the ignition, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and immediately pulled it out.

**Komaeda:** Do you want to come with me to Souda’s shop? He asked me to come by to talk about the car.

Hinata quickly tapped out his response as he shifted the truck into reverse. He knew that if Hina saw him engaging in this much texting and driving in one day she would probably strangle him to death.

**Hinata:** Sure! When does he want you to come over?

Hinata felt butterflies swarming in his stomach as he watched the three little dots pop up on the screen, indicating that Komaeda was typing a reply. He felt like an over emotional girl with a grade-school crush, thinking about how much he liked knowing that he and Komaeda were both looking at their phones at the same time, waiting for messages from each other.

_ It’s probably just you feeling like that, you know _ , the voice said. Hinata frowned, the butterflies slowly settling, instead replaced with a sour wave of self-consciousness. Had he been reading too much into Komaeda’s behaviours? Just because he texted Hinata throughout the day, or hadn’t pulled away when Hinata held his hand the night before, didn’t mean that he was  _ into _ Hinata. In fact, the more Hinata thought about it, the more idiotic and selfish he felt. Clearly Komaeda had a lot going on back home and just within himself; it was unfair of Hinata to think that he would be even remotely emotionally or mentally available or capable of thinking about that kind of thing.

_ Stop overthinking it! _

Komaeda’s response finally came in, quickly followed by several more, and Hinata sighed. He clearly wasn’t the only one overthinking here.

**Komaeda:** He actually asked if I could come as quickly as possible! I hope that’s not too much of an inconvenience for you.

**Komaeda:** Oh, you just got off work….you’re probably exhausted!

**Komaeda:** I can go by myself! It’s selfish of me to ask so much of you.

**Komaeda:** I’m very sorry, Hinata.

Hinata typed as quickly as he could while still staying on the gravel road leading out of the farmland.

**Hinata:** Hey, it’s okay, I don’t mind at all! I’ll be at Hina’s in about 10 minutes, okay? We can go together.

**Komaeda:** ...okay! If you’re sure! I don’t want to be a bother.

**Hinata:** You aren’t a bother at all! See you soon!

Hinata dropped his phone into the passenger seat and revved the engine, urging his truck to go faster. He needed to get to Hina’s before Komaeda decided to just take off without him just to spare him a two minute trip to Souda’s shop.

 

When he finally pulled down the residential street of Langdon, he could see Komaeda and Hina sitting on his front porch, trying to fit an enormous, baby-blue hydrangea into the center of one of the wreaths. It didn’t look like it was going well; the hydrangea was much too heavy for the rest of the wreath. Hinata put the truck into neutral and lightly pressed the break as he coasted into his driveway, coming to stop just as Hina held the wreath up and watched in dismay as the hydrangea immediately fell off. With surprising speed, Komaeda caught the large bundle of blossoms and said something that made Hina start laughing.

“I think that hydrangea is too heavy for a wreath,” Hinata said as he climbed out of the truck, swinging his keys around on his lanyard. Komaeda turned to look at him and smiled, lifting up the flowers in his hand to wave. Trying to squash down the bubbles of giddiness that rose at seeing Komaeda smiling at him, Hinata walked up to the porch and took the wreath from Hina and looked it over.

“I just like how round they are!” Hina said, crossing her arms over her chest and fake-pouting. “Plus the colours are perfect. This blue goes with both spring and summer! I won’t have to change them out!”

“Why not use the daffodils and tulips I gave you?”

“We kind of already used them,” Hina shared a conspiratorial smirk with Komaeda, and Hinata narrowed his eyes.

“On what?”

“It’s a secret!” she giggled, and skipped around Hinata to go down the porch steps. “But you guys go see Souda! I need to get over to Kettle soon anyway to open up. Are you guys going to come by later? Komaeda can show you how he mixes drinks!”

“Ah, it might be best for everyone if I don’t try that again…” Komaeda blushed, running his free hand through his wild hair.

“Oh, come on, you weren’t  _ that  _ bad,” Hina laughed, walking backwards across the front yard towards her house. “We’ll do one where you don’t have to shake it up.”

“If you insist!” Komaeda gave her a tiny smile and she waved, turning around and jogging over to her own house. When she disappeared inside, Hinata turned to look at Komaeda, who was still fiddling with the flowers in his hands. The soft shade of blue looked almost  _ too _ nice against his porcelain skin, and Hinata was mesmerized by long pale fingers gently stroking the velvet hydrangea petals.

It wasn’t until he heard Komaeda clear his throat (and from the slightly exaggerated note, it probably hadn’t been the first time he had done it) that Hinata jerked his head up and looked Komaeda in the eyes, cheeks flaming at being caught staring, yet again.

“Shall we go?” Komaeda gestured with the hydrangea towards the truck.

“Sure.” Biting his lip, Hinata turned around and went back to the truck, listening to the soft pad of Komaeda’s footsteps behind him as he followed. There were so many things about Komaeda, both intentional and not, that made it ridiculously obvious that he was trying as hard as possible to minimize his presence. He was waifish in how thin he was (though he was also taller than Hinata, something that Hinata thought about  _ very _ often), and he spoke and moved so quietly that Hinata was sure he would make a great ghost in a haunted house. No one would ever know he was there until he was already in front of them, giving them a bit of a spook.

It hurt Hinata to think about whether he had always been this way...or if some person or event had done it.

When Komaeda climbed into the cab, Hinata noticed that he still had the blue hydrangea in his hands, worrying one of the blossoms between his fingers as he started out the window thoughtfully. Hinata opened his mouth to ask why he had brought them with him, but one look at the peaceful expression on the other boy’s face had Hinata shutting his mouth and putting the truck into reverse.

Neither of them said anything on the drive over to the auto shop, but the silence was, surprisingly, not uncomfortable or awkward. Hinata still couldn’t quite tell how Komaeda felt just by looking at him, but he knew that for himself, he was relieved that neither of them felt the need to fill the space with meaningless chatter. It meant Komaeda was comfortable with him...right?

They pulled into the parking lot, and Hinata parked in the same spot he always did, not paying particular attention to his surroundings until Komaeda spoke up:

“Does he always park cars like that?” Hinata glanced up, and saw that Souda had moved Komaeda’s car out of the auto garage and it was instead parked parallel with the building, but several feet away from the curb. Hinata frowned. The only times he ever saw Souda move cars to that position, it was so it was easier for a tow truck to latch on and pull the car away. Maybe he needed to take it to the shop in the city to get it properly fixed?

“Not usually…” Hinata replied, slowly. He cut the truck engine and opened his door, dropping out onto the asphalt. “I guess we better go and see what’s up.”

With Komaeda right behind him, they both walked up to the front door of the shop, and Hinata pulled the door open, listening to the bell jingle as he held it for Komaeda to walk through.

“Thank you, Hinata,” Komaeda murmured absently as he passed, and Hinata bit his lip and followed. Would he ever get used to the rush of warmth he felt whenever Komaeda said his name?

Souda wasn’t immediately visible, which wasn’t particularly unusual. Hinata knew he had to be nearby, because there was a still-cold can of Red Bull sitting on the service counter, the sides dripping with condensation and creating a small puddle beneath it. He spotted the mug Souda had taken from his house that morning next to the register, with a pink sticky note on it that read: “ _ Bring back to Hinata’s house!” _ in Souda’s messy scrawl.

“Souda?” he called out, walking up to the counter and peering around the edge to see if Souda was sitting on the floor behind it. All he saw was the off-white linoleum tiles and a bright yellow bubble-gum wrapper, but no Souda.

“Is he out in the garage?” Komaeda asked, taking a few steps towards the door that led out into the work area of the auto shop, but stopping when Hinata shook his head.

“We would’ve seen him.” Hinata scratched his head, and winced when he saw how dirty his hands were from working in the fields all day. “He might be upstairs.”

“There’s an upstairs?” The look of confusion on Komaeda’s face was so adorable that Hinata had to immediately turn around and stop looking at him, or else he knew he would probably never stop. “Hinata?” Naturally, Komaeda reacted to the quick movement, and, moving silently as ever, he was suddenly right behind Hinata, reaching up to put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Ah, I’m fine!” Hinata tried to laugh it off while simultaneously ignore the tingling that was spreading from his shoulder where Komaeda was touching him. “I just thought I heard something.” It was a lie, but Komaeda accepted it easily, which made Hinata feel a bit guilty.

“Oh, okay.” Komaeda’s hand dropped from his shoulder, and he walked around Hinata, looking up at the ceiling, the confused look returning. Hinata’s heart beat unevenly in his chest, and he swallowed hard, trying to collect himself. “But I didn’t realize there was an upstairs in the shop. I thought it was just this room and the garage.” His confusion was understandable. Upon first entering the auto shop, all you saw were four walls, two doors (one to the garage, one back out front), the checkout counter, a bookshelf, a few rickety chairs, and the assorted junk that Souda left lying around.

“There’s a little apartment upstairs, actually. When Souda’s parents left him the shop, he converted it into an office space, sort of.” Hinata walked around the counter to the bookcase and tugged on it. It swung forward on the hinges that Souda had attached to it years ago, revealing a staircase hidden behind it.

“Oh!” The surprised sound popped out of Komaeda’s mouth and he came around the counter as well, looking at the hidden entrance with wide eyes. When Souda had first inherited the shop, he had wanted to turn the upstairs apartment into a “bachelor’s retreat,” as he had put it. He started with making the bookcase door, thinking that he would give it a secret hideout vibe, but that project alone had worn him out entirely, and he gave up. Instead he turned it into an office space, but Hinata knew that Souda still loved surprising people with the bookcase door nonetheless.

“We can go up. He’s probably just using the bathroom or something.” Hinata waved Komaeda on, and the white-haired boy reluctantly started climbing the steps.

“Are you sure we won’t be intruding on his privacy? Maybe we should just wait for him to come down…” he said, sounding a little nervous.

“You’re talking about Souda, right? He has no concept of privacy.” Hinata laughed, following closely behind and trying not to look at...well. He just decided it would be best to look at his feet as they climbed the steps.

When they reached the top, Hinata saw that Souda was, in fact, using the restroom, judging by the closed door off to the right with the red  _ Occupied _ strip displaying above the door handle. It had been a while since Hinata was last up here, and he saw that not much had really changed. The hideous, orange and red tartan couch was still pushing up against the wall, facing the small kitchenette with a minifridge that Hinata knew without even looking was filled with Red Bull. The same green checked rug was spread out across the hardwood floor, covering up the planks that were worn smooth from years of being trodden on. It even smelled the same; a strange mix of cloves, dryer sheets, and car exhaust that filled Hinata with a strange melancholy that he couldn’t quite put into words.

“I’ll be honest,” Komaeda said, his large green eyes taking in every detail of the room, focusing on each item individually as if committing its design and placement to memory, “I didn’t think that Souda was so well-organized.” His gaze had settled on the row of filing cabinets, next to the large desk that Souda used when he was doing his taxes, tallying inventory, or just looking up parts for his Mustang on the old laptop that was sitting on the desk’s surface. Komaeda was right, though. The office space was remarkably clean, and each of the drawers in the cabinets was labelled, though Souda’s messy handwriting tarnished the organized image slightly.

“Langdon might not have a lot going for it, but Souda is really, really good at what he does,” Hinata went to sit down on the couch. “A lot of times the shop in the city has cars they can’t figure out towed over here for Souda to look at. Pretty sure that’s where the other half of Hina’s customers come from, other than passing truck drivers.”

“Hello?” Souda’s voice called out from the bathroom, sounding slightly panicked.

“It’s just me and Komaeda!” Hinata called back, holding back a laugh that it had taken Souda this long to notice that they were there. He was dangerously oblivious, sometimes.

“Oh, okay! I’ll be right out!” Souda yelled back, the relief in his voice palpable. Hinata rolled his eyes good-naturedly, and turned to look at Komaeda, who was still examining the labels on the filing cabinet drawers.

“I suppose he has to be organized, then, doesn’t he?” Komaeda finally turned around, and took a hesitant step towards Hinata. “May I sit with you?”

“Uh, sure?” Hinata scooted over a little, even though there was plenty of room already. “You don’t have to ask.” He could already feel his palms start to sweat as Komaeda came to sit down next to him, the long tails of his jacket brushing against Hinata’s knees as he passed him. Komaeda perched lightly on the very edge of the couch cushion, barely even making a dent in the cushy surface, and when Hinata turned his head slightly to look at him, he saw Komaeda’s hands were curled into fists and pressing tightly onto the tops of his thighs.

He was clearly uncomfortable, but Hinata didn’t know what to do. Should he encourage him to relax a bit? Should he reach over and take one of those fists and gently uncurl his fingers? His heart stuttered at the thought, but was tempted enough to have his hand already starting to move before he caught himself. If Komaeda was uncomfortable, the last thing Hinata needed to do was force himself on him. But...Komaeda  _ did  _ always kind of have a backwards way of thinking; what if Hinata’s attempt to give him respectful space was misinterpreted as Hinata not wanting to touch him at all?

“Oh, fuck it,” Hinata said, out loud, and he reached over and picked up one of Komaeda’s hands. The other boy flinched a little, and at first, Hinata thought he had made a terrible mistake. But almost immediately, he relaxed, and his fist softened, allowing Hinata to use his other hand to peel back his fingers so that they laid palm up in Hinata’s hand.

His breathing was so shallow that it was starting to make him feel light-headed from the lack of oxygen, and he couldn’t bring himself to look up and see Komaeda’s expression, if he even had one.

“You should relax a little more,” Hinata said softly, tracing a fingertip gently against the skin of Komaeda’s palm. His skin was so soft, unlike Hinata’s own callused hands, but it was also freezing. He heard Komaeda let out a shaky sigh as Hinata pressed Komaeda’s hand between both of his own, trying to warm it up. “Are you cold? Your hands are freezing.”

“I’m-” Hinata looked up as Komaeda started to speak, but when their eyes met, Komaeda stopped, eyes wide. There was something in his expression that Hinata couldn’t place. Sadness? Longing? Worry? Maybe all of the above?

“Okay!” Souda burst out of the bathroom, the sound of the toilet flushing behind him immediately breaking whatever moment had been happening between them. Hinata gently let go of Komaeda’s hand, trying to crush the disappointment that was welling up inside. Souda really had an issue with timing. “Once again, I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like first?”

“Um, I suppose the bad news?” Komaeda said, eyes worried. Souda sighed and scratched his head.

“Well, the bad news is that I don’t think I’m going to be able to fix your car.” Komaeda stiffened up at this words, and Hinata looked at Souda, surprised.

“What?” he said, not sure if he heard right. There was something Souda couldn’t fix? Like sure, the guy was kind of a dunce sometimes, but when it came to cars there had never been a problem he couldn’t solve. This had to be a first.

“I mean, I  _ could _ fix it,” Souda backpedaled, holding up his hands as if to push them back. “But I would need to order some pretty specific things. It could take weeks for the parts to get here.”

“I see.” Komaeda’s voice was soft, timid. “And what would the good news be?”

“The good news is that you can go home! I know tons of towing services around the area that would gladly tow your car wherever you need, for a pretty good price. You would just need to call someone to come and get you to drive you back!” Souda actually looked genuinely happy about this, and while Hinata knew it was because he figured it would also make Komaeda happy, he wanted to slap him. Hinata didn’t want Komaeda to leave. Especially not this suddenly, when he had barely managed to finally get comfortable.

“Oh.” Komaeda looked down at his hands, knotted together in his lap. “I, um, don’t…” his words trailed off, and Hinata took his eyes off of Souda to look back. Komaeda was staring down hard, but his eyes looked glassy, like he was about to cry.

“Komaeda?” Hinata’s hand hovered over Komaeda’s shoulder, almost afraid to touch him. Komaeda looked up, and then smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“This is a little embarrassing,” he laughed, voice hollow. “But I don’t really...have anyone to call.”

The words hung in the air, finally confirming everything that Hinata had been thinking, but been afraid to ask. Komaeda had no one in his life who cared enough about him for him to consider an option. He was alone.

Hinata whipped back around to look at Souda, who looked a little uncomfortable, but still worried.

“How long would it take the parts to get here, did you say?” Hinata asked. Souda looked at him, looking a little relieved to have something to focus on other than the slowly wilting Komaeda.

“Uh, two or three weeks, probably. I looked everywhere, but whatever you did to car really did a number on it,” he flicked his eyes over to Komaeda, who gave a small, apologetic shrug. Hinata frowned a little. Honestly, what  _ had  _ Komaeda done to the car? It hadn’t really looked that terrible when Hinata had picked him up, and Komaeda didn’t seem like the kind to treat things poorly.

“Well, Komaeda,” Hinata twisted in his seat so that he faced Komaeda, and put a hand on his knee, hesitating only slightly. “You could...stay?” It came out sounding more nervous that Hinata intended. “I mean, I can talk to the motel owner and can help pay for the room…”

“Oh,” Komaeda laughed again, but it didn’t sound as sad. “You don’t have to worry about the money, Hinata. That’s not…” he paused, and then, a little abashed, finished, “money isn’t particularly an issue for me? When my parents passed, they left, um…”

“Ah,” Hinata felt a little embarrassed, though he didn’t know why. “Okay. Well. Either way, you can still stay here!”

“Yeah, dude. I just figured you would want to get home, but…” Souda rocked back on his heels. “Staying here is totally an option if you don’t mind waiting. I can go ahead and order the parts now, if you want.” He gestured to the computer sitting on the desk, and Komaeda followed his hand, eyeing the laptop.

“I…” Komaeda looked from Souda to Hinata, eyes still looking a little sad, and almost...afraid? Hinata still couldn’t quite read him. “Are you sure you would want me around? I’ve been intruding on all of your lives the last two days and I couldn’t imagine imposing on you for…”

“Komaeda!” Hinata gave his knee a little shove. “Seriously!”

“For real,” Souda rolled his eyes and walked over to the desk, pulling the rolling chair out from beneath it. “The way you go on and on makes it sound like you’ve actually been annoying us. The only thing that’s annoying is you pretending we don’t want you around.”

“Uh, Souda,” Hinata glared at his friend’s back. “Way to put it nicely.”

“It’s the truth!” Souda replied, opening up the laptop and pulling up an order form. “Komaeda needs to quit whining. If we didn’t want him here, we would just tell him.”

“Komaeda,” Hinata looked back, ready to try and smooth over Souda’s blunt words, but realized that he didn’t have to when he saw Komaeda’s face. Wide eyes, flushed cheeks, surprised tilt to his lips.

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda finally said, his voice soft. “This is a new experience for me. I just assumed…”

“You assumed wrong!” Souda spoke over him, flapping a hand at them as he typed with the other. “Now why don’t you guys go and set things up at the motel and we can meet up at Kettle afterwards? I’ll just order this stuff and get a concrete delivery date for you.”

“Okay!” Komaeda stood up from his seat, legs a little shaky, and when he turned to face Hinata, he held a hand out to help him up from the couch. Hinata looked up at him, and Komaeda flashed him the brightest smile he had ever seen him give. “Let’s go, Hinata.”

Giddy happiness spread through every vein in Hinata’s body, and he grinned right back, grabbing onto Komaeda’s hand and letting him pull him up from the couch.

“Let’s go.”

 

The entire way to the motel, Komaeda filled the space between them with chatter, alternating between excitement, and then apologizing for being too excited, but then going right back into it. Hinata just laughed, promising him that it was okay, and reassuring him that while Souda had been rough with his words, it had been the truth. They did want him around, Hinata especially. When he had said that, Komaeda had stuttered over his next few words, cheeks pink, but eventually slid right back into his rhythm, expressing particular excitement that he would be there to see the sunflowers in Hinata’s garden bloom.

Sorting things out at the motel wasn’t an issue, and the owner actually looked a little excited to have someone staying for so long. Hinata couldn’t blame him; it’s not like many people ever came through Langdon staying for more than one night. As they stepped out of the motel office, Hinata stretched his arms over his head, feeling the ache from working all day setting back into his bones.

“So I  _ really _ need to shower,” he said, glancing down the road where he could almost see his house at the end. “But we’ll meet up at Kettle in about half an hour, okay?”

“Of course,” Komaeda pointed towards his motel room. “I kind of need to clean myself up as well. I will see you there, Hinata!” And then he turned and left, practically skipping back to his room. Hinata watched him go, a small smile on his face. It was wild to him that even after constantly reassuring him through the last 48 hours that he was more than welcome there, Komaeda had still felt like they didn’t want him around. That, in combination with all the things he had said about his parents and the people he knew back home, plus having no one to call...it filled Hinata with a aching sadness for him. Even when he had been here for 6 weeks with his grandfather who didn’t even care about him, Hinata had still had loving parents, and then eventually he had Hina and Souda. He had never had a moment in his life that he didn’t have someone looking out for him. What was it like to not have that?

Biting his lip, Hinata went back to the truck and drove home, his thoughts filled with what Komaeda’s life must have been like before now. Even if he didn’t...feel the way he so very clearly did, he hoped that he still would’ve done what he could to make Komaeda feel wanted. Everyone deserved to have someone in their life who was worried about them.

After getting back to his house and showering, Hinata went into his room and opened up his closet, still attempting to towel-dry his hair with one hand as he poked through the shirts hanging up in his closet. He knew that it was silly to think about dressing nicely just to go to Kettle, and he knew the only reason he was considering it at all was because Komaeda would be there, but now that he knew he had weeks to be with him...maybe he should actually start making a more concentrated effort to show Komaeda how he felt. Even though it was still heartbreaking to think about, if Komaeda didn’t really have anywhere else to be, there was a chance that he could just move to Langdon. And be here, with Hinata.

_ That’s selfish of you _ , the voice in his head chided him, and he grit his teeth with annoyance. It  _ was _ selfish. He hated that he knew that it was selfish, but still hoped for it anyway. No matter how many times he tried to remind himself that maybe what Komaeda needed most was a friend, he still found himself thinking about what they could be together instead.

Grumbling, Hinata closed the closet door roughly, stomping over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of regular jeans and a forest green t-shirt. The first step to getting over himself was to just dress like he always did instead of putting on a very obvious show to get Komaeda’s attention. He really needed to relax.

After dressing and trying to fight his hair into submission, he went into the living room to put his shoes back on, his eyes settling on the couch where Komaeda had been sleeping the night before. He somehow managed to fit seamlessly into both Hinata’s life and the life of his friends. Souda had a new project to keep him occupied, Hina had someone to power through every known Pinterest recipe with her, and Hinata… He wasn’t quite sure what he had found in Komaeda, but whatever it was, it was something good. Something that had made him face his own inner cowardice about his life and come out feeling better about it, instead of more depressed. Something that had made living in Langdon seem more idyllic than Hinata had ever imagined it could be.

He knew that he could never really explain this to Komaeda without making the other boy feel like an enormous weight of expectation had been placed on his shoulders, but Hinata knew without a doubt that they were all lucky that Komaeda had come into their lives at this exact moment.

Once his shoes were on, Hinata pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Souda and Komaeda letting them know  that he was heading over to Kettle, and then walked out the front door, skipping down his porch steps. Going to Kettle every night had once just been a way to fill time before going to bed to face another boring day. Now it felt like Hinata’s legs couldn’t carry him down the street fast enough.

The first thing he noticed when he approached Kettle was that Hina had somehow gotten the hydrangeas to stay in one of the wreaths without it falling over, and it was hung prettily on the front entrance. She hadn’t added any of the tulips he had suggested, but as he pushed open the door, listening to the bell tinkling over his head, he saw that several had been cut and placed in a little vase next to her register on the bar counter.

He also saw Komaeda, sitting in the same seat he had sat in on that first night when he and Hinata met, his back to the door.

“Hey, Hinata!” Hina’s cheery voice rang out from his right, and he looked over to see her wiping down one of the booths, her usual black apron replaced with a burnt orange one. She smiled at him and pointed towards the counter. “I’m feeling like cooking today, so if you want you guys can order actual food if you haven’t eaten yet!”

“Okay!” Hinata went up to the bar and pulled out the seat next to Komaeda and sat down, suddenly feeling extremely nervous. He suddenly felt hyper-aware of everything around him, the way the ridges on the barstool dug into his tailbone, the smell of the sea breeze candles Hina had burning on the counter next to the kitchen doors, the faint warmth radiating off of Komaeda right next to him. He shifted in his seat, before finally looking at Komaeda, who was staring down at his phone, eyes hard. “Everything okay?”

At the sound of Hinata’s voice, Komaeda jumped a little, startled. He quickly flipped his phone over and placed it face down on the bar.

“Hinata! I didn’t even notice you come in.” He was very, very flustered. Hinata ran through his options quickly in his head: ask about what was wrong, pretend he hadn’t noticed, or try to guide Komaeda into telling him on his own.

“I didn’t mean to scare you!” Hinata laughed a little. “You must have been pretty focused.”

“Ah, well,” Komaeda glanced guiltily at his phone. “I was just…” His voice trailed off, and Hinata scrambled to reel him back in.

“You don’t have to tell me. But I’m here for you if something’s weighing on your mind!” He tried to keep his voice light and cheery, but inside he was straining with both curiousity and worry. He knew that Komaeda didn’t have anyone in his life that he could count on, but he had referred to supposed friends he had back in his hometown. Were they trying to contact him?

“It’s not that I don’t trust you!” Komaeda was, once again, trying to apologize for something that he didn’t need to, and Hinata repressed a sigh. “It’s just a little...embarrassing.”

“You don’t have to feel bad for keeping parts of your life private, Komaeda. I totally understand.”

“It’s just…” Komaeda stopped, and then slumped in his seat and picked up his phone again, unlocking it and and showing him the text messages that were sitting in his inbox. Trying not to look  _ too _ eager, Hinata slid the phone closer to himself and frowned down at the screen.

There were messages from himself, Souda, and Hina, but the most recent ones were from names he didn’t recognize. Celeste, Junko, Sayaka...at first Hinata’s heart sank when he realized they were all from girls. It wasn’t that he was surprised necessarily; Komaeda was ridiculously good-looking, even if it was an unconventional attractiveness. So of course there would be other people who found him attractive as well. But then he saw another name, Mondo, and the tension that had built up in his shoulders released. So he did have guy friends too.

If they were even friends. The messages he could see in the preview windows weren’t exactly nice or concerned.

**Celeste:** Where have you been? You were supposed to take me to the Underground yesterday.

**Sayaka:** Um, Nagito? Stop being a coward and answer my calls.

**Mondo:** Dude, everyone’s wondering where you are. We said we were kidding, didn’t we? Take a joke.

**Junko:** God, you’re such a fucking loser, Nagito. Maybe someday you’ll grow up and get a sense of humour; you’re too fucking soft.

There were a few more from other names Hinata didn’t know, but he didn’t really want to look at them. He gently pushed the phone back to Komaeda, who was staring down at the wood grain of the bartop. Hinata wasn’t really sure what to say; Komaeda clearly had sort-of friends back home, but from the messages he had read it didn’t look like they were...nice.

“What’s the Underground?” he finally asked, immediately wishing he could slap himself and take the words back. Komaeda looked surprised too, looking into Hinata’s eyes with his nose wrinkled a bit.

“It’s the stupid club my parents were members of. It’s...relatively exclusive, I guess.” Komaeda picked his phone back up and stared at the black screen before tucking it into his jacket pocket. “Celeste uses me to get in.”

“I see.” So she was basically leeching off of Komaeda then. “It sounded like they said something to you that...made you leave.” He knew he should tread lightly; every other time he had tried to bring this up, Komaeda had all but run away from him, lips zipped shut. But maybe Komaeda just needed to talk about it and get it out before he could start feeling better about it. Before  _ Hinata _ could start helping him feel better about it.

“There was, um,” Hinata blinked, surprised that Komaeda was actually going to tell him what was going on. “We had a party? My...friend,” he seemed to stumble over the word, “Sayaka, she sings. She won some award and so we had a party to celebrate her success. It was at my house. Most of the things we did were at my house. Everyone...likes it there.”

“Okay…” Hinata had absolutely no clue where this was going, but the name Sayaka was starting to sound familiar. Where had he heard it?

“They all are very, um, different. From me, that is.” Komaeda laughed, a little derisively, as he referred to himself. “I’m not stupid. I know that most of the time they kept me around was because I have money and can get them into a lot of places, but I guess I didn’t really mind. They wanted me around because of it, and it was nice to feel like I belonged somewhere.” Hinata winced. To know for a fact that your friends were only your friends because they wanted something from you sounded absolutely miserable. “I was out for the most of the day before Sayaka’s party, and when I got home, everyone had already let themselves in and the party was going. Which is fine, I didn’t mind that at all. It was just, when I went inside, Junko started telling everyone that if they just had free access to my house and everything I owned already, why even bother with me?”

“What?” Hinata blurted out, narrowing his eyes. “She said that? While you were right there?”

“She knew I was there, of course. Junko is...blunt.” Komaeda looked down at his hands, knotting his fingers together in what Hinata was starting to recognize as one of his nervous habits. “But I also knew she was right. There’s nothing about me as a person that I could offer them, so I just thought it would be best if I stayed out of the way!” He shrugged his shoulders, but then looked at Hinata with worried eyes. “I don’t mean that in a self-pitying way. It was just the truth of the situation. I thought it would be best. So I gave Junko a set of house keys and I went on a road trip, and they all seemed fairly supportive, so I knew I was doing the right thing.”

“The right thing for who?” Hinata was seething. “For them? They don’t deserve you doing anything for them! Much less just handing over all of your stuff and leaving! You should’ve kicked them all out and cut them from your life completely.”

“Maybe,” Komaeda laughed again, and Hinata felt his heart being crushed in his chest at the sound. This wasn’t the happy laugh he had when they were leaving Souda’s shop. This was the laugh of the Komaeda he had found stranded on the side of the road, with nothing and no one to help him. “But they are still my friends, in a way. Would you cut out Hina or Souda if they said a single hurtful thing to you?”

“Komaeda.” Hinata was trying so hard to remain reasonable when he just wanted to shake Komaeda’s home address out of him so that he could go and fight every single person from his life. “It sounds like  _ everything _ they’ve ever done was for selfish reasons or to hurt you directly.”

“Hinata,” Komaeda’s voice reflected Hinata’s own firm tone. “They have put up with me for years, hanging around their circle. It’s the least I could offer them in repayment for that.”

“You’re not someone who should just be ‘put up with!’” Hinata threw his hands in the air, anger starting to bubble up from deep inside. “Stop thinking of yourself that way! Whatever they did or said to you to make you believe this so unshakably was  _ wrong _ . They were wrong. And you’re wrong, too.”

“Is everything okay?” Hina was suddenly there, dishcloth in her hand, frown on her face. “I know that we’re the only ones in here right now, but I don’t want you fighting if people show up.”

“We aren’t fighting,” Hinata muttered, folding his arms. “I was just...explaining something.”

“Loudly,” Hina pointed out, her hands now on her hips. “You were yelling at Ko.”

“It’s okay, Hina!” Komaeda said brightly. “We just have a difference in opinions, that’s all.”

“Really.” She didn’t look like she was going to let go of it so easily, and Hinata wished that he could just lay his head down on the counter, close his eyes, rewind time ten minutes, and start over. The guilt was starting to rise up, and he felt terrible. He hadn’t meant to yell. He wasn’t angry.

Okay, he  _ was _ angry. But he wasn’t angry at Komaeda. It just made him feel a sharp, agonizing pain in his chest when Komaeda said those things about himself, talking as if he were worthless and unwanted. Even worse was that he seemed to accept that as fact. Like he had never meant anything and would never mean anything, no matter what.

“I’m sorry, Hina,” Hinata gave her a look, pleading for her to just go back to whatever she had been doing so that he could fix this. “I’ll try to keep it down.” She caught on easily, as she always did, and gave a little nod, turning on her heel and walking around the bar to go into the kitchen.

“I’m going to make you guys something to eat, okay? Let me know if any customers show up.” And she disappeared through the swinging doors, leaving Hinata alone with Komaeda once more. He was silent for a moment, wanting to make sure that the next words that came out of his mouth were the right ones.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you or told you how to live your life. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” Komaeda reassured him. “You were just saying what you felt.”

“If how I feel is going to hurt you, then I should keep those feelings to myself.” Hinata tried to catch Komaeda’s eye, but the other boy was steadily avoiding his gaze, looking everywhere but at him. “Can you look at me for a second? Please?”

Obediently, Komaeda turned his head and let his gray-green eyes settle on Hinata’s, but his expression was shuttered. Hinata felt terrible.

“You…” Hinata stopped, taking a deep breath to steady himself. Komaeda’s expression didn’t change. “You mean something to me. Okay? You deserve better than people who are just going to use you and throw you away afterwards. You aren’t someone who is just to there to be put up with. I want you around. Not because you have something I want or can do something for me; I just want you.” When the words left his mouth, Hinata could feel himself starting to blush. Even though through context it was okay for him to say it, he still felt his stomach do flips at telling Komaeda that he  _ wanted _ him.

“You’re very kind, Hinata.” Komaeda replied, softly.

“Hey, Souda told you he wants you around too,” Hinata laughed, albeit a little awkwardly, as he tried to lighten the mood. “And Hina doesn’t just let anyone help her with the decorations for Kettle. She won’t even let me touch those wreaths, and I’m the one who grew all of the stuff she uses for them!”

“Oh?” A small, slightly shy smile was starting to spread on Komaeda’s face, and Hinata rushed to continue, wanting to see it become a full on grin.

“Oh yeah. Last year I asked if she needed help and she all but physically shoved me out of her house. Something about me not having an ‘artistic touch.’” This made Komaeda start to laugh a little, and Hinata let himself laugh with him, relief trickling through him.

“That sounds like her,” there was fondness in Komaeda’s voice that made Hinata feel soft inside. If Komaeda was willing to admit that he cared about all of them, then there was a better chance of Hinata being able to convince him that they all cared about him too. “She was a little particular when I was helping her this afternoon.”

“She’s a little particular about everything, not just flower wreaths,” Hinata smirked. “You’ll see.”

“I will?”

“Well yeah. You’re stuck with us for the next couple of weeks while Souda waits for those parts to come in! You’re going to see just how annoying he can be, and how persistent Hina is. And I,” Hinata leaned to the side and bumped Komaeda’s shoulder softly with his own, “am going to show you what having real friends is like.”


	8. Autumn Crocus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't forgotten about this!!! please forgive me orz
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter! and again, thank you so much for everyone's kind words and encouragement! it really means the world to me! ;;

Sometimes Hinata wondered how he had managed to fill the hours before Komaeda had arrived. The soft-spoken boy fit seamlessly into everything about Hinata’s life; he helped Hinata in the garden, gloved hands gentle as he tended tulips and tea roses in the flower beds. He was always around somewhere, providing quiet company and offering up praise for even the smallest of tasks that Hinata performed, whether it was that Hinata had done a load of laundry or simply just gone to work his regular shift at the produce stand.

Whenever Hinata was at work, Komaeda would spend time with either Hina or Souda, which at first hadn’t bothered Hinata, but had recently started to make him feel a petty kind of jealousy. One evening he had arrived a little late to Kettle, and saw Komaeda and Souda sitting together, howling with laughter as tears streamed down their face. When Hinata had asked what was so funny, neither of them could manage to get out more than the phrase “elephant tires.” Occasionally it would still come up, with one of them just side-eyeing the other, and whispering the words, sending them both into fits of giggles once more. Hinata had tried to tamp down the little green monster inside his chest, quietly reminding himself that it was good that Komaeda and Souda were close enough to have their own inside jokes. It was a good thing that Komaeda and Hina had become so close that they often communicated only by expressive glances and raised eyebrows across a room.

But Hinata was still a little jealous.

Sometimes the jealousy was intensified whenever he remembered that his time with Komaeda was limited by how long it would take for Souda to get parts in and fix the car. According to Souda’s estimates, it would only take two or three weeks maximum, depending on when the parts arrived. In Hinata’s mind, that wasn’t nearly enough time at all. The intensity of his own feelings sometimes frightened him, and he would have to keep reminding himself not to act like an absolutely crazy person, clinging to Komaeda’s arm and keeping him all to himself. The last thing he wanted to do was be so overbearing that he pushed Komaeda away.

And the thought alone of Komaeda distancing himself for any reason at all made a deep, sharp pain bloom in Hinata’s chest, something that he was doing his best to ignore.

 

“Hinata!” Komaeda’s voice snapped Hinata out of his concentration as he carefully trimmed the branches of a white sage plant that had started creeping into the other herbs’ space. He looked over his shoulder, watching as Komaeda skipped down the back porch steps, two bottles of water tucked under his left arm, his right hand holding up what looked like a seed packet.

Hinata got to his feet, dropping his pruning shears into the grass next to the herb box as he turned to face Komaeda.

“What is that?” he asked, squinting against the bright, late morning sun. Komaeda was still too far away for him to make out anything other than the fact that it was, indeed, a packet of seeds. Komaeda let out a slightly breathless laugh, having already winded himself from running down the porch steps as quickly as he had. Hinata was constantly fretting over Komaeda’s health and well-being, but Komaeda always brushed it off, saying that he had always been a bit of a sick kid growing up, and that weakness had just lingered into his adult years, tiring him more quickly than the average person. This had done little to assuage the concerns Hinata felt every time he noticed that Komaeda’s breathing sounded a little  _ too  _ laboured when they worked in the garden, or when his cheeks got a little too pink (even though it was adorable as hell). But Komaeda had survived twenty-four years with it, so he would know best whether he was okay or not.

“Flower seeds!” Komaeda skidded to a halt right in front of Hinata, gently placing the water bottles on the ground before holding the seed pack up for Hinata to see. “The ones we picked out at the gardening store last week!”

“Oh. Right.” Hinata stared at the winter iris seeds, the dusky blue and purple flowers emblazoned on the front of the packet reminding him of the feelings he had felt that day. How Komaeda had been enchanted by the fact that flowers could bloom in the winter, and how he wanted Hinata to plant them in his garden. At the time he had felt a little bitter, thinking about how Komaeda wouldn’t even be around to see them bloom; so what was the point? But he had relented, thinking about how they would at least serve as a reminder of what was turning into some of the happiest weeks of his entire life.

Hinata had been quiet for a few seconds too long, remembering that day, and Komaeda suddenly became apprehensive and apologetic.

“You don’t have to plant them, of course!” he was back-pedalling quickly, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “This is your garden. You can plant whatever you want; I didn’t mean to push them on you… It would just create more work for you! And you already have so much… It was selfish of me to even...”

“Komaeda.” Hinata held out his hand. “Give me the seeds.”

“I… okay.” Komaeda handed over the seed packet, still looking extremely uncomfortable.

“I don’t mind planting them.” He peered around the side of the house to where most of the flower beds were situated, trying to find a spot that he could fit them in. “They can go next to the crocus flowers,” he decided out loud. Komaeda also looked around the edge of the house, scanning the brightly blooming beds.

“Crocus?”

“Autumn crocus. I grow them next to some of the fall crops, because they’re poisonous and keep wildlife from eating from the garden.” Hinata pointed to a fairly empty bed with tiny green buds peeking up from the front row of soil. “Want to plant them now?”

“I… sure.” Komaeda was hesitant, but the embarrassed flush had left his cheeks, and Hinata felt relieved. Despite all of his best efforts (and Hina and Souda’s as well) it was hard to encourage Komaeda without making him feel like he had also guilted you into it, or had been fishing for attention. Depending on the severity of the self-deprecation, Hinata would either push past it with directly contradicting actions, like he had just now by insisting they plant the flowers, or he would he confront him, albeit passively. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. But it was better than nothing.

Komaeda scooped up the water bottles from the ground and grabbed the trowel he had been using before going inside. Hinata picked his up as well, and they walked over to the fall crops bed together.

“It might get a little too shaded here, actually.” Hinata glared at one of the trees growing behind the bed. “Winter irises need good sunlight to germinate.”

“What about over there?” Komaeda pointed to the other side of the garden, where a bed was half full of cucumbers, the other half completely empty. “Is something else planted there?”

“No, actually,” Hinata stared hard at the spot, trying to remember if he had been planning on filling it with something else. Too lazy to go inside and find his garden planner, he shrugged his shoulders. If he had, he could just shuffle things around a bit and make room. “Over there would be perfect.” Komaeda beamed at the off-hand praise, and Hinata ducked his head down to hide his smile. He forgot how easy it was to please Komaeda, sometimes.

As they traipsed across the grass, Hinata looked down at the seed packet in his hand, recalling Komaeda’s words when he thought Hinata didn’t want to plant the flowers.

“You know, Komaeda…” he saw the other boy tense up at the tone of his voice.

“Yes?”

“It’s okay for you to be selfish, sometimes.”

“Is it?” He sounded a little distant, and Hinata knew that if he pushed it, that Komaeda would shut down for a while, so he chose his next words carefully.

“I mean, yeah. You don’t always need to be so worried about how everyone else is feeling. You can want things for yourself.”

“I will try to keep that in mind, Hinata.” Komaeda gave him a small, tight smile, signalling that he was done talking about it, and they finished their walk to the new bed in silence.

Komaeda had helped plant enough things in the garden by now that he had a pretty good idea of how to get things started, and Hinata felt a tiny flicker of pride in his chest as he watched how confidently Komaeda began digging into the soil, carefully spacing the holes apart and making them the exact right depth. Hinata got down on his knees to help, quietly answering Komaeda’s questions about shared root space and soil nutrient combinations to raise the perfect flowers.

It didn’t take them more than 20 minutes to plant a few rows of the flowers, and Hinata filled a watering can and carefully sprinkled water across the top of the loose soil covering the seeds. Komaeda opened up one of the water bottles and took a long drink, and Hinata watched him from the corner of his eye, checking to see if he was too flushed or sweaty. He knew Komaeda probably noticed when he called off working in the garden early, but he never said anything about it, which told Hinata that he was secretly grateful to be given the chance to rest without having to ask for it.

“Do you know if Hina is busy?” Komaeda asked, watching as Hinata set the watering can down next to the flowerbed and flopped into the grass, grabbing the other bottle of water.

“Well, what time is it?”

“Almost noon, I think.”

“She might be, depending on whether she feels like cooking or not. Sometimes she makes desserts in the afternoon for Kettle, but she hasn’t done that in a while.” Hinata looked over his shoulder, where he could just barely see the back porch of Hina’s house in the next door lot. “Though I’m sure if she had left her house already, she would’ve seen us and come to say hi. Why do you ask?”

“I just thought maybe she would like to have lunch with us.” Komaeda reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out. “Should I text her?”

“If you want!” Hinata yawned and stood, stretching his arms over his head, his t-shirt pulling up a bit at the front.

“Do you…” Komaeda looked up from his phone screen, and Hinata looked down, watching as Komaeda’s eyes caught on the exposed strip of tanned skin beneath Hinata’s shirt, and his cheeks turned pink. “I mean. Um. She’s probably busy…” Hinata slowly lowered his arms, pretending his hadn’t noticed Komaeda’s staring.

“We can always invite her next time.” He gave Komaeda little smile and then held his hand out to help pull him up from the ground. “Now let’s get cleaned up and get out of here.” Komaeda hesitated before putting his phone back in his pocket and then gently grabbing onto Hinata’s hand, allowing himself to be lifted up. It always surprised Hinata how light Komaeda was; pulling him up from the ground took almost no effort whatsoever. They both headed into the house, with Hinata holding the back door open for Komaeda to pass through, the white-haired boy giving a little smile in thanks. They both stood in the little hallway that separated the back door from the rest of the house, each slipping off their dirty shoes and lining them up neatly next to the wall.

As Hinata straightened up, he caught a glimpse of the kitchen and wrinkled his nose in annoyance. He had forgotten that he hadn’t cleaned up after he had made himself and Komaeda breakfast this morning.

“You can shower first,” Hinata said, gesturing vaguely towards the messy counters. “I’m going to clean the kitchen first.”

“You should shower first, Hinata!” Komaeda took a step forward, attempting to skirt around Hinata to get into the kitchen. “I can wash the dishes.”

“No…” Hinata stuck an arm out on reflex, his fingertips brushing the wall on the other side of the hallway, trapping Komaeda. “I said I would do it.” He heard Komaeda’s breath catch, and he blinked, realizing how his forearm was just barely brushing against the other boy’s chest, and how close they were standing in the cramped hallway. “I mean. Um.” He dropped his arm and took a step to the side at the same time, moving towards the kitchen. “Seriously. I need to cool down a bit anyway. If I shower when I’m still sweating it doesn’t actually help at all.”

Komaeda opened his mouth as if to respond, but then closed it again, biting his lower lip. Hinata could only imagine the furious internal battle that was happening inside of his head between insisting that he do all of the work and Hinata relax, or letting Hinata do what he wanted, which was to clean the kitchen. If he didn’t know how seriously Komaeda took that kind of thing, he would’ve laughed at how difficult it was for him to just accept that Hinata wanted him to take care of himself first and foremost.

“Okay.” Komaeda’s shoulders dropped a little in resignation, and he branched off to the hallway on the right that led to the bedrooms and bathroom. “But I’ll be quick! So leave some dishes for me!”

“Sure, sure,” Hinata suppressed a laugh and went into the kitchen, rolling his shoulders and looking around, trying to figure out where to start. His eyes fell on the two plates sitting on the bar, where he and Komaeda had been sitting that morning. He smiled to himself, thinking about how easily his mornings had become with Komaeda around.

Where Hinata would usually just wake up at six, get dressed, have a quick breakfast, and then immediately go out into the garden, Komaeda’s arrival had gently altered the schedule he had been following for years. For the past few mornings he would wake up at six still, but by six thirty Komaeda was ringing the doorbell (despite Hinata telling him multiple times that he could just come in) and they would switch off making breakfast. This morning it had been Hinata’s turn, and it was always a fight trying to get Komaeda to just sit down and let Hinata take care of him, but it was a fight that Hinata had come to love. He couldn’t say in direct words that he cared about Komaeda; god, he could barely say it to himself, so there was no way he could say it Komaeda (or anyone else for that matter). So instead he would reassure him every morning that he didn’t mind making him something to eat, that he liked to do it, that he wanted to make sure that he started off the day on the right foot. He would gently push down on Komaeda’s shoulders until he was sitting on the barstool he sat in every morning, and then Hinata would circle back around the counter and start cooking.

No matter what he made (or even when he screwed it up), Komaeda would always express his gratitude in seventy-two different ways, and Hinata would laugh and tell him that it wasn’t a big deal; he liked having Komaeda around.

It was a nice routine.

Still smiling to himself, Hinata picked up both of their empty plates and dropped them in the sink, humming to himself as he started putting away all of the food that he had been left out. No matter how he thought about it, something big had changed inside of him. While Komaeda’s arrival had been unexpected, it was if there were thousands of tiny things that had built up since then that had created this intangible feeling inside of him. Where simple tasks in his life had previously been monotonous and expected, they were now something that he looked forward to and found pleasure in. Even his garden, something he thought he had always had appreciation for, had become even more beautiful to him when he got to see it through Komaeda’s eyes.

The Hinata who had been afraid of being trapped in the same place for the rest of his life, who had been on the verge of tears talking to Hina on the porch in the middle of the night… He couldn’t even remember who he had been, then. He couldn’t recall how it felt to feel so low, like he was drowning in a void of mediocrity and uselessness.

For the first time that Hinata could ever truly remember, he felt happy.

He finished cleaning the kitchen, and right as he wiped down the last counter and was rinsing the rag in the kitchen sink, Komaeda walked in, scrubbing his wet hair with a blue towel in an attempt to dry it. He was wearing a fresh change of clothes, a long sleeved heather green shirt and jeans, his feet bare, and Hinata tried not to focus  _ too _ much on how soft he looked in that particular shade of green.

“You cleaned everything.” His tone was almost accusatory, and Hinata laughed.

“I said that I would!”

“But I said to leave some for me!”

“Okay, okay,” Hinata looked around and then opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a pink plastic cup, filled it with water from the tap, and drank it. He held the glass out to Komaeda, a smirk on his face. “Here, I left this one for you.”

“Very funny,” Komaeda smiled at him, wrapping the towel around his neck and taking the cup from Hinata’s hand, their fingers barely brushing against each other. Hinata tried to keep his breathing even as he slid around Komaeda, who immediately made a beeline for the sink to wash the cup.

“I’ll shower and then we can head out, yeah?” he said, trying not to stare at the sharp cut of Komaeda’s shoulder-blades through his shirt.

“That sounds fine to me.” Komaeda didn’t turn around, every ounce of his focus on “helping” Hinata clean the kitchen by washing the single cup. Hinata shook his head and turned around, going down the hallway to the bathroom.

Steam still filled the air as Hinata shut the door behind him, stripping down before turning around to turn the shower water on. As he went to check that he had a towel hanging on the rack for when he got out, he could see condensation dripping down the mirror above the sink, and he walked over to take a closer look.

Komaeda had written something on the mirror. But no matter how hard Hinata tried to read it, he could only make out the words “can” and “you,” separated by several other words that Komaeda had clearly scrubbed out. Whatever it was had been a question, because a very clearly drawn question mark hovered at the bottom of the mirror, and Hinata wished desperately that he could know what that question had been.

 

It didn’t take long for Hinata to finish his shower and get dressed again, though he did spend a couple extra minutes trying to get his hair to stay flat on his head, without much success. When he left his bedroom, he could see Komaeda standing in the living room, very carefully folding laundry that he must’ve gotten out of the dryer. He watched Komaeda picked up one of Hinata’s t-shirts, shook it out, and then neatly folded in the sleeves, obsessively smoothing the shirt out repeatedly to avoid folding in wrinkles. Hinata took a step forward, opening his mouth to announce himself so that he didn’t startle his friend (which happened a lot more often than Hinata had ever expected it would; Komaeda was pretty jumpy), when he saw Komaeda lift the freshly folded shirt up to his face and press his nose into it, inhaling slowly.

Hinata flushed, his heart immediately picking up speed as it hammered in his chest. Sure, he totally understood enjoying the smell of fresh laundry, but there was something pleasantly dizzying about seeing Komaeda do it. Especially when it was  _ his _ shirt that he was smelling.

He waited until Komaeda put the shirt down, not wanting to embarrass him if he knew that Hinata had seen, and then cleared his throat and faked a yawn, stretching his arms over his head as he walked into the living room. Despite all of his warning sounds, Komaeda jumped a little anyway.

“Hinata!” Komaeda pointed at the neatly stacked piles of folded clothes. “I took your clothes out of the dryer for you.”

“Thanks, Hina,” Hinata joked, eyeing the now empty laundry hamper sitting next to the coffee table. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to thank you for making me breakfast this morning.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Hinata laughed a little and grabbed a pile of tshirts from the couch, and turned to head back towards his room. “Let me just put this up and then we can get going, okay? I don’t want us to get caught in the lunch traffic.”

“There would be traffic?” Komaeda grabbed a stack of Hinata’s pants and followed behind him, walking down the hallway towards Hinata’s bedroom. “I didn’t realize…”

“Not in Langdon, you dork,” Hinata bumped open his bedroom door with his hip and walked in, heading for his dresser. “In the city. It’s a small city, but there are still people getting on their lunch breaks that we would have to contend with! And Cafe Teru can get super packed, trust me.” He pulled open one of the top drawers and shoved the pile of shirts inside, turning to look at Komaeda who was still standing in the doorway. “You can come in, you know.”

“Ah,” Komaeda took a tentative step across the threshold, looking a little more nervous than Hinata would have liked. “I’ve never seen your room, Hinata.”

“Really?” Hinata frowned, looking around the space. It was pretty empty; he didn’t really have any personal effects to hang on the walls or to decorate his nightstand. Everything was just in the same shades of blue as the rest of the house, with a slight nautical theme that had Hinata feeling like he gave off the impression of loving the water when he was actually quite indifferent to it. “Well, here it is.”

“Here it is.” Komaeda still hadn’t moved from the spot he was standing in, just inside the doorway, holding three carefully folded pairs of jeans in his arms.

“I can take those,” Hinata took a step forward, arms outstretched, and he could’ve sworn he saw Komaeda flinch, just ever so slightly, as Hinata took the clothes from him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Komaeda’s response was almost automatic, and he still didn’t move, eyes canvassing the room, focusing on every object as if committing it to memory. He looked from the bed, to the closet door, to the dresser, and then back, tilting his head to the side as he saw the rollaway mattress that fit right underneath the bed, saved for whenever Souda came to spend the night. Hinata pursed his lips, but went to put the pants away, not wanting to pressure Komaeda, who was clearly uncomfortable. Or at least very nervous.

“Well, should we get going?”

“Of course.” Komaeda walked backwards out the door, his gaze focused on the bright green phone charging cable that was dangling off the side of Hinata’s nightstand. “I’m actually quite hungry.”

“Good to hear!” Hinata put a lot of extra cheerfulness in his voice, pretending he didn’t notice Komaeda’s strange behaviour. “Let me grab my keys and we can get out of here.”

“Okay.” Komaeda finally turned around and headed down the hallway, going straight to the front door and squatting down as he tugged on his socks. Shaking his head, Hinata went and grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter. He was pretty sure that no matter how long he knew Komaeda or how much time he spent with him, he would never be able to quite figure out what he was thinking.

Once they both had shoes on, they got into Hinata’s truck and started the long drive out of Langdon and into the city. It had been a couple of nights ago, but when they were all sitting at the bar inside Kettle, Souda had started grumbling about how he was craving food from Cafe Teru, a popular restaurant in the city. Komaeda’s interest had been piqued, and when he asked about the cafe, Souda had launched into a long, impassioned description of the food, the atmosphere, and the extremely attractive waitresses (which to him was part of the restaurant's appeal). Hina had overheard Souda rambling and come over, immediately joining in on telling Komaeda how great it was.

“Hinata, you  _ have _ to take Komaeda,” she said, turning to look at Hinata with a mischievous sparkle in her eye. “He has to go before he leaves.”

“Oh my god, please take me wi-” Souda’s words were cut off by Hina reaching out and squishing his cheeks together.

“Oh, Souda, wouldn’t you rather work on your car? It’s been so long since you’ve done anything to it…” She stared right into Souda’s eyes until he caught on to what she was doing, silently mouthing a drawn-out ‘ _ Ohhhhhhhhhhhh’ _ and turning to wink at Hinata.

“Actually, yeah, I have to work on my baby. You two should go together!” He all but nudged Hinata with his elbow and made an obscene gesture, and Hinata resisted the urge to punch him and instead rolled his eyes. Komaeda, thankfully, seemed entirely oblivious, and instead started trying to tell Hinata he didn’t need to go out of his way to take him anywhere if he didn’t want to. But there was no way Hinata was going to turn down the perfect opportunity for them to go on a kind-of date.

At least, it would be a date in the sense that Hinata had feelings for Komaeda, Komaeda didn’t know, and they happened to be going out and doing something together. If that counted as a date. Hinata had separated from the rest of the group early that night since he had to work an early shift in the morning, and he had heard Hina and Souda going right back into worshipping Cafe Teru as he exited Kettle, with Komaeda hanging on their every word.

“I hope Hina didn’t overhype the place to you too much,” Hinata said as he turned onto the highway. “Like, it’s good, but it’s not  _ really _ good, you know?”

“What exactly is the difference between those two?”

“Well…” Hinata paused, thinking. “It’s like coming back to something that you loved as a child, and it’s not quite the same as you remembered it. Like you’ve been telling yourself how great it was and how much you can’t wait to try it again, but then when you actually do it kind of falls flat of the idealized childhood memory.”

“I see.” Komaeda turned his body so he was facing Hinata as much as his seatbelt would allow. “I’ll try to temper any expectations, then.”

“I don’t want you to  _ not _ enjoy it… In fact, maybe it’s just a matter of personal preference? Because Hina and Souda both swear by the food from the cafe.” Hinata’s nose wrinkled as he thought about it, and Komaeda laughed.

“I’m sure that it will be a pleasant experience all the same, since we’ll be going together. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to take me there.”

“It’s no big deal,” Hinata focused hard on the road in front of him, trying not to read too much into what the other boy had said. ‘ _ Since we’ll be going together.’ _ Like going with Hinata was what was going to make the outing enjoyable. “Hina basically threatened to stop serving me if I  _ didn’t _ take you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it, immediately side-eyeing Komaeda to see if he was going to start apologizing to Hinata for  _ ‘ _ having to take him somewhere.’ It was sometimes difficult to remember that Komaeda was always attentive and waiting for confirmation that he was useless or worthless or something in between, oftentimes inferring much more than was actually meant.

But Komaeda didn’t even seem to notice, instead pulling his phone out of his pocket and looking down at the dark screen.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he said finally, still looking down at the blank phone. “I got a call really late last night from one of my friends.”

“You did?” Hinata kept his voice as neutral as possible. Ever since that day at Kettle, he hadn’t brought up Komaeda’s friends again, and neither had he.

“Yeah, from Mukuro,” he looked up and noticed the flicker of confusion that Hinata knew must’ve crossed his face at the unfamiliar name, and he quickly explained. “She’s Junko’s twin sister. She’s not as...abrasive.”

“That sounds...nice?” Hinata wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, but Komaeda seemed satisfied and continued.

“She had been out of town for a while--she travels a lot--and so she was just calling to check up on me. Ask how I was doing.”

“And?”

“Well, I told her that I was just taking a bit of a break, and she asked what I was taking a break from.”

“Does she not know?” Hinata found it hard to believe that someone could be around Komaeda’s friends and not tell that he was being treated unfairly. Hell, he had noticed from the very first day he met Komaeda that something wasn’t quite right.

“Mukuro...cares about her sister a lot,” Komaeda hedged. “She tends to do her best to excuse her behaviour or explain it away. And some of it is reasonable!” He added quickly, when he saw Hinata open his mouth to object. “They haven’t had the easiest life, and they handle it in different ways. I think Junko’s way is a little more...destructive. But from what Mukuro says, it helps her somewhat.”

“Wait, so openly bullying someone is going to be considered an acceptable coping strategy now?” Hinata scoffed. “What else did she want?”

“That’s the thing,” Komaeda’s voice was soft, as if he were afraid that Hinata might actually hear what he had to say… and that he wouldn’t like it. “She said that things aren’t the same without me there. She said that they...missed me?” He sounded so unsure of himself, as if the concept of being missed by anyone was entirely foreign to him. Hinata’s heart ached.

“Of course they miss you,” Hinata said, getting ready to launch into: ‘Because now they have no one to push around.’ But before he said the words, he saw Komaeda perk up, and look at him hopefully, and he felt crushed. He couldn’t say that to him. “Who wouldn’t miss you?” He finished, giving Komaeda little smile. “I know I’m going to miss you when you go.”

Ah, fuck.

“What?” Komaeda’s hand tightened around his phone just slightly, and Hinata wondered how he was even able to drive properly when he was so busy focusing on even the slightest movement from the boy next to him. He made it so hard to think about anything else. But now he had to buckle down on his words, even if it was kind of embarrassing.

“You’re going to leave after Souda fixes your car, right? So of course I’m going to miss you.”

“You...oh.” Hinata risked a glance out of the corner of his eye, and saw that Komaeda was a little pink-cheeked, staring down at his lap. “I… will miss you as well. And Hina and Souda too, of course.”

So he was lumped in with Hina and Souda, then. That was fine.  _ Totally _ fine. They were friends, so of course he would put Hinata with his… other friends. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, but he gave Komaeda a smile and then nodded at the phone that he was still holding.

“So what else did Mukuro have to say?”

“Just that she looked forward to seeing me when I returned, and that Sayaka has been asking about me as well.” Komaeda started flipping the phone between his fingers, turning it over and over, the black screen occasionally catching the sunlight and flashing it into Hinata’s eyes. But he didn’t complain, instead waiting for Komaeda to finish his thought. “I asked if it was about the fact that I hadn’t been taking her calls, and Mukuro said yes, it was, but that it was because she was worried.”

Hinata recalled the text he had seen from Sayaka on Komaeda’s phone the night he had been looking through it. She had called him a coward and told him to answer the phone. It hadn’t seem like the kind of thing someone who was worried about their friend would say, but maybe it had since changed. If Komaeda hadn’t spoken to them in almost two weeks, he supposed it would make sense for them to get concerned about him on some level, even if they didn’t truly care about him.

Unless they  _ did _ care about him, and they were just bad at showing it? It wasn’t like Hinata had many examples to pull from; he had only seen the texts that he had been shown and could only reference the few bits that Komaeda had shared with him.

“Maybe you should call them back and let them know that you’re okay.” Hinata said, finally. Komaeda looked up at him in surprise. “If they haven’t heard from you since you left… They might be pretty worried about you.”

“Maybe so.” Komaeda stuck his phone back in his pocket and gently folded his hands in his lap. “I’ll think about it. At the very least, I know that Mukuro has always been...genuine in her feelings.”

“I’m glad that you have someone you can count on.”

“...yes.”

They stayed silent for a while, and eventually Hinata reached out to turn on the radio, just to have something fill the silence. He and Komaeda often would just sit together, not feeling the need to say anything, but this silence felt a little different. He could tell that the other boy was thinking pretty hard, and he didn’t want to interrupt. He knew he had a lot of things to work out.

As they got close to the outskirts of the city, Komaeda finally turned his body to face Hinata again, his eyes lighting up as he spoke.

“Do you think that Souda and Hina would ever be able to leave their shops for a few days?”

“What?” Hinata laughed, unsure where this was going. “What do you mean? I think it’s up to them how they run their businesses, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them close shop for more than a single day, and that’s when they were super sick.”

“Oh,” Komaeda wilted a little. “I just...I thought that perhaps you all would like to...come visit me. Sometime.” He shook his head a little. “That was selfish of me. I shouldn’t be asking them to abandon their livelihoods just to come and…”

“ _ Komaeda _ .”

Komaeda sighed, rolling his shoulders a little bit, almost in irritation.

“Komaeda, seriously. You are allowed to be selfish every once in a while. I bet that Souda and Hina would love to come and visit you.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” Hinata came to a stop at the traffic light that marked they were entering the city limits, glancing over at Komaeda as he did so.

“Would you come to visit?”

“If I was invited, yes, I would come to visit,” he met Komaeda’s eyes and raised his eyebrows a little bit. “Are you inviting me?”

“I’m…” Komaeda was turning pink again. “I would like to, yes.”

“Well then sure. I bet we could all come visit you anytime you wanted. Just so long as you promised to come back sometime in the summer to see Souda…”

“...on the lake, yes, I remember.” Komaeda smiled at him, looking both excited and relieved. It was truly baffling that he still expected to be shot down at every turn, no matter how much Hinata tried to reassure him. “I’m very much looking forward to it.”

“Me too.” Hinata smiled back, and then faced the road again right as the traffic light turned green. They started passing a few smaller shops, and soon they were driving past the gardening store. Komaeda watched it flicker past through the window, turning his head all the way around to watch it disappear behind them.

When they finally arrived at Cafe Teru and Hinata pulled into the parking lot, Komaeda’s eyes widened a little in surprise as he took in the number of cars packed into the rather small lot.

“It really is packed,” he said, his tone coloured with disbelief. “I’m sorry, Hinata, but I honestly didn’t believe you when you said that there would be traffic. Perhaps Hina didn’t overhype the food to me after all?”

“I guess you’ll find out!” Hinata found a spot relatively close to the door (“How lucky!” Komaeda exclaimed, beaming) and hopped out of the truck. Komaeda skipped up behind him to stand by his side, and his hand barely brushed against Hinata’s, sending electric tingles all the way up his arm.

The front door of Cafe Teru was entirely glass, with a bright red metal frame and door bar.  _ Cafe Teru _ was frosted in the center of the glass in simple serif lettering, the days and hours of operation printed neatly beneath it. As they approached the door, they could already see the line all the way back to the glass, and Hinata glanced over at Komaeda to see if he looked hesitant at all. But the other boy was simply looking at everything, taking it all in the same way he did with everything else, memorizing it.

“I’ll get the door,” Hinata sped up his pace and grabbed the red handle, tugging it towards him. It didn’t budge. He tugged harder, and then he heard Komaeda’s soft giggle behind him.

“I think you need to push, Hinata,” the fondness in his voice stopped any oncoming embarrassment about the door, instead making him flush from Komaeda’s tone alone.

“Figures,” Hinata muttered, ducking his head down and pushing on the door, which opened up easily. Komaeda laughed again, and he gently touched Hinata’s arm as he stepped past him into the restaurant, making Hinata’s cheeks redden further.

When they stepped inside, they were immediately enveloped in the delicious combined smell of freshly baked bread, garlic, and slow-roasting meat (which Hinata could actually see on a rotating spit in the kitchen through a window in the back of the restaurant). Komaeda inhaled deeply, his eyes closed, and sighed.

“It smells amazing,” he said, hugging himself.

“It does,” Hinata agreed, standing on his tiptoes to see over the shoulders and heads of the people in front of them. It looked like there were still a couple empty tables; the hostess at the stand was just having trouble seating everyone fast enough. So hopefully the wait wouldn’t be too long.

They stood in line together, Komaeda looking around with wide eyes, and Hinata taking the opportunity to just watch him without feeling self-conscious about it. From the side, Hinata could see just how sharp the angles of Komaeda’s collarbone were, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets to squash the urge to reach out and trace their edges. He couldn’t explain it, but every time he spent just a little too long thinking about Komaeda, or even just looking at him, he wanted to touch him. He wanted to pull him into his arms and hug him, bury his face in his hair, feel what it would be like to press his lips right against Komaeda’s…

“...-nata?” Hinata blinked, lifting his eyes up from the collar of Komaeda’s shirt until he was looking into the other boy’s face.

“Yes?”

“You look a little tired. I was asking if you were okay.” Worried green eyes canvassed Hinata’s face, searching for any signs of illness or distress. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Hinata pointed to where the line had moved up quite a bit. “It’s almost our turn.”

“Oh!” Komaeda gave him one last concerned look before turning back around, and Hinata followed as they stepped up to the hostess stand, now second in line to be seated. He really needed to stop zoning out and daydreaming like that; eventually Komaeda was actually going to notice (if he hadn’t already and was simply being polite by not mentioning it).

“Do you know what you’re going to order?” Hinata asked him, rocking a little on his heels, still a little jittery from his daydream. “I’m sure Souda and Hina loaded you up with recommendations.”

“They did!” Komaeda beamed. “I think I might try a little bit of everything, and if I can’t finish it, I’m sure they would love it if we brought them back something.”

“Well isn’t that thoughtful of you,” Hinata joked. “Souda is going to want to marry you if you bring him back food.”

“Is he?” Komaeda frowned a little. “Maybe we shouldn’t…”

“I was kidding.” Hinata bumped Komaeda with his hip, trying to make the act of touching him seem as casual as possible even though his heart was racing from the contact. “Although he might write a song about you. It’s been a while since he got out his guitar, but this might just inspire him.”

“That is something that might be worth seeing.” Komaeda brought a hand up to his chin, pretending to think. “In that case we should definitely bring him something back.” They both laughed, continuing to joke about Souda and the extremely long list of things that didn’t seem to cause him any sort of embarrassment whatsoever. It was easy conversations like this that had Hinata feeling like he had known Komaeda for years and that they had only just found each other again, fate bringing them together like in some cliche romance novel.

When it was their turn to be seated, they were brought to a booth right next to a window looking out onto the main street of the city, cars whooshing past, people bustling down the sidewalks in their business-casual attire as they grabbed lunch before heading back to work. Komaeda slid into the booth seat across from him, and smiled his thanks at the hostess as she set their menus down in front of them. As soon as she left, Komaeda picked open the heavy, red-leather bound menu and opened it up, his forehead creasing as he scanned the options.

“I’m not seeing some of the things that Hina recommended to me…” he sounded so disappointed, and Hinata picked up his menu and opened it as well, scanning the list for the things he knew Hina liked.

“I think some of the stuff she likes is seasonal?” he guessed, also not finding some of the desserts that Hina had ordered the last time they came. “When we were here last it was in the winter, and they rotate their menus to match the seasons, I think.”

“How interesting!” Komaeda’s eyes sought out the spring-only items, considering each of them in turn. “Perhaps we can order her something new then, so she feels like she was really included on our trip?”

“Sure.” That was twice now that Komaeda had mentioned Hina coming with them. Hinata didn’t want to think  _ too _ much about it, especially because there was a 99.9% chance that Komaeda was just wanting to make everyone feel included. But he still felt a little put-out by it. “That would make her really happy.”

Komaeda seemed to sense something was off in Hinata’s tone, and his head snapped up, eyes narrowing as he looked into Hinata’s own. He opened his mouth to say something, but then their waiter approached, notebook at the ready, and smiled at them.

“Good afternoon! My name is Rantaro, and I’ll be your server today,” he reached across the table and picked up a laminated placard that had been sitting next to the salt and pepper shakers, and showed it to them. “Here’s a list of some of our specials for the month. If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask!” He set the placard back down and then pulled a black pen out from behind his ear, a few locks of sea-green hair falling forward into his eyes. “What can I get you started off with to drink?”

“Sweet tea, iced,” Hinata said, automatically. Rantaro nodded, scribbling something down in his notebook, and then turning his smile towards Komaeda.

“And you?”

Now maybe Hinata was just imagining it; he  _ was _ still feeling a little sore about Komaeda talking about wanting Hina to be with them (even though he knew he was being petty). But he could’ve sworn he saw the waiter give Komaeda a once-over, and his smile had brightened just a little bit. Even worse was that Souda had been right; the wait staff here were all very, very attractive.

“I’ll just have water. Thank you, Rantaro.” Komaeda gave the waiter a smile, and Rantaro smiled right back, not breaking eye-contact as he wrote down Komaeda’s order.

“You’re very welcome. I’ll get that right out for you.” The waiter walked off, and Hinata watched him with narrowed eyes as he went up to a register near the kitchen and started typing something in. He was approached by another employee, this one a girl with dark skin and light hair, who immediately started talking to him. Hinata watched as Rantaro looked at her and said something before nodding over at their table. The girl stood on her tiptoes to look at them, and when she met Hinata’s eyes she gave him a little wave and turned back to Rantaro.

Yeah, something was definitely up.

“Maybe I’ll just order this…” Komaeda was still caught up in looking at the menu, oblivious to everything else that was going on. “Do you know what you’re going to get?”

“The Caesar wrap,” Hinata said immediately, pointing at the item on the menu. It’s what he got every single time he came; better to pick something he trusted and knew he liked than to order something he would end up hating. Komaeda peeked at him over the top of his menu.

“Hina said that you always order that.” The way he said it sounded  _ almost _ like an accusation.

“She’s right.” Hinata’s leg started bouncing under the table, his eyes kept flicking over to where Rantaro and the girl were still standing next to the register, talking to each other and occasionally looking over at their table. “I like the wrap.”

“Maybe you could...try something new?” Komaeda’s voice got a little higher at the end, as if he were nervous to suggest such a thing. Hinata stopped jiggling his leg and turned his attention to Komaeda, raising a single eyebrow.

“And why would I do that?”

“Isn’t it fun to try new things?”

“Sometimes. But I don’t like taking chances with my food.”

“Oh, okay.” Komaeda looked back down at his menu, pulling it up so that his face was hidden behind it. Hinata stared at the bright red cover for a few seconds before sighing and reaching over, pushing it down so he could see Komaeda again.

“Would you like me to try something else?”

“No, it’s fine!” The smile he gave was just a little  _ too _ chipper. “You should get what you like!”

“Komaeda, what’s wrong with you.”

“Ididn’twanisobeikealltherisits.” The words came out of Komaeda’s mouth so quickly that Hinata was stunned, blinking once, then twice, then sitting back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

“You what?”

Komaeda coughed, his cheeks starting to flush. He fiddled with the menu a bit before saying, this time slowly, thankfully: “I didn’t want this to be like all the other visits. I want it to be spec…” He stopped and corrected himself. “I want it to be something that you remember.”

“Oh.” Hinata was suddenly blushing too, looking down at the table, wishing that the waiter would come and interrupt them so he had an excuse to not reply immediately. But Rantaro didn’t show up, and Hinata was forced to speak. “I’ll order something...different.”

It wasn’t a direct acknowledgement of Komaeda’s words, and it wasn’t the best way he could have responded, but he hoped it conveyed his feelings all the same. He wanted this to be something Komaeda remembered too, and the fact that he had been thinking about it that way...made Hinata feel a little bubble of hope start to blossom in his chest.

He started looking at the menu, reading each of the items listed, trying to find something else that would be just as good as the Caesar wrap. Komaeda stayed hidden behind his menu, and while Hinata knew he was probably trying to hide it, he could hear that Komaeda was taking deep, slow breaths, as if he was trying to calm himself down. Hinata pulled his menu up to hide his grin, biting down on his lip to stay quiet.

“Have you decided what you want to order?” Rantaro was suddenly there, right next to the table, setting their glasses down on the little red leather coasters. He had his body angled away from Hinata again, as if he were only asking Komaeda what he wanted. Irritation spiked through Hinata’s veins and he cleared his throat loudly, forcing Rantaro to turn and look at him.

“I think I’ll have the herb-crusted salmon,” he said, picking the first thing he saw. God, he hoped he liked it, because now he was stuck with it.

“Okay,” Rantaro wrote it down, and then turned back to Komaeda, his smile back on.  _ Could you be any more obvious? _ Hinata let out a derisive snort, but Rantaro didn’t turn around again, and Komaeda didn’t notice, instead holding up his menu and pointing at a couple of different things.

“I know it’s a lot,” he said, apologetically. “I just wanted to make sure I tried some of everything! I’ve heard a lot about this place.”

“It’s no biggie,” Rantaro scribbling down Komaeda’s order and leaned his hip against the edge of the table, tilting his head to the side as he looked down at Komaeda. “We get people coming in here order literally every single thing from the menu.”

“Really?” Komaeda looked at the menu as if he was considering doing the same, but seemed to talk himself out of it. “Surely they don’t finish it all.”

“They definitely don’t!” Rantaro laughed, and Hinata hated that even that sounded attractive too. “But hey, they always leave good tips, so what do I care what they do with their food?”

“I suppose that’s one way to look at it.” Komaeda looked thoughtful, and Rantaro was looking at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to say something else. When he didn’t, Rantaro pushed off the table and held up their order.

“I’ll go put this in! Let me know if you need anything else.” He reached up to brush back a few strands of his wavy hair, and then leaned across Komaeda to grab their menus off the table. Hinata felt like he was going to explode. With a smile directed only at Komaeda, Rantaro walked off, tucking the menus under his arm as he went.

“He’s so nice,” Komaeda said, turning in his seat to watch Rantaro put things into the register. “I’ve never had to work in food service, but I imagine I would be a little frustrated if people were wasting that much food regularly.”

“He’s…” Hinata wanted to say ‘flirting with you,’ but if Komaeda didn’t notice, then he definitely didn’t want to draw any attention to it. “...a good waiter.” He finished, Komaeda gave him a weird look but didn’t say anything else.

Hinata didn’t think too hard about what he was about to do because he knew he would chicken out, so instead he just started squinting his eyes, and brought a hand up to shade them.

“Wow, the sun is shining right into my eyes,” he said, trying to sound as if he was truly uncomfortable. “It’s too bad they don’t have any blinds for this window…”

“What?” Komaeda’s mouth turned down at the corners. “It wasn’t shining in your eyes earlier was it?”

“Um, no!” Hinata coughed a little and gestured vaguely out the window. “I guess a cloud was covering it until just now.” He took a deep breath as quietly as could, gearing himself up for what he was about to say. “Do you mind if I come sit on that side?”

“Not at all!” Komaeda immediately started scooting over to get out of the booth, and Hinata jumped up, putting both of his hands on Komaeda’s shoulders and pushing him back down.

“I didn’t mean trade! I don’t want you to sit with the sun in your eyes.” His heart was pounding  _ so loudly _ he was surprised everyone in the restaurant wasn’t staring. Komaeda’s shoulders felt so small under his hands, like a single squeeze would shatter him into pieces. “I meant we sit on the same side, together.”

“Oh!” Komaeda let Hinata push him back down into the booth, and he slid across so that he was right next to the window. “Yeah, that’s fine!” Hinata gingerly sat down on the edge of the seat and slid in, trying to act as casual as possible.

“Thank y-” his knee bumped Komaeda’s under the table and set his whole leg on fire. “Sorry!”

“It’s okay!” Komaeda gave him a tentative smile, but he didn’t move his leg, and Hinata relaxed a little, letting his leg rest against Komaeda’s. There was no way he was going to be able to eat when his stomach was suddenly filled to the brim with butterflies.

Eventually he managed to remember how to form words, and said: “So I hope the salmon’s good.”

“I hope so too!” Komaeda turned to beam at him, and his face was so close that Hinata felt everything in him turn to mush. God, he was such a disaster.

“What exactly did you order? I wasn’t paying attention.” Komaeda launched into a list of what he had ordered, whether Souda or Hina had been the one to recommend it, and then why he had chosen that particular thing. Komaeda wasn’t a big talker usually, so when he spent the next fifteen minutes talking about his food, Hinata knew that he had to be feeling nervous about something. Was it that he was sitting next to Hinata? Or had something else been bothering him? Not for the first time since they had met, Hinata wished that he could read minds.

Eventually the conversation switched to other things, like what they planned to do when they got back, when the next movie night was, and whether they would see the parts for Komaeda’s car come in before the week was over. That last bit wasn’t something that Hinata was particularly keen on talking about, but he knew that it was better that he started adjusting himself to the reality of it  _ before _ the day actually arrived.

They were both laughing at how Souda had fallen asleep barely 20 minutes into  _ Les Mis _ at the last movie night when Rantaro appeared, holding a tray, following by the blonde haired girl he had been with before. When he saw that Hinata and Komaeda were sitting on the same side of the table, his smile faltered a little bit, and Hinata resisted the urge to stick out his tongue and blow a raspberry in his face. But only barely.

“Here you go!” Rantaro and the girl managed to fit all of the plates onto the table, and Hinata raised his eyebrows at the amount of food that Komaeda had ordered. Souda was going to flip when they brought half of this back. “I hope you enjoy your meal.” His smile was back full-force, but Komaeda wasn’t even paying attention, instead trying to rearrange the plates so that a bowl of mac and cheese was the first thing in front of him.

“Thank you, Rantaro,” Hinata said. Rantaro looked at him, gave a little nod (that seemed a little resigned, in Hinata’s opinion) and left, the girl trailing behind him.

“This looks so good…” Komaeda was in awe, carefully dipping his fork into the mac and cheese and pulling up a bite.

“Poor Rantaro,” Hinata unwrapped the cloth napkin from around his silver and gave a faux-pitying shake of his head.

“What?” Komaeda stopped his fork halfway to his mouth and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well he’s kind of been…” Hinata gently laid his napkin down over his lap, pretending to be nonchalant. “...flirting with you. But you haven’t even noticed.”

“He has?” Komaeda did a full-body turn in his seat to try and see if Rantaro was still somewhere nearby.

“He has.”

“Wow...I didn’t even notice!” Komaeda turned back around, his expression a little sad. “I feel really bad.”

“You don’t have to feel bad!” Hinata reassured him, cutting out a tiny bite of his salmon, which he had to admit did look pretty good.

“I’ve never been flirted with before…”

“What?” Hinata’s knife slipped out of his hand and clattered loudly down onto his plate, causing Komaeda to jump. “Are you serious?”

“Yes?” Komaeda’s eyebrows knit together, his expression confused. “No one has ever flirted with me before. I guess it’s not surprising that I wouldn’t have noticed…”

“Are you serious?” Hinata’s head was spinning. Was Komaeda trying to play a joke? Had he really not noticed that basically everything Hinata did was an attempt at flirting? Was Hinata  _ that bad  _ at it? “Oh my god…” The realization filled him with embarrassment and shame. What had Komaeda thought he was doing when he held his hand at movie night? What about when they first met and Hinata had run his hands through his hair? He still couldn’t believe he had done that, and now Komaeda was saying that all of it was just… normal?

“Should I apologize to him?” Komaeda sounded like he was about to start panicking. “Was I leading him on? Oh no… Oh no, oh no…” he stared down into his bowl of mac and cheese, looking so dejected that Hinata suddenly felt entirely responsible for the turn in his mood.

“No, you don’t have to apologize. You definitely weren’t leading him on.” Hinata, deciding to be bold for the second time that day, put his arm around Komaeda’s shoulders and pulled him in to his side. Komaeda didn’t resist, leaning his head against Hinata’s shoulders. If he was so dense that he didn’t know when people were flirting with him, Hinata needed to start being a lot louder with actions. “Don’t feel bad about it, okay?”

“Okay.” Komaeda still sounded a little upset. Then he tilted his head back so that he could see up into Hinata’s face, and when Hinata looked down at him, his heart stuttered to a halt. He thought Komaeda had been close before, but this was entirely different. Barely a few inches separated them, and he felt like he was going to pass out from the sheer exhilaration of it. “Was it at least good flirting?”

Hinata burst out laughing.

“No, it wasn’t. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss out on anything.”

It was definitely time for him to ramp up his game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love rantaro amami so much.........and while komahina is the best, the whole time i wrote this i kept thinking about how pretty komaeda/amami babies would be ;A;


	9. Trumpet Lilies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i say this every time, but thank you so much for your words of encouragement and for supporting me! it really means the world to me ;o;  
> but here is the long-awaited next chapter! please enjoy it!

Hinata could not stop thinking about what Komaeda had said.

Was he just bad at flirting, or was Komaeda just really, really dense? Maybe it was some terrible combination of both, which meant both of them had just been circling around like absolute fools for the last week and half.

“He said he’s never been flirted with before?” Hina looked dumbstruck, her hands freezing just above the bread dough she was kneading. “He actually said that?”

“Yes!” Hinata was so glad that someone else felt as blindsided by it as he had. “Can you believe that? Like what on earth does he think I’ve been doing this whole time?”

“Just being nice?” Hina went back to folding the dough over and then pushing it down with her knuckles, her head tilted to the side thoughtfully. “I mean, some of the things you do with him are the same things you do with me. Hugs, pats on the shoulder, spending time together…”

“I guess…” Hinata pressed his forehead down on the counter and covered his head with his arms. “I just seriously cannot believe that I thought I was somehow being slick only to find out that Komaeda wasn’t even interpreting it as flirting at all.”

“You might just have to straight up tell him you think he’s attractive.” Hinata snapped his head up and glared at Hina, who just smiled cheekily in response. “Direct is best!”

“With how things have been going he would probably just say ‘Thank you, Hinata! You are also good-looking! And Souda, you are too!’” Hinata mimicked Komaeda’s breathy voice, and Hina started laughing.

“You’re right, he wouldn’t think of it as a romantic move at all.” Hina reached up to push back a few strands of hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail, streaking flour across her face in the process. “Maybe being consistent is your best option? Just keep doing what you’ve been doing, and then when you think the time is right, explain as fully as possible how you feel.”

“I can barely think straight when he’s looking at me. There’s no way I would be able to get the words out right.”

“Use flashcards.” Hina pulled out a baking sheet and started rolling out the bread dough into long loaves. “Just pull them right out of your pocket and start reading off of them.”

“That’s very helpful, Hina. Thank you,” Hinata said sarcastically.

“Hinata.” Hina stopped what she was doing and looked up, her hands on her hips. “I can’t help you with this. Not really. You know Komaeda much better than I do, and it’s something that you’re going to have to work out on your own. But with what you’ve said, I think there’s probably a good chance that he might have feelings for you too. He just doesn’t know how to interpret them.”

“And you think that me sharing how I feel first might make him open up, too?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged, lifting one of the sections of dough and laying it out on the baking sheet. “But hey, if he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you know he’s going to be leaving soon. So you won’t have to be embarrassed about it.”

“I guess…” That wasn’t exactly a comforting thought, and Hinata still felt super jumbled up on the inside. He still could not even begin to understand what Komaeda was thinking when Hinata had held his hand. Or done any of the other things he thought were super obvious. How was he supposed to make it even more clear?

“Don’t stress about it too much, Hinata.” Hina was sliding the baking sheet into the oven and setting the timer on the digital clock on the microwave. “You’ll figure it out eventually. There’s not any rush. Komaeda said he would come back in the summer, right? And said that he wanted us all to come visit him? It’s not like he’s going to be disappearing for good once his car gets repaired.”

“You’re right,” Hinata sighed, feeling more overwhelmed than he had in a long time. “I guess I’ll just start trying different things and seeing how he responds.”

There was a knock on Hina’s back door, and she yelled out a cheery “Come in!” as she washed her hands clean of flour in the sink. They heard the door open and then close softly, and Komaeda appeared around the corner, wearing the same green shirt he had been wearing when they went to Cafe Teru yesterday.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, sounding a little breathless. “I was fighting with the laundry machine at the motel.”

“What for?” Hina dried her hands on a towel, a frown starting to form.

“To wash my clothes?” Komaeda sounded a little uncertain as he looked at Hina’s expression. “But um, it’s broken. I ran out of clean clothes yesterday and hadn’t thought to wash any until now…”

“What?” Hina whipped around to glare at Hinata. “Are you telling me that you haven’t offered to let him use your washing machine and dryer?”

“No?” Hinata felt a little confused, but also a little ashamed. “I didn’t know that I was supposed to?”

“Hinata.” Hina went up to Komaeda and put her arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug. “You need to take better care of him.”

“Um.” Komaeda looked a little uncomfortable, his eyes wide and pleading as he looked back and forth between Hina and Hinata. “I don’t know if Hinata is…”

“Komaeda,” Hinata rolled his eyes at Hina, even though he knew she was right. “Should we do some laundry today?  _ Your _ laundry,” he specified. “I can’t believe that you’ve been helping me do mine when you have your own that needs doing.”

“I didn’t think of it either, actually,” Komaeda looked at Hina, who just smiled at him. He flicked his eyes back to Hinata, and Hinata tried to give him his most open, winning smile, which only seemed to make Komaeda even more fidgety. “It’s not a big deal, I can just…”

“Komaeda. Seriously.”

“Okay!” Komaeda held up his hands in mock surrender, his cheeks starting to flush slightly. “Okay. Should we do it...now?”

“Now is better than later!” Hinata got up from his barstool and walked around the counter, not making eye contact with Hina who was still glaring at him. He did feel a little embarrassed that he had never considered that Komaeda was  _ living _ at the motel. Like he knew that that’s where he had been sleeping, but all of the additional things that came with being stranded in a dumpy town like Langdon had just kind of slipped his mind. And now that this had come to light, more things were creeping to the front of Hinata’s mind.

“What have you been doing to eat whenever we aren’t all together?” Hinata asked suspiciously. Komaeda blinked, and Hina dropped her arm from around his shoulder and busied herself with cleaning up the mess she had made while baking. “We’re together most nights, but not  _ every _ night.”

“The convenience store is...” Komaeda began.

“Good grief,” Hinata turned and poked Hina in the shoulder. “So you have something to be worried about, too! Acting like I was some kind of demon for not thinking about him washing his clothes...what about feeding him!”

“Hey,” Hina whipped around and crossed her arms, “I have to work at Kettle every day! But I make him lunch all the time!” She cast a despairing glance at Komaeda. “I’m so sorry, Ko!”

“You’re acting like I’m some kind of pet,” Komaeda’s arms were crossed now, too, and for a moment Hinata thought that he was angry. But then he said “And I’m not a pet, but it’s nice to be...cared about.”

Hina gave a little squeak and threw her arms around Komaeda’s neck and hugged him, which only made him look even more embarrassed.

“Of course we care about you,” she said, her voice muffled against Komaeda’s shoulder. “Both of you can come over for lunch after you’ve done some laundry.”

“Which we should probably get started on if we want to get it all done in one day,” Hinata looked at the clock over Hina’s stove. “Should I get my truck so we can load it all in the back?”

“I don’t have  _ that  _ much,” Komaeda said, taking a tiny step back as Hina let go of him. “But it would be better than carrying it all down the street.”

“Well come on then,” Hinata walked towards the back door, Komaeda trailing after him. “We’ll see you in a little bit, Hina!”

“Okay!” she called back as Hinata opened the back door. “If you need help folding, give me a shout and I’ll come over!”

Hinata stepped out onto Hina’s back porch and patted his pockets, checking to see if he had brought his keys with him. Komaeda came outside after him, pausing next to Hinata and watching as he patted his thighs and then his rear, searching for the keys.

“They must still be on the kitchen counter,” Hinata said, turning back towards the door. “You can go ahead and head over to the truck if you want!”

“Okay.” Komaeda started walking across Hina’s back lawn, crossing over into Hinata’s yard as Hinata went back inside.

“Hina, have you seen my-” he stopped as Hina rounded the corner, truck keys in hand.

“I knew you would notice eventually!” she smiled and handed them over. Once Hinata had tucked them safely into his pocket, she crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side expectantly.

“...what?”

“Well, I was just thinking…” she began.

“Oh no.”

“How much do you think it’s costing Komaeda to stay in the motel? I know it’s not exactly a five star establishment, but that place definitely doesn’t do weekly rates. He’s probably shelling out at least fifty bucks a night, and he’s been here for a while. That’s hundreds of dollars…”

“What are you getting at, Hina? Should I offer to pay for his room?”

“No, you idiot,” she rolled her eyes, dropping her arms down to her sides. “Maybe I should invite him to come live with me.”

“That’s actually a good idea!” Hinata’s eyes brightened, thinking about Komaeda now only being next door. “I’ll ask him if he-”

“Hinata. Good grief,” Hina grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a gentle shake. “Or  _ you _ could invite him to stay with you. I didn’t want to have to just say it!”

“Oh.” Hinata’s mind started racing. He did have that extra rollaway bed, or he could let Komaeda have his room and he could sleep on the couch… “That...might work?”

“It definitely would. You just need to find a way to bring it up to him without embarrassing yourself,” she pulled away, and grinned at him cheekily.

“Thanks a lot,” Hinata huffed, turning back towards the door. “I’ll definitely ask him. Good idea, Hina.”

“If having a week-long sleepover doesn’t give you enough opportunities to convey your feelings to him, then you really might just be out of luck.” Hina said, as he opened the back door. “So do your best!”

“That’s what I’ve been doing this whole time!” he grumbled, going back out onto the back porch and heading back towards his own house. He could see Komaeda had gotten distracted by the flower beds they had planted the winter irises in, as he was kneeling in the grass, examining the soil very carefully. When he heard Hinata approaching, he snapped his head up and brushed his hair out of his eyes, a small crease appearing on his forehead.

“Hinata…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t think your sprinkler system is putting enough water out over here,” he stood up, dusting off his jeans. “The other beds are still damp, but this one is only wet in little patches.”

“That’s right!” Hinata exclaimed, suddenly remembering his dilemma when they had been planting yesterday. He knew there had been a reason this bed had been empty in the first place, and it was because he had yet to find a way to arrange the sprinklers to properly water it. “I can just do it by hand for the time being. Next time we go into town I can pick up another sprinkler head.”

“Okay,” Komaeda gave the flowers another worried look before finally turning his back on them. “I’m sorry they’re creating more work for you already.”

“It’s no big deal,” Hinata assured him as they headed around the side of the house to where Hinata’s truck was parked in the driveway. “It’s not like I wouldn’t already be out there, taking care of the garden anyway. Doing a little extra watering isn’t going to kill me.”

“Maybe I can come over and do it instead?” Komaeda suggested.

“If you want,” Hinata pulled open the driver’s side door and climbed in, waiting for Komaeda to get in and buckle his seatbelt before turning the keys in the ignition. “You’re always here in the mornings as it is, so that might work out.” This would’ve been the perfect opportunity for Hinata to suggest that Komaeda come and stay with him, but he couldn’t find a way to get the words out, so instead he just backed out of the driveway and drove down the street towards the motel.

He had seen the lights on in the room from outside enough times to know which room was Komaeda’s, so he pulled into the parking spot directly in front of the spruce green painted door, and cut the engine.

“So do we need to get a hamper or something to load your clothes into?” Hinata asked as they got out of the truck. Komaeda reached into his pocket and pulled out his room key. He pushed aside the “No Maid Service Required” sign he had hanging on the doorknob and slid his card into the lock, waiting for the light to blink green and give them access.

“Um, I actually had just been putting all my dirty clothes in a trashbag. I didn’t know I was going to be here this long.” He pushed the door open and stepped inside, and Hinata followed behind him, his curiousity suddenly piqued at the thought of what Komaeda’s living space might look like. He knew it wouldn’t have nearly as many personal effects as an actual bedroom, but he was interested nonetheless.

What he did not expect was for everything to be completely and perfectly tidy, as if no one had been living there at all. The only sign that Komaeda even stayed in the room at all was a pair of black-framed glasses sitting on the nightstand. Hinata didn’t even see his suitcase.

“Where...is all your stuff?” Hinata asked, turning in circles as he scanned the room. The TV remote was still sitting right next to the TV, as if Komaeda had never even picked it up. There weren’t any discarded towels or clothes, there weren’t even any wrinkles on the bed. Judging by the sign he had hung on the door outside, Komaeda must have made the bed that neatly himself.

“In the closet.” Komaeda walked over to a mirrored sliding door and tugged it open, revealing a single, black hardshell suitcase and a white trashbag. Peeking over the plastic edge of the bag was the corner of a neatly folded shirt, because of  _ course _ Komaeda had folded all of his dirty laundry before arranging it in the bag. “I like it when things are tidy.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Hinata stepped around Komaeda and peered into the bathroom. There wasn’t even a toothbrush out on the counter, and there wasn’t even a drop of water on the floor or sink. “You must be disgusted by my house.”

“No!” When Hinata turned around, Komaeda looked horrified. “Not at all! I wouldn’t judge a person based on the…”

“I was kidding,” Hinata stepped back out of the bathroom and walked over to the closet, reaching around Komaeda and grabbing ahold of the trashbag. “Shall we go? I hope I didn’t track too much dirt on your clean carpet.” It took him a second, but eventually Komaeda smiled a little bit, sliding the closet door closed.

“Very funny.” They went over to the door and Komaeda glanced over his shoulder. “Thought it looks like you actually might have.”

“Oh, please,” Hinata rolled his eyes good-naturedly and pushed the door open, walking back out into the sunshine. “We can just hold this in the cab with us. I don’t want to risk the outside of the bag getting dirty.” He heard Komaeda laugh behind him and smiled to himself. He was definitely more nervous than ever about asking if he wanted to come and stay with him; would he come home one day to find that all of his belongings had suddenly disappeared, cleaned away by the clearly dirt-allergic Komaeda? As he thought about what items he probably wouldn’t mind losing, he realized that Komaeda still hadn’t come out of the room. “Ko?” he called out.

The motel room door opened again, and Komaeda stepped out, squinting a bit at the sun. Hinata noticed he had a sheet of paper in his hand.

“What’s that?” he asked, his hand hesitating over the truck door handle.

“Just a reminder from management saying that I need to pay for the next few nights before the end of tomorrow.” Komaeda walked around to the passenger side and opened the door up. “I almost didn’t notice it, but he must’ve left it on the desk in there.”

“Oh.” Hinata climbed into the truck, biting his lower lip.  _ Now. Ask him now. _ “Hey, if you want-”

“Could you drop me by the office really quickly so I can take care of it?” Komaeda asked as he buckled his seatbelt. “It shouldn’t take more than a second!”

“Um, actually,” Hinata fiddled with his keys in his lap. “Maybe you don’t have to stay here?”

“What?” Komaeda looked at him, another frown forming, identical to the one he had in the garden a couple minutes earlier. “There aren’t any other lodging areas in Langdon, are there? Besides, I’ve kind of gotten used to it.”

“What I meant was,” Hinata took a steadying breath. “You could come stay at my place. Or Hina’s. Then you wouldn’t have to pay anything. Saving money and all that.”

“That…” Komaeda looked more than a little surprised, almost confused. “That’s very nice of you to offer. And for Hina to offer.”

“Well, staying with me is the first offer, of course,” Hinata could feel the urge to start rambling crop up inside him, and he tried to squish it back down. “And then if you really hated it, you could go and stay with Hina instead. She probably has a more comfortable bed though, so maybe you would prefer to stay there… And it’s not like you would be far away or anything! Or you could trade off nights, staying with me and then staying with her…” His attempt to stop the rambling failed, and so instead he stopped talking, shoving his keys into the ignition instead. Komaeda was looking at him expectantly, as if he knew Hinata had been about to offer to ask Souda if he wanted in on the hosting Komaeda deal. When it was clear Hinata wasn’t going to continue speaking, Komaeda finally said:

“I would love to stay with you. Thank you for offering. Should I go in and get my suitcase before we leave?”

“Oh, right, yeah, that would probably be a good idea.” Hinata let out a sigh, trying to release some of the tension that had built up inside him. “Do you need me to help?”

“I can manage just one bag I think,” Komaeda gave him a smirk--probably the cutest smirk Hinata had ever seen in his life--and unbuckled his seatbelt before hopping out of the truck and going back into the motel room. 

“I did it.” Hinata announced to himself, hoping to feel the rush of relief that often followed after completing a difficult task. “I asked him.” Instead of relief, he felt his nerves bunch up even more tightly, and he gripped the steering wheel hard. Should he now offer for Komaeda to have his room? The couch? Would Komaeda want his own space, or would he be fine with them both just sleeping in Hinata’s room? He should’ve asked Hina how to proceed after the first question was answered.

He hadn’t come up with an answer by the time Komaeda had wheeled out his suitcase, nor was he any closer to a solution after he had dropped Komaeda off at the motel office to check out. By the time they got back to Hinata’s house he was no closer to knowing who was going to be sleeping where, and it was starting to make him sweat a little.

He helped Komaeda unload his things, doing his best to think logically through the situation. The first time Komaeda had seen his room he had practically refused to come in, and he certainly didn’t stay very long. Maybe he was uncomfortable there? Which meant that maybe Hinata should have him sleep on the couch. But sleeping on a couch wasn’t very comfortable, and Hina would murder him for being a bad host if she found out that he hadn’t given his guest a proper bed. Did that mean he should try and prepare his grandfather’s room for someone to stay in it? Maybe. But the thought of someone going into his grandfather’s room when even he hadn’t been able to go in there since his passing felt way too weird.

He lugged the trashbag of clothes into the house, Komaeda right on his heels wheeling his suitcase behind him. They both slid their shoes off at the door and walked down the hall, stopping in the living room where Hinata dropped the bag on Souda’s armchair.

“Okay, so I guess first we can sort your clothes into lights and darks, and then if you want to do it by colour, we can…” Hinata began to open the bag when Komaeda pushed the suitcase forward and bumped him gently on the hip.

“Where do you want me to put my things? Should I just leave them out here?”

“Um.” Panicking, Hinata just said the first thing that came to mind. “Put it in my room.”

“Your room?”

“Yeah. You can sleep on the rollaway bed that’s underneath mine! That’s where Souda sleeps when he isn’t in this armchair.”

“Okay.” Komaeda pulled his suitcase across the living room and disappeared down the hall, leaving Hinata standing in the living room alone, feeling like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. He hadn’t put up any kind of fight at all, so maybe he was okay with sleeping in there, and the morning before had just been a weird day?

He could hear Komaeda coming back down the hall, so he busied himself with pulling all of the clothes out of the bag. Unsurprisingly, he discovered that the need to sort them by colour was completely unnecessary, as Komaeda had already packed them in there that way.

“What must his house look like…” he muttered to himself, stacking the clothes on the coffee table.

“Let’s do whites first,” Komaeda said as he approached, grabbing the small stack of shirts and underwear off the table. “They’ll be the fastest.”

“Fine with me.” Hinata finished taking everything out of the bag and then crumpled the plastic up into a ball, tossing it towards the kitchen. It fell short and landed next to one of the barstools, unfurling slightly as it drifted to the ground. He had half a mind to just leave it there, but then an image of Komaeda’s perfectly empty motel room flashed across his mind, and he wrinkled his nose. Sighing, he went over to the bag and picked it up, walking it all the way into the kitchen and throwing it into the trashcan.

He could hear the washing machine beeping as Komaeda put in all his desired settings, and smiled to himself, finally letting in some of the giddiness that had been lurking beneath all of the situational anxiety. Komaeda was staying with him.  _ Living _ here. Maybe only for a week or two, but the only time Hinata wouldn’t be with him was when he had to go to work, and even then, Komaeda would text him nonstop while he was gone, so it never really felt like they were apart. A grin split across his face, and he practically skipped down the hall to his bedroom, suddenly excited to set up the rollaway and picture what it would be like that night when they both went to bed.

Komaeda had left his suitcase leaning against the footboard of Hinata’s bed, perfectly centered. Rolling his eyes, Hinata dropped to his knees and tugged on the rollaway bed’s frame, sliding it out from underneath his bed. It was still made up in the same navy blue sheets that were on Hinata’s bed; all that it needed was a thicker blanket to go on top and some extra pillows. He began to hum a random melody as he went back into the hallway and opened the linen closet, pulling out “the best blanket” (according to Souda) and two extra pillows, snatching up two pillowcases as well before pushing the door closed with his foot. He had never been this excited about sleepovers with Souda. Ever.

“Do you need help?” he hadn’t even heard Komaeda approaching until he was already there, and he jumped, startled.

“Oh, uh, sure!” Hinata handed him the blanket. “You can just spread this on your bed however you like it. And if you need more, let me know.” They both went back into Hinata’s room, and Hinata busied himself with putting the pillowcases onto the pillows, trying not to watch as Komaeda very neatly tucked the blanket underneath the sides of the mattress. Making beds had always seemed kind of counterintuitive to Hinata; if you were just going to mess it up later, what was the point in making it at all? No one slept in their bed fully made. Why bother?

Hinata finished putting the pillowcases on the pillows and dropped them down at the head of the rollaway bed, watching as Komaeda kept tugging carefully at each side of the blanket, pulling it as taut as possible against the mattress.

“Do you like to sleep in a straitjacket or…?” Hinata finally asked a few minutes later, when Komaeda was still kneeling on the floor, adjusting the blanket and sheet underneath. “ You won’t even be able to get underneath it with how much you’ve tucked it in.”

“Ah,” Komaeda blushed, dropping his hands from where they had been fixing to adjust the corner of the blanket for the sixtieth time. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just let me know if you need some vice grips to really keep it pinned down; I bet I have some in the garage somewhere.” Hinata grinned, and a little bit of the tension left Komaeda’s shoulders and he smiled back, getting up onto his feet.

“I’ll see what it’s like tonight and get back to you,” he replied, still smiling. Hinata laughed and tilted his head in the direction of the door.

“Should we go and see if Hina will let us borrow her laundry machine too? Get things done twice as quickly.”

“Sure!” They both went back out into the living room, and each grabbed a stack of clothes off of the coffee table and headed to the back door. Neither of them bothered to put on shoes and instead just traipsed across the grass barefoot to Hina’s back porch, and Hinata reached a hand out to pull the glass screen door open and let them inside.

“Hina, we’re going to use your machine too!” Hinata called out, pointing Komaeda to a small room immediately to their right, where Hina’s laundry machines were. He didn’t hear her reply, and shrugged his shoulders, following Komaeda into the laundry room. “Should we just dump them all in together?”

“Hm,” Komaeda looked at the clothes he was holding and then frowned at the clothes in Hinata’s arms. “They can go together, yeah.” He turned around and opened the door on the front of the washing machine and tossed the clothes in before reaching for the things Hinata was holding. Wordlessly, Hinata passed them off as watched as Komaeda put them in the machine and then carefully started measuring out detergent.

They had been together for almost two weeks. Almost fourteen days of being around Komaeda constantly, learning the way he moved and how he spoke, picking up on the silent cues indicating his mood and feelings. But even after all that time, Hinata still hadn’t gotten used to how gently and gracefully he moved, every flex of his fingers or turn of his head made Hinata’s heart flutter. And he was so  _ precise _ . Not a single movement or word was wasted with Komaeda; everything was thought through and planned, and Hinata kind of envied that. More times than he could count he had said something stupid or done something clumsy, and felt like he had permanently and negatively altered how Komaeda looked at him.

And yet, no matter what he seemed to do or thought he had done wrong, whenever Komaeda came over in the mornings and saw him for the first time since they had parted the night before, Komaeda’s eyes would light up. At first Hinata thought he had imagined it, that he was making things up to make himself feel like his feelings might be reciprocated, but then he really started paying attention, and Komaeda really did brighten when he and Hinata were together. It was that small action, that almost insignificant change in Komaeda’s demeanor, that had Hinata thinking that perhaps his flirting attempts hadn’t been  _ completely _ useless.

Watching Komaeda carefully do his laundry, Hinata wanted to just wrap him up in his arms and give him the biggest, tightest hug he could. Based on his sheet-tucking habits, maybe Komaeda liked being squeezed like that.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you guys were here!” Hina appeared in the doorway, still wearing her apron, and the smudge of flour from earlier still on her face. “Good thinking doubling up on the washing machines.”

“I’m staying at Hinata’s now!” Komaeda said immediately, almost as if he couldn’t contain it. Hinata blinked in surprise. “So hopefully I won’t have to take up your washing machine again.” And of course it came from a place of wanting to apologize and not because he was excited to share he was staying at Hinata’s. Hinata rolled his eyes and looked at Hina, who gave him the tiniest nod in acknowledgement of him following her advice.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that!” she said, giving Komaeda a one-armed hug. “And I’m glad you’ll be closer! Saves you a walk down the road every morning, huh?”

“It does.” Komaeda relaxed a little into Hina, and she gave him another little squeeze before letting go.

“You guys can come sit in here while I finish making stuff for lunch if you want!” she gestured back towards the kitchen. “It’s always nice to have people talking to me while I’m working, honestly.” They both followed behind her after Komaeda gave the washing machine another check to make sure all the settings were exactly the way he wanted them. In the kitchen they both pulled out a stool at the counter and sat down, watching as Hina continued cutting the tomato that she had abandoned on the cutting board. As she cut out another hearty slice, she said: “These tomatoes are from Hinata’s garden, you know.”

“Really?” Komaeda leaned forward to look at the tomato, and Hinata wondered what he expected to see. It was just a tomato, no different from any other tomato, regardless of where it had been grown.

“Yep! Normally they’re only summer crops, but it’s been a pretty warm spring, and Hinata managed to have them produce a little early.” Hina laid the tomato slice on a little serving dish that was already set with more tomato slices and some lettuce leaves. “Did you know that Hinata didn’t even want to grow things when he first moved here? The gardens belonged to his grandfather, and when Hinata inherited the house he was just going to leave them behind.”

“What?” Komaeda looked genuinely surprised, and turned to look at Hinata for confirmation. Hinata shrugged a little.

“I didn’t really plan on staying here. City life, you know?” Talking about the past and how he had wanted to move and live in a city normally filled Hinata with a deep, aching sense of unrest, and he waited for the feeling to wash over him. And waited. And waited.

But it didn’t come.

“I had to basically force him to drive into town to buy some seeds, just to try,” Hina had continued her story while Hinata sat there, marvelling at the fact that his lifelong desire to live in a big city was suddenly no longer of any importance to him at all. “And now look what happened.”

“I can’t imagine Hinata without his garden,” Komaeda said, looking as if he were actually trying to imagine who Hinata would be without it. “It suits him so well. And it’s so important to him.”

“It is,” Hinata murmured, mostly to himself. His garden  _ was _ important. He had never found anything that evoked this same comfort or passion, ever. That was actually most of the reason he had wanted to move to the city in the first place, to really find somewhere he belonged. But he had found it here, in this tiny backwater town. All because he had resigned himself to coming and taking care of his grandfather. The thought that he was actually happy and content with his life had crossed his mind several times since Komaeda’s arrival, but it was only now, when he was really looking back on how much of his life had changed in the last couple of years, that he realized how entirely true that was. He  _ was _ happy. Things were wonderful. And Komaeda’s arrival had been the key to unlocking all of those feelings inside of him.

“And just think of it, if Hinata hadn’t stayed here, we never would’ve gotten to meet you!” Hina beamed at Komaeda, and he blushed a little at the inadvertent compliment.

“That’s true,” he said, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt. “I am grateful for the opportunity to meet all of you.” He paused, and then quickly amended: “And also because who knows how long I would’ve been stranded out there if Hinata hadn’t come to rescue me!”

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to us in a long time,” Hinata said, bumping Komaeda with his shoulder, making his cheeks get even more pink. “Maybe you should screw up your car more often.” They all laughed, and Hina went to the fridge and pulled out a package of bacon.

“I doubt that,” Komaeda replied, though he looked a little pleased at all the positive attention that he was coming his way. “But I appreciate you all taking such good care of me.”

“Of course!” Hina chirped as she got out a frying pan and set it up on the stove. “But seriously Komaeda, you are special. Especially to some of us.” Hinata glared at her back as she started frying the bacon, and he knew she could feel his gaze, because her shoulders tucked up as if she were laughing quietly to herself.

“It’s always comforting to know I’m not a burden,” was Komaeda’s response, and Hinata wondered if he even heard what Hina had said. “Oh!” Hinata looked over at him and saw him looking at the clock on the microwave. “Let me go and check on the laundry at Hinata’s house.” He got up from his barstool, and Hinata moved to get up with him, but Komaeda flapped his hands in his direction. “You stay, I’ll be right back!” And he disappeared out of the kitchen.

Hinata waited until he heard the back door slam before folding his arms across his chest and resuming his glare at Hina’s back.

“I know you think you’re helping…” he began, raising his voice to be heard over the crackling of the bacon in the pan.

“Hinata, after what you told me this morning, you need all the help you can get.” Hina didn’t even look the slightest bit ashamed. Instead she looked a little concerned. “And after he just blanked me after I said that, I’m starting to realize you weren’t exaggerating at all. He really has no idea.”

“You thought I was exaggerating?”

“Kind of.” She smirked at him, and he rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I didn’t think anyone could be that dense. Like I thought Souda was kind of stupid, you know? In the best way, of course. But Komaeda’s on a completely different level.”

“You’re telling me,” Hinata groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I don’t even know where to begin to be honest with you. Inviting him to stay with me made me feel like I was going to have a heart attack.”

“And let me guess, he just took it all in stride.”

“He did.”

“Is he sleeping in your room?”

“Yeah, on Souda’s rollaway bed.”

“Maybe you could spill something on it before you guys go to sleep tonight and tell him he can just share your bed with you?”

“Oh my god, Hina.”

She continued to pitch really bad ideas and suggestions until they were both laughing at how absurd it had gotten. There was no way Hinata was going to stage a kidnapping just to create a “heat-of-the-moment” scenario that would give him an excuse to kiss Komaeda out of relief. It made spilling a drink on his bed seem  _ reasonable _ .

They were still laughing when Komaeda returned, his hair looking more than a little windswept from being outside when he stepped back into the kitchen.

“Oh good, you’re back!” Hina said, opening up a cabinet and pulling out three plates. “I just finished.” She gestured toward the counter where she had put up everything for BLTs, including slicing the bread she had been making that morning to use for the sandwiches. “If you want your bread toasted or something, just let me know.”

“Oh, thank you!” Komaeda and Hinata both accepted a plate from Hina and they all prepared their food in silence. Even if it had just been a joke (maybe, Hinata could sometimes never tell with Hina) he kept thinking about what it would be like to have Komaeda curled into his side, fast asleep. He felt a blush creeping up his neck as he thought about it, and quickly tried to put it out of his mind.

They all went to eat in the living room, and Hina started talking about Komaeda coming back to visit in the summer, which he eagerly jumped into, both of them talking about when the best time to visit would be. Hinata listened to them absent-mindedly as he ate his sandwich. The blow of Komaeda leaving so soon was definitely softened by the thought that he would be coming back relatively soon. Plus the invitation he had extended for them to all visit him was still standing, so it wasn’t like they would just stop being friends. Eventually he joined the conversation, giving his own input, and Hina and Komaeda added it to the little list they had started making.

The afternoon passed, and Hina helped bring the laundry back over to Hinata’s house where they did a couple more loads and folded everything. She even managed to convince Hinata to move some of his own clothes in his dresser into a different place so that Komaeda could pack his clothes into it too. Hinata almost said that Komaeda wasn’t going to be here  _ that _ long so there was no need to basically move in, but stopped himself. No point in bringing it up when it still made him hurt a little on the inside.

Since it was movie night, Hina left a little early to open up Kettle, leaving Hinata alone with Komaeda in the house. It felt different than all the other times they had been together, because now it was basically his house too for the time being, and Hinata wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“Do you have anything in the garden that needs doing?” Komaeda asked, after they had finished putting all of Komaeda’s things away. He had clothes in Hinata’s dresser, his toothbrush was in the cup on the bathroom sink next to Hinata’s, and he even had his phone charger plugged in right beneath Hinata’s on the nightstand. Hinata thought that it would feel weird that they were basically living together like a couple, but it didn’t. The only thing that was weird was how perfectly natural it all seemed.

“Well, I still need to water the irises properly,” Hinata said, stretching his arms over his head and yawning. “And there’s always weeding to be done. Always. Every time I think I’m finally done with it, another one pops up somewhere.”

“Then let me help!” Komaeda looked particularly determined, so even though Hinata felt like lazing around in the house for the rest of the day, he got up from the couch and went to put on his shoes. When they were both ready they went out into the backyard, and Komaeda immediately grabbed a red, plastic watering can that was sitting on the porch steps. “I’ll go fill this up!” And he dashed off to the water spigot. Hinata smiled to himself and slowly went down the steps and surveyed the garden.

With an acre of property, it had let him grow a  _ lot _ of crops and flowers. When he first started he thought that it would end up being a waste of money, but the amount he saved on groceries added up. Plus Hina was always buying the flowers from him before they went out of season so she could use them for decorations, despite him insisting she didn’t have to give him any money. He had even considered seeing if he could sell some of his excess produce at the stand, but hadn’t really felt the need yet.

Spotting a bed of unsprouted trumpet lilies that needed a little bit of TLC, Hinata grabbed a pair of gardening gloves and went over to it, getting on his knees to start weeding. He heard Komaeda walking up behind him with the watering can, and turned his head to watch as he went over to the bed the irises were in and started sprinkling the water over the top of the dry soil. As Hinata looked at him, he noticed an almost imperceptible difference in the shade of Komaeda’s skin. When he had first shown up he had been frighteningly pale; Hinata remembered Souda freaking out about how  _ white _ Komaeda was, and he smiled to himself. But now his skin was just a touch darker, which did wonders for making him look healthier.  _ Looks like I’m not the only one who was helped by this garden _ , he thought to himself, smiling as he turned back to his weeding task.

A couple hours and two showers later, the garden looked great and they were both cleaned off and waiting for Hina and Souda to show up to watch the movie. It was Souda’s turn to pick, which meant they were probably going to be watching either  _ Die Hard _ or  _ Tarzan _ for the millionth time, because those were the only two movies that Souda ever wanted to watch. Hinata hoped it was  _ Tarzan _ , because at least it was shorter. Plus Souda cried at the beginning every time, and that was pretty funny.

“The kettle is on, and I put the teabags out for Hina!” Komaeda announced proudly as he came into the living room where Hinata was arranging bowls of snacks on the coffee table.

“Thanks,” Hinata had to resist staring at Komaeda too long when he was wearing pajamas. There was something that was just so irresistibly soft and cuddly about him whenever he was dressed down like that. “Do you mind bringing the blankets in here?”

“Should I get the one off my bed, too?”

“No, not after all the time you spent making it just right!” Hinata laughed. “Besides, Souda can survive without his favourite blanket for an evening. Make sure you pick out the one you want before he gets here if you want to watch this movie in maximum comfort.” Komaeda disappeared down the hall, and Hinata heard the front door open.

“I’m here!” Hina announced, coming down the hall and around the corner, two plastic bags filled with more snacks in her hands. “And I brought Souda.” Sure enough, Souda appeared behind her, carrying two six-packs of bottled beer.

“I need to be a little drunk to really let my tears flow, you know?” Souda said in lieu of greeting, holding up the beer. So they were watching  _ Tarzan _ then.

Komaeda came back out into the living room, his arms full of blankets, and beamed when he saw that Hina and Souda were there.

“What’s up, man,” Souda said as he passed by on his way to the kitchen. “I hope you like wheat beer because that’s all I brought. Hinata’s a picky son of a bitch.”

“I like it fine,” Komaeda replied back. Hinata had a brief flashback to the first night Komaeda was there, the two of them sitting at the bar and Komaeda drinking some of Hinata’s beer from his glass. Hinata ducked his head down as his face began to warm up when he remembered how foolishly he had behaved afterwards.

Komaeda grabbed the green quilt that Hinata had used for the two of them at the last movie night, and settled down on his side of the couch. Hinata got out the  _ Tarzan _ DVD and put it into the player before coming and sitting down right next to Komaeda, pulling some of the quilt over his legs.

“Just wait until you see Souda cry,” he whispered, and Komaeda laughed. After Hina and Souda came back and each grabbed a blanket (Souda demanded to know where “his” blanket was, and looked a little miffed when Hinata told him it was on Komaeda’s bed), they flicked off the lights and Hinata pressed play on the remote.

There was something about being in a darkened room and sitting so closely to Komaeda that always made Hinata feel like all his nerve endings were being electrified. Even when Souda began to sniffle, Hinata couldn’t even properly enjoy it because he was hyper-focused on how close he was to Komaeda, how he could feel just the slightest aura of warmth radiating off of him underneath the quilt. He remembered how it had felt to hold his hand the last time, and when Komaeda had fallen asleep on his shoulder. So many things had happened and Komaeda hadn’t seemed ruffled by any of it, which was why when he felt Komaeda start shivering slightly underneath quilt, Hinata decided to just stop overthinking every single action and instead just reached over and put his arm around Komaeda’s shoulders, tugging him towards him.

Almost as if he had been waiting for Hinata to do it, Komaeda didn’t even flinch or startle or anything like Hinata had expected. He just let out the tiniest sigh and immediately leaned into Hinata’s side, resting his head on his shoulder and tucking his legs up on the couch, curling in towards the warmth of Hinata’s body. Hinata was so surprised by how easy it had been that he had to consciously make an effort to not stiffen up, and just relaxed into it, giving Komaeda the slightest squeeze and leaning back into him as well.

He also had to ignore Hina’s burning gaze as she sat right next to him, looking at them openly.

Three-quarters through the movie, of which Hinata had been paying zero attention to, Hina got up to make a cup of tea and asked if anyone else wanted one.

“I would!” Komaeda piped up, and Hinata shivered slightly at the vibration from Komaeda’s body when he spoke. He was so close and pressed up against him that he could feel his faint heartbeat through his clothing. Hinata wondered if that meant Komaeda could feel his, and if he just didn’t notice how heavily it was pounding or if he was politely ignoring it.

Hina came back with two tea mugs and handed one to Komaeda who, to Hinata’s regret, sat up straight and pulled away so that he could take a sip. The smell of Gray Earl from Komaeda’s mug and the English Breakfast in Hina’s swirled through the air, the combination making Hinata’s head feel a little fuzzy. Souda had a bag of chocolate chips that he was eating almost mechanically as he stared intently at the screen, undeterred by the commotion on the couch next to him.

“If only he would pay this much attention to the movie I choose,” Hina huffed as she looked at him, only to be met with a swift “ _ Shhh! _ ” as Souda leaned in towards the screen.

When the credits finally started rolling and Souda was blowing his nose for the thousandth time, Hinata stood up and stretched, almost knocking over a half-full bowl of popcorn that was resting on the edge of the coffee table. He went over to flick on the lights, and Hina grumbled at the sudden brightness.

“Do you guys need pillows?” Hinata asked as Souda tugged his blanket up to his chin and reclined the chair back as far as it would go.

“Yes, please,” Hina mumbled, pulling her blanket up towards her head as she slid down on the couch to occupy the space Hinata had left, her feet pushing up against Komaeda’s thigh. Komaeda stood up, his mug still in his hands, steam still rising from it. 

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Hinata went down the hall, with Komaeda trailing sleepily behind him. He opened the hall closet, and saw that there was only one pillow left. “Oh, shoot.” Komaeda peered over his shoulder and saw the solitary pillow on the shelf and yawned.

“I don’t need two pillows,” he said, taking another sip of his  tea. “Let me go and get one of mine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He padded off slowly down the hall towards the bedroom, and Hinata bit his lip as he grabbed the other pillow out of the closet. Komaeda was just so  _ cute _ when he was sleepy like this.

He was about to go and give the pillow to Hina when he heard Komaeda swear.

Immediately, Hinata was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, feeling a little panicked, glancing around to see what the problem was. He had never heard Komaeda swear, or even really express anger or anything at all. At first, everything looked fine, and Hinata started to relax. But then he saw Komaeda’s tea mug on the floor next to the rollaway bed, tea dripping out onto the carpet.

“I’m so sorry, Hinata,” Komaeda looked like he was about to cry. “I set it on the nightstand but when I bent over to grab the pillow I knocked it over…”

“No.” The word was out of Hinata’s mouth before he could stop it, disbelief settling over him like a heavy cloak as he took in what he was he looking at.

Komaeda had spilled his tea all over the rollaway bed. He must’ve had at least half of it left, because the blankets were soaked through entirely, and the top pillow of the two that had been there was dark with spilled liquid. Komaeda wilted as he looked at Hinata staring at the mess.

“I’m really, really s-”

“Did Hina tell you to do that?” Hinata couldn’t help himself. There was  _ no _ way this had just...happened. By accident. It was too big of a coincidence. Way too big.

“What?” Komaeda’s despair was quickly washed away by confusion. “Did she ask me to spill my drink? No…?”

“Never mind,” Hinata shook his head, a panicked feeling was rising quickly in his chest, but it was accompanied also by the slightest, barest tinge of selfish hope and anticipation. “It’s seriously no big deal.”

“I’ll clean it up...do you have other sheets in the closet?”

“Uh, no, I only have two sets,” Hinata walked into the room and pulled the unmolested pillow out from underneath the dirty one. “But don’t worry about it. Just get the sheets and blanket off of this one and throw them into the washer, okay?”

“Okay,” Komaeda replied meekly, still looking upset at his mishap. Normally Hinata would’ve stayed and tried to comfort him somehow, but he needed to get back out into the living room  _ now _ .

Carrying the two pillows, Hinata resisted the urge to run back down the hall and instead walked calmly, throwing one of the pillows at Souda when he was in range.

“Hina, can I talk to you?” his voice was pitched higher than normal, and Hina seemed to tell that something was wrong and she sat up, all traces of sleepiness gone.

“What is it?” she asked, lowering her voice. “Is something wrong? What happened?”

“Komaeda spilled his tea on the bed.”

Hina was silent.

Hinata sat down next to her, pillow in his lap. Souda was already tucked in and breathing heavily, asleep in mere seconds.

“You’re kidding,” she finally said. “You’re absolutely kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“Well, I’m glad to be the first person to say this,” she began, and Hinata waited for her to launch into another talk about how he needed the extra push. “But I really think I must be psychic or something.”

“What?” Hinata burst out laughing, and suddenly all the tension washed out of him. Hina started laughing too, and soon they were crying with laughter, leaning against each other and trying to smother the noise when Souda sat up and glared angrily at them.

“I’m trying to sleep!” He whined.

“Sorry, sorry,” Hina giggled, wiping at her eyes. “Go to sleep, then.” Souda muttered something unintelligible, but probably very rude, and rolled over in the armchair to face the wall. ”Well, I guess make the most of what you have,” she said, once they had both calmed down. “In fact.” Hina stood up from the couch and pushed the coffee table away and closer towards the TV and then dragged the uncomfortable armchair that no one liked over next to the couch. “I’m using both of these. So now you have no choice.”

“Good grief,” Hinata muttered, standing up. “I think I’m going to pass out.”

“At least do it in your bedroom,” she replied cheekily. “Goodnight. Turn out the light on your way out.”

Hinata left the living room, hitting the light switch as he went. He met Komaeda halfway down the hall, who was returning from dumping the dirty sheets in the laundry machine.

“I’m really sorry, Hinata!” he blurted out as soon as he saw him. “I made such a horrible mess, and especially after all that time I wasted this morning…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hinata smiled at him. “Let’s just go to sleep, okay? I’m really tired.”

“Um,” Komaeda followed behind him as they went into the bedroom. Now that the mattress was bare, Hinata could see the tea had seeped all the way into the mattress as well. Though it looked like Komaeda had made a great effort to try and sop it all up. “Should I…”

_ Shoot your shot, Hajime, _ Hinata thought to himself.

“You can just share my bed,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant. “If you don’t mind. I don’t flail in my sleep or anything. I don’t want you to have to sleep on the floor, and I’ll be honest, I don’t want to sleep on the floor either.”

“Oh, I…” Komaeda’s ears were turning pink, and Hinata waited for the blush to spread, but it didn’t. Instead Komaeda lifted his chin ever so slightly and said “That’s fine with me!”

It was quiet between them as Hinata pushed the rollaway mattress back under his bed, and Komaeda plugged his phone into his charger. Hinata plugged his in as well and flicked on the bedside lamp before walking over to the main light switch.

“You want to sleep by the wall or by the edge?” he asked.

“The edge, if you don’t mind,” Komaeda replied. “I wake up a lot and sometimes need to get up to walk around a bit, and I don’t want to disturb you.”

“Oh, okay.” Hinata hit the lights, and was glad he had turned on the lamp beforehand so he didn’t have to shuffle through the darkness back to the bed. Instead he had to scoot around Komaeda a little awkwardly and slide onto the bed, crawling under the covers on the far side next to the wall. At first he didn’t think Komaeda was actually going to go for it, and would instead decide that he would like to sleep on the floor, but then he daintily lifted the edge of the the comforter and crawled underneath it, laying down flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

“Should I turn off the lamp?” he asked, his voice sounding even breathier than usual. Hinata took a steadying breath and put every ounce of effort he had into making his voice as even as possible.

“Yes, please.” The lamp clicked off, plunging them into darkness, and Hinata inched over closer to the wall, wanting to give Komaeda as much space as possible. His bed was pretty big and there was plenty of space for both of them, but he wasn’t going to take any chances. If this ended up being an unpleasant experience, it would make things awkward and uncomfortable for the rest of his stay, and that was the last thing Hinata wanted.

It was quiet for a long time, and Hinata could hear Souda snoring out in the living room, but when he tried to listen for Komaeda’s breathing, he couldn’t hear anything. Either he was holding his breath or he just breathed really, really quietly. Moving as carefully as possible, Hinata rolled onto his side, facing away from the wall. Komaeda was still lying flat on his back, and Hinata imagined that couldn’t be comfortable at all. But what was he supposed to say? ‘Don’t lay like that?’

After what felt like eons, Komaeda also rolled onto his side, but facing away from Hinata. At first he was disappointed, but this definitely prevented any awkward eye-contact or unintentional touching underneath the covers.

Hinata had just started to drift off into a light sleep, the tension of lying next to Komaeda preventing him from feeling truly restful, when the bed started to shake slightly. He snapped his eyes open, stilling all of his own movement as he tried to pinpoint the source. And then he heard Komaeda’s teeth chattering.

“You’re cold?” he whispered, fearing that if he spoke to loudly he might rip a hole in the strange vibe that was filling the air.

“Just a little. I’m fine,” Komaeda whispered back. “Please don’t let me disturb your sleep.”

“I can get another blanket…”

“I’m fine.”

Hinata laid there for a another minute, feeling the bed shake with Komaeda’s shivers. He had no idea how someone could be THAT cold, but he felt bad. Plus he could hear Hina screaming in his head for him to take advantage of this opportunity.

_ He really has no idea. _ That’s what she had said. Komaeda literally had no idea that Hinata was interested, despite his best efforts to show him. And hadn’t he promised himself that he was really going to up his game? That he was going to try harder?

_ But this might be trying  _ too _ hard, _ he thought to himself as he started at Komaeda’s hunched shoulders. What if it freaked him out? What if this was the last straw, and it was too much?

“Stop overthinking,” he muttered to himself.

“Did you say something?”

“No,” Hinata clenched his fists and then scooted forward. “Come here.” And then he reached out and touched Komaeda’s arm, which was alarmingly cold. Komaeda shook beneath his touch, and Hinata made a note to just turn up the heat tomorrow so that Komaeda wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. And he would add more blankets to the bed. And maybe he could just go out and buy an electric blanket too, just to be sure. Plus he would make Komaeda wear socks and a comfy hoodie if he had to… He pulled gently, and Komaeda gave no resistance, responding almost eagerly as he pressed his back into Hinata’s chest. Hinata wrapped an arm around Komaeda’s waist, pulling him in closer, resisting the urge to just bury his face in his hair.

With is body curled around Komaeda’s, he felt as his shiver’s subsided and he started to warm up. And Hinata couldn’t comprehend how  _ natural _ it all felt. All the stress and discomfort from earlier was gone; his sleepiness had returned full force and he was more comfortable than he could ever recall being in his life. He yawned, his eyes drifting closed of their own accord, and sleepily pulled Komaeda even closer, trying to push the sleepy haze out of his mind long enough for him to memorize what it felt like to be completely wrapped around the boy he was most certainly infatuated with.

When he couldn’t resist the pull of sleep anymore, and felt himself starting to drift off, he heard Komaeda whispering softly.

“Good night, Hinata.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "and there was only one bed!!"


	10. Delphiniums

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at how much writing i can get done when im not distracted all the time!  
> again, as always, your comments are so sweet and thoughtful, and i wish i could reply to every single one of them! the support you have all given me since the beginning really inspired me to keep going, so please give yourselves all a big hug from me! ;w;

When Hinata woke the next morning, the first thing he noticed was Komaeda’s face buried into his chest, breathing softly. Hinata’s arm was still wrapped around Komaeda’s waist, holding him close, and his own face was tilted down towards the top of Komaeda’s head, flyaway strands of soft white hair tickling his nose. He didn’t want to get up, and he certainly didn’t want to wake Komaeda, who looked so peaceful and soft as he slept.

Hinata closed his eyes again and shuffled his body a little closer to Komaeda’s, resisting the shiver that wanted to rush through him at being so close together.

“Good morning,” came a muffled voice, and Hinata immediately loosened his grip.

“Good morning!” he replied quickly as Komaeda leaned his head back so he could look up at Hinata. His eyes were still a little glazed with sleep, and Hinata curled his toes under the covers to stop the urge to kiss him right on the tip of his nose. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mhm,” Komaeda closed his eyes again and burrowed back down under the covers, curling his body closer to Hinata’s.

Hinata wondered briefly how long a person could survive in bed without doing anything else at all. A few days? A week? Because he would give up food, water, restroom breaks, maybe even his garden just to stay here with Komaeda forever.

As he contemplated how wonderful an existence THAT would be, he felt Komaeda slowly start to stiffen beneath his touch, and his attention was immediately snapped back down to earth.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, very carefully loosening his grip on Komaeda’s waist.

“Um,” Komaeda’s voice sounded strained. “Are we...”

“Oh.” Hinata was suddenly embarrassed. He must’ve been the only one enjoying waking up like this. He immediately let go and wriggled backwards, feeling his butt bump up against the wall once he got back as far as he could go. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable...”

“No! It’s just...I don’t...” Komaeda pulled his hands up to cover his face. “ _ I’m _ sorry.”

“For what?”

“For making you apologize!”

“You didn’t  _ make  _ me apologize.”

“Well, you apologized for making me uncomfortable and I should be the one apologising to y-“

“Whatcha talking about?” Souda burst into the room, arms stretched up over his head as he yawned, oblivious as always to his absolutely terrible timing.

“Nothing,” Hinata growled, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. Komaeda sat up too, his hair looking more wild than Hinata had ever seen it. Looking at the curling locks of his hair tickled something in Hinata’s memory, and a brief image of him running his hands through Komaeda’s hair repeatedly as they lay in the bed flashed through his mind.

He blushed. Had that been real? Or a dream?

“Honestly thought I was going to walk in on you two kissing or something,” Souda said, eyeballing the rollaway tucked beneath Hinata’s bed.

“What?” Komaeda’s voice sounded almost shrill, and Hinata winced.

“Well Hina told me about the spillage last night and I thought it was some ploy by Komaeda to get into your bed,” Souda waggled hot pink eyebrows in Hinata’s direction, and without hesitation, Hinata grabbed his pillow and threw it directly at his friend’s face.

“For once in your life,  _ shut up _ .” Hinata wanted to sound angry, but instead his voice just came out sounding weak and kind of pathetic.

“So that’s how it’s going to be, huh?” Souda picked up the offending pillow and grinned, shaking it out with one hand. Komaeda watched the back and forth with wide eyes, eyes that immediately disappeared behind the pillow that Souda had just thrown at his face.

“Souda!” Hinata immediately crawled across the bed towards Komaeda. “Ko, are you alright?” The pillow dropped down into Komaeda’s lap, and Hinata quickly lifted his eyes to scan his face to see what he was feeling.

Komaeda was smiling, more widely than he normal did.

“I think Souda just declared war,” he said, twisting at the waist to grab his own pillow while shoving Hinata’s pillow away. “Two against one?”

Hinata was frozen for half a second, stunned by Komaeda’s response, but when he saw how seriously the other boy was taking it, he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his pillow.

“Hey, now! You wouldn’t attack a man who’s unarmed would y-“ Souda’s protest was immediately cut off by Komaeda jumping up to his feet on the bed, and wacking him over the head with his pillow. Souda’s beanie flew across the room and hit Hinata’s closet door before slumping down to the ground in defeat.

“His crown has been taken!” Komaeda crowed, leaping down from the bed and running over to the beanie. He scooped it off the ground and smooshed it down on top of his own wild curls, and turned to grin at Hinata, who was just staring at him open-mouthed. He had never seen Komaeda act like this. Never.

“Komaeda, are you okay?” But Hinata’s question was lost beneath Souda’s attempt at a battle cry as he dove after Komaeda to try and reclaim his beanie.

“What on earth is going on in here?” Hina appeared in the doorway, nose wrinkled, blue eyes narrowed.

“They attacked me!” Souda ducked as Komaeda swung his pillow at his head. “All I did was come in here and say that they were probably smooching before I-” He failed to avoid Komaeda’s second swing, and he got a mouthful of feather pillow as the cushion connected with his face.

“Good grief, and you all think you’re adults!” Hina folded her arms across her chest, but Hinata could see that she was doing her absolute best not to laugh. “Souda, you don’t even have a way to fight back.” Souda slapped Komaeda’s pillow away from his face, sputtering.

“I tried to say that, but they have no mercy.”

“Oh, please,” Hinata snorted. “You were asking for it.”

“I was not!”

“Did you even hear what you said when you came in here?”

“I was only making an observation. An observation that wasn’t a stretch by any means, if I’m being honest.”

“Oookay,” Hina stepped further into the room, rolling her eyes. “First you fight like children and now I sense a ‘no,  _ you _ smell’ argument coming on. Everyone just come out and eat breakfast.” As soon as Hina turned her back, Hinata took a cheap shot at Souda, tossing his pillow into the path of his feet as he took a step forward. Predictably, Souda stumbled over the pillow, almost falling flat on his face, but managed to catch himself on one of Hinata’s bed posts.

“I’m telling on you.” Souda hissed, before they both started laughing. Komaeda dropped his pillow back on Hinata’s bed, and the three of them went down the hall and into the kitchen where Hina had started scrambling eggs in a frying pan.

“I can either make pancakes or Hinata has waffles in the freezer that I can throw in the toaster,” Hina said once they had all taken a seat at the counter. “Tell me which one you want.”

“I  _ love _ movie night,” Souda sighed. “Hina making breakfast the next morning is the best part.”

“Just pick what you want, Souda.”

“Waffles.”

“I’ll do waffles, too,” Hinata said, feeling a little bad that Hina had already made them eggs and not wanting her to have to work any harder.

“Waffles for me as well, Hina. Can I help in any way?” Komaeda asked, already halfway up from his stool.

“No, you just sit,” Hina flashed him a smile, and Hinata heard Souda huff.

“Why do you snap at me but get all smiley with Komaeda? He was one of the instigators!” Souda pointed at where his beanie still sat on Komaeda’s head. “He even stole my hat!”

“Komaeda looks cuter in it,” Hinata said, without thinking. The kitchen was quiet for a moment, aside from the popping of oil in the frying pan. Hinata stared, unblinking, at the boat-in-a-bottle sitting on top of the fridge, resisting the urge to bang his head on the countertop to beat out the need to say useless, embarrassing at inopportune moments. Fortunately Hina came to his rescue before he engaged in anything that might give him permanent brain damage.

“He’s right,” Hina said, opening up the freezer and pulling out a box of Eggos. “Maybe you should just let him have it, Souda.”

“Everyone in this family is cruel,” Souda pretended to pout, folding his arms over his chest. They all laughed, the moment forgotten. Out of the corner of his eye, Hinata saw Komaeda reach up and gently touch the edge of the beanie on his head, a thoughtful look on his face.

Hina popped a few waffles into the toaster, and went to get syrup out of the fridge.

“So when does the final part come in, Souda?” Hina asked as she walked around the kitchen, grabbing plates from the cupboard and arranging them on the counter in front of everyone. “Next week sometime, right?”

“Yeah, within the next eight to ten days, I think,” Souda drummed his fingers on the countertop as he tried to remember specifics. “And it should only take me about a day to get it installed, and if all else goes well, that should be it.”

Hinata started counting the days in his head, trying to add them up. It was Tuesday, so he would have all the way until next Tuesday with Komaeda at least. And maybe a handful of days afterwards, depending on whether Souda’s estimate was low or high. Only one more weekend left with him. However, on the bright side, it also meant that he potentially had at least seven more nights of sleeping together with him. Provided Komaeda didn’t immediately remake the rollaway bed with the clean sheets and insist on sleeping there for the rest of the time.

Come to think of it, he never even found out what had made Komaeda suddenly so uncomfortable that morning. Souda really knew how to screw things up.

“We’ll have to do something special for you the day you leave,” Hina was saying to Komaeda, who had been unable to resist sitting still and letting someone else serve them and was out of his seat and pouring orange juice into glasses for everyone. “Like a party or something.”

“A party?” Souda immediately perked up. “Like, a party where you would invite your other friends?”

“No,” Hina rolled her eyes. “Why would I invite people Komaeda doesn’t know to a party that’s for him? Besides, Komaeda doesn’t really seem like a party person.”

“I’m not,” Komaeda said, softly.

“Exactly.” Hina brought the frying pan over to the plates and started scooping scrambled eggs onto them. “I was thinking something more like...camping or something.”

“Camping?” Now Hinata was confused. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah!” Hina put the pan down. “Think about it! We could get out those tents that we bought last summer that we never used and we could just set them up in the backyard or something. And have a campfire!”

“That sounds nice!” Komaeda was setting glasses in front of everyone’s plates and then turned to Souda. “Should I make some coffee?”

“Yeah. Thanks, man.” Komaeda went over to the coffee pot and grabbed it, taking it over to the sink to fill with water. Hinata watched him, thinking about how sweet it was that he remembered what everyone needed in the mornings and did what he could to help. He was always noticing different things about Komaeda that just made him like him even more. Komaeda was thoughtful and extremely kind, despite everything he had been through; things that normally would have made any other person bitter and angry. He was insightful, always offering gentle advice and knowing when to speak and when to let you just sit quietly and think things through yourself. He was also funny, though sometimes Hinata thought that he might not intend to be.

In fact, the only thing that Hinata could think of that he  _ didn’t _ like about Komaeda was that he was so unbelievably dense when it came to Hinata’s attempts at flirting.

“And the weather looks like it should be good!” Souda was holding out his phone, and Hina and Komaeda were both leaning over the counter to peer at the screen. Hinata made a small mental note to reserve time every day to get lost in his thoughts, because he really needed to stop doing it when he was surrounded by people having a conversation he should probably be a part of.

“Are you guys still talking about camping?” he asked.

“Yes,” Komaeda replied, pointing at Souda’s phone. “We were checking the weather and it looks like it’s going to be really nice next week!”

“Have you ever been camping, Komaeda?” Hinata raised an eyebrow. He really couldn’t imagine that Komaeda had spent any significant amount of time outdoors before coming here, much less sleeping outside.

“I haven’t,” Komaeda ducked his head, blushing a little. “But I’ve always wanted to. It wasn’t really the kind of activity my friends back home were into. They were all very...indoors-oriented.”

“Well in Langdon, we love spending time outside!” Souda sounded very proud of this, though Hinata couldn’t imagine why. The only time Souda was outside was when his garage doors were open when he was working on a project. “Hinata’s got his garden, and I don’t know if you know this, but Hina is one hell of a swimmer.”

“She is?” Komaeda looked to Hina for confirmation, and then it was her turn to blush a little.

“I am,” she ran a hand through her dark hair, laughing a little. “I swam in high school and got a scholarship to swim for a college team, but then Mom got sick so I stayed behind to take care of her and Kettle.”

“Oh, I see,” when Hinata looked over to check Komaeda’s response, he saw the boy’s gray-green eyes were filling up with a heartbreaking mix of sadness and sympathy.

“Yeah, when my water-ski experiment went a little...awry,” Souda cast Hina and Hinata both a slightly threatening look, daring them to comment on what had happened at the lake last summer. “Hina actually swam out into the lake to rescue me and then she went back and even dived to the bottom a dozen times until she found all the broken pieces that sank to the bottom! It was amazing!”

“It reminded me of when I was in elementary school swimming class,” Hina laughed. “Swimming to the floor of the shallow end to pick up those plastic batons that my teacher would throw out. Except it was darker. And sometimes I would grab a handful of lake grass or something and it was  _ disgusting _ .” Souda and Hina started going back and forth, remembering that day at the lake, and Hinata watched Komaeda’s face carefully as the sadness for Hina seeped out.

It was always hit-or-miss with Hina when she brought up her mom. Sometimes it was just fond remembering, but sometimes it would bring her to tears, and it really just depended on the day and how she was feeling. Hinata knew that Komaeda hadn’t known her nearly long enough to know which one would happen whenever she mentioned her, but his heart warmed at how he had been ready to comfort her immediately anyway.

The conversation continued as they finished breakfast, with Komaeda getting Souda his mug of coffee and Hina eventually getting a hearty stack of toaster-warmed waffles on everyone’s plates. They all unanimously agreed on camping the night before Komaeda would be leaving (after the other three convinced Hinata that camping could still be fun even if it was just in their backyards), and Hinata was kind of glad that they were going to do something special to commemorate it. He didn’t like thinking about Komaeda leaving, but after all the times he and the others had brought up plans for Komaeda’s return visits or them going to visit him, Hinata knew that it wouldn’t be a permanent separation. They would see each other again. Eventually.

Hina tried to start doing the dishes once everyone had finished eating, but Hinata shooed her away and loaded the dishwasher himself. When Komaeda tried to sneak around him to put away the syrup, Hinata splashed him with water to get him to stop.

“Can you both not go two seconds without trying to take care of me?” Hinata laughed as Komaeda dried his face with a hand towel. “Let me clean up my own kitchen, okay? I’m more than capable of doing it.”

“Fine, fine,” Hina rolled her eyes and reached out to grab Komaeda’s hand. “We’ll go find something else to do.”

“You could come clean  _ my _ house,” Souda said as he drained the last of his coffee before slamming the mug down on the counter. “It needs it.”

“Have you taken out all those air fresheners?” Komaeda asked, wrinkling his nose. Hinata bit his lip to stop himself from laughing as he remembered how overwhelmingly potent the cinnamon apple smell in Souda’s house had been the last time they visited; it obviously had left quite a mark on Komaeda’s memory if he was bringing it up instead of leaping at the chance to help someone out.

“Ugh, yes, I have.” Souda got down from his barstool and brought the coffee mug over to Hinata so he could put it in the dishwasher. “You guys are such sensitive smellers.”

“Sensitive smellers?” Hinata raised an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean. It smells great in there! Like fall!”

“It smelled like you were manufacturing the air fresheners yourself.”

“Okay, okay,” Hina interrupted them, still holding hands with Komaeda (something Hinata was very quick to notice). “You two are really in a bickering mood today.”

“Sorry, Mom,” Souda grumbled, stuffing his hands into his pajama pants pockets. “I’m going to go home and change and then I’m heading to the shop. You guys are more than welcome to come hang out for a bit if you have free time.”

“That actually sounds like it would be kind of fun!” Komaeda piped up, and everyone stared at him. “What?”

“You want to go sit in Souda’s garage all day?” Hina asked, frowning. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Well, he offered…”

“I only offered to be polite!” Souda started laughing. “But thanks for the enthusiasm, man. I appreciate it. If you’re actually interested I really don’t mind having you come look around.”

“I think I am actually interested,” Komaeda let go of Hina’s hand and took a step towards the hallway. “Do you mind waiting for me to get changed?”

“I can wait.” Souda looked genuinely surprised as Komaeda disappeared down the hall, and Hinata couldn’t blame him. He was kind of surprised too. As someone who had sat with Souda at the shop for a couple hours, he knew it could get boring pretty quickly. Especially if you had no idea what was going on and Souda was too busy to explain things to you. Despite his fairly blunt personality, Souda was an incredible teacher, so when he did have the time to explain what he was working on, it was always extremely educational. As soon as they heard Hinata’s bedroom door shut, Souda looked over at Hinata and Hina, lowering his voice. “Do you think he’s just being nice?”

“No, I think he actually is interested.” Hinata put a detergent tablet in the dishwasher and closed it, pressing the start button and listening as water started to rush in.

“Do you even have anything that you can show him?” Hina asked.

“I mean, I have a couple of projects that we could probably poke around with…” Souda looked lost in thought, trying to figure out what he was going to do with his unexpected guest. “I’m sure we’ll find something to work on. Hinata, are you going to come?” Hinata opened his mouth to say yes, but saw Hina shaking her head quietly from behind Souda. He frowned.

“Um, no, I have to do some stuff in the garden today, actually. And it’ll be good that Komaeda won’t be here and feel obligated to help me; he always gets so tired when we work outside.”

“He’s probably gotten more exercise since he came here than he has in his entire life!” Souda smirked. “Even if he doesn’t come back for a visit once he leaves, he’ll never be able to forget the work we all put him through!”

“He’ll still visit,” Hinata replied, defensively. He picked up the syrup bottle that was left on the counter and put it back into the refrigerator, closing the door a little too hard. “He said he would.”

“He’ll visit,” it was his turn to be soothed by Hina, and Hinata caught a glimpse of her throwing Souda a ‘ _ What are you doing? _ ’ look when she thought Hinata couldn’t see. “And in the very, very unlikely chance that he doesn’t, Souda has his address so we can just go and visit him as a surprise.”

“You have his address?” Hinata looked up at Souda suspiciously. “How?”

“Had to get it for the car stuff,” Souda shrugged his shoulders. “Do you want it?”

“I mean,” now Hinata felt a little silly. “I’m curious.”

“What, are you going to look it up on Google Maps or something?”

“Of course he is,” Hina rolled her eyes. “Just send it to him. Besides, I want to have a look too.”

“You guys are freaks.”

“Who’s a freak?” Komaeda emerged from the hallway, tugging on the same knee-length green jacket he had been wearing when Hinata first met him.

“Everyone in this damn room,” Souda replied, heading towards the front door. “Now come on, we still need to stop at my place so I can change.”

“Would you mind if I waited outside?” Komaeda asked, their voices fading as they got further away from Hina and Hinata.

“Oh my god, it doesn’t smell  _ that  _ strong…” Souda’s voice faded out, and Hinata heard the front door slam behind them as they left. As soon as they were gone he looked over at Hina and raised his eyebrows.

“Why didn’t you want me to go with them?”

“I thought it would be nice for Souda and Komaeda to have some time together!” she chirped, hopping up onto one of the barstools. “Besides, I haven’t gotten to spend any time with just you in a while either.”

“Aww, is someone getting jealous?” Hinata reached out to ruffle Hina’s hair, and she slapped his hand away, grinning.

“Maybe a little. But it’s good to see you so happy, Hinata.”

Hinata ran a hand through his hair, feeling his cheeks starting to warm up.

“It’s good getting to  _ feel _ so happy,” he replied softly. “Can you believe that he actually spilled his tea last night? I asked him if you put him up to it!”

“You didn’t!” Hina cracked up laughing. “You asked him if I told him to spill his tea?”

“I did! I didn’t think there was any way it was possible for it to happen right after we talked about it! It was too big of a coincidence!”

“I told you I’m psychic! Or maybe I can just speak things into being…” Hina paused, bringing her hand up to her chin in mock-thought. “Perhaps I should start prophesying you and Komaeda getting into a relationship just to make it come true.”

“Oh, good luck with that,” Hinata huffed. “If you could swing that I would have a little statue of you made and pray to it every morning.”

“Hmm, being Hinata’s patron deity… You could bring me sacrifices of fresh flowers and donuts every morning.”

“Don’t get used to the idea; you haven’t made it happen yet!” They both laughed, and Hina got up from the stool, stretching her arms over her head.

“Do you want me to help you in the garden today? Since your regular helper is occupied?”

“Only if you want to,” Hinata rolled his shoulders, glancing at the clock over the oven. “It’s supposed to get pretty warm today, so it might be kind of uncomfortable.”

“I don’t mind!” she started pulling her hair up into a ponytail, using a bright green hair elastic that she had around her wrist. “Kettle’s closed today because the plumbing guys are doing the annual checkup, so I have nothing else to do. I’ll go and change and meet you outside!”

“Sounds good.” Hinata watched her leave before heading to his room to put on different clothes. As he got dressed he heard his phone ding on his nightstand, and he hopped over on one leg, trying to get the other into the shorts he was putting on. Looking at the still lit-up screen, he saw it was a text from Komaeda.

Once he got his shorts on, he scooped up the phone and unlocked it, reading the message that Komaeda had sent him.

**Komaeda:** Did you know that Souda builds miniature models?

He quickly tapped back a response.

**Hinata:** Yeah, he’s obsessed with building those little classic cars. Is he making you build one?

After the message sent, he slid his phone into his pocket and went to find his shoes so he could meet Hina out in the garden. She was right, it had definitely been a while since the two of them had spent time together alone. In fact, the last time had been the day Komaeda visited, when she came over to his house late that night to talk stuff out with him. Who knew that after that day, everything in both of their lives would change so suddenly? He knew that Hina cared about Komaeda just as much as he did, even if it wasn’t in the same romantic way. He wondered if Souda cared about him as well, but played it off in that classic Souda kind of way.

He put on his shoes and then out the back door, where Hina was coming out of her house at the same time. He gave her a little wave as he felt his phone buzz in his pocket again. He pulled it out, and was immediately irritated with himself for the way his heart skipped a beat every time he saw Komaeda’s name light up his phone.

**Komaeda:** He was just showing me some of his collection! It’s very impressive. Now we’re actually heading over to the shop.

**Hinata:** Did he tell you what you guys are going to do?

**Komaeda** : No, he said he’s keeping it a secret until we get there.

**Hinata:** That sounds like Souda. Don’t let him push you into doing anything you don’t want to do!

**Komaeda:** I won’t :) Thank you for worrying about me, Hinata.

“That’s Komaeda, isn’t it?” Hina was suddenly in front of him, and Hinata snapped his head up from his phone.

“Oh my  _ god _ , you walk quietly,” he huffed. “Give me a little warning next time!”

“It’s kind of cute how he wants to stay in contact with you whenever you’re apart,” Hina continued, completely ignoring him as she stepped around him to get the watering can Komaeda had used yesterday. “I don’t think you have anything to be worried about whenever he heads back home.”

“I wish he could just stay here, you know?” Hinata followed behind her, grabbing his gardening gloves up off the porch steps. “His friends back home definitely don’t appreciate him as much as we do.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Hina poked him with the spout of the watering can. “Besides, I think it’s important for him to go back home and confront all of his issues. Hiding out here isn’t going to solve any problems, and that boy has problems.”

“That’s true,” a sigh pulled its way out of Hinata’s lungs as he tugged on his gloves. “Has he been open with you about that kind of stuff at all? We’ve had a few conversations about it, but he seems pretty sensitive about it. I think he’s worried about upsetting me, so he won’t talk to me about it anymore.”

“It’s come up a couple times.” Hina went over to the the water spigot to fill the can. “Despite how they’ve treated him, he does miss his friends back home.”

“He does?” Hinata waited for Hina to come back over to the garden plots with the full watering can before continuing, not wanting to yell out in the open and be overheard by the other people living on the street. “Has he talked to them recently at all?”

“He mentioned he got a call from.. Mukuro, I think her name was?” Hina started sprinkling water over the spot the winter irises had been planted. “He said that talking to her made him realize how much he actually did miss everyone back home. He also said he thinks that he’s more confident in his ability to stand up for himself, now.”

“He said that?”

“He said that. And I agreed with him. Did you hear the way he talked to Souda on the way out the door this morning? ‘ _ Can I wait outside? _ ’” Hina mimicked Komaeda’s breathy tone. “That boy has never asked for anything in his life, and in one sentence he did that  _ and _ made fun of Souda at the same time. I didn’t think he was capable of making jokes at someone else’s expense. He was so timid when he first got here.”

“I don’t know if he was timid, per se,” Hinata found a weed in the delphinium flower bed and tugged it up out of the soil, tossing it to the side. The bright purple blossoms of the delphiniums were new flowers this year, and they were doing okay, but he knew the soil was a little too much on the sandy side to support them the way the should be. “He did some pretty ballsy things when he was with me. It’s like in some ways he became more shy, but in others he really opened up.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like the day we met? He was actually kind of…” Hinata blushed, just remembering the events. “Flirty? I guess? He was really forward. He just drank right out of my beer glass, the next morning he let me run my hands through his hair…”

“He what?” Hina let out a surprised laugh, the shake of her body splashing water over the top of the watering can onto her shoes. “You did what now?”

“Did I not tell you what I did?” Hinata started laughing as well, still feeling a little embarrassed. “Damn, we really haven’t had time to talk alone since he got here, have we?”

“Oh my god, Hinata, tell me what happened!”

“Well, let me preface it with the fact that I made an absolute fool of myself, and I kind of blame you for part of it.”

“Oh please, you don’t need my help to make yourself look like an idiot.”

“Thanks a lot.”

Hinata told her about bringing the cookies she had made up to Souda’s shop the morning after Komaeda’s arrival, and how he had blurted out that he wanted to touch Komaeda’s hair, and how Komaeda had let him. When he got to the part about Souda appearing, Hina inhaled sharply, and then groaned when he told her how quickly Souda got distracted by the cookies. Then he backtracked, telling her about how Komaeda had been super flirtatious about tasting Hinata’s drink, and how casually Komaeda would just reach out and touch Hinata’s arm or shoulder.

“But as soon as we got to know each other better, that side of him just disappeared. And it’s almost like he’s afraid to touch me now unless I initiate contact first.” Hinata shook his head. He and Hina had completely stopped gardening and were instead just sitting in the grass facing each other, Hinata filling her in on everything she had missed and Hina humming thoughtfully as he told his story. “I have no idea what that means.”

“It’s easy to pretend to be confident around someone you don’t think you’ll have to see again,” she said, picking at a blade of grass. “Maybe now that the contact actually means something, he takes it more seriously?”

“Or he knows how I feel and doesn’t want to lead me on.” The thought filled Hinata with a sickening feeling of despair. What if that  _ was  _ the case? What if Komaeda was just putting up with-

“Hinata!” A pebble hit him in the forehead and he blinked, turning his gaze towards Hina who was glaring at him. “I know what you’re thinking right now, and it’s wrong. Komaeda isn’t that kind of person. If he was ever truly uncomfortable, he would say so.”

“Now that you mention it…” Hinata’s thoughts drifted back to that morning, when he had woken up with Komaeda wrapped up in his arms. He had never experienced anything that gave him a high quite like that had, but Komaeda’s behaviour afterwards had definitely put a little bit of a damper on it. “He did almost saying something this morning?” Hinata relayed the conversation they had before Souda had burst in, with Hina interrupting to make a deadpan comment about Souda’s impeccable timing. When he finished, she looked thoughtful.

“You said that he said he was apologizing because you felt you had to apologize for making him uncomfortable?”

“Something like that.”

“Sounds like he was trying to tell you that he  _ wasn’t _ uncomfortable. In his weird, twisted Komaeda way.”

“Hmm,” Hinata pursed his lips thoughtfully. It did kind of make sense, now that he thought about it that way.

“Think about it,” Hina continued. “That boy has never openly admitted to enjoying something or being happy with it in his life. That would be too  _ selfish _ of him.” She emphasized the word ‘selfish’ and Hinata knew she was right. It was very, very much like Komaeda to try and distance himself from anything that might be remotely pleasant because he wouldn’t think that he deserved it. “The only way he could try and explain that he was okay was by apologizing for feeling okay!”

“God, why does this have to be so complicated?” Hinata felt like pulling his hair out. “Though I guess it is kind of hard to tell someone: ‘Hey, waking up next to you feels  _ great _ .’”

“You should say that to him tomorrow morning,” Hina made fake kissing noises, and Hinata reached out to swipe at her. But she moved too quickly and easily avoided him, laughing. “Should I predict another accident to ruin the rollaway bed again?”

“Only if you can take out the couch and both armchairs at the same time,” Hinata sighed, falling backwards into the grass and staring up at the cloudless blue sky. “I was thinking I would just wait and see what he does. If he wants to remake the rollaway and sleep there, it’s whatever.”

“If only you had a dog or something. You could say they chewed everything up and there’s nowhere else to sleep.”

“I swear to God, Hina, if I go inside my house tonight and you’ve released a dog in there to fulfill your weird prophecy I am personally going to come to your house and-”

“Oh, be quiet,” Hina kicked him in the shin gently. “You know you would be happy.”

“Yeah, I would.”

They were quiet for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. After a few minutes of silence, Hina spoke up.

“If you guys  _ did _ start dating, would it be a long-distance thing? Or would you move away?”

The question was innocent enough, but Hinata felt a little tug in his chest at the thought of leaving Langdon. Two weeks ago he would’ve jumped at the chance, but now he couldn’t imagine ever living somewhere that wasn’t this tiny town where he had finally found himself. Nor could he imagine living Hina and Souda behind. Nothing was worth losing that.

“I don’t think I would move away,” he replied, slowly. “Long-distance might be okay, but I wonder if Komaeda would be open to moving here?”

“He might be.” Hina’s voice sounded a little morose, and Hinata sat up to look at her. “But if things go well when he goes back home next week, he might not want to. We don’t know how much of him is still rooted in his hometown.”

“You’re right.” Hinata didn’t want to think about it anymore. He knew he probably should, if he ever wanted it to go anyway. If it ever went anywhere at all; it wasn’t like he was making extraordinary progress. “But let’s talk about something else, okay? I feel like if I think about this for too long I’m just going to sink into a sad hole I can’t crawl back out of.”

“Okay,” Hina reached out and touched him gently on the shoulder, flashing him a smile before scrambling to her feet. “Let’s actually get some work done in this garden.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon with the plants, Hina knowing her way around the garden well enough to be able to tell what needed doing. It was nice to have someone helping out without also having to worry about whether they were overexerting themselves, and without feeling like he had somehow forced them into it. That was how he always felt when Komaeda was out there working with him; he would much rather Komaeda sat in the shade and relaxed while Hinata did all the work. They took a quick break for lunch and then got right back to it, working all the way up until the sun started to sink behind the trees, casting a orange-gold light over everything.

“I’m going to go and shower,” Hina was breathing heavily, leaning against a shovel she had dug into the ground. “It was good to spend time with you, Hinata.”

“Back at you.” Hinata gave her a smile, feeling pretty worn out himself. He hadn’t worked this hard in his garden in a while. “Thanks for the help.”

“No biggie. I’ll see you later.” She skipped off towards her house, and Hinata watched her go until she disappeared inside. Yawning, he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone as he walked back into his own house. He had several texts from Komaeda, talking about everything he had been doing with Souda that day. It sounded like they had been pretty busy, but the last message he had received had been almost three hours ago. Three hours was a long time for Komaeda to not send anything, when he usually sent something at least once every fifteen minutes.

Hinata’s first instinct was to be concerned, but he brushed it off. Komaeda was with Souda, so there was nothing to worry about. He was just going to shower and then he could head over to the shop to see what they were up to.

 

By the time he had showered, gotten dressed, messed with his hair, and moved the rollaway bed sheets to the dryer, Hinata had worked himself into a full-on panic. Komaeda still hadn’t texted, and it felt… wrong. Komaeda was never silent for this long.

_ He might be busy. His phone might have died. _ His brain was supplying helpful explanations, but he pushed them all aside as he shoved his phone into his pocket and practically bounded out the front door and into the street. He had sent a single text after getting out of the shower asking what they were doing, but hadn’t received a response, and that made him more nervous than anything. He felt ridiculous for being this worked up, but he couldn’t push the feelings away.

He managed to stop himself from running down the street, and instead walked at a brisk pace until he reached the highway, barely checking both ways before crossing. He could see that the open sign was still hanging in the door, but the garage was closed, so they probably weren’t in there. Maybe they were upstairs?

Hinata pushed open the glass door and stepped inside, expecting to see them both standing near the counter, but the room was empty. He went over the the bookcase and pulled it open, climbing up the staircase and taking the steps two at a time.

“...now! Push it now!” He immediately heard Souda yelling, and he flung the door open when he got to the top of the stairs.

Souda screamed. Komaeda let out a sharp gasp, which was probably the most frightened noise Hinata had ever heard him make. Hinata quickly scanned the room, not ready to let the relief rush over him at seeing that they were okay until he was absolutely certain.

It took a second for him to process everything.

Komaeda was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding an Xbox controller in his hands, and he looked like he was sweating. Souda was sitting on the couch behind him, legs tucked up, an empty can of Redbull crunched in his fist. Both of them were facing the TV across from the couch, where Souda had plugged in his Xbox and the pause menu of some horror game Hinata had never played was displayed on the screen. Both Souda and Komaeda’s phones were face-down on the coffee table, pushed aside and forgotten.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Hinata!” Souda leapt up from the couch, his legs a little wobbly. “Why did you barge in like that? I think I almost had a heart attack!” Komaeda gave a little trembling nod in agreement. “What’s your deal?”

“I…” Hinata stopped, feeling more than a little ridiculous. “I texted you, and you didn’t answer, and I thought something might be wrong.” Oh god, he sounded like an obsessive freak. He sounded like a controlling boyfriend. He was the worst.

“And so you decided to bust in here and try to kill us?” Souda flopped back down on the couch, holding his hand against his heart. “We started playing video games and kind of lost track of time.”

“I didn’t even hear my phone go off,” Komaeda said, guiltily, reaching over to pick it up off the coffee table. “I’m sorry we made you worry, Hinata.”

“No, no,” Hinata brought a hand up to his face, feeling completely and entirely embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I was acting kind of...crazy.”

“No kidding!” Souda snorted. “Now come sit down and play with us.” Hinata walked reluctantly over to the couch and perched on the edge of the seat cushion, next to Souda. “Komaeda said he had never played a video game before, so I figured starting him off with something memorable would be best.”

“You got him to play a horror game?” Hinata frowned.

“Well I certainly wasn’t about to play it by myself. I can barely play any horror game in broad daylight, much less alone!” Souda gave an overly dramatic shiver and then wiggled around in his seat. “We’ve barely even gotten through the intro and I already know I’m going to have trouble sleeping tonight.”

“Why are you making Komaeda control it?”

“I’m not doing it! It’s too scary!”

Hinata closed his eyes. He wasn’t a religious person by any means, but he said a silent prayer asking for patience to whatever gods were listening.

“It’s actually been very educational,” Komaeda said, holding the white controller up with one hand. “While I’m completely aware that it’s fictional, it still makes me feel just as terrified as if it were happening in real life!”

“Are you...enjoying it?” Hinata squinted at Komaeda suspiciously. “If you are, I’m going to be extremely surprised.”

“I actually am! And I’m surprised by it, too,” Komaeda turned back to face the screen. “Shall we keep playing?”

“Yes.” The response from Souda was immediate. “Press play. Go. Before I lose my nerve.” Komaeda laughed, and unpaused the game, revealing a dark hallway barely lit with greenish light. Komaeda moved their character forward down the hallway, hesitating whenever they neared doorways, afraid to pass through their threshold.

“Should I…” he started to ask, only to be quickly interrupted by Souda.

“ _ Behind you!” _ He practically shrieked, and Hinata jumped at least a foot up from his seat as their character’s point of view was whipped around revealing a mangled, deformed face leering at them. Komaeda pressed a view buttons quickly on the controller, his hands shaking, and their character leapt back from the figure and dashed into a nearby room. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Souda was chanting it over and over, like a mantra, and even though Hinata had been pretty freaked out too, he had to admit it was pretty funny.

The next few hours proceeded similarly, with Komaeda cool and calm at the controls, and Souda screaming and squawking at every fluttering curtain and creak of the floorboards. Hinata wouldn’t deny that the game was getting to him too, but he definitely wasn’t as invested as Souda seemed to be. And when a particularly large jumpscare hit, Souda hid his face in his hands and even Komaeda let out an extremely adorable squeak and scooted backwards on the floor, until his back was pressed against Hinata’s legs for comfort. And that was something that Hinata was entirely, one hundred percent supportive of.

They had descended into the third level of the basement in the game when Souda announced he couldn’t take any more or he wasn’t going to get to sleep that night at all.

“Maybe we can continue tomorrow, but I am going to need a long, long break,” the mechanic actually looked like he had broken a sweat out of fear, and Hinata resisted the urge to laugh at him. “God, I have such a love-hate relationship with these games.”

“That was a very enjoyable afternoon, Souda,” Komaeda said as he stood up, dusting off his pants. “Thank you for showing this game to me!”

“Uh, you’re welcome!” Souda walked over to the door that led back downstairs and held it open. “Now will you guys walk me home?”

 

After dropping Souda off at his house, Komaeda and Hinata continued down the street together.  _ To  _ our _ house _ , Hinata thought happily. Even if Komaeda was only living there temporarily, it still made him happy to think about it being both of their living space.

“Souda always surprises me,” said Komaeda, as they neared the end of the street. “He has so many interests, and he knows so much about so many different things!”

“Are we talking about the same Souda?” Hinata joked.

“He really does know a lot! He told me today about how his parents were both engineers, and that they both are working in aeronautics. With the way Souda talks about it, it sounds like he could be any kind of engineer that he wanted, not just a car mechanic.”

“That’s definitely true,” the front door was unlocked, as always, and Hinata pushed it open to let Komaeda go in ahead of him. “But Souda likes it here, and he also is allergic to work. I think having his own schedule suits him better than working at some giant company.”

“He’s definitely more of a free spirit, isn’t it?” Komaeda slid his shoes off at the door and stretched his arms over his head, yawning.

“That’s definitely a more romanticized way of describing him, but yeah, he’s more of a free spirit.” Hinata also took off his shoes and went down the hall. He knew that eventually the discussion about the sleeping arrangements would come up again, but he wasn’t going to be the one to start that particular conversation. He went into his room and picked his pillow up off the floor from when he had thrown it to trip Souda that morning. He placed it on the bed and then went back over to the doorway, stepping into the hallway. “Hey, Ko-”

He couldn’t even get Komaeda’s full name out before Komaeda let out a muffled screech and dropped to the floor, a foot away from where Hinata was standing. Hinata was also startled and jumped back, banging his hip painfully against the doorframe as he did so.

“What the hell!” He gasped, his heart thundering in his chest. Komaeda was a shaking heap on the floor, his fists clenched down at his sides. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“You...red..me…”

“What?” Hinata took a tentative step closer, unable to hear Komaeda’s quiet voice.

“You scared me!” Komaeda looked up, his face more red than Hinata had ever seen it. “I was coming down the hall and you just leapt out and it scared me so badly I just-”

Hinata burst out laughing, bending over and grabbing Komaeda’s arm to pull him up off the floor.

“Looks like someone wasn’t as unaffected by that game as he was pretending!” Hinata laughed, and Komaeda huffed, crossing his arms over his chest looking more than a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“It’s okay.” Komaeda looked down at his feet. “I’ve never felt that kind of terror in my life. My legs felt like jelly and just gave out beneath me!”

“I saw,” Hinata pulled him into the bedroom. “Should we sleep with the lights on?”

“I’m not  _ that _ scared.” Komaeda went over to the dresser and opened his drawer, digging around for his pajamas. “But…” He pulled out a pair of gray flannel pajama pants and was suddenly extremely interested in adjusting the drawstrings so they were both hanging at equal lengths. “I wouldn’t mind if we slept in your bed. Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” Hinata was torn between laughing at Komaeda’s jumpiness again and cheering for joy that he wanted to sleep in the same bed again.

“Just in case!” Komaeda grabbed a shirt out of the dresser and shut the drawer a little forcefully. “That’s it. Just.... just in case.”

“Okay, okay,” Hinata went over to the dresser and got out his own pajamas. “Just in case.”

Komaeda left to go use the bathroom and change, and Hinata quickly slipped out of his clothes and into his pajamas before turning on the bedside lamp and plugging in his phone. If this was all it took, he might have to convince Souda that they needed to continue that game tomorrow after all. He crawled over to his side of the bed and fluffed up his pillow before sliding under the covers, trying to steady his breathing and relax.

He only knew Komaeda had come back into the room when the main light switch flicked off.

“Man, you walk quietly,” Hinata said, trying to be conversational to help his nerves. Komaeda came around to the side of the bed and slowly bent over to plug his own phone in. Once that was done, he got onto the bed and crawled under the covers, laying on his side so he faced Hinata.

“It comes from a lifetime of practice,” he said, tucking an arm underneath his head.

“Of sneaking around?”

“Just trying to remain unnoticed.”

“Oh.”

They were quiet for a while, and Hinata looked everywhere except for right at Komaeda, whose face was barely a foot away and was staring right at him, unwavering. Hinata cleared his throat once, then twice.

“Are you going to turn off the lamp?” Hinata nodded his head towards the nightstand, and Komaeda rolled over silently and tugged on the cable, plunging the room into darkness. “If you didn’t want to, we could leave it on.”

“I’m fine.” Komaeda scooted closer, and Hinata felt his hair tickling his face before he felt the rest of him. Komaeda tucked his head underneath Hinata’s chin, and ever so gently draped his arm around Hinata’s waist.

Hinata couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move. Komaeda initiating contact like that was so unexpected, but it made his heart thrum in his chest like a hummingbird. Moving as slowly as he could, Hinata brought his own arm up and wrapped it around Komaeda’s shoulders, putting just the slightest bit of pressure on him to pull him closer. His breathing was so shallow he knew that Komaeda had to notice, but he didn’t say anything, instead just responding to Hinata’s touch and cuddling in closer.

“Are you comfortable?” Hinata whispered, worried that he might cross a boundary without meaning to.

“Very.”

“Okay.”

Hinata laid there for a long time, keeping as still as possible, until he heard Komaeda’s breathing get deeper as he finally drifted off to sleep. Pulling his head back a little so he could look down at him, Hinata bit his lip as he looked at Komaeda’s peaceful, sleeping form. Something in his chest twinged, and it felt like his entire heart was aching. In a good way, but also in an awful, painfully sad kind of way.

He liked Komaeda. He liked him a  _ lot _ . He liked him so much that it honestly frightened him. Was two weeks long enough to know how strongly you could feel about a person? If he liked him this much now, how much would he like him next week? Or the week after? Was it going to hurt more than he thought it would when Komaeda went back home?

There were so many things flying through Hinata’s mind and he wished he could just shut them all out and enjoy the moment. So what if Komaeda was going to leave; at least Hinata was with him right now, in this very second, curled up with him on his bed in the middle of the night. And even if things didn’t work out between them, or Komaeda left and Hinata never saw him again, he knew that he would always remember this moment. He would always remember how it felt when he first saw Komaeda and his heart practically leapt out of his chest. He would always remember how easy it had been to open up to him, and how easily Komaeda had just accepted him for who he was, even when all of his most glaring faults and troubling insecurities were laid out for the world to see.

He just hoped that Komaeda would always remember these things too.


	11. Dandelions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hurt myself writing this.

Time began to move too quickly.

It was as if the tighter Hinata tried to hold on, the faster it began to slip away, minutes sliding into hours, sliding into days. He would would spend what felt like simple seconds talking with Komaeda, driving back and forth from the city, working in the garden, texting him from the produce stand, and then look up to see that an entire day had been flushed away, far too soon. Even more elusive were the hours that the sun was no longer in the sky, when night fell and Komaeda would stutter out some new excuse as to why he needed to sleep in Hinata’s bed again that night.

Hinata never argued with him, and eventually Komaeda stopped coming up with reasons, and would instead just get right under the covers as if that was where he was always meant to be. And Hinata knew that it  _ was _ where he should be. As the week passed by and the last parts arrived for Komaeda’s car, Hinata grew to know without a doubt that Komaeda was meant to be there, in Langdon, with him. So when the day before Komaeda planned to leave arrived, and everyone had gathered in Hina’s living to discuss their camping plans, Hinata made the decision to tell Komaeda exactly how he felt.

At what point in the evening he would actually do it, he didn’t know. But he knew that if he didn’t take this chance now, he would regret it forever. Time had been working against him since the moment Komaeda arrived, and Hinata had learned enough about himself in the last three weeks to know that he was no longer going to sit on the sidelines of his own life and let things sweep past him. Not anymore.

“Hina’s tent is the biggest one,” Souda said, gesturing to the mass of bright pink fabric that was tied up and leaning on the wall. “So Komaeda, you can share with her.”

“That sounds good to me!” Komaeda replied, stretching his arms over his head and smiling at Hina. “You won’t hit me in your sleep, will you?”

“Of course I won’t!” Hina huffed, setting down the can of bug spray she had been holding. “The only person who can’t stay still in their sleep is Souda.”

“Hey, now,” Souda put his hands on his hips and glared at them both. “It’s too early in this trip to start picking on me already. Besides, everyone should be applauding me on a job well done; that car was an absolute death trap until I finished with it.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Komaeda laughed. “Thank you, Souda.”

Hinata watched the exchange from where he was sitting on the loveseat across from Komaeda. The difference in him was almost alarming; the contrast between the quiet boy who had arrived, and the one who now laughed and smiled openly, joking with people who he had once been on guard around.

“Hinata, did you end up finding your tent?” Hina turned to look at him.

“I did. It’s in my garage,” Hinata leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked at the spread of camping gear and snacks that was laid out on the coffee table in front of him. “Do we have lighter fluid?”

“I bought some when we went into the city on Sunday!” Komaeda reached into a plastic bag at his feet and held up a white bottle of lighter fluid. “I also got matches, marshmallows, some metal roasting sticks, and,” he set the bottle down and reached into the bag once more. “A first aid kit and this tiny fire extinguisher.”

“Well isn’t someone safety conscious!” Souda stepped around the side of the coffee table, reaching for Komaeda’s bag. “Now pass me those marshmallows.”

“No!” Komaeda kicked the bag out of Souda’s reach, waving the extinguisher at him defensively. “They’re for tonight only.”

“Party pooper.” Souda slunk back to where he had been standing before, and turned his gaze to look at the items on the table. “Everyone has a sleeping bag, right? If they don’t I have extras in my house.”

“I think we’ve all got one,” Hina looked over to where her pink tent was and counted the sleeping bag rolls. “There are three over there. The pink one is mine, and that blue one is Hinata’s. And I think that green one is Komaeda’s?” she looked at Komaeda for confirmation, and he nodded. “Which means you’re the only one who didn’t bring one with you, Souda.”

“I’ll get it before we leave,” Souda assured her. “It’s not like we’re going far.” And they weren’t. They all had eventually agreed that just setting the tent up in the backyard wouldn’t be quite as fun, so instead Hinata had talked to his boss and asked if they could camp out in a wooded area on his property. They would still be relatively close to Langdon if they needed to get anything, but just far enough away that it felt like they were actually going on a trip. “So we have everything!”

“I guess we do.” Hina pulled her phone out of her pocket and tapped the screen a few times, her eyes glancing back and forth from the table to the phone again. “Everything on my list is accounted for.”

“Mine as well!” Hinata looked over at Komaeda, who also had his phone out and was examining the gear on the coffee table. “If we have any emergencies, Hinata and I can come back to town and grab what we need.”

“Sounds good!” Souda clapped his hands together loudly. “I’ll run back to my house and get my sleeping bag and some extra marshmallows for me to eat on the way,” he stuck his tongue out playfully at Komaeda, who just laughed in response. “Meet you guys in Hinata’s driveway?”

“Will do.” Hinata stood up and stretched, leaning to the side so he could see into Hina’s kitchen and the clock above the microwave. It was a nearly four o’clock, so they would have plenty of time to set up camp before it started to get dark. “Let’s toss all of this stuff into some bags and we can go ahead and load up my truck.” The three of them quickly set about their task, with Hina directing the two boys what needed to be packed where to make sure food didn’t get squashed or contaminated by bug sprays and sunblock.

By the time everything was packed and ready, Hinata was carrying two duffels over one arm and had Hina’s tent tucked up under the other. Komaeda was carrying a single duffel and a pillow, and Hina had gathered up the three sleeping bags. They all shuffled out of the front door awkwardly, none of them having a free hand to get the handle, so Hinata had to push it down with his foot. By the time they made it across the yard and into Hinata’s driveway, Souda was already halfway down the street, sleeping bag and tent in his arms.

“Just throw it all in the bank,” Hinata panted, swinging the alarmingly heavy pair of duffel bags over the side of his truck where they thumped into the bed. “I’ll go grab my tent.” He went to his garage door and pulled it up, ducking underneath it once there was room and heading towards where he had left the tent the night before. It was neatly wrapped up in a carrying sleeve, stakes tucked into a pocket attached to the outer seam. Hinata grabbed it and left the garage, pulling the door down behind him until he heard it hit the ground.

Souda was standing in the back of the truck, making sure that everything was tied down and wasn’t going to blow away once they started driving, and Hina and Komaeda were both standing by the passenger door, laughing about something.

“We ready to head out?” Hinata asked, reaching into his pocket for his keys.

“I think we are!” Hina beamed, grabbing the car door handle. “Let’s hit the road!”

“Hina, it’s only like, a fifteen minute drive away. If that.” Souda jumped down from the bed and joined her by the door. “The real road trip will come when we go to visit Komaeda sometime.”

“That will definitely be quite the trip,” Komaeda laughed, climbing into the truck as Hina held the door open for him. “You might actually want to fly, if you can.”

Hinata walked to the other side of the truck and opened the driver’s door, pulling himself up into his seat. Komaeda slid across the bench until he was pressed right up against Hinata, hip to hip, thigh to thigh, even their knees were pressed together next to the stick shift. But Komaeda didn’t seem fazed at all by the contact, and Hinata knew he should probably be used to it after sleeping together in the same bed every night, but Komaeda’s touch still sent electric shocks through his entire body.

Once Hina and Souda had squished onto the seat as well, Komaeda was practically in Hinata’s lap, and Hinata’s hand was shaking as he stuck the keys into the ignition. As Hinata backed out of the driveway, Souda immediately reached forward to switch on the radio, flipping through stations until he settled on a alt-rock channel, bobbing his head to the music.

“I didn’t know you liked this kind of music, Souda,” Komaeda said, watching Souda, amused. “I figured you as more of a country person.”

“I’m offended,” Souda said, not stopping the little dance he was doing in his seat, despite there not being enough room for it. “I would never listen to country.”

“Sure you wouldn’t,” Hina piped up. “And I definitely didn’t walk into your house to hear you belting out some country love ballad yesterday.”

“That must’ve been someone else!” Souda protested as they all laughed.

“I don’t think so; whoever was singing it was playing a guitar too, and I think you’re the only one in town who knows how to play!”

“Hey, Ibuki knows how to play,” Souda pointed out, stopping his dancing as the song on the radio faded out. “And she’s pretty good at it, too. Didn’t you hear her at the town Christmas party last year? She absolutely killed it.”

“She did play well,” Hina admitted. “I just don’t know if it’s really my kind of music.”

“This is the convenience store owner’s daughter, correct? What kind of music does she play?” Komaeda asked, shifting in his seat so he could face Hina. Of course, this also meant that now he was leaning against Hinata, and his arm was resting lightly on Hinata’s right leg. Which was incredibly, ridiculously distracting.

“Yep, that’s Ibuki! And she plays a variety of instruments and styles I think,” Hina got out her phone and started scrolling through it, looking for something. “She’s in the junior orchestra in the city, actually! She plays a couple wind instruments, and I also think she can play violin.”

“That’s impressive.” Komaeda leaned his head back so it was resting on Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata forgot how to breathe. “My parents had me playing the piano for a few years, but I was never that good at it.”

“I doubt that,” Hina found what she was looking for on her phone. “You could do anything you set your mind to, Ko. But look! Here’s a video of Ibuki playing at the party last year.” She held her phone out, and Komaeda took it, sitting up straight again, his head lifting off Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata inhaled a deep, shaky breath.

Music blared from Hina’s phone, almost deafening, and Hinata winced. He had kind of blocked Ibuki’s performance from his memory, because it honestly wasn’t really his style of music either. When the screeching guitar started and Ibuki’s rough voice began to sing, he glanced over to look at Komaeda’s expression. Komaeda was raising his eyebrows at the screen as he watched, looking a little alarmed.

“I wouldn’t say that’s my kind of music either,” he said finally, handing the phone back to Hina when it was over. “But she does have skill. Anyone can see it.”

“She definitely does.” Hina put her phone back in her pocket. “Maybe at the Christmas party this year she’ll play something more...gentle.”

“Hey, let her play what she likes!” Souda drummed a beat out on his knees, and then mimed playing the guitar in the same wild way Ibuki had been playing it in the video.

“Souda, there’s not enough room for you to be doing that!” Hina laughed, ducking as one of Souda’s elbows came flying her way as he enthusiastically strummed his imaginary electric guitar. “Wait until we get to the campsite and then you can play air instruments all you want.”

This only served to make Souda even more exuberant with his playing, and Hina and Komaeda leaned away from him as far as they could, which wasn’t far enough. He drummed on them, grabbed Hina’s hands to make her play a pretend tambourine, and then got Komaeda to play some kind of imaginary flute. Hinata rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he turned onto the gravel drive that led into his employer’s land. He could see the trees that marked the edge of the small wooded area on the property, and pressed down on the gas pedal.

By the time they reached the outer ring of trees, Souda had composed a song that was loaded with so many instruments that Hinata was sure that if it were a real song, it would just sound like one big crashing, cacophonous screech.

“Fresh air!” Hina immediately unbuckled her seatbelt and leapt from the truck the moment Hinata stopped, stumbling through the grass. “On the way back I am just going to ride in the bed! Out of reach of Souda.” She stuck her tongue out at him, and Souda just laughed as he got out of the truck behind her.

“Maybe Ibuki and I will form a band,” he mused.

“Please don’t.” Hinata got out of the truck and Komaeda hopped out behind him. “Let’s get all of this stuff unloaded.” Everyone followed him around to the back of the truck, and he popped open the hatch. “Souda and I can get the tents and the heavier duffels. Komaeda and Hina, you guys can take the sleeping bags and whatever’s left.”

“Aye-aye, captain!” Souda hopped up into the truck bed and grabbed his and Hina’s tents, tucking them under one arm. “I am ready to eat marshmallows!”

“You’re always ready to eat marshmallows.” Hina reached over the side and grabbed onto the sleeping bags, sliding the carrying cords over her left wrist. She stood on her tiptoes and stretched, trying to reach her duffel bag. Hinata watched as Komaeda went over to her side and easily reached in and grabbed it, pulling it out of the truck bed and handing it to her. He knew Komaeda was the tallest of all four of them, but seeing him stand next to Hina made it even more obvious. Sometimes Hinata wondered if Komaeda’s hair gave him a height advantage, and if they straightened it all out and smoothed it down flat on his head, he would actually be shorter.

Once everything had been retrieved from the truck, Hinata led the way into the trees, making his way towards the small clearing he knew was a little ways in. He didn’t spend a lot of time on this side of the property; most of his work was with the crops or the orchards, and that was only when he wasn’t taking care of the produce stand. But after getting permission for them to camp here, he had scoped it out during his last shift and knew he had found the perfect spot.

“Oh man, I haven’t been camping in forever,” it was obvious that Souda was pretty high energy at the moment, and Hinata hoped that they would be able to get him to go to sleep that night. Sometimes, back when Souda would spend the night at Hinata’s house fairly often, Hinata would be kept up for hours because Souda was just so chatty he couldn’t fall asleep. It didn’t matter what they talked about, just that they did, and Souda could go on for hours, talking about everything from his favourite book to the last time he had gotten the flu.

“Is Kettle okay being closed for the evening?” Hinata overheard Komaeda asking Hina, his voice worried. “I would hate for you to lose business because you felt like you needed to do this for me.”

“It’s worth it,” was Hina’s response. “Besides, it’s a weeknight, and aside from you guys I get maybe a handful of customers, tops. So don’t worry about it!”

They finally emerged from the trees into the clearing, and Souda immediately dashed forward, dropping his tent on the grass and loudly declaring that that was his spot.

“I’ve never pitched a tent before!” Komaeda was excited, dropping his bag and digging through it for a rubber mallet. “Hina, can I hit the stakes into the ground?”

“Of course!” she laughed, going to grab her tent from where Souda had abandoned it in his haste to claim his territory. “I promise it’s not as fun as you’re thinking it is though. Setting them up is work, but it’s tearing them down that’s the real nightmare. I never know how I managed to fit the tent back into the bag the last time.”

Everyone began putting the tents up, and when Hina and Komaeda finished first, they both offered to go find wood and kindling for the fire. Hinata watched them walk back into the cover of the trees, Hina throwing her arms wide as she told Komaeda some story that Hinata couldn’t hear. He turned back to his tent, hammering in the last stake, enjoying the satisfying sensation of whacking the round stake-top and watching it sink into the earth.

“Are you going to ask Hina to trade tents with you?” Souda was suddenly right behind him, an open bag of marshmallows in his hands.

“Jesus,” Hinata jumped up, startled, his rubber mallet falling down into the grass. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“I wasn’t sneaking.” Souda held out the open bag. “Want a marshmallow?”

“No, thanks.” Hinata went to grab his sleeping bag from the pile and tossed it into his tent. “And no, I’m not going to ask to trade with Hina.”

“Don’t you want to be with Komaeda on his last night here?” There was something extremely suggestive in Souda’s voice, and Hinata turned to look at him.

“I don’t really like what you’re implying,” he said as he started to look for his duffel bag. “But no. I mean, yes. I do want to be with him, but…” Hinata spotted his bag near where Hina had set up her tent, opposite his own. “Hina deserves to have time with him, too.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t have a cru-” Souda’s stopped when he saw Hina and Komaeda coming back, their arms full of sticks and leaves. Hinata was pretty sure that was the only time in his entire life that Souda had the sense to be discrete.

“Should we just dump them in the middle?” Hina walked up, and pointed her chin to the patch of grass in the center of the trio of tents.

“Sure.” Hinata watched them both dump their findings onto the ground, and Komaeda went over to his bag to pull out the lighter fluid. “Are you wanting to light it now?”

“Why not?” Komaeda popped the cap off the bottle and started to peel off the sticky, silver seal.

“It’s still light out. And it’s hot.” Hinata squinted up at the sun, which was bearing almost directly down on them.

“That’s true…” Komaeda pouted a little as he pushed the cap back down on top of the bottle. “And I haven’t even unrolled my sleeping bag, yet.” Hating to see him disappointed, Hinata rushed to make amends.

“It’ll be dark in an hour or so! And if Souda tries to light it before you, I’ll slap him or something.” Komaeda laughed at that and went to pick up his green sleeping bag. As he disappeared into Hina’s pink tent, Hinata turned around and went into his own, unzipping the flap to let himself inside. His tent was, sadly, only big enough for a single person, and he squatted down and pulled his sleeping bag out of it’s carrying bag and shook it out. He could hear music playing outside, and figured Souda had set up his little bluetooth speaker. He could barely make out Hina and Komaeda laughing about something, and his heart felt heavy in his chest.

This was really the last night. Komaeda wouldn’t be here in twenty-four hours. Tomorrow, Hinata would go home to an empty house. He would wake up in the morning and only have to make breakfast for one person, and he wouldn’t have to try and crawl over a sleeping Komaeda in his bed to go use the bathroom in the middle of the night. No one was going to text him constantly while he was at work, telling him jokes and sending pictures of crafts they made with Hina. Everything was about to go back to the way it was before.

_ Komaeda said he would come back in the summer _ , he thought, trying to coax himself away from the sad fog that was threatening to sink over him.  _ And you can go visit him whenever you want _ .

And maybe that was true. But Hinata had a gut feeling that it wasn’t going to be the same, and whatever magical spell had descended over Langdon and over Hinata’s life was going to dissipate the second Komaeda drove away.

Determined to make the most of the time that was left, Hinata finished setting up his sleeping bag and unpacking some of the things in his bag. He set a little red lamp next to his pillow, along with the battery pack he had brought to charge his phone. He made sure his pajamas were still in his bag and then went back to the tent flap to crawl outside.

The first thing he noticed as he zipped up his tent behind him was that the sun was already almost completely set, a painful reminder of how quickly time was slipping past him. Then he saw that someone had already set up folding chairs around their makeshift fire-pit, which already had the wood, kindling, and primer set up in a neat little pyramid. He could see Hina on the other side of the clearing, picking flowers it looked like, and sticking them in a little basket she had brought with her. Souda and Komaeda were both next to Souda’s tent, where they were unpacking all of the stuff to make dinner and laying it out on a picnic blanket.

“Do you need any help?” he asked, going over to join them. Komaeda looked up at him and smiled, sending sparks down Hinata’s spine.

“We’re just making sure everything is out and ready!” he said, patting a plastic package of hot dogs he had just pulled out of the cooler. “I’ve never cooked anything over a fire before.”

“Not even s’mores?!” Souda was incredulous, looking over his shoulder at Komaeda, who just shrugged in response. “I can’t believe you’ve never made a s’more…”

“There’s a first time for everything!” Komaeda said, getting to his feet and looking at Hinata. “Do you think we can light the fire now?” Hinata looked up at the sky, where the burning colours of the sunset were already fading into blues and purples.

“Let’s do it.” He followed Komaeda, who practically skipped over to the fire and grabbed the lighter fluid he had left nearby. Hinata was almost envious of how even the simplest things were exciting to Komaeda, like he was living in a world where everything was new and sparkling and an adventure.  _ Almost _ envious. After all, getting to see how cute he was when he was excited about something was a reward all on its own.

They managed to the fire lit, and the smell of campfire smoke immediately filled the air, throwing Hinata back to his childhood and taking fishing trips with his dad. Komaeda let out a little whoop of excitement and tossed the lighter a good distance away from the fire before flopping down into one of the camping chairs. Hinata joined him, sitting in the chair to his right, and stared into the crackling yellow flames. With the sun almost completely down, the air had the tiniest hint of a chill left in it, despite how close they were to entering summer. But in Hinata’s opinion, that just made the fire even better.

Souda set up a grilling rack over the flames and was halfway through laying all the food out over it when Hina came skipping back into the circle of tents, her basket swinging freely on her wrist. She sat down in the chair on Komaeda’s other side and placed the basket at her feet, reaching down into it and pulling out a few thick dandelion stalks and a small handful of dog violets.

“I’m going to make flower crowns!” she said, laying the flowers out gently in her lap. “I was hoping to find some of those...little white flowers? What are the called, Hinata? The ones that look kind of like daisies?”

“Aster.” Hinata replied, automatically. Hina nodded vigorously in response.

“Yeah, aster!” She looked over at Komaeda. “They look like tiny purple daisies, but they’re just a regular old wildflower,” she explained.

“Aster is a fall plant,” Hinata told her. “But they would’ve looked nice with those dandelions.”

“That’s why I had to find another purple flower!” Hina held up one of the dog violets, the soft purple petals matched the colour of the sky almost exactly. “And then I found these! The stems are kind of weak though, so I’ll have to braid in some grass to keep them on there.”

“You’re always so creative, Hina,” Komaeda said, admiringly. “I wish I had half as much talent as you do.”

“Oh, please,” Hina laughed as she began braiding the flowers together. “I know how to do like, three things. I can cook, I can knit, and I know how to make flower decorations. And cooking isn’t even a talent; even Souda knows how to cook.” She gestured to where Souda was kneeling over the fire, making everyone’s food for them.

“Why did that sound like an insult?” he asked. Hina didn’t answer him and instead went back to braiding the flower crown. “Hey!” Souda threw a marshmallow, and it bounced harmlessly off the side of Hina’s head. “Why are you being mean to me!”

“Oh, you big baby,” Hina reached down to grab the fallen marshmallow and chucked it back at him, though he dodged it easily. “I didn’t say your cooking was bad!”

“The tacos you made that one night were really good,” Komaeda supplied helpfully.

“Hmph.” Souda sniffed indignantly, going back to poking the hot dogs that were laying on the grill rack. Hina continued to deftly braid together the flowers, her fingers moving too quickly for Hinata to really see how she was managing to get them all to stay together. Occasionally she would add a few thick blades of grass, and then slip a dog violet in between the strands, adding a burst of purple to the green and yellow that the rest of the crown was made up of.

Komaeda leaned back in his chair, gazing up at the sky, where stars were starting to appear, twinkling into existence.

“If I wasn’t wanting to avoid all the mosquitoes, I would want to sleep out here,” Komaeda said. “The stars are beautiful.”

“They are.” Hinata looked up as well, and eventually Hina and Souda both did too. They all were silent, the only sound the crackling snap of the flames in the campfire; even Souda’s music had stopped, a break between songs that lasted just long enough for them all to feel the same, melancholic shift in the atmosphere.

“It’s different when the lights of the city aren’t around,” Hina said quietly. “Kind of reminds you how small we all are, compared to everything else.”

“It makes me feel brave,” Komaeda sounded softer than usual, his breathy voice sending delicate shivers through Hinata’s body, though he tried to stop them. “Like it’s because of how big everything else is, even if I make a mistake or do something wrong, it won’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. There’s room to mess up.”

“That actually is kind of comforting to think about,” Souda sounded different than Hinata had ever heard him, and so he looked down to see if he was okay. He caught Hina doing the same thing, catching the same tone in his voice that Hinata had, but Komaeda stayed staring up at the sky. Souda just looked thoughtful, though the corners of his mouth were turned down. “I’m not really one for mushy things, you know? But it’s also kind of incredible that even though the universe is so big and we’re just tiny specks on an infinite timeline, we all ended up right here.”

“That  _ is _ incredible.” Komaeda breathed. “I must be very lucky then, to have gotten to meet all of you.”

They all went quiet again, looking up at the stars, where more and more were starting to flicker to life, filling the sky with glittering pricks of white and silver. After a few more moments, Hina clapped her hands together loudly, startling everyone.

“No reason for us all to get so emo, especially on Komaeda’s last night!” She started putting the finishing touches on her flower crown, adding more flowers to it and filling in the empty spaces.

“You make it sound like its his last night alive,” Souda laughed, and the heavy mood that had started to descend lifted, dissipating as if it had never been there in the first place. Souda reached down onto the ground beside him and picked up a stack of paper plates. “Now let’s eat! I think everything is ready.”

“Wait wait wait!” Hina jumped up from her seat and dashed over to her tent, disappearing inside and popping back out again quickly. “We have to take a picture!”

“Why?” Souda was already grabbing a hot dog off the grill with a pair of metal tongs, placing it on one of the paper plates. Komaeda started to reach in his pocket to pull out his phone, ready to give Hina what she wanted, but she flapped her hand at him to get him to stop.

“Because we need to remember this last evening together!” She held up a fat, mint green camera. “This thing prints the pictures out right after I take them, so it’ll feel more permanent than a phone picture.” She gave Souda gentle kick as she walked past him, and he groaned, pulling himself up from the ground and coming to stand behind Komaeda’s chair.

“Well go ahead and take it, then.”

“Hold on.” Hina reached over towards her chair and picked up the flower crown, and then arranged it carefully on top of Komaeda’s head. “Perfect.” She went over to Souda’s chair and propped the camera up on it, setting the timer, before running back and plopping down in her seat. “Now everyone lean in!”

Souda squatted behind Komaeda’s chair and held up a peace sign with his fingers, and Hinata and Hina leaned in on either side of Komaeda, grinning into the camera lens.

“Say cheese!” The camera flashed, momentarily blinding them all, and then Hina was up, running over to the camera and grabbing the photo that had just printed out the top. As she inspected it, waiting for the film to develop, everyone else grabbed a plate and loaded it up with food. Hina eventually seemed satisfied with the picture and went to put it and the camera back in her bag before returning to join everyone for dinner.

As they ate, they talked and laughed, jumping from topic to topic as if the four of them had been friends from the beginning of their lives. The fire burned down to coals, but they kept going, all of them feeling the same need to make the night last as long as possible, to pretend like this wouldn’t be the last time they were all together for a long, long time.

It was late into the night when they all started telling some of their favourite moments from the past almost month of Komaeda’s stay, telling their stories through yawns and sleepy, drooping eyelids. Hina said her favourite was when she had tried to teach Komaeda to mix drinks and he broke two of her shot glasses and one beer mug in his attempts. Souda bit his lip and simply said ‘elephant tires,’ sending both him and Komaeda into a fit of laughter that lasted almost five minutes.

Both of them refused to explain the joke to Hina or Hinata, despite their prodding.

Hinata wasn’t sure what his favourite moment with Komaeda was; there were so many things that stood out to him, and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to go for the humorous option like Hina and Souda had, or if he should share something more personal. Because there had been so many personal moments between them: sitting on the front porch of Hinata’s house on the second day, their talk in Souda’s parking lot later, holding his hand at Komaeda’s first movie night, the moment Komaeda had finally opened up to him about his friends and what had happened back home… There were too many to choose from.

What about when they had been sitting on Souda’s couch above the shop, and Hinata had traced swirling patterns on Komaeda’s palm, and Komaeda had looked at him with an expression filled with sadness and worry and a little bit of longing? Or even just the simple act of planting things together in his garden, or folding laundry together, or making each other breakfast every morning for three weeks?

Or perhaps the most important moment of them all; the moment Hinata realized that he might actually be in love with him.

“Okay, I think I have to call it quits.” Souda stretched, his eyes already closed as if he were already wrapped up in his sleeping bag. “It’s bed time for me.”

“Me too, I think.” Hina stood up from her chair and dragged her feet towards her tent. “Good night, you guys.”

“Good night.” Hinata watched his two friends disappear into their tents, his heart pounding erratically, his stomach an entire flock of butterflies. He looked out of the corner of his eye at Komaeda, who had reached up to remove the flower crown from his white hair. “Are you tired?”

“A little,” Komaeda admitted, staring down at the flowers in his hands. “I should probably go to sleep; I have a pretty long drive ahead of me tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you do.” Hinata looked up at the sky again, trying to find the same bravery that Komaeda said he felt when he looked up there. If he was going to tell Komaeda how he felt, he was going to have to do it now.

“I guess I will, then.” Komaeda started to get up from his seat, but Hinata quickly reached his hand out, pressing down on Komaeda’s thigh.

“Wait.”

“Hinata?”

“I…” Hinata heard his voice shaking and swallowed hard, trying to still the fear that was beginning to climb it’s way up his throat. “I have something I want to tell you.”

“What is it?” Komaeda sounded afraid too, and Hinata laughed nervously.

“It’s nothing bad,” he assured him. “I don’t think.”

“You don’t think?”

“It’s not bad.” Hinata corrected. “I mean… I guess it’s...up to personal interpretation…Ugh.” He put his head in his hands. He hadn’t exactly planned how it would go, but he knew that if he had, it wouldn’t be anything like this. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Komaeda had turned his body to face towards Hinata’s, and Hinata could feel his eyes on him, looking at him as carefully and intently as he looked at everything else.

“Komaeda, I…” Steeling himself, he looked up and met Komaeda’s gaze. Soft green eyes stared back into his own, and he saw that same innocently blind trust that had been in them from the moment they met, when he had agreed to climb into the truck of a stranger promising to get him help. “I like you.”

“I like you, too.” Komaeda replied, immediately. “You are one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. Souda and Hina, too. The relationship I have with you all is nothing like it is with my friends back home.”

“No, no,” Hinata took another deep breath, remembering how Hina had told him that Komaeda would throw it back like that. “Not as a friend.”

“Not as a…” Komaeda’s voice trailed off, and he broke eye contact, looking off towards the trees. Hinata waited to see if he would say anything else, but he didn’t, his eyes locked on some distant point that Hinata couldn’t see.

“I really like you. More than I’ve ever liked anyone, for sure.” Komaeda still didn’t move, and Hinata barrelled forward, the words coming out faster than he could think them through. “At first I think I just liked you because it the first time anything had made me  _ feel _ something since I moved to Langdon, but then the more time I spent with you, the more that feeling grew into something stronger.” He paused to take a breath. Komaeda still hadn’t looked away from whatever he was staring at. The butterflies in Hinata’s stomach were turning into lead, sinking heavily to the bottom, dragging him down. “I just wanted to be with you. Because being with you, even when we were just doing normal, everyday things, made me happy.  _ You  _ make me happy. And I hope that I…” Here it was, the final stretch. After he finished his sentence, he would have nothing left to say and it would be in Komaeda’s court.

“I hope that maybe I could make you just as happy as you’ve made me.”

Nothing.

Komaeda didn’t even look like he was breathing. Hinata felt like he was made of gelatin; shaky, unstable, unsure. The silence seemed to stretch on for eons, and with each new second that passed, he wished even more that he could turn to dust and disappear forever.

“Hinata…” Komaeda’s voice sounded a little choked up, and when Hinata looked up from where he had been staring down at his lap, his heart sank. “You could do so much better than me.”

And in an instant, Hinata watched as the past three weeks disintegrated, all of the progress he thought he had made with Komaeda, encouraging him to be selfish, to be okay with himself and who he was, washed away in that single sentence. When he met Komaeda’s gaze, he saw it there, too. Komaeda still believed in the core of his being that he was worthless, and that was just how things were always going to be.

“Even if that were true, I don’t  _ want _ anyone else,” Hinata tried, feeling an awful, prickling feeling behind his eyes. He tried to blink it away, but it wouldn’t go. “I’m not saying that to try and pressure you into something you don’t…” he cleared his throat, the prickling in his eyes making his throat start to close up, “...something you don’t reciprocate. I’m saying that because you need to give yourself more credit! No one could do better than you. You’re kind, you’re thoughtful, you know how to make a person feel included and comfortable…”

“Hinata, please,” Komaeda rose slowly from his chair, as if he were bearing an enormous weight on his shoulders that threatened to push him back down into the ground. “I don’t think you’ve thought this through, because if you had, I knew you wouldn’t be doing this.”

“Wait, so you think I’ve just been, what, goofing off all this time?” Hinata didn’t want to be angry. He didn’t. “Komaeda, every second that I’m with you I feel like I’m simultaneously riding the scariest, most exhilarating ride in the universe while also feeling more comfortable and at home than I have anywhere else in my life. And I  _ have _ thought this through; you think I just came out with all of this because I wanted to embarrass myself in front of you? Make myself look like some kind of idiot?”

“No, you don’t look like an idiot, you just…” Komaeda covered his face with his hands and went silent, and he seemed to waver in Hinata’s vision. He tried to blink to clear it, and felt something wet drip down his cheek. Oh my god, was he crying? That was the only thing that could make this worse. Hinata rubbed angrily at his eyes, grateful that Komaeda was hiding his face and couldn’t see the absolute mess that was happening right in front of him. “Hinata, I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I  _ can’t _ !” When Komaeda pulled his hands away, the look in his eyes broke Hinata’s heart. “You’re good.  _ Too _ good. If I get too close to something as good as you it will just spoil and turn into something terrible…” He took a shaky breath, and Hinata could see his hands were shaking. He wanted to reach out and grab one, just hold it, fill Komaeda with assurances that there wasn’t a single thing in the world that could make Hinata turn away or leave him behind. “I can’t do that you, Hinata. I can’t. I would rather die than do something so selfish.”

“How can it be selfish when I’m the one who confessed to  _ you? _ ” If they got any louder, Hina and Souda would come out. But who knew, they might be listening inside their tents already. The thought of Hina’s sympathetic expression made him want to just crawl into a hole and wither away into nothingness. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. It just wasn’t.

“Hinata.” Komaeda took a step backwards towards Hina’s tent, his arms wrapped around himself as if he were trying to protect himself from something. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” And then he turned around and unzipped the tent, stepping inside and disappearing from sight.

 

Hinata stayed outside for a long time after that. When the moon disappeared behind the trees, he finally got up and crawled into his tent, grabbing the flower crown that Komaeda had dropped on the ground as he passed it. He tried to go to sleep, but he couldn’t. How could he? Everything felt like it was either frozen or numb, and Hinata was grateful for that, because it kept him from registering how hurt he must be underneath it all.

What must have been a thousand times Hinata alternated between getting up and going to Hina’s tent and getting Komaeda, desperate to talk it out, and then instead thinking maybe a text might be better. He opened and closed his text message thread over and over, each time talking himself out of it.

The sun rose, and Hinata was still laying in his tent, staring up at the support pole that went through the ceiling of the tent. He heard everyone else outside stirring and waking up, and he heard Souda start breaking down his tent. He heard them pack up the camping chairs, the cooking gear, and everything else in the campsite. He didn’t want to leave, to exit his tent and see him again, but he knew he had to. He had sat in here long enough. So with a groan he sat up and started packing away his things, rolling up the sleeping bag and shoving into its carrier.

He didn’t know if Souda and Hina had heard. He felt like if they had, Hina at least would’ve sent a text or something, but she hadn’t. When he exited his tent, he saw that Souda was packing Hina’s tent away, and Hina and Komaeda were both disappearing into the trees, each of them carrying an armload of gear and bags back to the truck.

“Good morning, sleepy head!” Souda said cheerfully when he saw Hinata emerge from his tent. There was no false sincerity in his grin, and Hinata knew that he had no idea. Maybe it was for the best. “You slept in even longer than me!”

“Yeah, I had trouble falling asleep.” Hinata started to break down his own tent. “You guys didn’t have to pack up everything by yourselves.”

“That’s what I said! But Hina said Komaeda wanted to get an earlier start on his drive, but he also didn’t want to disturb you, so we just did it ourselves.”

“Oh.” It was quiet between them, and Hinata did his best to look as neutral as possible. Komaeda wanted to leave earlier. Fantastic.

“I sure am going to miss him,” Souda said, sticking the last pole into Hina’s tent bag. “He was fun to have around.”

“He was.”

“Bet I won’t miss him as much as you will, though!” Souda came over and punched him lightly on the shoulder. “How will you sleep at night without your-”

“I’ll sleep fine.” Hinata didn’t mean to snap, but he did, and he felt Souda’s jokey mood drift away on the breeze.

“Hey, man, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Hinata didn’t bother trying to fold his tent down neatly and instead just shoved it into it’s bag. “Let’s go to the truck.”

“Whatever you say.”

When they got to the truck, Komaeda and Hina were laughing about something together, looking at her phone. Seeing him again felt like a knife in Hinata’s chest, and he looked down at his feet, the prickling in his eyes returning. God, he felt pathetic. Beyond pathetic, even.

Something deep down in his chest began to ache.

“Everyone ready?” Souda asked, going to open the passenger door.

“Yep!” Hina’s cheery response drifted in and out of Hinata’s head as he dumped his tent and bags into the truck bed. He tugged his keys from his pocket roughly, cursing under his breath when they got caught on the fabric of his jeans. He ripped them away and went around to the driver’s side door, pulling it open and throwing himself into the seat. Souda was already seated in the spot Komaeda had been seated in yesterday, and Hina was next to him, with Komaeda next to the window. As far from Hinata as he could be.

The ache in his chest throbbed painfully, and Hinata shoved his keys into the ignition.

If anyone other than Souda noticed his mood, they didn’t say anything. Hina instead had her arm around Komaeda’s shoulders, looking like she was about to cry, telling him how much she was going to miss him.

“I’m sure we’ll see each other again,” Komaeda was assuring her. “Please don’t cry, Hina.”

The drive back into town passed much faster than the drive out had, and soon they were all in the car shop parking lot, standing next to Komaeda’s car, watching as he loaded his suitcase into the back.

“You have to text us at every stop, okay?” Hina threw her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck. “I want to know that you’re safe all the way until you get home.”

“Yeah, man, stay in touch.” Souda held out his hand, and when Hina let go of Komaeda, he reached out and shook Souda’s hand. “Aw, come here.” Souda pulled him in for a hug, ruffling his hair as he did so.

“Souda, my hair already has trouble as it is!” Komaeda laughed, but he didn’t tell him to stop, so Souda kept doing it anyway. When Souda stepped back, Hinata was struck with paralyzing fear. What if Komaeda just ignored him? How badly would that hurt? Did he really want him to leave on this note, with only Hinata’s feelings souring the moment?

There was more to Komaeda than just how much Hinata liked him. Komaeda was also his friend, someone he had confided in and who had comforted him at some low moments. Hinata wasn’t just going to forget that because he was ashamed and embarrassed by Komaeda’s rejection.

He took a step forward, and for a moment he thought Komaeda was going to turn and jump into his car and leave, but he didn’t. And Hinata took that as a good sign. He reached out slowly, worried that any wrong move would make things irreparable.

But Komaeda met him halfway, wrapping his arms around Hinata’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder, hugging him as tightly as he could.

Hinata hugged him back, his heart crumbling and snapping into pieces before forming back together, only to fall apart all over again. A thousand and one heartbreaks ripped through him and in a white-hot flash of regret, he wished he could take it all back, and let things go back to the way they were. When he didn’t have to worry that this was the last time he would see Komaeda because of what he had said, when he didn’t have to worry about whatever self-esteem issues he had pushed back to the surface of Komaeda’s psyche.

But he knew, he  _ knew _ , that if he hadn’t said anything he would’ve regretted it for the rest of his life. And maybe all of the good moments they had together, maybe that would be enough.

Hinata thought he could probably live with that. He had three weeks that had repaired over two decades of mediocre living; most people never got to have any kind of moments like that all.

He squeezed Komaeda tighter, and felt Komaeda squeeze tighter in response.

“Goodbye, Hinata,” he whispered.

Then he stepped away, back towards his car, and got into the driver’s seat. Hina was crying, Souda was patting her shoulder. The car started up, sounding brand new and nothing like the crunchy, death rattle it had been making on that spring evening three weeks ago. Hinata lifted his hand up to wave.

And then Komaeda was gone.


	12. Chrysanthemums

**** When Komaeda left, Hinata worried that he would never hear from him again. The way things had ended had been strange, and even though their goodbyes had sparked a tiny bit of hope in Hinata’s chest, he didn’t want to risk hurting himself further by hoping more would come of it. Hinata considered telling Hina what happened, just in case they started to wonder why Komaeda wasn’t talking to any of them anymore, but whenever he tried, something deep in his chest would start to ache, so he doesn’t say anything about it at all.  But it turned out that all his worrying was for nothing, because Komaeda did stay in touch, much to Hinata’s surprise.

He sent messages in a group chat that they had set up with Hina and Souda a week or two ago, and they all knew what was happening on every step of Komaeda’s return journey home. It took a couple of days, but he made it safely. Hinata was at work, tilling fields when Komaeda sent a picture of himself in front of his house to the group chat, proof that he had arrived in one piece.

Hinata wanted to save the picture, but changed his mind, instead shoving his phone into his pocket and pushing himself to work harder. But while he hadn’t saved it to his phone, the picture was burned into his mind, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t push it out.

The days started to get longer and hotter, and Hinata spent as much time as he could doing whatever he could to distract himself. He tried not to think about how he and Komaeda hadn’t really talked since he left, or how Komaeda only ever seemed to have something to say when it was in the group chat, where Hina and Souda were also a part of it. Hinata didn’t know whether he needed to give Komaeda space or if he needed to take the initiative and just message him first.

Two weeks after Komaeda’s departure, Hinata was sitting in his living room, staring at the TV screen as the evening news played, talking about the weather. He glanced at his phone sitting on the couch beside him, the screen dark. The last text they had gotten from Komaeda had been that morning, when he sent a picture of his attempt at making Hina’s muffin recipe.

The dark screen taunts him, and when he feels like he can’t ignore it any longer, Hinata decides to say something. Something outside of the group chat, though he and Komaeda barely interacted there anyway.

**Hinata:** I guess you’re settled back in by now, huh? Hope everything is going well!

It sounds shallow and fake and like boring small talk, but it’s all Hinata can think of to say. He doesn’t even know what he’s allowed to mention anymore. As soon as the message is sent, Hinata wished he could take it back.

Groaning, he dropped the phone back onto the couch and slumped down in his seat, feeling like he’s going to be sick. He tried to focus on the news to distract himself when he feels his phone buzz, vibrating the cushions. He snatches the phone up so quickly that the vibration isn’t completely finished before he’s already unlocking the screen.

**Komaeda:** I am, and it is! I’m sure things in Langdon are the same as ever, right?

Hinata quickly typed out a response, afraid that if he waited too long, Komaeda would stop responding to him.

**Hinata:** Basically. The seasons change, but this town stays exactly the same. The only way we know it’s summer is because Souda is wearing flip-flops.

**Komaeda:** Not with that jumpsuit, I hope.

Hinata laughed, and then stopped, surprised to hear the sound coming from himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed without it feeling forced.

**Hinata:** If he did, you know Hina wouldn’t let him leave his house.

**Komaeda:** Well, she did let you leave the house when your shirt was on inside out, so I don’t know if I can trust her anymore.

And then he sent a little emoji with it’s tongue sticking out, and Hinata’s heart flipped in his chest.

**Hinata:** To be fair, she was hungover. I think checking my attire was the last thing on her mind. So what have you been doing since you got back?

He drummed his fingers nervously on the arm of the couch as he watched the little bubble pop up and disappear again repeatedly, as if Komaeda was typing a message and then just erasing it only to start all over again. After what felt like ages, a message popped up.

**Komaeda:** Can I call you?

Now Hinata  _ really _ felt like he was going to be sick. Was this a good thing? Was it a bad thing? How was he going to handle hearing Komaeda’s voice again after so long? And why, why,  _ why _ did he suddenly feel like he was going to puke when he hadn’t puked in years?

**Hinata:** Sure.

Seconds after the message was sent, his phone began to ring, and Hinata took a deep breath and then swiped his thumb across the screen to answer, holding it up to his ear.

“Hey.”

“Hinata!” Komaeda sounded so cheerful, and Hinata felt like his heart was breaking all over again. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

Hinata cleared his throat.

“Um. Yours too. What’s going on?”

“I didn’t know how to send it all in one message, so I figured this would be...easier?” Komaeda sounded unsure, and Hinata could just picture the face that he was making. “I hope that I’m not bothering you.”

“Of course you’re not bothering me. You’ve never bothered me.”

“Right,” Komaeda let out a little nervous laugh before continuing. “Anyway. I had been texting Mukuro while I was driving home, just keeping her updated, you know?”

“Yeah,” Hinata felt a little surge of empty jealousy run through him. Komaeda’s old friends got to be with him right now.

“Well she was here when I got home. Just waiting to see me.” Komaeda sounded happy about this, so Hinata tried to view the whole situation more positively, instead of thinking about it as his friends ambushing him after they had pushed him out of his own house. “And she and I talked for  _ hours _ . I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation like that with one of my friends here. A conversation that was actually meaningful.”

“That’s great.” Hinata wanted to sound enthusiastic, he really did, but who could blame him for having a hard time mustering that into his voice? Fortunately, Komaeda didn’t seem to notice.

“It  _ was _ great! I’ve always felt close to Mukuro, but this was different. In a good way.”

“I’m glad.”

“But anyway! She told me about how things had been going while I was gone, and how she had talked to her sister.”

“Junko?” Hinata asked, trying to remember all of the names of Komaeda’s friends.

“Yes, that’s her.” Komaeda sounded pleased that Hinata remembered. “She basically said that when she got the full story about what happened, she knew that she needed to tell Junko where the line was? And what was considered too far? From what Mukuro told me, that conversation went pretty well and she said Junko was sorry for pushing me so hard!”

“Has Junko apologized to you herself?” Hinata doubted she had, and Komaeda’s next words confirmed it.

“Not exactly. But everyone was over a couple nights ago to celebrate Sayaka’s tour, and Junko told me she was glad I was back!” The bright, happy tone in Komaeda’s voice made Hinata’s heart ache. He knew he had no room to be judging people he had never even met, but it didn’t sound like Junko was really sorry at all. But it’s not like could say that to Komaeda. He had always been touchy about the way Hinata talked about his friends, and he didn’t want to do anything that might screw up whatever bridge he was rebuilding between the two of them right now.

“Sounds like things are going pretty okay, then.”

“They are! I didn’t realize how much I missed them until I was back home. Sayaka, especially. She and I have been friends for a long time. She came over right after Mukuro did when I got back and she said she had been super worried about me the whole time!”

“Having friends is nice.” Hinata didn’t even know what to say anymore. He didn’t know what he had expected to happen when Komaeda returned home, even before he had screwed everything up with his confession, but he supposed a little part of him had secretly hoped that Komaeda’s friends would treat him terribly and that he would come back to Langdon. But even acknowledging that he had hoped for that left a sour taste in his mouth, and he felt horrifically guilty. He was being undeniably selfish. Komaeda had turned him down, and he should respect that. No matter how hard it was.

“But enough about me,” Komaeda said, sounding so happy and normal and fine that Hinata felt stupid for still being so hurt about what had happened between them. “What are you up to right now? Where are Hina and Souda?”

“I’m just watching TV.” He wasn’t really. Not anymore. He had stopped paying attention the second he had decided to text Komaeda. “Hina is at work, and Souda went to visit his parents. He should be back tomorrow, I think.” He heard a pealing bell sound from Komaeda’s end of the phone. “What was that?”

“Oh, I think Sayaka’s here!” He heard rustling as Komaeda moved around, and then what sounded like him running down a flight of stairs. “Will you have time to talk later?”

“Um,” Hinata looked over his shoulder, trying to see into the kitchen so he could see a clock. “Probably?”

“Okay, good!” Komaeda sounded more breathless than usual, and the bell sound rang out again, but louder this time. “I’ll talk to later!”

“Talk to you-” Hinata started to say, but Komaeda had already hung up.

 

Although Hinata hadn’t expected him to, he was still disappointed when Komaeda didn’t call him later that evening. He considered sending him a text, but changed his mind, instead showering and going to bed early, his heart heavy in his chest.

Going to sleep was probably the hardest part of Hinata’s life since Komaeda had left. It was so dumb, so beyond stupid, that Hinata had adjusted so quickly to having Komaeda there with him and yet couldn’t revert back to the way things were just as easily. He still hadn’t even put his clothes back in the drawer that Komaeda had been using in the dresser. It wasn’t like Komaeda had even really been there that long in the grand scheme of things. Less than a month, actually.

_ But you lov- _ His brain started to supply the words, but Hinata shut it down as quickly as he could. He had thought that. Once. The morning of the camping trip he thought that maybe it was possible that he...cared about Komaeda more than he was brave enough to admit. And then look what happened after he had acknowledged that to himself: disaster. He wasn’t going to think that again. He just had a crush. A big one, but it was just a crush. That was it.

He curled up in bed, staring at the wall, trying to keep his mind as blank as possible. He was pathetic. Leaving the determination of his happiness up to another person, putting all that responsibility on someone else… No wonder Komaeda had backed away. Who wanted to hold all of that? Knowing how much someone else relied on them? He had been selfish, telling Komaeda that way. He wished he could go back and do things better.

He wished that every single day.

At some point he fell asleep, only realizing that he had fallen asleep when he was woken by his alarm the next morning. He reached over to turn it off, and pulled his phone closer towards him, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. When he managed to focus, he saw that he had a text. From Komaeda.

**Komaeda:** Sorry I never called you back last night! :(

**Hinata:** No worries; I know you’re busy.

Hinata  got out of bed and started to get dressed, dragging himself to his closet. His mind automatically started going through the checklist of what needed to be done in the garden that morning, before the sun got too high and it got too hot outside. He was thankful to have something to occupy his mind. Once he was dressed, he went into the kitchen and grabbed a PopTart from the pantry, not even tasting it as he put on his shoes.

He was tired.

Once he was outside, breathing in the balmy summer air, feeling the rising sun on his skin, some of that bone-deep exhaustion melted away. No matter how hard things seemed to get, his garden always managed to pick him up, even if it was just a little bit. Being outside, feeling the grass beneath his feet, dirt between his fingers… This was right. More right than anything else in his life had ever been.

Komaeda had felt that same kind of right. The undeniable, indescribable perfect fit, where you couldn’t even see the seams joining Hinata’s life before the garden or Komaeda and after. Like they had always been there.

He set up a sprinkler on one side of the garden plots and grabbed a watering can to do all of the flowers by hand. He hesitated at the bed of winter irises, but rolled his shoulders back and continued on towards the chrysanthemums. Every single thing growing in this garden needed him, and even on his worst days he wasn’t going to abandon even a leaf of one of the plants.

It took several hours to get everything done, and by the time he was finished the sun was high enough that Hinata knew it had to be well after noon. His stomach grumbled, unsatisfied with the single PopTart he had eaten that morning. He pulled himself to his feet after pulling the last weed from the herb garden, and wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his right hand. He had become too dependent on the extra help he had gotten from Komaeda when he was staying here; he had forgotten how much work it was to run the garden on his own.

He went inside and took a shower, first blasting the water as icy cold as it would go, until he was shivering, before switching it to something warmer. He tried to ignore the feeling that everything in his life was mechanical and that he was returning to the way he used to be, but the thought still lingered in the back of his mind, taunting him.

He climbed out of the shower, reaching for a towel, when his eyes caught on the mirror.

Hina would probably murder him if she knew how long it had been since he had actually cleaned that mirror. He kind of wanted to punch himself for leaving it this long as well, especially when something as small as that would still serve as a reminder of Komaeda. The steam from the shower had filled the bathroom, and the mirror was fogged up, revealing faint traces of smears that had been left on it in the past.

The most prominent one being whatever Komaeda had written that day several weeks back. “Can” written in gently sloping, elegant letters at the top, and “you?” at the bottom, the question mark dripping off the edge of the mirror. Everything between that had been scrubbed out, and Hinata had never known what he had written there. He was still curious, but a part of him warned that he probably didn’t want to know. Not now that Komaeda was gone, and whatever question he had asked would never get to be resolved.

He hesitated as he reached up to wipe the whole mirror clean, and after a moment, dropped his hand back down to his side. The hole in his chest started to ache, and he turned away from the mirror, lifting his towel up to scrub his hair dry as he left the bathroom, letting the cool air from the rest of the house rush in and clear the mirror away on its own.

 

Three days later, Hinata was making himself lunch in his kitchen, flipping a grilled cheese in a frying pan when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Hina had been texting him all day about the shopping trip she was on with Mahiru right now, and if he had to look at another set of pictures of what looked like the exact same pair of jeans while she asked his opinion, he was going to stick his head in the oven.

He didn’t take his eyes off his sandwich as he swiped across the screen with his thumb to unlock his phone. Using the plastic spatula in his hand, he flipped his sandwich over and then looked down at his screen. It wasn’t open to his texts, like he thought, but a call. A call with Komaeda’s name at the top.

“Hinata?” Came the tinny voice from the speakers, sounding far away. “Are you there?” Hinata dropped the spatula on the floor in surprise, and quickly held the phone up to his ear.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m here.” His voice sounded to eager, even to his own ears, and he winced inwardly. Komaeda, as usual, didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m sorry to call you out of the blue like this,” and he really did sound apologetic. As if Hinata would ever be disappointed to hear from him. “But it was the first free moment I’ve had in a while, and I wanted to talk to you.”

“You did?” It was a little hard to believe. After Hinata had told him not to worry, that he knew he was busy, Komaeda hadn’t ever replied. He had sent maybe two messages in the group chat, and they were just vague replies like a laughing emoji in response to a video Souda sent, or a “It looks great!” in response to Hina’s picture of the sunflower wreaths she had started making for Kettle.

“Yes?” Komaeda sounded unsure, and Hinata bent over to grab the spatula he had dropped on the floor. “I felt terrible for not having the time to talk to you, or to Hina and Souda.”

“It’s no big deal.” Hinata dropped the spatula in the sink.

“Oh.” He could just picture Komaeda wilting on the other end of the phone. “That makes sense, in a way…” Hinata sighed.

“Komaeda, I’m happy to hear from you, whenever you have the time to spare.”

“Oh!” God, he had forgotten how easily Komaeda could go down, and how simple it was to just lift him right back up. “Well, I probably won’t have very much time in the coming days…”

“You won’t?” Hinata picked up the frying pan with one hand and tipped it to the side, sliding his sandwich off onto a paper plate.

“I’m going with Sayaka on her tour!” Komaeda sounded excited, and Hinata frowned. He knew that Sayaka was into music or something, and he knew Komaeda had mentioned that they had thrown a couple parties for her stuff, but what exactly did she do?

“She’s going on a tour? For what?”

“Sayaka is in a group!” Komaeda said, as if that explained everything.

“A...group?”

“Yeah, like an idol group.”

“Idol group?” Hinata knew he sounded stupid, but what…

“Wait, Hinata, do you not know who Sayaka is?” Komaeda sounded very amused by this, which made Hinata start to feel nervous. He liked music as much as the next person, but he wasn’t obsessed with it. Was Sayaka famous? Was he supposed to know who she was?

“I...don’t think so? Let me look her up.” Hinata pulled his phone down from his ear and opened his browser, typing ‘Sayaka’ into the search bar. Before he even completed her first name, it autofilled the search with ‘Sayaka Maizono.’ The name sounded familiar, but it was probably just from all the times he heard Komaeda mention her.

Pictures popped up of a beautiful blue-haired girl in a frilly idol costume, singing on a stage. As soon as he saw her face, he remembered weeks ago seeing Mahiru reading an entertainment magazine, and this girl had been on the cover. So she  _ was _ famous. Who knew Komaeda would have celebrity friends?

“Did you find her?” Komaeda asked, and Hinata put the phone back up to his ear.

“Yeah, I recognize her. I didn’t realize they were the same person, honestly,” he felt a little embarrassed, though he didn’t know why. “You said you’re going on tour with her?”

“Well, not  _ with _ her. I won’t be performing,” Komaeda laughed at the thought. “But she wanted me to come along to keep her company and to help keep track of things! She said it can be a little overwhelming, especially when fans find out where they’re staying. She said she would feel more comfortable if I was there with her!”

“That’s...nice of her?” Is that what Hinata was supposed to say?

“It is!” He could picture Komaeda smiling in his mind, and he involuntarily brought a hand up towards his chest as he felt it start to ache again. Just like it always did when he remembered too much about Komaeda. “I’m really looking forward to it. We’ll be travelling a lot, so I don’t know how much time I’ll have to talk anymore.”

“That’s okay.” It’s not like they had been talking very often anyway. Maybe this was a sign that Hinata really needed to seriously consider just moving on with his life; Komaeda clearly was. “We all get busy like that sometimes.”

“I do want to make sure to stay in contact, though!” Komaeda was quick to assure him, as if he knew what Hinata was thinking. “I don’t want us to ever stop being friends.”

_ Friends _ .

“Yeah, me neither,” Hinata replied, softly.

“But tell me what you’ve been doing the past few days! It’s so strange not being there myself and knowing what’s going on every minute.”

Hinata gave him a bare-bones explanation of what he had done in the garden, and told him what Hina and Souda had been doing as well. There wasn’t a lot to say; it was a small town. It had always been a small town, and nothing changed there. Maybe that was another reason Komaeda wanted to leave; his days were so full now that he was back home, he probably had missed that.

“It sounds like you’ve all been really busy!” Komaeda said, and Hinata picked at the crust of his grilled cheese.

“I guess. It’s all just the same as always.”

“I’ve been missing that, honestly.” Komaeda’s voice went soft, and Hinata pretended not to notice. “I didn’t even get to see the sunflowers blossom all the way.”

“Google a sunflower. That’s what they looked like.”

“You know that’s not the same.” Now Komaeda sounded a little sad, and even though Hinata knew he was being unfair and selfish and awful he still couldn’t stop himself from being a little angry. Komaeda was the one who chose to leave. They didn’t push him out, not like his friends back home had done.

Unless it was Hinata who pushed him away. With his...confession.

All the anger slid out of his body as quickly as it had come, leaving him feeling exhausted and emotionally depleted. He was so tired of the constant flux of feelings; wanting to make things go back to normal with Komaeda, being hurt so deeply by everything that had happened, being angry with Komaeda and with himself...it was too much for one person to handle on their own. But he couldn’t bring himself to share it or confide in anyone else, not even Hina. It felt too personal.

“You could always grow your own. They’re pretty easy to take care of.” Hinata stared at his sandwich before picking up the plate and dumping it all in the trash. He wasn’t hungry anymore.

“Maybe I could! It would be like having a piece of your garden with me.” This seemed to cheer Komaeda up, and Hinata just wanted to go and lay down in bed and never get up again.

“Yeah, I guess it would.” He walked towards his room, stopping in the doorway as he looked at his bed. There was still a small tea stain on the carpet, and it made everything inside him hurt.

“Hinata?” Komaeda’s voice was tentative, and Hinata dragged his eyes away from the spot on the carpet that brought back too many memories that he wished he could just forget.

“Yeah?”

“Are you…” His voice trailed off, and, as always, Hinata waited for him to finish. He had never pushed Komaeda before, never made him say or give more than he was comfortable with. Not until that last day, when he had made the biggest push he had ever made on anything in his life, and it had backfired in his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” The response was automatic, and Hinata wanted to roll his eyes at himself. He was acting like a moody teenager. People were rejected all the time, people went through actual breakups every day, and he doubted any of them struggled so much to get over something that had never even had a chance to happen. “Why?”

“Ah…” He wished he could see Komaeda’s face, to see what he was thinking. “You seem...well. I’m glad you’re fine.”

They were both quiet for a moment, and it wasn’t the same comfortable silence they had when they were in the garden, or anywhere in Langdon. It was strained and unhappy, and Hinata knew it was his fault, which just made the whole thing even worse.

“Have fun with Sayaka, okay?”

“I...I will.”

“I’ve got stuff to do so I’ll just talk to you later, if that’s cool.” Hinata just wanted to hang up and go phase out of existence somewhere.

“Okay.” Komaeda sounded defeated, and Hinata told himself that it wasn’t his problem. He wasn’t supposed to take care of Komaeda anymore, he didn’t have to make sure that Komaeda wasn’t sad or hurting or anything at all. He didn’t have to.

“Well. See ya.” Hinata pulled the phone away from his ear.

“Hinata?” Komaeda said, and Hinata snapped the phone back up.

“Yes?”

“I…” A pause. “I mi-... Have a good day.”

Hinata felt like he was going to cry.

“You too, Komaeda.”

 

Weeks passed. Komaeda would text occasionally, but he didn’t call Hinata again. And Hinata didn’t call him either. He could tell Hina and Souda were beginning to pick up on something being not quite right, but neither of them said anything, and Hinata didn’t know if he was grateful for that or not. He went through the motions of each day, he cared for the garden, he went to work, he did his laundry more often (much to Hina’s delight), and then he would go to Kettle in the evenings and hang out with his friends. He would laugh, he would crack jokes, they would maybe play cards or argue about what movie to watch for movie night. Hina made pistachio crisp cookies and Souda finally found the perfect steering wheel cover for his Mustang. The sting of Komaeda’s departure started to fade, but the deep ache remained.

Things would be okay. Eventually.

It was mid-July, and Souda and Hinata were laying on the floor of Hina’s kitchen, their faces pointed towards her open freezer door, letting the cold air rush out over their faces. Souda had his eyes closed and his hands behind his head, as if he were relaxing on a pristine beach in a private resort, and Hinata watched him from the corner of his eye, his mouth curling up in a smile. He reached towards the freezer, grabbing a piece of ice that had fallen onto the lower shelf, and pulled it towards him. He prepared to set the ice right on Souda’s forehead when Hina burst in the back door.

“What are you guys doing!” She yelled, when she saw them laying on the floor. It wasn’t a question. Souda’s eyes snapped open, and Hinata, startled, dropped the ice right between Souda’s eyes.

“What the hell!” Souda swiped at his face frantically, and Hinata started laughing.

“You guys, that is  _ not  _ the way too cool off!” Hina stomped over to the freezer door and slammed it shut. “And even if it was, do it in your own houses! I expect a cut from each of you to pay for my electricity bill.”

Souda sat up, wiping melted ice bits from his face, throwing a glare at Hinata as he did so.

“Hina. It’s  _ hot  _ outside.”

“You big fat baby, I know that!” Hina dropped the shopping bag she had been carrying on the counter and started to unpack it. She set a plastic package of strawberries to the side and turned around to glare down at them. “But take a cold shower or something! Go play in Hinata’s sprinklers!”

“Or…” Souda waggled his eyebrows, and Hinata sat up, crossing his legs and leaning forward. “We could go to the lake.”

He and Hina stared at each other for a while, Hina with an eyebrow raised and Souda looking like he was about to reach out and sweep her legs out from underneath her.

“I guess that means that you…” she started to say.

“...finished my skis? Oh yes. Yes, I did.” Souda looked so proud, and Hina and Hinata exchanged a look before they burst out laughing.

“You said that last year,” Hina replied, turning around and continuing to unpack her groceries. “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive! This time they’ll be perfect.” Souda got to his feet and held out out a hand to pull Hinata up as well.

“I’m not diving in the lake to get the pieces if something happens.”

“Have a little faith!” Souda slapped her shoulder gently, and Hina huffed indignantly. “You’ll be begging to try them once you see me riding them, I swear.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Does this mean you guys want to go?” Souda looked at Hinata, and he shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t care either way. “Hina?”

“Sure. Maybe this weekend?” She grabbed the package of strawberries and stepped around them to put them in the fridge, and Hinata reached out to try and snatch one.

“Great! Should I call Komaeda and invite him to come down for the weekend?” Souda pulled his phone out of his pocket, and Hinata froze, missing his chance to steal a strawberry as Hina stuck them into the fridge. “He said he was going to come up this summer, but he’s been so busy…”

“He’s with that singer friend,” Hina said. “But yeah, call him! It would be good to see him again.” Neither of them noticed Hinata, who felt like he could be toppled over by a stiff breeze. He hadn’t spoken to Komaeda in so long… Did he even want to see him again? He was finally feeling like he had a chance of getting over it; seeing him might just start the whole mess all over again.

Before he had a chance to say maybe they should not invite him after all, Souda was already calling, his phone on speakerphone.

“Hello?” Komaeda’s voice came out of the speakers, and everything in Hinata tugged him towards the phone. To be closer to the thing connecting him to Komaeda again.

“Hey, man!” Souda said, grinning down at the phone. “What’s going on!”

“We just checked into our new hotel,” Komaeda replied, and Hinata could pick out the background noise of a crowd of people and rolling suitcases. “It’s nice to hear your voice, Souda!”

“You too, dude.” Souda looked up at Hina, who nodded encouragingly, her blue eyes bright. “So, I wanted to ask you something. If you have time, obviously.”

“I’ve got time!” Komaeda sounded a little breathless, and Hinata wished he was there to help him carry his luggage so he didn’t tire himself out. “What’s going on?”

“Well, I have Hina and Hinata with me…” Souda began, and Hinata heard the tiniest catch in Komaeda’s breathing. Or maybe he was just imagining it. “We were wondering if you wanted to come back to visit this weekend! And we could all go to the lake, like we planned.”

There was silence for a moment, and Hinata knew immediately that Komaeda wasn’t going to come.

“Ah…” There it was. The tell-tale sign of Komaeda about to say something he wasn’t sure if he could get out or not. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it.”

“You won’t?” Souda looked genuinely disappointed, and Hinata knew just how he felt. Even Hina looked sad. “Why not?”

“Well, I’m still travelling with Sayaka, and this weekend there’s this special event that she has to be at that I already offered to help out with.”

“Oh, well, maybe next time?”

“Maybe next time.” But Hinata could tell from the tone of Komaeda’s voice that there probably wouldn’t be a ‘next time,’ he just didn’t want to say so. “But the event is going to be on TV, if you guys wanted to watch it! I don’t know if I’ll be in front of a camera at any point, but there’s always a chance.” Komaeda laughed, sounding a little nervous, and Hinata turned around to face the sink, wishing he could just leave and not have to listen to him anymore.

“We will!” Hina piped up.

“Hina!” Komaeda was thrilled. “It’s good to hear you!”

“You too, Ko,” Hina smiled down fondly at the phone. “We miss you bunches!”

“I miss you all, too. I really do want to come back and see you again.”

“You prioritize the things in your life right now, Ko,” Hina told him. “We’ll always be here when you get back.”

“Thank you for saying so.” The line went quiet. And then “Is Hinata there?”

“Yeah, he’s here,” Souda tapped Hinata on the shoulder to get him to turn around. “Say hi, Hinata.”

It felt too petty to refuse, so Hinata gave a short: “Hi.” Hina gave him a weird look that clearly said ‘ _ What’s wrong with you?’ _ and Hinata just shook his head. She narrowed her eyes, but didn’t push. Komaeda didn’t say anything in response, and Souda cleared his throat.

“Well, uh, I guess we’ll see you on TV, then?”

“I hope so!”

“Talk to you later, man. Take care of yourself!”

“You guys take care, too.” And then Komaeda hung up. Hinata knew he had to make a break for it before Hina tried to ask him any questions; he really didn’t want to talk about it. Pretending it hadn’t happened and that none of it existed had been working pretty well for him, and he wasn’t about to screw that up.

But she didn’t say anything to him, almost as if she knew, and instead looked at Souda.

“You still want to go to the lake?” she asked. Souda stuck his phone back in his pocket, shrugging his shoulders.

“Sure. I guess part of me was really wanting to go so that Komaeda would come back down to hang out with us, but we can still have fun.”

“Yeah, I was hoping to see him, too.” Hina laid her head on Souda’s shoulder, and he slung his arm around her. “It still feels weird without him here.”

“You’re telling me.” Souda used his other hand to scratch his head, casting a look in Hinata’s direction, waiting for him to add something. But Hinata stayed quiet, picking at a loose thread that was sticking out from the hem of his shirt. “He really wiggled his way into our lives, huh? Little bastard.” He gave Hina a squeeze and then let go, and she stepped back. They both at Hinata, and he gave them his best smile, and took a step backwards towards the door.

“I need to go water the garden again,” he said, by way of explanation. “It’s so hot today I don’t want them to get dehydrated.”

“Okay.” Hina watched him steadily, and he knew she knew. He didn’t have to tell her or explain anything, she just knew. But she could tell he was avoiding it, and she would respect that, not because she believed he was doing the right thing by pushing it out of his mind, but because she knew that now it was probably too fresh. And forcing him to go through it again would just make things worse. So Hinata turned his back on his friends and went out Hina’s back door, crossing her yard and into his own, to water the garden and try to get back to the happier place he had been before he heard Komaeda’s voice again.

 

That Friday they all gathered in Souda’s living room to watch Sayaka’s event that was being streamed live. Hinata had debated whether or not going, but it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. And being with Hina and Souda was better than sitting in his house all alone.

“Do you think we’ll actually see him?” Souda asked, sitting in the middle of his couch, a bowl of popcorn in his hands. “If it’s just footage of her concert, I doubt we would be able to pick him out of the crowd.”

“Are you kidding?” Hina flopped down beside him and tossed her feet up into his lap. Souda wrinkled his nose at her and tried to swat them away, but she didn’t budge, and he gave up trying. Hinata walked around the side of the couch to sit on Souda’s other side, grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it into his mouth so he didn’t have to speak. Every time Komaeda came up, he didn’t really have much to add. Hina continued. “With that hair of his, we could probably be up in space and still be able to find him.”

They all turned their focus to the TV as the commercial that had been playing ended, and the program started. It wasn’t of a concert, as they had all been expecting, but some sort of party in a city square. It was packed and loud, and all three of them wrinkled their noses in distaste. When Hinata looked over at Hina and Souda, he saw them both looking at each other too, and they all started to laugh.

“I guess even from a distance we all know we aren’t city people,” Hina laughed. “That looks like it would be miserable.”

“You can’t turn around without bumping into a stranger!” Souda pointed at the screen. “Where is the fun in this?”

“We’re not city people.” Hinata murmured to himself, watching the thick crowd of people milling on the screen, as Souda and Hina kept making jokes about how little space there was. That was the one thing that Komaeda had changed in his visit that hadn’t reverted back to normal after he left; Hinata was satisfied with where he was. He didn’t feel trapped or boxed in anymore.

He loved Langdon. The tiny town with its single street and the highway cutting it in half. No stoplights, no restaurants, no crowds of people and stuffy air. Just openness, fields and farmlands surrounding them on either side, clean air, a gas station that sold everything from laundry detergent to toilet paper to aromatherapy candles. This was where he belonged.

“Wait, is that him?” Hina suddenly sat up straight, her feet falling from Souda’s lap as she leaned forward to get a better view of the screen. Souda leaned forward too, and Hinata found himself following suit.

“Where?” Souda asked, squinting his eyes.

“Right there, next to that person wearing the huge top hat.” Hina pointed, and as they leaned in closer, the camera view changed, instead going right to where she had been pointing.

“And what are your plans for the next leg of the tour?” The announcer asked, shoving a microphone towards a blue-haired girl that Hinata immediately recognized as Sayaka. She started answering the question, her voice clear and gorgeous and obviously made for singing, but Hinata wasn’t listening. Instead, his gaze was pinned on the person standing a little ways behind her, laughing at something his companion was saying.

Komaeda looked happy. Really happy. His smile was wide, and the guy he was standing next to--who looked like he could benchpress an entire bus--was throwing his arms wide, his mouth moving quickly as he told some story. Even through a screen and a camera lens, Hinata could make out the exact, soft green shade of Komaeda’s eyes.

“He looks happy, huh?” Hina’s voice was so quiet, and they all watched as Komaeda turned towards the camera, where Sayaka was still talking, a charming smile on her face. When Komaeda saw the camera was pointed in his direction, he gave a shy little wave, as if he knew they were watching. Souda lifted a hand to wave back.

“Yeah, he does.” Hinata replied as Komaeda and the guy he was with turned and walked away, disappearing into the crowd.

 


	13. Dahlias

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we've broken 100k words! yeet!
> 
> if you're interested in having accompanying music while reading, here is what i was listening to on repeat the entire time i was writing this chapter!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm3KXZzZBFE

On the morning of October 26th, Hinata woke up to an alert on his phone that just said  _ Hina. _

By the time he had gotten up and showered, Souda was sitting in his living room, messing with the cuff of his black suit jacket. Three bouquets of frothy white baby’s breath and delicate pink roses, tied with sparkling silver ribbons, sat on the coffee table next to him.

“I’ll be dressed in a second!” he called out, and Souda just nodded, not looking up from his sleeve. Hinata went into his room and opened the door to his closet, pulling out the suit that hung in the back. He got dressed, running a comb through his hair and grabbing the packet of dahlia flower seeds on his dresser, slipping it into his suit pants pocket. Then he put on a pair of black dress shoes and joined Souda in the living room.

“You ready?” Souda asked. It was the one day a year that he didn’t have a beanie pulled down over his bright hair, and he had actually made an effort to tame it somewhat.

“I’m ready.” Hinata grabbed the flowers off the table, handing one of the bouquets to Souda. “You clipped the best ones from the front bushes, right?”

“I spent two hours checking every single flower,” Souda assured him as they went out the front door. As they passed by the tea rose bushes in Hinata’s front yard, he saw where Souda had carefully trimmed off the blooms. They walked down the driveway and into the cul-de-sac, making their way to Hina’s front door. As it always did on this day, her house looked darker. Even the pink and silver mailbox looked like it was one bad day from crumbling to the ground, even though nothing about it had actually changed.

They walked up the front steps and knocked on the door. October 26th was the only day they knocked.

It took a while, but eventually the door opened, and Hina stood there, wearing a pretty black dress, her hair pulled back from her face with a sparkling silver clip. Her eyes were red, and there was a smudge of mascara underneath her left eye, as if she had reached up to rub her eyes before remembering she was wearing makeup.

“You ready to go?” Souda asked, his voice gentle. She nodded wordlessly, and came out onto the porch, letting the door fall closed behind her. Hinata handed her the second bouquet that he was holding, and she took it, holding it up to her face and smelling the roses.

“They smell amazing, Hinata,” she said, her voice thick with unshed tears.

“Thanks.” Souda helped Hina down the porch steps, and they went back to Hinata’s truck, piling into the cab, Hina in the middle.

They didn’t play music, they didn’t talk. Souda held Hina’s hand while she used the other to pick at the ribbon tying the flowers in her lap together, and Hinata drove out of Langdon, heading east. They passed Fuyuhiko’s billboard, and a couple miles later they passed the advertising for the Langdon motel. It wasn’t long before they passed the spot where Hinata had first found Komaeda broken down, but it didn’t hurt to drive past there anymore. Not as much as it used to.

When the wire farmland fencing ended, giving way to stone and brick, Hinata slowed down, getting over onto the shoulder of the highway so he could turn. The intersection came up, and Hinata turned right, passing through the wrought iron gate of the Sakura Cemetery.

He parked the truck in the empty visitor lot, and they all piled out into the crisp fall air. The grass was a rich, emerald green, and it looked like the gravekeeper had recently gone through and replaced all of the flowers atop the gravestones nearby. In the distance, at the base of a gently sloping hill, Hinata saw the familiar drooping branches of the weeping willow that they were headed towards.

Souda and Hinata both waited for Hina to decide when she was ready, and when she started walking towards the tree, they both fell into step behind her.  The passed by gravestones of every size and shape; some were tall and monumental, with long inscriptions, and others were simple and unadorned, listing a name, dates, and a brief blessing over the loved one who had moved on. A breeze blew by, and Hina shivered slightly. Hinata took off his suit jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

When they reached the tree, Hina immediately got down onto her knees, ignoring the leaves and dirt that blew up onto the skirt of her dress, and she placed her bouquet of flowers in front of the gray marble headstone.

“Hi, Mom,” she said.

Hinata and Souda sat down in the grass behind her, holding their own flowers in their laps. It always took a moment before Hina would start talking again, usually pulling her diary out of her bag and reading the entire thing out loud, telling her mom about everything that happened in the last year. But she always had to build up to it first.

“It’s been five years today.” Her voice was wavering, but Hinata and Souda both knew better than to try and reach out to comfort her just yet. “Kettle’s been doing really great. Even better than it did last year. I guess the city started having more festivals or something, because there’s been a lot of traffic through Langdon.”

That much was true; ever since Komaeda had left, things had seemed to get pretty busy in their tiny town. Even the motel had at least one or two visitors every evening all throughout the summer, when before it was lucky to see a single guest in a week.

“Souda finished his car!” she added, turning around to give Souda a little smile. “I remember you arguing with Mr. Mioda about it, when you overheard him tell Ibuki that he would never finish it. You said that Souda would never give up on a project halfwa, and you were right. You even bought him the little rose vinyl sticker that he put on the back windshield, before he even started working on it.”

Hinata glanced at Souda, who was smiling a little at the memory. Every year Hinata wished that he had come to Langdon earlier, so that he could have met Hina’s mom. But every year, with the way Hina talked to her and the stories she would tell, it sometimes felt like he had known her. And Hina made sure she knew him.

“And Mom, you would not believe how big Hinata’s garden is getting. He’s started planting fruit trees! Can you believe that? His grandpa couldn’t even keep that crab apple tree going for longer than a month.” That was true. When Hinata had decided to start his own garden, he had to dig up the dead sapling. And it had put down some surprisingly deep roots for such a little tree. “I’m already planning on making a dozen of your apple pies to put out at Kettle once they’re grown all the way. Which will definitely be a couple years, but there’s nothing like fresh picked apples.” Hina went silent, and Souda  threw the warning glance at Hinata, letting him know that she was about to break.

“Mom, I’m-” and then she burst into tears. Huge, body-wracking sobs that had her bent over at the waist, as if her whole body were being snapped in half by her grief. They both moved forward, Souda brushing her hair back from her face and pulling a pack of tissues, one of many, from his pocket. Hinata put his arm around her and pulled her into his chest, where she continued to cry, and cry, and cry, her hands squeezed into tight fists.

Komaeda leaving had hurt, and the fact that Hinata hadn’t spoken to him in over a month hurt even more. But nothing, absolutely nothing, hurt him more than seeing Hina’s sadness and being unable to do anything to help her.

Souda opened the tissue pack so that it was ready for her when she wanted one, and then put his hand on her back, rubbing gentle circles, trying to soothe her. They both knew that nothing they did could take away how much she was hurting, but they also knew that just being there was enough. So she didn’t have to mourn all alone.

Hina’s body was shaking as she cried, mascara streaking down her cheeks, nose running. Hina was beautiful, and in books and movies they always make the girl look like she’s still stunning even when she sobs, even though it’s not realistic in the slightest. There was nothing beautiful or romanticized about this crying; this wasn’t the kind of mourning that people wrote poetry and songs about, that was captured in well-lit movie scenes or described in passages on paper. It was the kind that made you feel like every breath was lined with barbed wire, scratching and scraping its way out of your chest. Like your heart was shards of glass, cutting into your flesh with every painful, aching beat. It made you want to look away, to feel some kind of relief from the pressure and the despair, but there’s nowhere to look, nowhere to go. You just had to sit in it, and wait for it to tear its way through you, until it finally grew too tired to hurt you any more. At least for a while.

It took a little over an hour before Hina’s sobs subsided, and she finally grew still. Used tissues were scattered in the grass around them, and at some point Souda had managed to get Hina’s high heels off so that her ankles weren’t twisted against the ground. She had gone to lying all the way down, her head resting on Hinata’s thigh, facing towards her mother’s tombstone.

_ Hikari Asahina,  _ it said, in a simple serif script.  _ Love will always be enough _ .

“‘Love will always be enough,’” Hina read the inscription out loud, her voice scratchy and uneven from all of the crying. “I love you, Mom. I-” she stopped and swallowed hard as more tears welled up in her eyes. She sat up, grabbing a tissue from Souda’s third pack, and blew her nose. When she was done, she cleared her throat, and tried again. “I miss you. A lot. I don’t think-” Another pause. Another minute of pushing back more tears. “I don’t think I’m ever going to not miss you.”

“And you don’t have to.” Souda reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. “There’s no timeline here. You don’t ever have to forget her or not miss her. Ever. You’re allowed to still be sad. For as long as you want.” Hinata was always surprised by the change in Souda’s personality whenever they came here; there wasn’t a single more supportive, kind-hearted person in the entire town than Souda was on October 26th.

“As long as I want,” Hina repeated, looking over at the headstone, at the three bouquets of flowers that sat at its base. Her hair was a mess, her makeup had been completely washed away, and her dress had a big grass stain on the skirt. But then she turned around and gave Hinata and Souda the biggest, brightest smile, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners. “Thank you guys for coming with me. It means so-”

“We know.” Hinata smiled back at her, and she reached out to pat his leg. She gave one last big sniff, grabbing another tissue to wipe her nose, and then she reached into the pocket of her dress, pulling out her tiny journal. It was different than the one from last year; this one had a soft, green leather cover and a bright white fabric bookmark. Hina opened the front cover, and Hinata caught a glimpse of the inscription that she wrote in the entry of all of her journals:  _ To my mom; love is always enough. _ Then she turned the page, opening it to an entry dated October 26th of the year before, just as all the journals started.

She began reading what happened that day one year ago, from waking up, to getting ready, to making her mom’s favourite breakfast (walnut french toast with strawberry syrup and powdered sugar), to meeting Hinata and Souda outside on the front porch. She continued reading, letting her mom know everything that had happened during the year since she had last visited.

Hinata got up to his feet quietly, looking at Souda, who gave him a little nod. Once Hina started reading her journal was when Hinata would get up and go make a cemetery visit of his own.

He walked away, Hina’s voice fading as he walked deeper into the cemetery, stepping carefully around gravestones and marble markers set into the earth, every one of them decorated with a bright bundle of flowers. They were pretty enough, but none were as pretty as the small garden that surrounded the simple, flat gravestone marking the burial site of Hinata’s grandfather.

Lilacs and tulips and roses and honeysuckles and random assortments of wildflowers surrounded the marble slab, threatening to obscure the grave marker completely with their reaching leaves and colourful blooms. Sitting at the base of the marker was a small hand trowel and a pair of gardening gloves that the gravekeeper left there for Hinata every year, waiting for Hinata to come and leave a new bunch of seeds in the earth around the grave.

It had been Hina’s idea, when she had shown up out of the blue that day offering her help after Hinata’s grandfather died.

“He loved his garden,” she had said that day, laying out a map of the Sakura Cemetery on Hinata’s dining room table. “And I think that he should be able to take a piece of it with him.” So even though it cost quite a bit of extra money, Hinata had paid for his father’s burial place, and the two spaces on either side. He had planted a variety of flowers on the day of the funeral, with Hina’s help, and then every year he came and planted new flowers, and the gravekeeper kindly took care of the plot for the rest of the year.

“Hey, old man.” Hinata said, bending over to pick up the gloves and trowel. “You’re keeping the flowers healthy, huh.” He looked around and picked a spot next to a bunch of petunias, and began pulled the packet of dahlia seeds out of his pocket. He started digging, appreciating the cool fall breeze that kept him from sweating too much in his suit. It was kind of sad that the only time he wore it was when he was visiting this cemetery, the first time being for his grandfather’s funeral, and the other times when he would come with Hina to see her mom.

He worked in silence as he planted the new seeds. He never really had anything to say to his grandfather; they hadn’t been close at all. Hinata didn’t feel any particular kinship with him, and sometimes he questioned why he even bothered to visit in the first place. But then a tiny voice inside him would comment on what a sad existence it would be, to know that when you passed no one would even remember you. No one would visit your grave, or cry over you being gone, or even care at all that you had died in the first place. So even if he and his grandfather had been at odds for so long, Hinata visited the grave and planted the flowers.

As he patted the soil down on top of the dahlia seeds, he looked over at the grave, remembering how much he had not wanted to come. How much he wished he could just move to a big city and start living his dream. This was the first time he had visited his grandfather’s grave since that desire had done a complete one-eighty, and Hinata felt a little strange.

He stood up, dusting off his suit pants, and cleared his throat, feeling a little odd.

“Um,” he began, not sure what he wanted to say, or even how he wanted to say it. He had never talked to his grandfather like this before, the way Hina would talk to her mom. “I know you didn’t really have much to do with it, but uh…” He slid the gardening gloves off his hands, and set them on the ground next to the trowel for the gravekeeper to come and pick up later. “Thank you. For being the reason I moved out here in the first place.”

A breeze blew by, and the flowers danced in the wind, as if his grandfather were right there and acknowledging his words, nodding his head by using the flowers.

“I hated it, at first.” That was absolutely true. Hinata had hated it. “But now… I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I’ve found something I love, and I have the greatest friends in the world.” He bit his lip, suddenly feeling very emotional at the thought of Hina and Souda. Hina and Souda, who had probably been able to tell how broken down he had been since Komaeda left, but gave him space anyway. Who were always there to help with anything and everything. Who had shown up, unannounced, to be his friend right when he needed a friend the most. He owed them so much, and he realized he had never really told them so. “Some of the experiences have been...not so great. But most of them have been the best things that have ever happened to me.”

Hina and Souda, his garden, finding his place, learning to be happy with himself and where he was at, the self-acceptance that came with learning to be happy...and Komaeda. Everything that had happened with Komaeda was one of the very best things Hinata had ever had in his life, and even though it was over, he wanted to be able to look back at the memories fondly and not with sadness or bitterness. All those experiences had led him to now, to being the person he was, and he was content with that.

“So thank you. Thank you for all of that.” He took a deep breath, and he felt something heavy on his chest drift away on the wind. Something that he hadn’t even realized was there to begin with. “I hope that wherever you are, there isn’t a single person for miles to bother you, and that you’re tending to the garden of your dreams.” He stayed for a moment longer, inhaling the sweet perfume of all the flowers mixing together in the air, and then he turned around to return to Hina and Souda.

When he got back, Hina was about halfway through her journal, and Souda had taken off his jacket and laid it down on the grass. He was laying on his back across it, staring up at the clouds, listening to Hina recount that last summer. Hinata was glad he had missed all of her reading on Komaeda’s arrival and departure.

“You missed me on the skis,” Souda whispered, when he saw that Hinata had returned. “She wrote some scathing stuff about having to dive down in the lake. I didn’t realize she hated it that much!”

“Souda, she told you she hated it every single time she resurfaced with a new piece.” Despite the ‘new and improved’ model of his motorskis, Souda’s invention failed just as epically as it had the summer before, and once more Hina had to ward of Souda’s whining by diving in the lake to fetch anything that sank. Hinata went over to sit down beside his friend, and Souda wiggled over, patting the edge of his jacket, inviting Hinata to lie down next to him. Hinata obliged.

They stared up at the clouds together, listening to Hina’s voice, enjoying the fresh air and quiet, peaceful atmosphere. The trip was always bittersweet, especially with how much it hurt to see Hina in pain like that, but it was always healing, in a way. Being outside, being together, all of them sitting in the grass with their raw emotions out for everyone to see. It was special.

Hina finally reached the end of her journal, reading what had happened yesterday, how she had been dreading coming back here, knowing how much it would hurt, but how she couldn’t imagine ever  _ not _ coming. When she finished, she closed the journal gently, looking down at it in her lap. She glanced over her shoulder at the boys laying in the grass, and she crawled over to them.

“Scoot over,” she said, pushing on Hinata’s leg. Souda and Hinata inched apart, giving Hina enough room to lie down between them. She grabbed their hands and intertwined her fingers with theirs, resting them on her stomach as they all looked up at the sky. The sun had already started setting, and the deep purples and navy blues of the night sky melded into the burning oranges and reds of the sunset, creating such a wide range of colours that Hinata had stopped trying to identify each one. He didn’t even know the names of some of them.

Hinata closed his eyes, feeling like he could fall asleep right there. There was something about the cemetery trip that always made him such a deep level of tired that he had no idea how he would ever recover.

“I wish I could have told her I loved her one more time. Just one more,” Hina said, quietly. “I said it a thousand times when we were in the hospital, but I wish I could’ve gotten in one last ‘I love you, Mom.’”

“She knows.” Souda replied, matter-of-factly. “I know she knows. Hikari knows exactly how much you love her, and you know she loves you too.”

“Yeah, I know.” Hina sniffled slightly, and Hinata gave her hand a squeeze. She squeezed right back.

“It’s so cliche, but it always reminds me to live every day like it could be the last one I have. To be there for someone even if I’m tired, to try that thing even if I’m too scared…” she trailed off, and Souda quickly added on:

“To make those pistachio crisp cookies for your bestest friend Souda.”

“To make those cookies,” Hina laughed. “I’ll make some when we get home.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“I know you will.” Hina let out a sigh. It wasn’t a happy sigh or a sad one, it was just a sigh that let out the last dregs of brokenness and grief that still lingered inside. A refreshing sigh. “But it’s sometimes really easy to forget that we don’t actually have all the time in the world. We can’t leave things unsaid or just let things go and hope that it works out. You have to take chances and do the things that are hard, because something could happen, and all you’ll have left is the regret of not taking the chance when you had it.”

Hinata’s hand drifted down to his pocket, where his cellphone was starting to feel like a heavy brick. Komaeda kept in contact just barely, and it was only in the group-chat. Hina and Souda seemed fine with it, both commenting on how Komaeda must be living a full life, enjoying his time with his friends now that he felt more confident and comfortable around them. They both missed him, Hinata knew that, but they handled it in stride. Maybe because they hadn’t been quite as close with him as Hinata had been, but sometimes Hinata felt a little betrayed that they had moved on so easily.

But he was doing better now. It had been almost six months since Komaeda had left, and Hinata’s life had finally returned to some sense of normalcy. He didn’t see Komaeda’s ghost in the kitchen, or wake up and wonder why he had so much room in his bed. He no longer felt the crushing emptiness of disappointment with every day that passed without Komaeda saying anything to him. Things were okay now, and Hinata was glad that the wound in his heart had finally started to heal. Maybe someday he would be able to think about his memories with Komaeda without feeling that sharp ache all over again.

He looked forward to that day.

But Hina’s words had rattled him slightly, though he was trying not to let it get to him. Would he regret it if he didn’t try one more time? If he didn’t reach out and try to put himself back into Komaeda’s life? He didn’t know. He didn’t want to open himself up to be hurt again, to be let down again when he let his hopes get too high.

But what if.

“I’ll be right back.” Hinata got up from the ground, and Hina and Souda both looked at him quizzically. “It’ll just take me a second. I, um, left something by Grandpa’s grave.”

“Okay.” Hina looked back up at the sky, and Souda pointed out a fluffy, perfectly round cloud.

“That one looks like one of your cookies,” he said, and Hina laughed.

Hinata walked away, back towards his grandfather’s grave, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He opened up his text message thread with Komaeda that he had kept, despite the last text being one that he had sent several weeks ago that had gone unanswered.

His hands were shaking, and it felt like it was getting harder to breathe. He was nervous. Beyond nervous. He told himself to calm down, to not get his hopes up, to go in expecting the worst, and then he typed out a message.

**Hinata:** Hey! Haven’t talked to you in a while and wanted to see how you were doing. I hope things are going well. I know you’re too busy to take time out to come visit here, and so I was wondering if maybe it would work out better if I came to visit you for a bit? No pressure, I don’t want to impose. But-

He stopped typing, his nerves reaching their peak as he prepared himself to just type the words he had never said since Komaeda had left.

**Hinata:** But I miss you. It still kinda feels weird here without you, so I would love to get the chance to see you again. Even if it’s just for a day. Let me know!

And then he hit send, before he could change his mind.

Immediately, his heart leapt into his throat, and he flipped between wanting to take it back and being happy that he had sent it. He didn’t know if Komaeda would even reply. Heck, he didn’t know if Komaeda would even read it. He had been so distant, slowly pulling away and phasing them all out of his life. Hinata wanted to believe that it wasn’t on purpose, that Komaeda was actually just really busy, but it was a hard thing to swallow.

The ellipsis bubble popped up, indicating Komaeda was typing, and Hinata closed his eyes, feeling his stomach churn with nerves.

When his phone buzzed, he opened his eyes to read the message, his heart pounding erratically.

**Komaeda:** Hey, Hinata! Sorry I haven’t been staying in touch as much as I would like to; things have been kind of crazy here. I miss you guys, too. But I don’t know if you visiting would really be such a great idea. I’m sure you’re much happier, having your garden and home to yourself! You should be enjoying that.

Hinata felt sick.

**Hinata:** What do you mean?

**Komaeda:** You would be so much happier without having to go through all this work to keep me in your life. I’ve always been imposing on you. Now that there’s some distance, I’m ashamed of how much trouble I put you through. I don’t want to put you through that again.

**Hinata:** Dude, seriously, what the fuck? You were never imposing. Ever. Did you read what I said? I said that I missed you. And I do. I miss you a LOT. Sometimes I miss you so much it hurts. Why would I lie about that?

Hinata was too angry, too hurt, to care that he was revealing his feelings again. Putting them out in the open so that Komaeda could politely step around them. Putting them out there, and in the process, ripping the carefully patched hole in his chest wide, wide open. A yawning, bleeding gash that now felt like it had never truly gone away, never truly been healed, and had instead been waiting for the right moment to tear through Hinata again, leaving him gasping and broken and  _ alone _ .

**Komaeda:** I’m sorry, Hinata. I’m really, truly sorry.

**Hinata:** Sorry for what? Tell me what you’re sorry for!

He waited. And waited. And waited.

The sun disappeared from the horizon, stars sparkled into existence, and he still waited.

But an answer never came.

Hinata sank down onto the grass, right in front of his grandfather’s grave, and even though he had managed to avoid it this entire time, he finally gave in.

He let the black, empty pain in his chest swallow him whole and started to cry.


	14. Fairy Primrose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a super duper long chapter! ;o; a little more than 11k, because i never know when to stop.  
> only two chapters left! im honestly really sad about this coming to an end, but thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and commenting and encouraging me! knowing that people care about what happens has been half the reason ive continued, and i cant thank you enough!

Hinata stays in bed for a long time.

The weeks tick by, minutes and hours and days melding into one big lump of blurry nothingness. What he had thought was sadness before now felt like a faraway dream, seeming more akin to happiness now that he truly felt what sadness was. Did sadness even capture it? After all, how was he supposed to know that there had been a tiny piece of him still clinging desperately to the hope that things would work out, even though he was certain he had abandoned those dreams when the summer ended. How was he supposed to know that when that last spark of hope was crushed irreparably, all of the emotions it had been holding at bay would come crashing down over his head?

If he had known that Komaeda’s arrival and subsequent departure would do this to him, he never would’ve stopped on the highway to help him with his car.

All of the attempts at positive thoughts and the ‘being grateful for the life experiences’ garbage had been thrown out the window. No amount of good memories or warm, fuzzy feelings were worth this kind of pain. Nothing was worth this.

He had loved Komaeda. There was no point in denying it now, or pretending like he was saving himself by avoiding thinking the thought. He had loved him, and that’s all there was to it. And now he had to deal with losing the only person he had ever loved like that; potentially even the only person he would  _ ever _ love like that.

It was really over.

 

Fall froze into winter, the days were shorter, the sunlight weaker. Fewer people travelled through Langdon, and the produce stand was closed for the season. The cold settled over the town like a fog, crystallizing windows and sapping the warmth out of every living thing, including the plants in Hinata’s garden. He managed to drag himself out of bed to do the bare minimum every day, and when he woke up one early winter morning he had gone outside to discover that at some point, Hina and Souda had come over and put up his greenhouse tents for him, protecting the important garden beds. He didn’t deserve their kindness.

They knew something had happened, but they didn’t know what. And like they had been doing since the end of spring, they didn’t ask, and instead pretended as if nothing had changed. He knew they had theories; after all, Komaeda had stopped talking in the group chat altogether, though Hinata was sure he still texted Hina and Souda separately. It was the only thing that explained the times their phones would buzz, and they would quickly flip them over so their screens were face-down, where Hinata couldn’t see them.

He was grateful for that, he supposed.

With winter here, he had next to nothing to do, which meant he spent even more time laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, sometimes sleeping restlessly, but most of the time not. The logical side of his brain was disgusted with him, with his sensitivity, his attitude, the way he acted like Komaeda had died and not just simply cut Hinata from his life completely.  _ He was never yours to begin with _ , the voice would say, berating him.  _ Why are you acting like you’ve lost a long-time partner? _

He knew the voice was right. It was always right. He just wished that it would communicate these thoughts to the other side his brain, which just repeated over and over:  _ I miss him, I miss him, I miss him _ , no matter how hard Hinata tried to drive those thoughts away.

Occasionally the hurt could be driven away by anger.

What kind of person held hands with you, cuddled with you,  _ slept in your bed with you _ , and then turned around to say that they weren’t interested in you at all? At first Hinata had blamed himself, thinking that he had misread the signs, that he was just imagining what he wanted to see. But no, those things  _ had _ happened. Komaeda leaning on his shoulder, Komaeda curling into his chest in bed, Komaeda tracing patterns on Hinata’s back in the middle of the night when he thought Hinata was asleep. What kind of person lead another person on like that?

It wasn’t fair. It was so unbelievably unfair that Hinata felt like screaming into his pillow every time he thought about it. But then the anger would ebb out, and he would just be exhausted and sad once more. Sometimes he didn’t know what was worse: the sadness or the anger.

Sometimes even regret would play a part; Hinata knew that the blame was mostly on his side. After all, he was the one who had constantly put his feelings out there, even after Komaeda’s initial rejection. Fool me twice, shame on me, that sort of thing. But hindsight is twenty-twenty, and Hinata knew that no matter how much he wished that he could make things different, he couldn’t, so he would just have to live with the way things were now.

 

“Hinata, you here?” He heard Hina calling from somewhere in his house, and then he heard the back door slam, followed by footsteps coming down the hall. “At least answer me so I know you’re alive.”

“I’m here.” Hinata rolled over in bed, tugging his blanket up higher until it was tucked underneath his chin. His bedroom door creaked open, and he peered over the edge of his comforter. Hina was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, with a frown on her face. He knew she was probably trying to look intimidating, but it was a little hard to take her seriously when she had on the fuzziest, pinkest scarf wrapped around her neck, obscuring most of her lower face. 

“What are you wearing?” he laughed a little, dropping the blanket down so he could get a better look at her. The rest of her outfit was normal; white cable-knit tights, furry caramel-coloured boots, a sweater dress the colour of pine needles. The pink scarf stood out in a very glaring, obvious way.

“Clothes. Why are you still in bed?” She stomped over and pulled the blanket down, revealing that Hinata was still in his pajamas. The same pajamas he had been wearing when she visited three days ago. “Jesus, Hinata, have you gotten up at all?”

“Yes,” he replied, defensively, snatching the blanket from her hands and tugging it back up. “I had to use the restroom.”

“Well at least there’s some sanity left in you.” She walked over to the window and pulled the curtains back, letting in the weak December sunlight. “Now get up.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Do I look like I care what you want?” she turned and raised a single eyebrow, and Hinata bit his lip to stop from laughing. The scarf made it  _ really _ hard to take her seriously. “Now come on. Up.”

Hinata dragged himself out of the bed, and winced when he caught a glimpse of his hair in the mirror. It looked like an entire family of rats had moved in and turned it into one big tangled nest. Hina caught him looking at himself and let out a harrumph.

“That’s what I thought. At least you know that it’s bad.” She went over to his dresser and dug through it, pulling out a pair of dark-wash jeans and a forest green henley. “Put these on. We can match or something.”

“What’s going on?” Hinata took the clothes from her and set them down on the bed, a bubble of concern rising in his chest. “Did something happen?”

“Yes, something happened.” Hina went to his closet and got out his black coat. “And if you don’t get dressed, something even worse is going to happen, and I promise you that you don’t want to find out what  _ that _ will be.”

“Fine, fine,” Hinata mumbled, grabbing the jeans from where he had dropped them on the bed. He looked up. Hina stood there, holding his coat by the hangar, watching him. “Aren’t you going to leave?”

“Nope. I don’t trust you to not crawl right back into bed the second I leave this room. Strip.”

“What?”

“Hinata, don’t act like I haven’t seen you in your underwear before.  _ Get dressed _ .” She took a threatening step towards him, and even the pink scarf couldn’t ward away the chill that ran down his spine.

“Okay, okay. Give me a second.” He managed to get the jeans and the green shirt on without feeling  _ too _ embarrassed that Hina was glaring at him every second of the process. When he finally got his right arm through the sleeve of his shirt, she was shoving his coat at him.

“Put it on. Gloves are in the pockets.”

“Okay…” Hinata started putting on the coat, watching as she went to his dresser and opened the bottom left drawer, pulling out a pair of black socks. “Should I...pick out some shoes?”

“If you know what’s good for you,” was her response. Hinata shuffled over to the closet and grabbed a pair of black sneakers, standing up just in time to get hit in the back of the head by the socks Hina had gotten out. “Put your shoes on and meet me in front of my house. I want you to brush your teeth, attempt to brush your hair, and be out there in five minutes.”

“For what?” Hinata sat on the edge of the bed and started putting on the left sock.

“Because I said so?” Hina walked towards the bedroom door, casting one last warning look over her shoulder. “Five minutes starting now. I’m counting.” And then she was gone.

“Crazy woman…” Hinata muttered. But he still moved a little more quickly, shoving his feet into his shoes and hopping over to the bathroom so he wouldn’t trip over the untied shoelaces. He brushed his teeth, feeling a little disgusted with himself for going to long without brushing them, and then tried to comb his hair. He got most of the tangles out, but he had less than a minute left if he was calculating it correctly, so he decided that what he had done would just have to do.

He had no idea what was going on, but he grabbed his wallet and keys from the coffee table in the living room and went out the front door, immediately looking towards Hina’s house to try and get some clue as to what was going on.

Souda’s restored Mustang was in the driveway, and it was running, exhaust pumping out the back like a chimney. Hina was sitting on the front porch steps, staring at her phone. When she heard Hinata’s door open she looked up, eyes narrowed, and held her phone up. He could see just barely that there were 15 seconds left on the timer she had set.

“I’m coming!” he called, skipping down his front steps. She didn’t lower the phone, and just watched him cross his driveway. It was at 6 seconds when he realized that she was probably dead serious when she meant actually outside her house within that time limit, so he broke into a jog, reaching the front steps right as the alarm went off.

“Barely.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest. “But I’m surprised you made it at all.”

“Hina, what on earth is going on?” he looked over his shoulder, and saw that Souda was sitting in the driver’s seat of the Mustang, jamming out to music they couldn’t hear through the glass. “God, it’s freezing out here!” He reached into his coat pockets, and sure enough, his gloves were in there just like Hina had said they were.

“Get in the car.” Hina walked around him and opened the passenger door of the Mustang, Foreigner blaring from the speakers when she did so. She pushed the seat forward and climbed into the back, and Hinata reluctantly followed, pushing the seat back into place and climbing in.

“Good to see you, man.” Souda said, turning down the music a couple notches. Hinata shut the door behind him and started to buckle his seat belt.

“Uh, you too?” Hinata was getting more confused by the minute, but he was afraid to ask what was going on again. Souda put the car into reverse and backed out of the driveway, and then began driving down the residential road towards the highway. Hinata looked out the window, frowning as they passed several houses with colourful lights decorating the edges of their roofs. “What is…”

“Hinata, do you have any idea what day it is?” Hina leaned forward between the two front seats, the scarf now removed from her neck.

“Um…” Hinata started to go for his phone, but Hina slapped his hand, stopping him.

“You don’t know what day it is?” Souda looked at Hina in the rearview mirror. “Dang Hina, you were right.”

“Right about what?” Hinata’s confusion was giving way to frustration. “What is going on?”

“Hinata, it’s Christmas Eve.”

“It’s…” Hinata looked at Souda, who just nodded, and then turned to look at Hina, who had sat back in her seat, arms folded. “It’s Christmas Eve? Already? Since when?”

“Since you spent the last two months doing absolutely nothing.” It had been a long, long time since he had seen Hina this fed up with anything. And it wasn’t pleasant. “Hinata. You have to admit that it’s gotten pretty ridiculous.”

“I mean…” Hinata slumped down in his seat, and Souda let out a loud, exaggerated sigh. “What?”

“Nothing. If you wanted to tell us exactly what happened between you and…” Souda stopped, and Hinata caught him looking at Hina in the rearview mirror. “...between you and him, you would have. But you haven’t. And we’re not here to press you for details or try to get you to share any of it.”

“But we  _ are _ going to make sure that you don’t live the rest of your life in that bed.” Hina leaned forward again. “Whatever happened sucked. I can tell. Everyone can tell. Even Tenko mentioned that she felt bad for you.”

“She did?” Hinata tried to imagine his boss’ unruly teenage daughter expressing any kind of sympathy for him, but it was hard.

“Well, in her Tenko way, yeah, she said she felt bad for you.” Hina waved it off. “But the point is that there’s not going to be any recovery if you just wallow in it. We gave you time to do that, but there’s no way we’re letting you waste the holiday season away.”

“So what exactly are we doing now?”

“We’re going out for drinks!” Souda cranked the radio back up. “And it’s going to be great!”

“Who’s going to drive back?” Hinata knew that Souda wasn’t going to not drink, but he also wasn’t going to let Hina drive his Mustang. “And isn’t it a little early to be drinking?” It couldn’t be earlier than two in the afternoon.

“We’re not going out for drinks yet,” Hina amended. “We just knew that you had probably also not purchased your gift for the town Secret Santa, so we’re taking you into the city to get something.”

“Oh, shoot.” Hinata  _ had _ forgotten about it. He had forgotten about a lot of things apparently. Like the date. He also hadn’t bought gifts for Hina or Souda either, so maybe he could do that today, while they were out. “Who did I draw again?”

“Akane.” Souda replied. “And Hina and I already came up with a couple of good ideas for her.”

“Didn’t you get Akane last year?” Hinata asked him, frowning. He didn’t remember what Souda had bought for her, but he  _ did  _ remember when he heard her start yelling excitedly after opening her gift across the station, and she flying-tackled Souda and put him in a headlock. He wasn’t sure he wanted the same thing to happen to him, no matter how well-intentioned she was.

“I did! Which means coming up with ideas was easy because I just reused the things I decided not to buy last time.”

“So I’m getting your cast-off suggestions?”

“Yep!” Souda turned to grin at him, and Hinata rolled his eyes good-naturedly. Hina reached forward and punched him lightly on the arm.

“That’s what I like to see,” she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Keep flirting with Souda. It’s good for you.”

“What! I wasn’t flirting with Souda!”

“No need to sound so offended, dude,” Souda reached over and tried to grab Hinata’s hand, and Hinata slapped him away. “I’ll be your BF.”

“I do  _ not _ want to be your boyfriend.”

“Now Hinata, don’t play hard to get!” Souda started making kissy noises, and Hina started laughing. The sound was contagious, and Hinata tried to stifle his own laughter, but failed. It felt good to laugh.

“Okay, for real though, what are your suggestions for Akane?”

“Well, we actually did stop at the billboard the other day to talk to Fuyuhiko and ask him what he thought she would like.” Hina pulled out her phone and opened the notes app, showing Hinata a tiny list they had made. “He had a couple of good ideas, surprisingly. Like I knew they worked together, but I didn’t realize they were so close.”

“Are they?” Hinata peered at the list. A set of free-weights. A hair diffuser. Hinata smirked; Akane did have some wild hair, more wild than...he stopped that thought before it could finish, hyper-focusing his attention on the list once more so that the empty feeling wouldn’t rush back over him again after he just got free. “Well, it looks like you have some good ideas. I’m sure we’ll find something.”

“Dude, I said you should just get her a gift card to Cafe Teru or something. That girl can eat like no one’s business, and I bet she would just love to go crazy there.” Souda came to a stop at the red light that signalled they were about to enter the city. “If all else fails, we can always go with that. Or a card to any restaurant, as a matter-of-fact.”

Hina and Souda started discussing which restaurant they thought Akane would like better, and Hinata turned to look out at the window. Snowflakes had started falling, melting before they even hit the ground. It was cold outside, but it wasn’t cold enough for the snow to stick just yet. He hoped it would get colder tonight.

“There’s supposed to be a snowstorm tonight,” Hina said, when she saw Hinata watching the snowflakes fall outside. “It’s supposed to start early evening, so we’ll want to hurry if we want to get back home before it hits.”

Souda pulled into the parking lot of the city mall, and they all climbed out of the car; Hina had a little more trouble when the passenger seat got stuck, and they spent a good few minutes trying to move it before giving up, and she climbed over the center console instead.

Once they got inside, Hinata wrinkled his nose. It was packed. Though he supposed it was his own fault for waiting until Christmas Eve to do his Christmas shopping. There were strands of light and sparkling tinsel draped on every surface, and in the center next to the escalators there were three Christmas trees in varying sizes, covered in glittering, colourful baubles. Christmas music was being piped over the speakers, and he could just see the end of the line of parents and children waiting to get their pictures taken with Santa.

“Should we split up and try to find something?” Hinata asked, secretly hoping for the chance to maybe grab something for his friends without them noticing.

“Uh, you’re the only one who needs to find something,” Souda pointed out. Hina glared at him and then turned to Hinata with a smile.

“As long as you promise to meet us back here in one hour.” She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t want to find out that you’ve collapsed on a bench somewhere and stopped moving.”

“Okay, Mom,” Hinata stuck his tongue out at her and she laughed before hooking arms with Souda, dragging him in the opposite direction. As soon as they disappeared into the throng of people, Hinata turned and looked around at all of the stores surrounding him. “Where to begin…”

He spent the first twenty minutes wandering around, trying to see if anything caught his eye. It took a while, but he managed to find his first gift idea when he passed by a video game store and saw an advertisement for the next installment of that horror game series that Souda loved so much. He went in and considered buying a copy, pretending that part of Souda’s enjoyment of the game hadn’t come from playing it with… No, maybe a video game wasn’t the best choice.

Hinata left the store and looked around some more. He narrowed it down to getting something for his car, and went into a little auto-accessory shop, hoping to get some ideas. After a little bit of browsing, he picked out a pair of electric pink fuzzy dice, the same shade as Souda’s hair, to hang from the rearview mirror, a white vinyl sticker of a wrench, and a crap ton of expensive car-waxing equipment. He knew Souda was constantly losing his brushes or running out of microfiber cloths.

A little bit later, after much trial and error of walking into different shops only to walk right back out, he found something he thought Akane would like. He knew that she wasn’t a big reader, but he did know that she loved to eat, and he knew she couldn’t drive into the city every single day to pick up food from a fast food joint. This line of thought brought him into the bookstore where he browsed through dozens of cookbooks before finding one that was filled with easy recipes and simple instructions. He hoped Akane liked it; maybe it would even save Fuyuhiko from having to cook for her, something he had seen the night cop doing on occasion.

Hina’s gift was the hardest. She wasn’t very materialistic, so you couldn’t just buy her some earrings and call it good. All the hobbies she enjoyed were basically just crafting things: knitting, baking, flower-arranging… Maybe he could get her some succulents? No, if she wanted plants all she had to do was look out her window. Hinata’s garden was basically starting to creep into her yard anyway. He would get her new knitting needles or yarn, but he had no idea what she already had or what she liked.

He was purchasing Akane’s gift when he saw it.

It was perfect.

“Can you hold on a second?” he asked the cashier, who just nodded silently, tucking the cookbook into a plastic bag for him. He ran over to the shelf and grabbed what he had been looking at, bringing it back to the counter and purchasing it. “Thanks.”

“Have a good day!” the cashier handed him his receipt, and he tucked it into the bag and left the bookstore, smiling. It was a really corny, kind of silly gift, and he didn’t know if he would have enough time to complete it, but he knew that Hina would absolutely love it.

He made his way back to the arranged meeting spot and waited, looking around to see if Hina and Souda were nearby. When the hour mark ticked past, he pulled out his phone to see if they had texted or called. Nothing. He frowned and started to dial Hina’s number.

“Hinata!” He looked up, and saw her pulling a sullen Souda through the crowd. “Sorry, that line was  _ super _ long.” She let out a dramatic sigh, and Souda huffed behind her.

“What line?” Hinata hid his bags behind his back, even though he knew that Hina knew what else he had been shopping for.

“The line for Santa!” she pulled out her phone and tapped the screen a couple times before holding it up for Hinata to see. “I made Souda get a picture.”

“Oh my God.” Hinata stared at the picture of Souda sitting daintily on the edge of Santa’s knee, looking extremely uncomfortable. “Souda, how on earth did she get you to…”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Souda stomped past them and out the door, and Hina and Hinata started laughing.  _ Poor Souda _ .

“Let’s get dinner before we go back, okay?” Hina said, as they followed Souda out the mall doors. “I don’t feel like cooking much.”

“Sounds good to me.” Hinata replied. “Maybe let Souda pick where we eat to make up for the Santa thing, okay?”

Hina laughed.

 

When they got home, they arranged to meet at Hina’s house for drinks. Souda dropped them both off, and Hina made Hinata swear up and down that he wasn’t going to go and crawl back into bed before she finally let him go into his house. Once inside, he stashed his purchases in the back of his closet, just in case Hina decided to come snooping, and then changed into a pair of clean pajama pants. No way was he drinking in jeans.

After he was ready, he went to his freezer and opened it up, grabbing the half-empty bottle of rum he had from the last time they all drank together and a two-liter of Coke from his fridge. Then he slipped on his shoes and went out the back door, crunching across the frozen grass to Hina’s house.

The snow was definitely coming down more thickly than it had before, and he was grateful that they had made it back before it started. There wasn’t anyone in Langdon who would be capable of scraping the streets of snow and ice for them, and if you got stuck outside of town, then you could either risk trying to drive back in or just give up completely.

“I’m here!” he called when he opened Hina’s back door.

“Kitchen!” Hina called back. Hinata slid off his shoes and went down the hall, entering the kitchen right as Hina closed the oven, dusting her hands off on her pants.

“What on earth did you manage to start making so fast?” he asked, placing the Coke and rum on the counter. Hina went over to the fridge and grabbed a bag of red plastic cups off the top, tearing it open as she came back over to him.

“I made sugar cookie dough this morning,” she explained, setting the open bag of cups on the counter and pulling one out for herself. “I just scooped some out and put them on a sheet so we could eat cookies too.”

“God, I don’t know if I have any room for cookies.” Hinata looked down at his stomach. Hina had eventually let Souda pick where to eat, but only after a lot of teasing. When they finally sat down at his chosen restaurant, Hinata was suddenly smacked with how  _ starving _ he was. It had been weeks since he had properly eaten, and now that he was finally out of bed and moving around, he was really starting to feel it. Inevitably, he stuffed himself, and was sort of starting to regret it.

“I told you not to eat so fast.” Hina made herself a rum and Coke and took a sip. “Drinking on a full stomach is really going to mess you up.”

“Ugh,” Hinata made himself a drink as well, sniffing it suspiciously. The smell of the alcohol didn’t turn his stomach the way he expected it would with it being so full, so that was a good sign. “As long as you don’t mention getting sick in any way, I think I’ll be fine.”

“If you insist.” Hina went back to the fridge and opened it up. “I also have some strawberry daiquiris in here. And I have vodka and orange juice for screwdrivers.”

“Souda is going to go on his man-rant again,” Hinata warned.

“I know, I know. But he’s always the one who ends up drinking all of the mixers at the end of the night anyway.”

Souda had a tendency to go on and on about how a ‘real man’ drank his liquor straight, without anything to mix it with. Hinata had seen him drink straight schnapps on multiple occasions, just to prove his point. In Hinata’s humble opinion, drinking was always better if it also tasted good. What was the point in drinking at all if the whole thing tasted unpleasant? The one time he had tried to explain this reasoning to Souda, it had fallen on deaf ears.

“I have arrived!” Souda bellowed as he came from the direction of the front door, two six-packs in his hands and no jacket in sight. “Jesus Christ, it is freezing out there.”

“You know they make these things called jackets? And coats?” Hina took the beer from him and set it on the counter, and Souda started rubbing his arms frantically, trying to warm up. “You should’ve worn one. Did you walk all the way here?”

“Yeah, but only because it was already starting to get slippery outside and no way was I risking my baby.”

“You have another...you know what? Never mind.” Hina opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle opener, setting it down next to the beer bottles. “Make yourself a drink.” Souda came around the counter, and Hinata stepped out of his way, taking a sip of his drink as he did so. He watched Souda reach out to grab a beer and then stop, his eyes narrowing in concentration.

“How does that saying go?” he asked, tapping one of the bottles. “‘Beer before liquor…’”

“‘Never the sicker,’” Hina finished for him. “And ‘liquor before beer, you’re in the clear’ comes first.”

“That’s right.” Souda let go of the beer bottle and turned to look at the rum sitting on the counter. “Only rum?”

“Vodka in the freezer.” Hina started towards the living room. “And I think there’s some Fireball from last time.”

“Whiskey!” Souda flung the freezer door open and started digging around, and Hinata rolled his eyes and followed Hina, sitting down next to her on the couch.

“Do you think we should regulate how fast he drinks?” Hinata asked her, and she shook her head.

“You know neither of us would be able to stop him.”

“But he’s going to be miserable at the Christmas party tomorrow.”

“That sounds like his problem, doesn’t it?” Hina looked down into her cup and pursed her lips. “How much do you want to bet that I can drink this all in one go?”

“Uh, I’m not betting against you. You own a bar.”

“That’s true.” Hina tipped her head back and drained her cup, and Hinata raised his eyebrows.

“Maybe we should be worried about  _ you _ drinking too quickly and not Souda.”

“Shut up.”

Souda eventually joined them, waving around a plastic cup that he had filled over halfway with straight Fireball. After he sat down, Hinata watched as he took an enormous gulp and waited for him to start choking. But much to Souda’s credit, the only sign of his discomfort was a slight grimace after the fact. Hinata wasn’t sure what he was trying to prove since he was with both of his friends, who knew exactly what he could and couldn’t handle, but if that’s how Souda wanted to enjoy his evening, who was Hinata to stop him?

Souda wanted to play a Christmas movie drinking game, so Hina put on a DVD of classic Christmas cartoons and went to grab the cookies that had finished in the oven. When she came back with the plate, Souda went into the kitchen and came back with all of the alcohol they had brought into the house and dumped it on the coffee table.

Once they decided on their rules, Souda turned into the Drink Police, checking to make sure everyone was drinking when they should. The more he drank, the more adamant he got, and Hina and Hinata turned it into a little drinking game of their own, taking sips every time Souda would make them set their cups down so he could check how much they had left or whenever he told them to make a new drink when they ran out.

At some point they stopped watching the TV, and instead watched Souda re-enact his skis failing from the past summer.

“See, I fell like  _ this _ this time,” Souda leaned really far back, wheeling his arms and almost knocking over his half-empty cup. “But last year it was like  _ this _ ,” he careened to the side, hitting his shin on the coffee table and collapsing on the floor.

“Souda, we were there,” Hina pointed out, the words coming out slowly and a little slurred. “I saw it happen.”

“But I  _ lived  _ it!” Souda popped up from the ground as if he had never fallen, and grabbed his cup. “So that makes it  _ different _ .” Hinata started giggling to himself as Souda emphasized a different word in each sentence, something that always happened to him whenever he was officially treading into ‘plastered’ territory.

“What’s so funny?” Hina kicked Hinata, spilling some of her daiquiri on the floor. “Oops.”

“I’ll  _ clean _ it up!” Souda zipped into the kitchen, returning with paper towels, surprisingly nimble for someone who had imbibed approximately eight shots of cinnamon whiskey and two beers all on his own. “Don’t move.”

“I’m not moving.” Hina wobbled a bit in her seat.

“You are.”

“I’m not.”

“You  _ are _ .”

“Souda, just clean it up!”

Hinata started laughing again.

“What’s so  _ funny _ ?” Hina kicked him again, spilling more of her drink, and Souda made a little screeching noise before snatching her cup from her hand and putting it on the coffee table.

“ _ Stop moving!” _ he yelled, and Hinata laughed even harder. Hina snorted with laughter, and she slapped her hands over her mouth.

“That wasn’t me…” she whispered between her fingers.

“Yes, it was.” Souda finished wiping up the spilled daiquiri, the paper towels in his hand stained pink. “You snorted.”

“No…” her eyes were wide and she looked at Hinata, who nodded gravely. “I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“Stop!” she shoved her palm in Hinata’s face, holding up the universal sign for ‘stop.’ “No. No one mention this again.” She flopped back down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “We have to talk about something else. Let’s tell...”

“No one has any secrets.” Souda cut her off. He was still squatting on the floor, looking at the wet paper towels in his hands. “I’ve known you since I was six.”

“Hey, I have se-” Hina stopped, pursing her lips, trying to say the word. “Sec-...secre-...secrets!”

“Like what?”

“Um…” she wrinkled her nose, looking around the living room as if the walls were going to tell her something she could share that none of them knew already. “I have…”

“Hinata has secrets.” Souda looked up at Hinata pointedly, and Hinata hunched his shoulders and stared down into his cup. He could see the bottom of it, barely visible beneath the tiny sip of caramel-coloured whiskey that was left. “Tell us a secret, Hinata.”

“Tell us!” Hina started bouncing on the couch, and Hinata stared even harder at his cup. Did he have secrets? It was kind of hard to focus right now, but he couldn’t think of anything that they didn’t already know about him. Anything interesting would’ve been when he was still in school, and that was years ago and didn’t matter anymore.

“What about Komaeda?” Souda asked, settling down cross-legged on the floor next to the couch. “Tell us about that!”

Right. Komaeda. How had Hinata forgotten about him? He wished he could remember what it felt like to have forgotten him, now that he was remembering him again. It must have been nice, not having that weighing him down.

“Um,” the plastic cup in his hand crinkled as his grip grew tense. “I don’t know…”

“Don’t push him, Souda,” Hina scolded, patting Souda on the top of the head. “That’s not nice.”

“But I want to  _ know _ .”

“I want to know, too, but it’s none of our…”

“I told him I liked him.” Hinata blurted. Hina and Souda both froze, Hina’s hand still resting on the top of Souda’s head. They both stared at him. “When we went camping. I told him.”

“Really?” Hina’s eyes were wide. “Like, told him and he knew what you were saying?”

“Yeah, he knew what I was saying.” Hinata remembered the way Komaeda had gone completely stiff when Hinata had said the words, and his stomach started churning at the memory. “He, um, he didn’t…”

“No.” Souda held up his arms in an X. “No, no,  _ nope _ . Do  _ not  _ tell me he said he didn’t like you?”

“He didn’t say it in so many words…” Hinata hedged.

“No!” Souda jumped up to his feet and came and put his hands on either side of Hinata’s face, staring into his eyes. “No.”

“Yes.” Hinata reached up to pull Souda’s hands away, but the mechanic’s grip was tight. “He got kind of uncomfortable and said he was sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“Hinata…” Hina scooted over closer on the couch and touched Hinata’s leg. “Maybe he was just surprised?”

“Maybe.” Hinata didn’t want to keep staring into Souda’s eyes, so he looked over his shoulder instead, staring at the edge of the TV screen that he could still see. “But I asked him if I could come and visit when we were at the cemetery.”

“And?” Souda’s eyes brightened.

“What do you think? I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Oh.” Souda let go of Hinata’s face, finally, and crossed his arms. It was quiet for a while, and Hinata thought that he would feel worse after having finally said it out loud, but instead he felt a little lighter. Finally getting it off his chest, letting other people know what had happened, not having to hold onto it himself. But that also could just be the alcohol keeping him from knowing how he really felt.

“Try again.” Hina broke the silence, her expression determined. “Tell him again.”

“What?” Hinata let out a nervous laugh, but Hina’s face didn’t change. “I’m not telling him again. I don’t know if you know this, but it  _ sucks _ when people reject you like that.”

“But he didn’t reject you!” Hina scooted even closer, practically sitting in Hinata’s lap as she gazed at him. “You said he didn’t outright say he didn’t like you.”

“Uh, trust me, his actions said it for him.” Hinata felt uncomfortable just remembering how uncomfortable Komaeda had been.

“No, no,” Hina grabbed Hinata’s hands in her own and squeezed them, eyes bright and hopeful and very clearly drunk off her ass. “We know Komaeda. When did he ever accept anything nice from anyone easily? Name one time.”

Hinata tried to think of an instance where Komaeda had just let someone say something nice to him, or just accepted help or a gift or even just let Hinata get him a cup of water. There wasn’t a single time that Komaeda hadn’t protested, denied, or fought against it for a while.

“This is...different.” It was, wasn’t it? Not being able to accept a compliment or praise was one thing, but Hinata wasn’t about to force himself on Komaeda  _ again _ . He had already done it too many times.

“No, Hinata, it’s not!” Souda squeezed onto the couch next to Hina. “Just try again! Besides, if what you said is true, it’s not like you’ll have to see him or even speak to him again if you embarrass yourself.”

“That’s not helpful Souda,” Hina sniffed before turning back to Hinata. “But seriously, Hinata. Do it! Try again!”

“I don’t know…” The logical side of his brain knew it was the alcohol talking, but he couldn’t deny that he wasn’t entirely against taking another shot at it. “Maybe…”

“Do it!” Hina clapped her hands together. “Call him. Now.”

“Now?” Hinata patted his pockets, looking for his phone. “He won’t even answer when he sees it’s me calling.”

“Just do it. Stop being a bitch.” said Souda.

Hinata got his phone out finally, and looked down at the screen. With Hina and Souda encouraging him like this, when he knew that they still talked to him, it made him feel just a little bit more brave than he would normally feel. So with a deep breath he unlocked his phone, opened his contacts, and dialed Komaeda’s number.

“Oh my god, he’s doing it!” Hina squealed and Souda clapped a hand over her mouth, stifling the sound. The phone rang, and rang, each subsequent ring making Hinata even more nervous.

Then it went to voicemail.

“You’ve reached Komaeda Nagito!” his cheery voice came out of the speakers, and Hinata felt a lump in his throat and tried to swallow around it. He couldn’t. “Please leave a message!” The phone beeped, and Hinata looked at Souda with panicked eyes.

“Say something!” Souda hissed, his hands still covering Hina’s mouth.

“Um, hey!” Hinata’s voice sounded absolutely stupid in his own ears. He tried to ignore it. “It’s, uh,” he glanced at the top of the screen and saw the time. It was two in the morning; no wonder Komaeda hadn’t answered. Some of the tension left his body. Maybe Komaeda wasn’t deliberately screening his call; maybe he was just asleep, like a normal person. “It’s Christmas now. So um, Merry Christmas! If you celebrate it, that is. I don’t know if you celebrate Christmas.”

Souda made a face, and Hinata’s cheeks burned.

“Um, I just wanted to say hi and um,” how many times could one person say ‘um’ in a single voice message? “I don’t want to like, overwhelm you, I guess? But…” He took a shaky breath, his drunkenness fueling his courage. “I think I might have loved you?” Hina inhaled sharply, and Hinata tried not to look at her. “But I guess I’ll never really know now. I just wanted you to know that. So uh, Merry Christmas, Komaeda.” He hung up.

“Holy shit.” Souda dropped his hands from Hina’s mouth and tilted his head to the side. “Way to go, dude. I didn’t think you had the guts.”

“That was so dorky!” Hina started laughing. “But you did it! Now we just wait to see if he says anything!”

“Yeah, I guess.” Hinata stared down at the phone in his lap. Waiting. His most favourite thing in the world.

“Let’s do another shot!” Souda leapt up from the couch, and Hina cheered as he started to pour rum into each of their cups. Hinata took his cup numbly and clinked it together with his friends’ cups, and drank.

He was going to have drink a lot more if he wanted to forget what he just did.

 

When Hinata woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was how much his back hurt from sleeping on Hina’s couch all night. The next thing was that his head didn’t hurt nearly as much as he expected it would, considering how much he drank the night before. And the last thing that occurred to him was that he needed to get home immediately if he wanted to have enough time to finish Hina’s present before the town Christmas party.

“You’re awake!” Hina chirped, coming into the living room, her black apron tied over her pajamas. “I made muffins!”

“Of course you did,” Hinata replied, sitting up and rubbing his neck. “God, my neck hurts. And my back. And my legs hurt too?” He frowned down at his knees.

“Oh, that would be Souda’s fault,” Hina nodded her head towards the end of the couch where Hinata had completely missed Souda’s sleeping form. “He was sleeping on top of your legs for most of the night until you woke up and started screaming at him to stop assaulting your kids.”

“My kids…?”

“You were still half-asleep, but you scared the crap out of me. And Souda, too.”

“I don’t even remember that… I wonder what I was talking about.”

“Who knows? Now come eat a muffin and drink some water; we’re all going to need it.” Hina returned to the kitchen, and Hinata followed, untangling his legs from the blanket he had been sleeping under. Souda didn’t even budge.

“I have to go and wrap presents,” Hinata said apologetically, after drinking the cup of water Hina had left out for him. “But I’ll take a muffin to go.”

“Fine with me.” Hina wrapped a blueberry muffin in a paper towel and handed it to him. “Be careful going home; I know it’s not far, but that snowstorm really hit us hard last night. There must be at least a foot of snow out there.”

“Really?” Hinata grabbed the muffin with one hand, and checked to make sure he had his phone and keys with the other. “Yikes. I may need to check on my garden before the party too…”

“Souda and I set up tents before I woke you up yesterday. Don’t worry about it.” Hina turned back towards the oven. “I’ll see you later!”

“Wow, thanks.” Hinata seriously had to do something big to thank both of his friends for taking care of things while he was in his slump. “See you!” He went to the back door and put his shoes back on before stepping outside, where he was almost blinded by the sunlight reflecting off the snow-covered ground. Glancing over at his yard, he saw that Souda and Hina actually had covered up everything that needed to protected, leaving only the winter beds open to the elements. He could see the bright pink and purple blossoms of the fairy primroses all the way from here. He stepped off the porch, and dropped through a thick layer of snow that quickly filled his shoes and started melting inside them.

There wasn’t quite a foot of snow out there, but there was enough that walking back to his house quickly turned his socks and the bottoms of his pajama pants into soggy messes, and when he finally got inside he couldn’t feel his toes. He kicked his shoes off as quickly as he could and ripped his socks from his feet, trying to flex his toes and get some feeling back into them. He took off his wet pajama pants and dropped them on the floor next to the door, and dashed into his room to grab another pair.

He plugged his phone in to charge, tugged on a new pair of pants, and then pulled all of the presents out of his closet.

“Now, where is my wrapping paper…” He spent a good fifteen minutes trying to hunt down paper to wrap his gifts in, eating the blueberry muffin Hina had given him while he did so. He managed to find some blue and silver striped wrapping paper in the back of his hall closet, and he carried it, a pair of scissors, and some tape with him back to his room.

It didn’t take long to throw all of Souda’s gift parts into a box and wrap that, and then to wrap Akane’s cookbook, and when he finished writing their names on little sticky labels, he set them to the side. Now for Hina’s present.

He pulled it out of the plastic shopping bag and looked down at the cover, smiling to himself.  _ The Story of Us _ , it said, in curly golden letters. It was one of those silly fill-in-the-blanks books that were normally just for couples to fill out and give to each other. But it was also the kind of cheesy thing that Hina enjoyed, and Hinata knew that if he filled the whole thing out, answering all of the questions and prompts with stuff about their friendship, she would absolutely love it.

He opened the bright red cover to the first page, picking up the pen he had been using to write present labels with, and read the first page.

“‘When did you meet?’” he read aloud before jotting down his answer. “February 19th…”

The book asked tons of questions, from his favourite memories of Hina to what actors would play them in a movie about their lives. When it suggested pasting photos into the book, Hinata got onto his computer and printed things from his phone before taping them onto the pages. He added an empty seed packet of the first flowers they had planted together, and dug around in his kitchen until he found the scrap of paper Hina had scribbled her pistachio crisp cookie recipe on for him, with very strongly worded instructions on baking times that had made him laugh when he first read it. He found the takeaway menu from Cafe Teru that they had brought home after their first visit, where he, Souda, and Hina had all highlighted their favourite foods and Souda had drawn little pictures of the dishes on the menu borders, and stuck it into the book’s pages.

He scoured his house from top to bottom finding little things to add, from movie tickets to pressed flower petals to Halloween stickers. By the time he finished filling out the book and basically turning it into a friendship scrapbook, he only had half an hour left to get ready for the town Christmas party.

Throwing on a pair of jeans and a red, long-sleeved shirt, he quickly stuck the scrapbook into a present bag and stuffed plain white tissue paper over it before gathering the other two gifts and going to find his shoes.

The town Christmas party was always held at the police station, since it was the biggest building that was also centrally located for everyone. Hina had offered multiple times for the party to be held at Kettle, but Fuyuhiko had adamantly refused, saying that minors would be in attendance and they weren’t allowed in a bar, regardless of whether she was serving alcohol or not. Hina tried to protest by saying everyone drank at the police station during the party anyway, but arguing with the cop was basically useless.

By the time Hinata arrived, most of the town was already there, and he could see Hina had already taken complete control over the buffet table, just like she did every year. The station wasn’t large, but it held everyone well enough. The bright yellow walls made the entire space look cheery, and there were enough people that the space was comfortably warm, despite the freezing temperatures outside. The desks that Fuyuhiko and Akane used during work had been pushed back against the wall, and any filing cabinets or potentially confidential information had been placed out of reach. A staircase on the left side of the room went up to a little landing that led to a single door that opened into the apartment where Fuyuhiko and Akane lived, and the railing was covered in tinsel and flickering red and green Christmas lights. It smelled like apples and cinnamon, and Hinata wondered if Souda had brought some of the air fresheners that he had hoarded in his house.

“Hinata!” There was suddenly a girl right in his face, grinning. “I haven’t seen you in  _ ages!” _ Hinata took a step back so he could see her better, and then smiled as he recognized the pink-and-blue streaked hair and wild clothes.

“Hey, Ibuki. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to  _ you _ , Hinata!” she threw her arms around him in an unexpected hug, and he laughed, patting her gently on the back. “Nothing like a party, right!”

“Right!” Hinata let go and she stepped back. “Where are we putting presents?”

“In the cell!” Ibuki pointed towards the single jail cell set into the back of the station, underneath the staircase, where he could see a Christmas tree and a small pile of presents underneath it. Fuyuhiko really did have a weird sense of humour. “I can put them under the tree for you!”

“Oh, thanks.” Ibuki had already snatched the gifts from his hands before he had finished speaking, and she disappeared into the crowd of people. He was always surprised by how many people showed up to the Christmas party; Langdon seemed small when you were looking at it or just driving through, but there was a surprising number of residents.

He spotted Souda standing against the far wall, trying to talk to Mahiru, who just looked extremely disinterested. He started making his way over, both to be with someone he knew well and to rescue the poor shop manager.

“Hinata.” Tenko was in his path, her eyes narrowed.

“Merry Christmas, Tenko.” Hinata tried to smile at her, but her expression didn’t change. He wondered if she and Mahiru were related somehow.

“Merry Christmas.” she stepped around him, and Hinata let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. She was a kid, but she still intimidated him. By the time he got to Souda, Mahiru had managed to extract herself and was helping Hina make sure that all the food and drinks were taken care of.

“I don’t get that girl,” Souda said as Hinata approached. “She’s so...serious.”

“Might want to call that one a lost cause.” Hinata leaned against the wall and scanned the crowd. He remembered his first Langdon Christmas party and how silly he thought a town party was. Hina had shown up outside his door saying that while he hadn’t been there for the Secret Santa drawing, there was no reason for him not to come and celebrate with the rest of them. So he left his empty house and walked with her to the police station, and when he got inside Souda had put a drink in his hand and Ibuki had made him promise to do a karaoke duet with her later.

He ended up drinking too much of the spiked apple cider, sang  _ three _ songs with Ibuki, and got Fuyuhiko to play an air guitar solo. It was the first time he had started to feel like he belonged in Langdon, even though it was just a little bit.

“Is everyone here?” Hina’s voice filled the room, and Hinata looked towards the staircase, where she was standing a couple steps up, a microphone in her hand. She looked out at the faces of everyone from town, counting in her head as she did so. “Looks like everyone is here!”

“Saihara isn’t here!” Akane yelled, and Hinata turned to look at her. She was standing by the front door, snow dripping from her dark hair, a huge grin on her face. “I buried him out front.”

“You did what?” Hina asked, and everyone laughed a little.

“I turned him into a snowman!” Akane dusted her hands off, and Hinata saw Fuyuhiko making his way through the people to get to his partner. When he got to her, he whispered something in her ear and she rolled her eyes. “I’ll go dig him out.” She went back out the door, and Fuyuhiko turned back around, looking a little worn-out.

“Who’s Saihara?” Hinata asked Souda as they waited for Akane to come back.

“Oh, the police department took on an intern.” Souda tugged his beanie down on his head. “About a month ago. You were…” he side-eyed Hinata. “Well. You were in a funk when it happened.”

“I see.” Hinata watched the front door, and soon enough Akane came back in, dragging a pale, skinny boy behind her. Snow clung to his hair, and he looked both irritated and intimidated at the same time. Hinata could understand that  feeling; Akane had that effect on people.

“Okay,  _ now _ everyone is here,” Hina held up a sheet of paper. “Fuyuhiko and I checked to make sure everyone brought their Secret Santa gifts, so we’ll go ahead and pass them out and then we can start opening!” She stepped down from the stairs and joined Fuyuhiko in the jail cell, and Mahiru trailed in after them, offering to help. Everyone started talking again, and Hinata watched as Akane put Saihara in a headlock and gave him a noogie.

“Should we rescue him?” Hinata asked.

“Nah,” Souda grinned. “He’s living here now. If he wants to be on the Langdon Police Force, overcoming Akane is part of his challenge.”

“I doubt that was included in the job description,” Hinata muttered. But he stayed where he was, and eventually Akane let go of Saihara and said something to him that Hinata couldn’t hear. Saihara smiled, and Akane let out a big laugh before turning around and making a bee-line towards the buffet table.

Hinata and Souda made their rounds about the room, saying hi to their neighbours and friends, and when all the gifts had been given out, the okay was given for everyone to unwrap.

Hinata looked down at the bag in his hands. It was a plain navy blue, stuffed with silver tissue paper. He grabbed the little card dangling from the handles and opened it.

“Who got your name?” Hina asked, appearing at his shoulder with a small, red-and-gold wrapped box in her hands.

“Tenko.” Hinata almost laughed out loud as he read the name inside the tag. “Man, she must have hated picking out a gift for me.”

“Well, what is it?”

Hinata stuck his hand in the bag gingerly, half-afraid that she might’ve lined it with razor blades. But then he felt soft, leathery fabric and he frowned, grabbing ahold of the material and pulling it out of the bag. It was a pair of off-white gardening gloves, with a little green sticky note attached to them.

_ Your other pair is disgusting _ , was all it said. Hinata grinned and looked up, trying to find Tenko in the room. He spotted her standing close to the cell, and when she caught him looking she just nodded her head a little bit and then turned back to her family. He had needed new gloves; it was a sweet gift. It also meant she had both noticed that he needed new gloves and that his old pair was also white, though he still maintained that white gloves for gardening were a little nonsensical.

“Oh dude, hell yeah.” Souda was holding up three new beanies, each a different colour. “Thanks, Hina!”

“I made them myself!” Hina declared proudly. Souda gave her a one-armed hug before trading out the beanie he was wearing with one of his new ones.

“Who got your name, Hina?” Hinata asked, looking at the still-wrapped gift in her hands.

“Mahiru.” Hina smiled down at the box. “I’m just surprised she still comes to Langdon for this party.”

“Well, once a Langdoner, always a Langdoner!” Souda said, stuffing the other beanies back into the gift bag they had come out of. “Now open it. Let’s see what Miss Solemn got you.”

Hina carefully tore the wrapping paper off the gift, revealing a small black box. She lifted the lid, where another, smaller box covered in soft black velvet was sitting.

“God, how many times can she wrap something?” Souda huffed. Hinata reached out to grab the excess wrapping paper and boxes from Hina, leaving her hands free to open the smaller box. She popped the lid open, and immediately let out an “Awww!”

Hinata peered over her arm to see inside, and saw a pair of earrings shaped like donuts sitting inside.

“These are adorable!” Hina stood on her tiptoes, trying to spot Mahiru. “I have to go thank her!”

“Wait, wait, hold on!” Hinata grabbed her arm to stop her. “I have to give you guys your presents from me, first.”

“Oh, that’s right! Me too!” her eyes widened. “Let me go get them. Come on, Souda.” The three of them slipped through the crowd until they got to the jail cell, going inside and standing next to the tree. There were still a lot of presents left underneath it, wrapped in every colour and pattern imaginable. A lot of people turned the town Christmas party into the same time they shared their gifts with family and friends; it saved everyone from having to buy and decorate their own Christmas tree when they could all just use a communal one. Plus there was no worrying about presents getting stolen, not with the tree being set up in the police station.

“There are mine!” Souda dropped down and pulled two gifts out. Hinata and Hina had to dig around a little before they found theirs, and then they all sat down on the floor, holding their gifts in their laps.

“Okay, I want you guys to open mine first!” Souda shoved two identically shaped (and wrapped) presents into their arms. “At the same time. Go.” Hinata and Hina exchanged a look before tearing the paper.

Hinata burst out laughing.

“Souda, what  _ is  _ this!” He held up a metal cube with a small screen inlaid on one side, and three buttons on the top. The screen currently displayed a grinning, cartoon face that was clearly Souda’s. He glanced over and saw Hina was holding the same thing, squinting down at it suspiciously.

“I made you guys alarm clocks!” Souda looked so proud, and Hina started laughing too. “And watch this.” He reached out, grabbing the cube from Hina’s hands and pressing some of the buttons on the top. Then he waited.

_ Time to wake up!  _ The clock shouted, in Souda’s voice. Hina’s eyes got huge, and Hinata started laughing even harder.

“It’s you!” he gasped between laughs, wiping at his eyes, which were starting to tear up. “You want us to put this by our beds! And let you yell at us when it’s time to get up!”

“Now I can be with you guys even when I’m not actually there!” Souda grinned, handing the cube back to Hina, who cupped it in her hands carefully.

“I can’t believe you  _ made _ this!” she said, turning it from side to side. “That’s really impressive, Souda.”

“I know about more than just cars you know,” he told her. “And it isn’t just an alarm clock for waking you up! It also has very limited reminder qualities. I kind of ripped off some of those other home AI things they sell online; I’m not a programmer.”

“Either way, it’s really cool.” Hina was showing true appreciation, and Hinata was still hiccupping with laughter, imagining what it was going to be like waking up to Souda shouting in his ear tomorrow morning. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Hinata managed to squash his laughter and set the cube clock to the side. “It kind of makes my gifts look stupid, honestly.”

“Eh, you get a free pass this year,” Souda flapped his hands in Hinata’s direction. “We both know that you only had an hour to pick us out something yesterday.”

“Souda!” Hina glared at him. “You weren’t supposed to say anything.”

“Hey, Hinata knows we don’t need gifts to know he’s our pal. I’m impressed he got us anything at all!”

“That’s not making it better, Souda.”

“No, it’s okay, Hina,” Hinata patted her on the knee. “I appreciate what he’s trying to say.”

“See? I told you.”

“Oh, shut up, Souda.” Hina handed a gift bag to Hinata and then a wrapped box to Souda. “Now open mine.”

Souda opened his first, pulling out the video game that Hinata had considered getting for him at the mall yesterday. He was glad that he hadn’t, since who knew how long Hina had been holding onto that.

“Dude!” Souda hugged the game to his chest. “You both have to promise to play with me!”

“I promise,” Hinata said, immediately. Hina let out a little sigh.

“As long as you don’t call me names for covering my eyes,” she said.

“Oh, you won’t have to worry about that with Souda there,” Hinata told her. “He screamed through the entire first game.”

“Okay, okay,” Souda stuck his tongue out, and Hinata laughed. He had laughed a lot the last few days, and it felt good. “Just open your present.”

Hinata took the tissue paper out of the bag and then reached inside, but he couldn’t find anything.

“It’s very flat!” Hina said, hurriedly. “I could’ve put it in an envelope, but then I would’ve lost it somewhere under this tree.” Hinata pulled the bag open wider and looked down into it, spotting a slip of paper at the bottom. He pulled it out and flipped it over, reading what was written on it out loud.

“‘Any three fruit tree saplings from Mahiru’s store.’” He stared at it. “Three? Hina that’s really expen-”

“Stop! Don’t say another word!” Hina was smiling. “With all the produce I’m going to be taking from those trees, I’ll end up owing you even more money.”

“Oh, please,” Hinata put the slip of paper down. “You don’t have to pay me for the fruit!” He grabbed his present to Souda and pushed it towards his friend, and then handed Hina the little gift bag. “Here.”

As usual, Souda ripped his open first, and when he saw everything that Hinata had managed to shove into the box, his eyes widened.

“How on earth did you sneak all of this back into the car without me seeing what was in there?” he asked, picking up one of the microfiber cloths and rubbing it lovingly on his cheek. “I’m impressed.”

“You were a little preoccupied after the Santa picture,” Hinata pointed out. “Things just worked out in my favour.” He looked at Hina, who was waiting patiently for her turn to open her gift. “Open it, Hina!”

When she got the book out and saw the cover, she immediately teared up. She opened to the first page, and gently touched the edge of the picture he had taped down there. It was a picture of her and Souda standing in front of Hinata’s garden, back when there had been a single bed and nothing growing in it yet. His first spring in Langdon. Both of them had dirt all over their hands and faces, but they were grinning widely at the camera, standing back to back. Souda was holding a gardening trowel up over his head victoriously, and Hina was brandishing a watering can like a sword.

“Oh, Hinata, it’s perfect.” she flipped to the next page, reading the first question there.  _ One of the first things you said to me was… _ it said. Underneath it, Hinata had filled it in with the first time he had ever spoken to Hina. She had spotted him outside, getting something from his truck that he had left behind after going out with his grandfather, and she had walked right over, planted herself in front of him and said: “You know, if you need someone to cut your hair for you, I can do a pretty good job.”

“Do you remember that?” Hinata asked, pointing at the answer. “I didn’t know whether to laugh or be offended.”

“Your hair needed help,” she said, softly, her eyes still full of tears. “It still does.”

“Hey, now.”

“Don’t cry, Hina, please?” Souda begged. “It’s Christmas. No crying.”

“Okay, okay,” she wiped at her eyes, and looked at both of them. “I just love you guys a lot.”

“We love you too,” Hinata put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. Souda tackled them both to the floor, knocking them into the Christmas tree. They all laughed, and Hinata hugged them both, thinking just how lucky he was to have the two most wonderful people in the world be his best friends.

 

When the Christmas party was over and everyone returned home, Hinata parted ways with Hina at the end of the cul-de-sac and went into his house, closing the door carefully behind him and shaking the snow out of his hair. He went through his night-time routine, brushing his teeth and changing into pajamas.

He set up his new Souda alarm clock right next to his bed, and grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet to keep warm. Once he was sure everything was settled, he yawned and went back into his room.

When he crawled into bed he noticed his phone sitting on his nightstand, right next to the Souda clock, still plugged in from when he had left it after returning from Hina’s that morning. He had completely forgotten about it during the rush of putting together Hina’s gift and getting to the party on time. In fact, he had completely forgotten about everything that had happened the night before, including his call to Komaeda.

Swallowing hard, he reached for the phone, pulling it towards him. He tapped the screen, and it lit up. His heart leapt into his throat when he saw that he had a text message. That message was from Komaeda. He closed his eyes and unlocked his phone, hands trembling. When he was sure he was ready, he opened his eyes to read whatever it was Komaeda had said.

**Komaeda:** Merry Christmas to you too, Hinata.

That was it.

Heart aching, Hinata switched his phone off and set it back down on his nightstand.


	15. Blue Irises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you.

Hinata spends the next few days wondering if Komaeda will say anything else. Maybe he was busy with holiday stuff and didn’t have time to really process the message, but wanted to let Hinata know that he had heard it? He tried to stop those thoughts before they could grow into a full-fledged bud of hope in his chest, because the last thing he wanted was to start getting hopeful again.

He does his best to take his mind off the situation by helping Hina plan her New Year’s Eve party.

“The week between Christmas and New Year’s is so  _ weird _ ,” Souda said as he helped Hinata unload bags of groceries from the back of the Mustang. “It’s like we’re in this weird limbo state. These days don’t even exist.”

“I think I know what you mean, but you’re doing a terrible job of explaining it.” They crunched down Hina’s snow-covered driveway and climbed her front porch steps. “But I am ready for New Year’s. Fresh start and all that.”

“Just what we need!” Souda, the only one who had a free hand, stepped around Hinata and opened the front door for them. “But baby steps, you know? I’m just looking forward to all of the test batches of food Hina’s going to make for this thing. I am beyond ready to eat.” They went inside and dumped the groceries on the kitchen counter before going back out for a second load.

This was Hina’s first time throwing a New Year’s Eve party, but it was something that she had wanted to do for a long time. Hinata suspected that her reasoning for pushing for it to be this year was because she knew he needed something to distract him, but she had never explicitly stated that was the case. He just had a feeling. She had started planning all kinds of snacks and games and themes for the party, and Souda and Hinata had made a trip into the city every single day that week, gathering supplies. She gave them a new list every time they went, and Hinata wondered how on earth she was managing to pay for all of it.

“I told her that we should just hold the party at Kettle,” Souda said, as they set the last bags down in the kitchen. “But she said she didn’t know how many extra people would be arriving, and she didn’t want anything to get broken.”

“How many people is she inviting, exactly?” Hinata looked around at Hina’s house. It was immaculately clean, as always, but it also wasn’t very big. At Souda’s birthday party last year she had only invited maybe two dozen people, and it had been kind of crowded even then.

“Oh, dude, she’s invited tons of people. I didn’t realize she even knew that many people in the city, but I guess Mahiru introduced her to a lot of her friends and so she invited them too.”

“I see.”

“I hope she invited some hot girls, because let me tell you…”

“Stop, I don’t even want to know where you’re going with that.” Hinata held up a hand to cut Souda off. “But best of luck to you.”

“Thanks, man.” They surveyed all of the groceries they had brought in, so many bags that they couldn’t all fit on the counter, so they’d started setting them on the floor. “Where’s Hina?”

“I was wondering the same thing.” Hinata looked towards the hallway that led to Hina’s room. “She would’ve come out by now if she was here.”

“Maybe she went to Kettle?” Souda pulled out his phone, fiddling with it. “I would start putting some of this away, but I don’t know how much of it she’s going to need left out…” They heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, and Hina appeared in the kitchen.

“Oh shoot, did you guys already bring everything in?” she came to stand next to Hinata, looking at all of the plastic bags covering her kitchen. “I was going to ask you to bring it to Kettle instead.”

“Are you kidding me?” Souda groaned, gesturing at the mess. “It took us both three trips to bring this stuff in! And look at my arms!” He rolled up the sleeves of his jumper, revealing deep red grooves on his forearms from holding so many heavy bags at once. “We loaded up as many as we could physically manage and it  _ still _ took us that many trips!”

“I’ll help.” Hina grabbed bags from the counter and started walking towards the front door. “Please?”

“Fine,” Souda grumbled, scooping up the bags he had just set down. “The things I do for you…” Hinata grabbed a few bags to help, carrying them back out to the Mustang and sticking them into the trunk.

“I needed a bigger kitchen,” Hina explained, as they went back inside together. “I didn’t really have room at home.”

“Do you really need this much stuff?” Hinata asked as he grabbed a second load. “Souda said you’re inviting a ton of people; where are they all going to stand?”

“The weather is supposed to be pretty okay on New Year’s Eve! I figured part of the party could be outside, with a bonfire or something.”

“Wow.” Hinata tried to imagine a bonfire in Hina’s backyard, but he was having a hard time picturing it. “Did Fuyuhiko say it was okay to light something that big?”

“Oh, he’s invited, so I’m sure he won’t care either way.” They dumped what they were carrying into the trunk, turning to watch Souda struggle through the doorway with an enormous armload of grocery bags. “And even if he didn’t, it’s not like there’s not enough snow and ice to put out a fire if it spread or something.”

“Uh, knock on wood,” Hinata looked around for something to rap his knuckles on, and ended up picking a twig up out of the snow. “Don’t say stuff like that. Now my house is going to burn down from this bonfire.”

“Oh, quit it, being superstitious isn’t like you.” Hina stepped to the side to give Souda room to put his bags down. “Besides, I still have that little fire extinguisher Komaeda bought for the camping trip that we never used.”

“Right.” Hinata had told Hina about Komaeda’s response, and she had been appropriately sympathetic, but hadn’t elaborated or said if Komaeda had said anything to her or not. Hinata chose to take that as a bad sign, and didn’t pry any further. Even though he had known Hina for a while and she was one of his best friends, he wasn’t sure if she even would tell him anything that Komaeda told her. She had always been good at keeping secrets and letting people get to things in their own time, so he sometimes wondered if she knew more than she ever let on.

Or maybe she knew that Komaeda never wanted to speak to Hinata ever again, and she wasn’t telling Hinata so for his own sake. It could go either way.

“Thank you guys for helping me with this!” she said, as Souda heaved the last grocery bags back into the car. “Can you drive me back down to Kettle?”

“Sure, whatever,” Souda grumbled, walking around towards the driver’s side. “You coming, Hinata?”

“I actually have some garden work to take care of,” he replied, looking over towards his house. “But I’ll catch up with you guys later. If Hina makes anything good, text me.”

“Sure thing.” Hina and Souda climbed into the Mustang, and Souda carefully backed out of Hina’s driveway into the cul-de-sac and drove away down the street towards Kettle. Once they were gone, Hinata turned and headed towards his house, snow and ice snapping beneath his shoes as he walked around the side and into the back yard.

As he had been doing since they bloomed, he tried not to look at the violet-blue blossoms of the winter irises that he and Komaeda had planted in the spring. Of course they were beautiful, and Hinata appreciated them from a gardening standpoint and from an aesthetic view, but he also didn’t really like what they symbolized to him. He wasn’t very much into the whole “language of flowers” business, so he didn’t know what they meant in that world, but to him all they represented were happier times. And regret. So much regret for everything, so many what-ifs, so many questions that he would never, ever get to hear the answers to. He had never considered himself a particularly emotional person, so this entire experience had been new and foreign and not really all that great. Who knew that allowing yourself to care for someone opened you up to an entire world of potential hurt?

He grabbed his watering can and went inside, filling it with lukewarm water from the kitchen tap. He didn’t want the water to freeze before the plants were watered enough. Back outside, he watered the winter flowers and some of the more hardy seasonal crops, and then checked inside the greenhouse tents to make sure that all of the plants were still doing okay. It wasn’t the coldest winter they’d had, but he worried about them all the same.

Once everything was taken care of, his fingers were starting to go numb, so he rushed inside to warm up. He checked his phone, but neither Souda nor Hina had texted him, so he decided to just stay in instead of going up to Kettle. He probably wouldn’t be very good company anyway; every time he saw those flowers outside it kind of put him in a weird mood that wasn’t conducive to being sociable.

He figured he would just go back to his room and maybe read a book or something, but as he was going down the hallway he saw the door that lead to his grandfather’s bedroom. He stopped, suddenly struck with an odd feeling. He hadn’t opened that door since his grandfather died. He couldn’t even remember what state the room was currently in, or what was really in there. He had never been particularly curious either.

But the New Year was coming up, and Hinata wanted a fresh start. He wanted to make the next year different, especially since he had wasted over half of this past year being depressed and unhappy. Maybe he could start by turning that extra room into something useful. Maybe an indoor garden, somehow? Or maybe even just a little theater room for movie nights.

The idea of using the space for something new, and finally getting rid of the strange aura that still hovered around the door since his grandfather’s death, appealed to him. He took a hesitant step towards the door and grabbed the handle, twisting it carefully and pushing it open.

It smelled like dust. The air was stale from going undisturbed for years, and Hinata let out a small cough before looking around. The bed was made up with an ugly red and mustard plaid comforter, and there was still an indentation from where his grandfather was laying before he had gotten up to go to the living room the day he died. It kind of creeped Hinata out, so he stepped forward and straightened out the comforter, erasing the indentation completely. There were bookshelves stacked with books, mostly about gardening mixed with some old science-fiction novels, and there was a wilted plant sitting on the windowsill. Hinata couldn’t tell what it was, but he immediately felt guilty for leaving it there to die; he hadn’t known there were plants in here, otherwise he would’ve come in to rescue them.

There was a dresser with nothing on its surface, and he knew the drawers were all filled with his grandfather's old clothes. The closet door was open, and he saw rows of button-up shirts and a heavy, navy blue wool coat that he never seen his grandfather wear, even on the coldest winter days. There wasn’t anything hanging on the walls or on any of the nightstands, not even a lamp or a picture of his late wife.

But the most interesting thing was most definitely the safe sitting in the middle of the floor, as if his grandfather had dragged it out from wherever it had been hiding and simply left it there, out in the open, for someone to find when they came in. Frowning, Hinata knelt down on the carpet, and peered at it. He didn’t even know that his grandfather  _ had _ a safe. Should he call the lawyer who oversaw the will execution and ask him what he should do with it? He shivered; the thought of dealing with any member of the Togami Law Corporation made him feel sick to his stomach, so maybe he wouldn’t do that.

“What on earth would the combination be?” The safe wasn’t very large at all, and Hinata tilted it to its side to look at the bottom. His grandfather always hid passwords and keys closeby, so perhaps the combination was nearby as well. There was nothing on the bottom, but he heard the contents of the safe shifting around, so he knew that there was something in there.

Consumed with curiousity, he looked at the combination lock and tried to think of what his grandfather would’ve made the passcode. He tried his grandfather’s birthday, his wedding anniversary, and his mom’s birthday (she was his only daughter). Nothing. He scanned the bookshelves, taking each book out and shaking out the pages and checking the inside covers, but there was nothing.

Hinata looked under the bed, cleared out all the dresser drawers, completely emptied the closet and checked all the coat and jacket and pants pockets. He looked in shoes and folded socks, stripped the bed and checked in pillowcases and beneath the mattress. By the time he had torn through everything, the room was an awful mess, but the safe still sat, unopened, in the middle of the bedroom floor. Hinata let out a sigh and flopped down on the bed, and turned his head to look out the window.

It was starting to get dark; he had been at this for a while. Maybe he should just give up? He started to look away, but his gaze got caught on the wilting plant that sat on the sill. Would his grandfather have hidden something in there?

Hinata pulled himself up from the bed and went over to the plant pot, and examined what was left of the plant that had been inside it. He still had no clue what it was, but that wasn’t surprising; his grandfather had decades of gardening knowledge, and Hinata only had a handful of years. There were bound to be plants he couldn’t recognize; especially when they were half-dead. He picked the pot up and looked at the bottom, but it was blank. He sighed, setting the pot back down.

Maybe it was buried in the dirt? Hinata shrugged; might as well try. He stuck two fingers into the potting soil and started pushing it to the side. He had maybe dug an inch or two down when he touched something that definitely wasn’t soil, so he latched onto it and pulled it free. It was a little slip of paper with a date written on it, from the fall almost four years ago.

“What…” the date was familiar, but Hinata couldn’t figure out  _ why _ it was familiar. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and opened his calendar, scrolling back to the date listed on the paper. There was a single event listed on his calendar.

_ Go to Langdon. _

That was the day he had arrived in Langdon, to take care of his grandfather. Why had his grandfather written it here and buried it in the plant pot? And was it the combination? Hinata whipped around and dropped to the floor, pulling the safe towards himself and carefully entering the combination in the passcode lock.

He held his breath and then pushed on the latch. It opened.

His shock that the date he had arrived was the combination was quickly chased away by the contents of the safe. There was a small stack of cash, and an envelope with his name written on the front. With a shaking hand, Hinata reached in to grab the envelope, looking at the familiar scrawl of his grandfather’s handwriting on the front. How many times had he seen this handwriting listing out things his grandfather wanted Hinata to get from the grocery store, or detailing chores that needed to be done around the house?

He flipped the envelope over. It was extremely thin, most likely with only a single sheet of paper inside. He slid his finger under the flap and tore, opening the envelope up and removing the piece of paper from inside. It didn’t say a lot, and it took a couple times before Hinata was able to read the scrawl. It was dated only a week before he died.

 

_ Hajime. _

_ I have held on to every injustice, missed opportunity, and stolen bit of happiness for my entire life, and it cost me my family, my sanity, and now my health. Don’t be an idiot and waste your life the same way. _

_ It’s too late for me to fix every mistake I’ve made, but I want you to know that I am sorry. You’re a good kid. You’ve always been a good kid, even if I was too proud to see it. You’re the spitting image of your mom, and she was a good kid, too. Tell her I’m sorry too, will you? _

 

His grandfather’s signature was scribbled at the bottom, and Hinata stared at it for a long time. They hadn’t been close, or even anything resembling close. They hadn’t spoken often, and when they did it was always in clipped sentences and irritated missives. There was no warmth or familial love involved, and even if there had been, it wasn’t like it would’ve had the chance to show itself when Hinata had only been living with him for a handful of weeks.

But the apology meant something to him. The acknowledgement that one of them had been wrong, and that it hadn’t been Hinata. Thinking about  the amount of effort it must have taken for his grandfather to write those words, to admit his fault in the issue, brought tears to Hinata’s eyes. He remembered back in the spring, being struck with the thought that he was going to turn out like his grandfather. Alone, bitter, isolated. Perhaps his grandfather recognized something in him that he had seen in himself, and wanted to prevent it as best as he could. That kind of concern made the apology even more impactful, and for the first time in his life, Hinata wished that he could speak to his grandfather again. To let him know that he was thankful, and that he accepted his apology.

Rubbing at his eyes, Hinata put the letter back into the envelope. He would have to remember to tell his mom about the letter when he called her for New Year’s. It would definitely mean a lot to her, too. He turned his gaze back to the money in the safe. Just from eyeballing it, there must have been a couple thousand bundled together with plain rubber bands. What his grandfather had been keeping it for he didn’t know, but maybe he should call the lawyer so they could get it to the charity his grandfather had donated to in his will. He put the letter back in the safe, and his hand bumped one of the bundles, knocking it to the side and revealing a green sticky note.

_ For you. _ That’s all it said. Hinata raised an eyebrow. He didn’t really have any use for the money; he had everything he wanted and needed. Maybe he would just donate it all to charity anyway.

Standing up, he surveyed the mess that he had made while searching for the combination.

“Best get started,” he muttered to himself. He started getting all the clothes together in one place, and went to grab garbage bags from the kitchen. He could probably give it all to the secondhand shop in the city the next time he drove out there. With how often Hina was sending him and Souda back and forth, he would probably have the chance to get rid of it all tomorrow.

Hinata spent the rest of the evening clearing out the room, managing to get all of the clothes bagged and then stashed in the front hallway to take out the next day. He dismantled the dresser and the bed frame, leaning all the wooden pieces against the walls, and he started packing the books into boxes. By the time he reached a stopping point, he had only cleared one of the two bookcases.

He spent the next few days working through the room, and when he told Souda and Hina about it, they both offered to help. He declined, feeling like it was something that he needed to do on his own, wanting time to sort through all of the old feelings the letter had dredged up in him. Souda, however, did take the clothing bags and all the broken down furniture to the city for him, borrowing Hinata’s truck for the errand.

By the time he had gotten the room completely empty, he had missed most of Hina’s party-planning, and Souda made sure he knew how many delicious things Hina had made that he didn’t get to try. On New Year’s Eve morning, Souda was still going on and on about the bruschetta she had made (and ultimately scrapped, deciding it was too messy for a party).

“I’m telling you, Hinata, no amount of responsibility would make missing out on that bruschetta worth it,” Souda said, as he hung lights around the perimeter of Hina’s living room. Hinata was sitting on the couch, trying to put together little tiki lights that were going to go outside around the edge of the backyard, to let guests know where the borders were.

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me that,” Hinata replied, fixing the tiki head onto the top of the last post. He was still surprised that Hina had somehow gotten Fuyuhiko to be okay with her having a bonfire outside, but he was also kind of looking forward to it. Hina’s contagious party spirit was actually starting to get to him.

“I know there’s an insult veiled in there somewhere, but I don’t even care.” Souda stepped back to admire his handiwork. “You’re the one who really missed out here.”

“I’m sure she’ll make it again if it was really that good.” Hinata stood up and grabbed a bundle of the tiki torches in his arms. “Now come help me set these up outside.”

“Can’t. I have to go into the city to pick up fireworks.” Souda pointed towards the kitchen, where they could hear Hina opening and shutting cupboards frantically as she tried to finish up last-minute tasks. “She completely forgot about drinks for the party, so she asked me to drive out there for her.”

“Well good luck with that.” Hinata started walking towards the back door. “I guess I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah, if I can make it back in time. Traffic in the city on holidays  _ sucks _ .” Souda snatched his car keys from the coffee table and headed in the opposite direction. “Peace.”

“See ya.” Hinata passed through the kitchen on the way to the back door, pausing to watch Hina as she stared intently at two different pitchers. “What’re you doing?”

“Which one of these is more New Year’s?” she asked, pointing at the pitchers. Hinata looked at them. One was just a simple blue plastic jug that she usually had filled with iced tea during the summer, and the other was a clear glass one that Hinata had never seen before.

“Um. I guess the glass one?”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, the other one doesn’t look festive at all. It’s just. There.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” She grabbed the blue pitcher and shoved it into the cabinet next to her. “Glass one it is.”

“Do you need any help? Maybe we can borrow a punch bowl or something from someone.”

“A punch bowl!” Hina’s head snapped up and she looked over at Hinata. “Do you know of someone who has one?”

“Uh, no.”

“I’ll call Mahiru.” she pulled her phone from her pocket and started dialing, and Hinata shook his head and continued outside.

The ground was still covered in a heavy layer of snow, but the air was crisp and clean and Hinata loved it. He inhaled deeply before stepping off the porch, crunching through the snow to the back end of the yard to start putting up the tiki torches. In the center of the plain of snow, Souda and Hina had put together a big ring of stacked bricks, surrounding a pretty impressive pyre. Lighting it was going to be kind of fun, provided Souda didn’t get too excited and end up setting up a lot of other things on fire. He noticed the little fire extinguisher sitting nearby, and his heart twisted a little in his chest.

He stabbed the first torch into the ground, pleased with how easily the sharp stake pierced right through the snow and cold dirt. He walked a couple paces and put down a second one, before walking forward and placing a third. After his drunken Christmas Eve call to Komaeda, he had been convinced it would send him right back into a depression spiral. But surprisingly, it hadn’t. Sure, he had been pretty hurt, and that old pain had reared its head, but it had also been therapeutic, in a way. To just say how he was feeling, put it out there in straight terms, and then to just let it go.

Finding the letter from his grandfather, and having so many tasks to focus on (like cleaning the spare room or helping Hina with the party) had really kept him from getting to wallow in the sadness that sometimes filled him up inside. He was grateful for that; starting next year, he was really going to put all of this Komaeda stuff behind him. For real, this time. No reneging on his promises to himself, no texts or calls or trying to look Komaeda up on social media (what kind of person didn’t have at least  _ one _ social media account? Hinata had no idea how Komaeda had gone this long without having one).

When he finished putting the torches up all around Hina’s yard, he went back inside, rubbing his hands together to warm them up after being out in the cold. The idea of a bonfire was becoming more and more appealing. He went into Hina’s kitchen, where she now was scrolling through Pinterest recipes for party punch.

“What else can I do to help?” he asked, when it became clear that she wasn’t going to look up from her phone any time soon. “The torches are set up, Souda got the lights hung in the living room, and the bonfire looks ready to go.” He paused, trying to remember what other tasks she had assigned him. “We got the driveway shovelled out, and the road looks clear for people to park, too. I think Fuyuhiko strapped an enormous snow shovel to the front of the police truck to do it, actually.”

“Akane did it,” Hina replied, glancing up from her phone screen. “She was out there at like, six a.m. chaining the shovels down.”

“Wow. I guess that it is the kind of contraption that she would come up with.” Hinata wondered how she managed to do so many strange, risky things when she had Fuyuhiko at her side. He was always so solemn and severe, and she practically bounced off the walls. “If you think of anything you need me to do, just let me know. I’m going to head back to my house for a little bit.”

“Sounds good! Thank you for all the help, Hinata.” Hina  gave him a warm smile. “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Hinata assured her. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“If you don’t hear from me before then, remember the party starts at 8!” she called after him as he went back towards the back door. He stepped outside into the cold air again, and skipped down the steps to go back to his house. With only a couple hours to spare before the party, he figured he might as well get all of his garden stuff out of the way and make sure his plants were protected from any wandering partygoers. He didn’t anticipate anyone leaving the designated area, but he also didn’t want to take any chances. The last thing he wanted was to wake up tomorrow morning and find that someone had stomped through his flowerbeds.

It only took a little rebar and chicken wire to protect the non-raised beds, and a slight rearrangement of the greenhouse tents before he was satisfied with his work. His nose and ears were freezing, to say nothing of his fingers, and he scurried back towards his house, jumping inside and exhaling onto his cold hands. He stood there for a while, just leaning against the back door, as he thought about the party, the New Year, the complete finality of another 365 cycle of days coming to an end.

It was comforting to know that everything that had happened over the year could finally be put behind him, but it was also kind of depressing to think of letting go of the good memories, too. He wanted to keep some of them, to remember the moments that had really meant something to him. But he also knew that if he held on to one, he would want to hold on to them all, and so far all holding on had done was make things worse.

With a sigh, he pushed off the door and went to take a shower, trying to put all the negative thoughts out of his mind. Hina wouldn’t be happy with him if he showed up at the party in a sour mood.

After showering, he did his best to towel-dry his hair so that it wouldn’t freeze in messy spikes when he went back outside, and then went to get dressed. He smiled a little at the now-open door that led into his grandfather’s bedroom; it had needed to air out after being closed up for so long, but it still made him feel good to see that he had least managed to put one thing behind him. He still hadn’t really decided what he wanted to do with the room, but it was freeing to know that every possibility was open to him. He could make it into anything he wanted.

That feeling wilted a little as he got dressed, pretending not to notice that he still hadn’t moved any clothes into Komaeda’s drawer (or the fact that he still thought of it as belonging to Komaeda) or that he hadn’t reused the hangers that had previously held Komaeda’s clothes. Hina at least had brought in a little bedside rug she had knit to put over the tea-stain on the carpet, but Hinata still knew it was there, and it felt like it burned through the soles of his feet every time he stepped on it.

He got dressed and checked his phone. He had a bit of time to waste before going over to Hina’s, and even though he knew it was silly, he didn’t want to go over early and have to make small talk with the first guests who arrived. He probably wouldn’t even know them, if they were Mahiru’s friends. Hinata wasn’t introverted really, but Souda was much better suited for social events, easily flitting from one group to another, talking to anyone who would stand still long enough to listen to him. Hinata was envious of that sometimes, the ease with which both Hina and Souda could interact with other people, not worrying about whether or not they would be perceived as annoying or overbearing. Perhaps that was something he could make as an early New Years resolution: trying to be more outgoing.

Hinata opened the notes app on his phone and started trying to think up what he wanted his other resolutions to be. Be more outgoing, put the past year behind him, grow more new things in his garden… By the time he had come up with a few more smaller things, it was an appropriate time to go to Hina’s house. He shoved his phone into his pocket and grabbed his shoes, lacing them up on his feet and putting on his jacket as he went to the front door.

As soon as he stepped outside, he could feel that it had gotten even colder, now that the sun had set, and he could already smell the woodsmoke from the bonfire that must be burning in Hina’s backyard. What was even more alarming though was the sheer number of cars parked in the cul-de-sac and all the way down the residential street, almost all the way to the highway. Hinata stared for a moment, trying to count them all. There were more people coming to this party than actually lived in Langdon; Hina’s house was going to be packed tight. He glanced towards his driveway and saw that he had been completely blocked in, and rolled his eyes. At least he hadn’t planned on going anywhere that evening.

He crossed his front yard and into Hina’s, and as he got closer to her house, the louder it got. Music was being blasted inside, and he could hear the chatter of dozens of voices, all blending together into what Hina would probably describe as “cheerful party music.” He could see into the backyard, and all the tiki torches were lit, though they were easily outshined by the bonfire. The flames were reaching up almost six feet into the air, and he could see shadowy silhouettes of people standing around it, with someone else kneeling down in the snow, stoking the pyre.

The energy that surrounded Hina’s entire lot in a bubble was palpable, and Hinata felt excitement starting to unravel in his chest in spite of himself. Maybe he  _ would _ have a good time.

He climbed Hina’s porch steps and pushed open the front door, and immediately almost bumped into someone holding a plastic cup of Hina’s punch.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hinata quickly got inside and closed the door behind him, locking out the freezing winter air. “I guess I should’ve opened it more slowly.”

“It’s no big deal!” The person he had narrowly missed hitting smiled up at him, green eyes crinkling at the corners. He was almost two heads shorter than Hinata was, and Hinata didn’t recognize him at all. “It’s pretty crowded here, huh!”

“It certainly is.” Hinata scanned the front hallway, where people were standing in little clusters before spilling out into the living room. The music was almost deafening, but Hinata figured it probably had to be if it was to be heard over all the mingling voices.

“I’m Naegi,” the boy switched his cup to his left hand and stuck out his right one. “Do you know Mahiru?”

“I do,” Hinata shook Naegi’s hand reluctantly. He felt the nervousness of being in a crowd with no familiar faces start to rise up, but quickly reminded himself of his new resolution, and steeled his nerves. “Not very well though. I’m Hinata.”

“Oh!” Naegi’s smile got wider, and Hinata found himself smiling too, though he didn’t know why. There was something about Naegi’s bright demeanour that was ridiculously contagious. “I should’ve guessed! Hina talks about you all the time!”

“You know Hina?”

“Yeah! She and I went to high school together; we’ve been friends for years.”

“Wow, I can’t imagine staying friends with anyone I went to high school with.” Hinata tried to even remember the faces of his classmates, and he found that he was unable to. He couldn’t ever see himself staying friends with anyone from that time in his life.

“Well, you know Hina, once someone enters her life, she’ll do whatever it takes to get them to stay.” Naegi took a sip from his cup, and then his eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, you only just got here and haven’t even had time to walk around and say hi to anyone!”

“You’re good,” Hinata laughed a little. “I think the only people I know here are Hina, Mahiru, my friend Souda, and now you. How do you know Mahiru, anyway?”

“Hina dragged me to a photography class a couple of years ago, and Mahiru was the one teaching it!” Naegi looked a little embarrassed, his cheeks flushing. “I was terrible, but Mahiru was always so nice about it.”

“Really?” Hinata tried to imagine Mahiru being nice. It was actually kind of a scary thought. “I didn’t know that she was into photography, much less teaching a class. I only know her because she’s the manager at the gardening store nearby.”

“You should ask her about her photos!” Naegi replied, nodding his head eagerly. “She absolutely loves to talk about them; she practically becomes a different person once you get her going. She’s really good at it, too. You’ll know what I’m talking about when you see one!”

“Wow, that’s actually really surprising.” Hinata frowned. “Maybe I will ask her about them.” Maybe seeing Mahiru in a different situation like that might make Hinata feel a little less afraid of her.

“Naegi!” Hinata heard a familiar, yet hard-to-place voice, calling from the living room, and he and the shorter boy turned to look. Hinata froze, his shoulders tensing up as a tall, blond, bespectacled boy made his way over to them. Why on earth had Hina invited their  _ lawyer _ to the party? “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Sorry, I got caught up talking with Hinata!” Naegi’s smile was back, even brighter than before, and he turned to Hinata. “Hinata, this is my boyfriend, Togami. Togami, this is Hina’s friend, Hinata.”

“We’ve met.” Togami didn’t look pleased or displeased, but Hinata still felt a chill run down his spine. “You’ve been doing well.” It wasn’t really a question, and Hinata was unsure how to respond.

“...so have you?” He tried. Naegi bit his lip, as if trying to hold back laughter, and Togami raised an eyebrow.

“I have been,” the blond replied before turning his gaze back to Naegi. “Naegi, I want you to come meet someone.” He looked over at Hinata. “Excuse us.” The pair disappeared back into the living room, and Hinata tried to relax his tense shoulders. Togami worked at and owned the firm that Hinata’s grandfather had gone through for the execution of his will, and while the work they did was accurate and efficient, it had still been one of the most unpleasant, stressful experiences Hinata had ever had. Hina really had invited  _ everyone _ .

He started working his way through the crowd, and was surprised to see that he knew more people than he thought he would. He stopped to talk with Fuyuhiko and Akane, who were standing with a girl with braided silver hair and sharp eyes that Fuyuhiko introduced as his sister, Peko. Hinata had no idea that Fuyuhiko even had a sister. He saw Mahiru and a willowy blonde girl in the kitchen, laughing over something on their phones, and then spotted Ibuki in the living room, setting up the karaoke machine that they used every year at the Christmas party.

When he finally got closer to the back door, he saw Hina, talking exuberantly with Saihara, the new police station intern. He walked up to them, catching the tail-end of Hina’s sentence:

“...blew the whole thing up!” She threw her arms out to the sides to express her point, and Saihara raised his eyebrows. “So all I’m saying is: watch out for her. She’s wild.”

“Akane?” Hinata asked, coming to a stop at Hina’s side. She turned to him without missing a beat, completely unsurprised at his appearance, and nodded her head solemnly.

“I was telling Saihara about last year when Akane tried to set up that speed trap on the interstate.”

“I figured.” Hinata held out his hand to Saihara, trying to emulate the friendly energy that Naegi had been giving off earlier. “I’m Hinata, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Hello,” Saihara shook his hand, and Hinata tried not to wince at how cold the other boy’s fingers were. It reminded him of Komaeda a little; he had always been so cold, all the time. “Fuyuhiko has mentioned you. Not a single ticket.”

“Oh,” Hinata laughed out loud, “of course that’s the thing he would remember most about me. I think I’m the only person in town who hasn’t gotten a single citation for anything.”

“That’s true,” Saihara nodded. “Whereas Hina has had...three? A speeding ticket and an incident with her business license?”

“Okay, wait, wait, wait,” Hina held up her hands. “Why are we turning this into a justice thing? Besides, the business license stuff was completely an accident, and Fuyuhiko knows it.” Saihara shrugged, and Hinata could detect the barest hint of a smirk on his face. He smothered his own grin; he liked this guy. Not many people were capable of getting Hina on a joking defensive.

“Of course it was!” Saihara stuck his hands in his pockets, glancing towards the kitchen. “I’m going to go get a drink; it was nice talking to you, Hina. And nice to meet you, Hinata,” he gave them both a nod before stepping around them and walking down the hall. Hina turned to face Hinata with a huff.

“It really was an accident! Ask Souda!” she said, crossing her arms, more flustered than Hinata had ever seen her before. He laughed and patted her shoulder.

“I’m sure it was. Has Souda even gotten here yet?”

“Oh yeah, he’s been out watching the bonfire to make sure it stays under control. Last I checked, he found someone who was willing to listen to him go on and on about that car of his.”

“I guess I’ll go say hi, then,” Hinata started moving towards the back door, and opened his mouth to tell Hina to get him if she needed help with anything, but was cut off by her sudden squeal.

“Oh my god, Kyoko!” Her voice was pitched so high that Hinata winced, and he watched as she dashed down the hall, throwing her arms around a pale, lavender-haired girl who looked more than a little uncomfortable with Hina’s sudden embrace. But she still managed to push out a smile, patting Hina on the back awkwardly, saying something that Hinata couldn’t hear. He smiled to himself, and turned around to go out the back door.

Once outside, the first thing he did was look towards his yard, to see if anyone had wandered into it. But the brightness of the bonfire made everything beyond its circle of light even darker, and it was impossible to see. The next thing he noticed was that even all the way up on the porch, he could feel the heat radiating off of the bonfire, and it felt amazing. There were even more people out here than there had been inside the house, and they were all clumped up together around the fire, laughing and talking over the music that could still be heard floating out of the house. Some of them had cups in their hands, others were nibbling on the food Hina had spent all week making, and everyone looked cheerful. Hina was probably ecstatic that everyone was having such a good time.

Souda was in a lawn chair close to the fire, the extinguisher sitting in the snow at his feet, engaged in a deep conversation with a guy Hinata didn’t recognize (which was starting to become a theme for the evening, as he had expected). The guy was in a lawn chair as well, and had dark dreadlocks pulled back with a hair elastic that was clearly stretched to its limits, and was listening raptly to what Souda was saying. Then Souda spotted Hinata and grinned, waving him over.

“Hey, you’re here!” he jumped up from his seat and gestured to the guy sitting with him. “This is Hagakure; he and Hina went to high school together! Hagakure, this is my best pal, Hinata.”

“Nice to meet you,” Hinata said, his brow furrowing a bit. Hagakure looked like he was several years older than they were; it was strange to think that he and Hina would’ve been in the same class.

“Back atcha!” Hagakure replied, with a grin. He squinted his eyes at Hinata, scrutinizing him, and Hinata hunched his shoulders, feeling more uncomfortable as more time passed without the other guy breaking his stare.

“Um…” Hinata began, but Souda quickly shushed him, his eyes wide as he watched Hagakure staring. After what felt like ages, Hagakure sat up straight and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“What did you see?” Souda asked, excitedly, plopping back down in his chair and leaning forward. “Anything good?”

“Excuse me?” Hinata said, but both boys ignored him.

“His lucky numbers are 1, 4, 23, and 28.” Hagakure declared loudly, pointing at Hinata dramatically. Hinata raised an eyebrow. “He’s going to inherit an aquarium from a lost uncle, and then he’ll lose it all in a stock market crash on December 16th of the following year.”

“Oh my god, that’s amazing!” Souda turned to Hinata, beaming. “Hagakure can read people’s auras! And use them to tell the future!”

“Can he?” Hinata was already exasperated. He should’ve guessed what kind of person Hina would be talking about when she said that Souda had found someone to talk to.

“He really can!” Souda’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “He said that I’ve got a chance with that hot girl over there.” He tilted his head towards the other side of the bonfire, and Hinata turned to look. He immediately knew which girl Souda was talking about, because everything about her screamed that she was exactly Souda’s type. Blonde, beautiful, smiling…

And very clearly resting her head on another guy’s shoulder, holding his hand with both of her’s in her lap.

“You sure about that?” Hinata watched the pair for a bit longer. She looked bubbly and happy, alternating between gazing into the flames and then looking up at the guy she was with, who in Hinata’s opinion looked more than a little frightening. He was dressed like he thought he was a vampire hunter or something, and there was something fierce in the set of his mouth, as if he would actually snap at someone if they came too close. But the girl gazed up at him adoringly, and occasionally he would say something to her that would make her laugh a bright, tinkling laugh that carried over the sounds of conversation and fire crackling that surrounded them. There was no way Souda was getting into any part of that.

“My predictions have an unusually high success rate,” Hagakure said, drawing Hinata’s attention away from the happy couple. “You would be surprised.”

“I’m sure I would be.” Hinata deadpanned, not in the least bit impressed. He hoped that whatever this guy put into Souda’s head wasn’t enough to make his friend actually go over there and try to interfere in what was clearly an already happy relationship. “Thanks for telling me about the aquarium.”

“No problem!” Hagakure looked pleased, completely missing Hinata’s sarcasm. “But I don’t know if it’ll happen, you know? Especially not with that dark cloud that’s hanging all over you.”

“What?” Hinata’s voice was sharper than he intended, and he saw Souda looking at him intently.

“You know, I think even I can see it,” Souda mused, peering at a spot just above Hinata’s head. Hinata wrinkled his nose in irritation.

“Yeah, it’s heavy, man.” Hagakure gave a little shake of his head, dreadlocks bouncing against his shoulders. “You’ve got to let some of that go if you ever want to get anywhere, know what I mean? Can’t be carrying every piece of baggage with you your entire life; gotta lose some of it on the airline or something.” The words didn’t really make any literal sense, but Hinata felt a bit convicted anyway. Maybe Hagakure couldn’t tell the future, but he certainly was capable of reading someone.

“Thanks for the analysis,” Hinata said finally. Hagakure nodded, flapping a hand in his direction.

“No sweat. Take it easy, yeah? You’ll burn yourself out dragging whatever that is around with you.”

“I’ll try.” Hinata didn’t want to sit around and have his supposedly dark aura analyzed any more than it already had, so he lifted a hand in farewell and headed back towards the house. He could hear Souda immediately ask Hagakure about  _ when _ , exactly, he would get a chance with the girl on the other side of the fire, and shook his head.

Back inside, he looked around to try and find Hina, and saw her in lively conversation with the girl she had hugged earlier and Naegi. Hina and Naegi seemed to be doing most of the talking, with the pale girl (Hina had called her Kyoko, if Hinata was remembering correctly) interrupting occasionally to say something that made the other two nod seriously, lips pursed in thought. Hina was clearly busy elsewhere, so maybe he would just go back outside to be with Souda…

_ No, definitely not _ , Hinata gave a little shudder. No more “fortune-telling” for him, thanks.

He stood by the back door, watching the other people at the party milling around, talking with their friends, having a good time, and his mood began to sink. Everyone had a place, everyone was smiling and laughing and  _ enjoying _ themselves. It all served to make Hinata feel his own misery, locked away deep inside, even more acutely than before. The differences between him and the people at this party were glaringly obvious; he probably shouldn’t have even come in the first place. He clearly wasn’t as ready to let his sadness go as he thought he was.

And resolution or not, this just wasn’t his scene. He didn’t want to spoil Hina or Souda’s time at the party by joining their conversations or by going home, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with the need for space.

He pushed past people he didn’t know and faces he didn’t recognize, darting down the hall that led to Hina’s bedroom. There was a little flutter of guilt for invading her privacy, but he knew she would understand. He pushed open the door and stepped into the dark room, quickly shutting the door behind himself so that no one would think they could follow him in.

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief, slumping against the closed door. The music was still loud, the sounds of conversation still drifted underneath the door, but at least the room was empty and he could  _ breathe _ . He opened his eyes and looked around.

He hadn’t been in Hina’s room in a long time, but not a lot had changed. Pictures of her and her mom were on her nightstand, the daisy-shaped throw pillows were still on her bed. The walls were painted a dusty pink, and her white dresser was covered in stickers and jewelry and knotted skeins of brightly-coloured yarn. As he saw the discarded knitting projects sitting on the top of the dresser, his eyes caught on a picture tucked into the mirror frame, and he took a step closer to look at it.

“Hhh.” The air was forcibly pushed out of Hinata’s lungs in a painful rush, and he almost choked on it. It was the picture they had all taken on the day they went camping. The day before Komaeda left. And hanging off the side of the mirror right above it was the wilted flower crown that Hina had braided and placed on Komaeda’s head. Hinata had been sure he had grabbed it that night, but after the disastrous events he had completely forgotten about it. Hina must have found it in all of their bags and kept it.

He hesitated before reaching up and pulling the picture free, so he could look at it more closely, bringing it over to Hina’s bed so he could sit down. Souda was in the back, both hands held up in ridiculous peace signs, his lips pushed out in a dramatic pout that made Hinata smile a little. He and Hina were sat on Komaeda’s either side, both of them leaning in so close that their heads were almost resting on Komaeda’s shoulders. They both had wide grins and bright eyes, happy to be together with the people they loved the most.

And Komaeda was in the center, beaming, hands clasped together in his lap, the flower crown of dandelions and dog violets balanced precariously on his wild pale hair. Hinata grit his teeth against the prickling, sharp ache that began to shift in his chest as he looked at the picture. He hated it. He hated the picture and he hated this feeling. It had been  _ months _ , and yet every single time he was reminded of Komaeda it was like no time had passed at all, and he was just as caught up in it as he was the very first day.

He  _ hated  _ it.

Hurt and anger battled inside of him, turning into a mess of agonizing despair. When would he stop feeling this way? When would he  _ really _ be completely moved on from this? Would he ever? It was like every single damn time he thought he had made any kind of progress he was shoved to the ground and dragged back to square one, aching and broken and  _ sad _ . How was he supposed to live like this, constantly being thrown back into the hopelessness of losing someone he had been so desperately in love with? He just wanted to forget that Komaeda had ever existed.

“Hinata?” The sounds of the party got louder as the bedroom door opened, and Hina stepped inside. When she saw him sitting on the bed, polaroid in his hand, she quickly closed the door and came to sit beside him. “What are you doing in here? Why are you looking at that?” she reached out to take it from him, and he let her.

“I just needed some space.” His voice sounded shaky to his own ears, and he hated himself for it.

“How come?”

“I just did.”

“Is everything okay? Did something happen?” The concern in Hina’s voice was like a sword being driven into his chest, over and over and over. How many times was she going to have to come to his rescue, consoling him over his own stupidity and inability to just  _ fucking let go _ .

“I think I’m going to go somewhere.” The words were out of his mouth before he even realized that that was what he really wanted. “Somewhere else.”

“Forever?” Hina kept her voice steady, but Hinata could hear the tiniest wobble of panic. “You’re moving?”

“No, I would never move away.” Hinata knew that for sure. “Langdon is where I belong.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“I think I’m just going to go on a trip. Or something. Maybe go visit my parents, travel somewhere I’ve never been before. Just...get away for a while.” The more he thought about it, the more sense it made. His grandfather had just left him a pretty sizeable amount of money, so he definitely had the finances to cover anything he decided to do.

“Why?”

“It worked for Komaeda, didn’t it?” He tried to give Hina and smile, but she didn’t smile back. Her blue eyes were sad as she twirled the little picture between her fingers. “He was having a hard time, so he just got in his car and left. Found something else.” And look how happy he was now, if what they had seen that day on the television meant anything. Komaeda had slid away easily, gliding back into his old life and leaving Hinata behind to be the only one still holding on to something that was starting to feel more and more like it was just a dream.

“If that’s what you think is best for yourself, then I’ll support you.” Hina said, staring down at the picture. “I want you to do what makes you the happiest.”

“I don’t know if this will make me happy, necessarily. But it’s worth a shot.” Hinata bumped her shoulder with his, feeling guilty for bringing her mood down during the middle of a party. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I will  _ always _ worry about you.” Hina rested her head on Hinata’s shoulder, still looking at the tiny picture in her hands. “I don’t think I’ll ever not worry about you. I’m sorry that you’ve been having to deal with this.”

“It’s not your fault in the slightest, and you know that. Don’t apologize.”

“But you know what I mean. The sentiment is there.”

“Well, in that case, I accept your apology.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.” They both started to laugh, and Hina wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. “I’ll help you plan a trip, okay? We can pick out some really exciting places for you to go. And Souda will make sure your truck can withstand that kind of journey.”

“I appreciate the thought.”

“You’re welcome.”

They sat there in silence, Hina still hugging him, Hinata letting himself relax into her embrace, sinking into the familiarity and comfort of it. Maybe her coming to rescue him again wasn’t really so bad; what was life if it didn’t have low points to make you appreciate the high ones? And what were friends for if they weren’t the ones to threaten you out of bed and comfort you to help carry you over your problems?

“Oh, I almost forgot!” she jumped up from the bed, turning around to look at Hinata. “I was looking for you because we need more lighters! It’s almost midnight, and I want everyone to get to light a sparkler!”

“It’s almost midnight?” Hinata pulled out his phone. It was half past eleven. The year was so close to being over; would he feel different when the clock ticked across into a new year? “Oh, wow. It really is.”

“Yes, it really is! Now please go get more lighters! You have some at your house, right?” Hina stuck the picture back into the edge of the mirror frame, her fingers brushing over the flower crown as she did so.

“Yeah, I’ve got some in my kitchen somewhere.” Hinata stood up from the bed, already feeling a little better than he had when he first entered the room. “I’ll go and grab them.”

“Please hurry; I’m going to try and get everyone out by the bonfire for the countdown!” Hina left the room, and once Hinata truly felt like he was composed enough to re-enter the crowd, he left the room as well.

His intention was to go through the front door and avoid the crowd by the bonfire, but as he tried to work his way through the living room he realized it was impossible. There were too many people in this room alone; who knew how many were clogging the hallway leading up to the front door? Sighing, he turned around and cut through the much emptier kitchen, moving towards the back door.

The bonfire flames had grown almost an entire foot, stretching up towards the sky, dancing in the winter breeze that stirred up the snow at everyone’s feet. He saw Souda still engaged with Hagakure, both of them with their heads together discussing who knows what, and he noticed that the couple from earlier were still seated near the fire, deep in a conversation of their own. He shook his head, as he maneuvered his way to the perimeter of Hina’s yard, letting out a sigh of relief as he broke free of the clumps of people. He walked past one of the tiki torches, blinking his eyes against the sudden darkness now that he was out of the bonfire light’s reach. He tried to remember where he had stashed the few lighters he had as he started walking towards his back door.

He almost didn’t see Komaeda standing next to the bed of winter irises.

A thousand emotions rushed through him at once: joy, anger, despair, nervousness, anticipation, pain. They cycled past in a blur that left Hinata feeling dizzy and breathless and more out of control than he had ever felt in his life. His heart thundered in his chest and he blinked once, twice, wondering if he was just hallucinating.

But Komaeda was there, standing by the flowers, looking down at the blossoms thoughtfully, wearing that same long green jacket, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to be standing out there in the snow in the middle of the night.

“Komaeda?” Hinata somehow managed to form the name in his mouth, but it came out sounding strained and uncomfortable. Komaeda’s head snapped up, and his eyes met Hinata’s. Hinata’s chest burned, and he realized that he hadn’t taken in a breath since he saw Komaeda standing there.

“Hinata.” Komaeda’s voice was nervous, but not the kind of nervous that Hinata was feeling. More like he was afraid he was going to be reprimanded or sent away. “Good evening.”

Hinata let out a sharp laugh. ‘Good evening?’ That’s what he said? He appeared out of nowhere, in the dead of night, just to say ‘good evening?’ Anger and bitterness were winning the war of emotions inside of him, and he stomped across the snow, coming to a halt right next to Komaeda, suddenly completely oblivious to the chill in the air and the shock of seeing him here, now, entirely unexpectedly. Now he was just  _ mad _ .

“What are you doing here?” He demanded, and Komaeda flinched ever so slightly, and Hinata felt something twinge in his chest.

“Oh! Um,” Komaeda gestured vaguely at the flowers. “The flowers look lovely. Even lovelier than I thought they would.”

Hinata remained silent, his face slowly settling into the beginnings of a glare. Komaeda inhaled shakily, and kept going.

“They are pretty, aren’t they?” He looked down at the flowers again, the nervousness in his expression softening. “Blue irises. Do you know what blue irises mean, Hinata?”

He was crazy if he thought that Hinata was going to answer that. First of all, Hinata had no idea what they meant, and second of all,  _ why was he here. _ The flowers didn’t matter right now! Hinata wanted to know why, exactly why, Komaeda had returned with no notice or warning or-

“Blue irises mean hope.” Komaeda’s gentle voice cut through Hinata’s thoughts. “I’ve been thinking about them a lot.”

Hope? Hinata looked down at the flower bed. The soft blue petals of the irises swayed in the wind, waving up at him, as if to say ‘Yep, hope! We survive in rough conditions and still come out whole. What’s more hopeful than that?’ Some of the anger leaked out of him, and he felt his hands unclench from the fists he had been making. He brought his gaze back up to Komaeda, and found the other boy already looking at him expectantly.

“Why are you here?” Hinata asked, quietly. “I’m serious. Why are you here?”

“The flowers-”

“Stop.” Hinata snapped, the pain that kept washing over him in wave after wave making his voice harsher than he wanted it to be. “Stop talking about the stupid flowers.  _ Why are you here? _ I haven’t talked to you in months. You completely ripped yourself out of my life and just left me behind like I was nothing to you. And maybe I’m the stupid one for thinking that there was something there when there wasn’t, and maybe I’m the idiot for trying over and over to stay a part of your life when you so clearly didn’t want me in it, but you were the one who left!” Hinata could feel tears threatening to spill out over his cheeks, and it just made him even more angry. “You chose to leave and push me out, so what makes you think that you can just appear back here and just talk to me about these  _ stupid flowers _ like nothing has changed!” His voice was rising towards a yell, and he worried that someone from the party might hear. But a quick glance revealed that no one even noticed them.

The party felt so far away. He could see the people standing around it, some checking their phones or watches, others waving around unlit sparklers. Everyone was happy and cheerful and waiting to ring in the New Year; of course they wouldn’t notice the little pocket of despair that was hidden in the darkness, just barely out of their view.

“Hinata…” Komaeda tried to speak again, but Hinata cut him off, everything that he had wanted to say but had kept to himself for so long was rushing out now, and there was no way to stop it.

“Komaeda,  _ everything _ has changed. You might not have meant to hurt me, but you did. And it’s still hurting me. I know it’s not your fault, really. You can’t help that you don’t…” Hinata hiccupped, and he knew he was one push away from breaking down. “...that you don’t feel the same way about me, but it still hurts me. It hurts so much I can’t even explain to you what it feels like. And I have had to live with that feeling crushing me for the last eight months and I don’t think I can take it anymore. So I’m begging you,” he took a shaky breath, everything inside of him strung so tightly that he felt like he was going to shatter into a thousand pieces. “If you’re here to hurt me again, please don’t. Please just leave. Go away. Go somewhere else and just leave me alone because I  _ get it _ , okay? You don’t have to tell me again. I can’t hear it, I  _ can’t _ .”

Everything hurt so much, and Hinata just wanted to curl up in a ball to try and hold himself together. Why did Komaeda come here? Why was he here? Why was he so determined to throw it in Hinata’s face again and again and again-

“Do you remember when you told me that it was okay for me to be selfish?” Komaeda asked, his voice still as gentle as it had been before, as if Hinata hadn’t just yelled in his face without letting him get a single word in to defend himself. “I would like to be selfish now. Just for once.”

“What-” Hinata opened his mouth to ask what he meant, to start listing out how leaving and abandoning Hinata and choosing to ignore him were all plenty selfish, he didn’t need to ask Hinata’s permission since he clearly didn’t need it…

And suddenly Komaeda was kissing him.

“...two...one... Happy New Year!” The shouts from the party next door were followed by the popping off fireworks and the crackling of sparklers, people cheering and shouting as they celebrated the start of a brand new year. And Hinata was frozen in place as Komaeda took a step back, his ears red, cheeks pink, breathless and nervous and looking more lovely than Hinata had ever seen.

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda said, his breathing still a little uneven. “It was too selfish of me, I should lea-”

Hinata grabbed his arm and yanked him back, perhaps with more force than was really necessary, and kissed him again, tangling one hand in that soft white hair, pressing Komaeda’s body as close to his own as he could with the other.

There weren’t any fireworks this time. There weren’t bursts of light or crackles of electricity. There was no fanfare or sudden revelation that usually came along with first kisses.

It simply felt right, like coming home after a long time away and finally feeling like you are able to really rest. It was the loving familiarity of hearing an old favourite song, the soothing comfort of opening the cover of your favourite book. You know all the words, you know how the story starts and how it ends, and everything happens right when it’s supposed to.

Hinata pulled back, every inch of him felt warm and shaky and  _ alive _ .

“I must be pretty selfish too then,” he said, having to tilt his head up just a little to see straight into Komaeda’s eyes. “Because I could do that over and over.”

“Hinata, I’m-” Komaeda looked almost afraid, and Hinata was immediately paralyzed with fear of his own.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Shouldn’t have what?”

“It’s too selfish.” Komaeda was starting to shake his head, and perhaps the Hinata from the spring would’ve just let Komaeda go. But Hinata was so done with letting things go. He had never been good at it. He just held on, gripping onto things as tightly as he could, hanging onto the legs of the people who walked in and out of his life, never wanting to move on. And it was because those things mattered; if he could just let people and things and life just slip through his fingers every time it hurt to hold on, were they even that important to him in the first place?

“You’re not being selfish, Komaeda. It’s not selfish at all because I…” Hinata swallowed hard. Komaeda had already heard him say it, even if it had just been a recording. “I love you.”

“That’s why it’s selfish!” Komaeda was almost frantic now, taking a step back, looking down mournfully at the flowers. Blue irises, for hope. “You deserve someone so much better than me. There’s nothing that I can give you that you couldn’t find somewhere else. I’m a burden everywhere I go, I’m incapable of standing on my own two feet without having people there to support me. And everyone that I care about…” Now it was Komaeda’s turn to be one breath away from falling apart, and Hinata wanted to reach out to him, but something made him hesitate. “The people I care about never end up happy. I always disappoint them; I’m not good enough. And I don’t want to do that to you. Hinata, I could never, ever, ever, do that to you  _ because _ I love you and I’ve loved you for so long and it hurt, but I had to leave. To keep you safe. From me. Don’t you get it?” Komaeda looked back at Hinata, his eyes desperate.

But all Hinata heard was that Komaeda loved him too.

“You think you’re going to disappoint me?” Hinata started to laugh, and it felt so, so good. “Komaeda, the only time you have ever disappointed me was when you thought the kind thing to do was leave me behind. And that’s not even your fault; you can’t help that you’re an absolute idiot.”

“I- what?” Komaeda looked stunned, and Hinata took that opportunity to close the distance between them again, and he pulled Komaeda into a hug.

“You’re so dense, it’s laughable.” Hinata said, his voice muffled by Komaeda’s hair. “How on earth did you survive this long?”

“I...I don’t know.” Komaeda’s body started to shake, and Hinata leaned back, afraid that he was crying. But he was laughing. “I have no idea. I really am stupid, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.” Hinata smiled. “But I don’t think it’s your fault.”

“Hinata, do you really…” Komaeda stopped, and Hinata waited. “...you really feel that way?”

“Do I really feel that you’re stupid? Yes. You’re definitely book-smart, maybe even smarter than Souda, but my god, you have the dumbest emotional system I have ever-”

“No, do you really love me?”

Hinata wanted to immediately say yes, to shout it at the sky and then go and tell every single person at the party: ‘Hi, my name is Hinata Hajime and I am absolutely head over heels in love with Komaeda Nagito.’ But he knew that wasn’t what Komaeda wanted, or what he knew he needed to hear.

“Komaeda, I can’t put it down on paper or point at a calendar date and time and say ‘Yep, it was then.’ But one day I woke up, and you had let yourself into my house without knocking for the first time and were making eggs in my kitchen, and I knew that there wasn’t going to be a single day that I wanted to exist without you, and that feeling just kept growing and growing. You didn’t need to do anything special, you didn’t have to bring anything into my life except for yourself, and I think that no matter what situation or circumstance we could have met in… I think that all possible scenarios would end with me falling in love with you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“So you’re saying that…” Komaeda stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets anxiously. “That I didn’t need to leave? That everything is going to be...okay?”

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Oh.” Komaeda went quiet, letting the weight of it all settle down. The realization that none of the anguish and unhappiness of the last year had even been necessary, that they could have just been happy together, right from the beginning. “Oh!” Suddenly Komaeda’s eyes grew wide, and he looked down at his jacket. He shuffled his right hand around in his pocket for a moment, before pulling out a bundle of bright red Christmas wrapping paper. “Happy Birthday! And Merry Christmas.”

“What?” Hinata let Komaeda shove the package into his hands and stared down at it.

“I know January 1 is your birthday.” Komaeda said, looking a little embarrassed. “And it’s kind of shameful that it took me this long to make that, but open it!”

Confused, but curious, Hinata tore the wrapping paper off the gift, revealing a soft, sea-green scarf. His mind flashed back to that day back in the spring, the first day he and Komaeda had been separated since his arrival. Komaeda had texted him incessantly while he was at work, and at one point asked him to choose between two different colours of yarn. Hinata had chosen the green yarn, because it had reminded him of the colour of Komaeda’s eyes. He had completely forgotten about it, and yet Komaeda must have been working on this for ages, always intending to come back and give it to him.

They both really had just been circling each other the entire time, both feeling too much, but so afraid that they said too little.

“It’s wonderful,” Hinata said, softly. “Thank you.”

“You like it?”

“I love it.”

Komaeda beamed.

“I’m glad. I messed up so many times that I thought it would never get finished. But I guess it got done just in time, didn’t it?”

“It sure did.” Silence settled over them comfortably, and Hinata realized that the moment Komaeda’s lips had touched his own, the hole that had been gaping inside his chest for so long had simply vanished without a trace. He had lived for so long with the dull ache reminding him of what he had lost that he had completely forgotten what it felt like to be whole again.

And it felt wonderful.

“So was Hina having a party or something?” Komaeda asked, looking over at the bonfire curiously. “She sure has a lot of people over.”

“Yeah, she threw a New Years party this year. It was packed. But since it’s after midnight, I guess it’s over.”

“That’s too bad.” Komaeda tilted his head to the side. “Maybe I should’ve gotten here earlier. But the roads were terrible, I had to drive really slowly to even stay on the road.”

“You drove here?” Hinata asked, and then felt stupid for it. How else would he have gotten here? Even if he flew, the nearest airport was super far away.

“I drove.” Komaeda suddenly looked nervous again. “I was going to just leave again after I got to see you, but I…”

“You’re not leaving again. Not without me. Not without a solid, concrete promise that you’ll come back. We’re not doing that again.” Hinata knew that things would be different now, but he didn’t want to risk it. He never wanted to risk feeling like that, ever again. “You can stay with me; the motel is full of Hina’s guests.” He wrapped his new scarf around his neck, feeling the soft yarn rub against his skin.

“I can?” Komaeda sounded so hopeful that Hinata wanted to laugh.

“Did you think I was going to let you stay anywhere else? After all of this?” he spread his arms, encompassing everything. Them, the situation, the feelings that had rushed in between them and then back out, only to return again. “There’s no way I’m letting you go. Never again.”

“Oh.” Komaeda’s voice was quiet, and while he still looked a little nervous, he also looked happy, and that said enough for Hinata.

“Let’s go home.” Hinata said, and held his hand out to Komaeda.

Komaeda smiled, and took it.

“Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! im totally open for any constructive criticism or opinions ^^ you can find me on twitter at @rubymaeda !


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